Week 1

Piglet laid alone in his new room that he shared with his new mid laner in his new home, where he lived with his new team in his new country. It felt weird to him. Like something was off. Well, more than something. Everything was off. Even the new bed sheets of his new bed, which was markedly softer than his old bed, felt like it was wrong.

He missed Korea. He missed SK Telecom T1. He missed Impact, Bengi, Faker, Poohmandu… He missed all of them a lot, more than he thought he would.

Sighing, he ran his hands over his face.

He’d lost both of his matches in the LCS. His first matches on Team Liquid, and he blew it. They’d gone up against Team Solomid and Cloud 9, both teams that he’d encountered before, one in the Season 3 World Championships and the other in Paris All-Stars 2014.

Both times, he’d beaten them.

Crushed them.

And now, they crushed him.

His chest hurt. He hadn’t felt this horrible since SK Telecom T1 failed to make it to the 2014 World Championships – they’d lost their chance to NaJin White Shield, of all the teams they could have lost to. The feeling of being unable to go to worlds, when the year before, they’d destroyed their competition had torn his insides apart.

Piglet could feel his eyes stinging.

He curled into his blankets, wrapping his soft, worn SK Telecom blanket, proudly displayed over his Team Liquid sheets, around his body like a cocoon. He wanted to go home and cycle through queue with his former teammates.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, he bit his lip. It was in English now, so he could learn. His hands shook as he scrolled through his contacts. There weren’t many.

He could call Impact, and ask him to meet up with him somewhere. After all, they were both living in Los Angeles now. They were both in the same city, yet Piglet had only seen his former teammate at the LCS, at which they hadn’t even gotten to speak.

He shook his head.

No, he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t let Impact know that he was struggling, although, from his play earlier that week, it was pretty clear that he wasn’t doing too well. Impact was probably already worrying about his friend. He didn’t want to worry Impact even more.

He could call Poohmandu. Pooh was sure to always rush to his rescue, just like he did during the Spring Split almost a year ago. One phone call was all it took, and Pooh would be coddling him like a child.

But he couldn’t do that either. Pooh was a coach, working with Mafa on Invictus Gaming. That much was clear from the old KakaoTalk profile picture that hadn’t been active in a few months. They hadn’t spoken since Poohmandu left, and since Piglet left soon after. All there was were a few messages that wished each other good luck. He couldn’t call Pooh out of the blue now. Not when he’d been so confident when he left Korea.

Piglet sighed. He wanted to go home. He never should have come to America in the first place.

A knock on the door. Piglet quickly locked his phone, hiding it in his blanket, and turned away from the door, hoping whoever it was would go away. He squeezed his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep.

“Piglet? You okay?” he heard Xpecial ask. He didn’t respond. He wanted the support to go away and leave him alone. He didn’t care that Xpecial had been nice to him when he first joined the team, had helped him during Christmas and when they first became teammates. Right now, he didn’t want to deal with him, or anyone else on their team. He wanted Poohmandu to be his support, not this weird kid who he didn’t know. Xpecial sighed, loudly enough for Piglet to hear him. “If you want dinner, it’s downstairs. Whenever you’re ready, we’re here.”

The door closed after a moment of silence, and he could hear Xpecial walking away. He looked up, just to make sure no one else was there, and then pulled his phone out again.

Mirae.

Her name was sitting right there when he unlocked his phone. He bit his lip. He wondered if he should call her or if she would even answer. He checked the clock; 8:36 PM. It was 12:36 PM, one day later, back home.

She was probably at the SKT house, taking care of the babies. A.K.A., his former team.

And so, he called.

He held his breath as it rang. “Hello?” he heard the familiar, sweet voice ask in the familiar, sweet language. He could hear the background noise of boys playing video games and yelling at each other. “Gwangjin? You there?”

“Mirae,” he finally managed, shocking himself with how hoarse his voice was. “I lost.”

After a moment of silence, she sighed. “You’re calling about your games? You know that I’m watching your LCS matches.” He couldn’t find words to reply. “You know I could never be disappointed in you,” she said quietly.

He sniffled, trying to keep his eyes from becoming rivers. “But I couldn’t even get a kill. Not one.” Wiping underneath his glasses, he continued, “I tried, I tried so hard. Everything was going so fast. I didn’t know what was happening, all I knew was that I froze up. I got scared.”

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me.” She was as gentle as possible. He envisioned her tucking her hair behind her ear.

Piglet took a shaky breath. “Do you think… I should leave?”

There was a short pause.

“No.”

He nodded. “Then, I’ll stay.” He paused himself, listening to her sigh again and scold Faker for leaving his dishes on the floor. “Mirae, please keep cheering me on.”

“Okay.” She was unwavering in her response, and it made Piglet smile.

“Okay.”

 

 

Week 5

He’d been benched. Benched, him, the World Champion, Piglet.

Not that he could blame them for coming to that decision.

The owners and coaches had presented him with a list of complaints from the team. The list was extensive. Piglet didn’t even know some of the words. All he knew was that his teammates didn’t consider him a teammate. They found him disrespectful and hard to get along with. Too cocky, too overeager, they said. Too hard to work with.

Not only that, but his stats had been mediocre at best, and that was when he was being nice about his losses. And he was sure that the rest of Team Liquid was blaming him for all the games they’d lost in just the three weeks he’d been with them.

He was blaming himself, too.

He was being weak. Ever since he’d gotten to America, he’d been different. Mopey, moody, whatever they wanted to call it. He thought he knew better than the rest of his team. He thought he was better than all of them, because he was a World Champion, and they were not. They weren’t qualified to question him.

He got angry when his team didn’t listen to him and even angrier when they talked to him like he was a lost child. He yelled at them when they wanted a break during practice and ignored them when they asked if he was going to join them for lunch.

They all laughed and joked around during meals, but he could barely get a word in. He fought constantly with IWillDominate, and he’d lost track of the amount of times he’d snapped at Xpecial after games. He was volatile, a time bomb, and it made the rest of his team begin to wish he was gone. They hated him.

Even Fenix, who was the only other Korean-speaker in the house, had started to resent him.

But it wasn’t his fault.

Piglet was lonely. The only friend he’d made since he’d joined Team Liquid was Lustboy of Team Solomid, and he wouldn’t say they were even friends. They were the same age and they spoke the same language, so it was easier to talk to him than to anyone else, even Impact. Lustboy had talked to him when they were waiting for the games to start at one point. He had offered the other boy advice and tips on how to survive when just joining a team that spoke mostly English.

Lustboy was nice. Piglet liked him.

He’d even messaged Piglet over Kakao when the news of him getting benched broke. He’d sent a heartfelt apology for his struggle, and asked if he could do anything to help.

Piglet had yet to reply.

He stared at the phone in his hands, wondering just what he should say back to Lustboy. He barely even knew the kid. Besides, what could the support of the number one seed do to help him? Unless he could pull Piglet out of wherever he was and get him on a plane and back home to Korea, there was nothing Lustboy could do.

He almost wanted to throw his phone against the wall, he was so frustrated and angry.

But instead, he called Mirae again.

“Gwangjin… I know. I heard. And I’m so sorry. I am so, so sorry.”

That was the first thing she said when she picked up.

He could feel the tears coming again. He was tired of crying, tired of being weak. But he couldn’t help it. It was like his whole future, everything he’d worked so hard for, had just gone up in flames, violent and destructive.

“This was supposed to be my second chance,” he whispered weakly. “After not making it to Worlds last year… What else was I supposed to do? I couldn’t stay… I couldn’t let everyone down again…”

She shushed him like one would a child, and he found himself wishing he could see her. If he was with her, she would be holding him in her arms, letting him cry into her shoulder as he hugged her. Then, she’d sing a lullaby of some sort, letting him cry as long as he needed. It was the best form of comfort anyone could give him, and it was the one thing he wanted more than anything at that point.

“I’m not looking for an excuse, Gwangjin. I know you’re strong. You’re Piglet, AD carry of the former World Champions. I believe in you.”

He sniffled, wiping his tears with the sleeve of his Team Liquid jacket.

“Thanks, Mirae. I miss you so much.”

A short pause, then, “I miss you, too.” He held back the rest of his tears as she continued. “You should practice and practice, and make sure that when you get back on that team, you ensure that they know just who you are. You’re going to be okay. Okay?”

He nodded. “Okay,” he replied quietly.

They hung up, and Piglet paused for a moment. He opened Kakao again, to the room with Lustboy, and quickly typed in Korean, his fingers hesitating over the characters that looked almost foreign to him now.

Thank you. I think I do need help. Can you help me practice my English? I want to say something to my teammates.

 

 

Week 6

“I’m sorry,” he blurted in broken English one night over dinner.

All heads turned towards him. Four pairs of eyes stared, eyes wide with surprise, at the sheepish-looking AD carry with red, bloodshot, teary eyes that stared at the floor. Piglet didn’t want to look up. He didn’t want to look at their familiar and unfamiliar faces. He feared that they were still angry, like they had every right to be.

An apology wouldn’t do much, but that’s all he could muster for now.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated when there was no response. “I was wrong. I didn’t do good. I fought with you,” he gestured to IWillDominate, “and I got mad at you,” he gestured to Xpecial, “for no reason. I was wrong.”

His words were slow. He was trying to remember how to say the right thing in English, but he was sure that they knew what he was saying.

So, he was confused when they didn’t say anything.

They just stared at him.

“Excuse me,” he muttered, rising from the table with his full plate of food. Suddenly, he didn’t feel like eating anymore. He left the plate on the counter after covering it with tin foil, and escaped the room as fast as he could.

He practically collapsed onto his bed, reaching for his phone as fast as he could.

“Gwangjin? Is everything okay?”

He nodded slowly, even though Mirae couldn’t see him. “I guess. I apologized to my team. I don’t know if they accepted it…  But I said it,” he announced proudly.

She laughed, and he smiled. Her laughter made his heart race, just like it always did, even though they were countries apart. “That’s great, Gwangjin. I’m proud of you.” Just like always, she was gentle and kind, the way he remembered her.

Then, his heart fell. “What if… they don’t accept my apology though? What if they still hate me, even after this? Mirae…” he swallowed, then confessed, “I’m scared.”

“I’m sure they’ll accept your apology. After all, I’ve been watching the LCS. They need you.”

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