Insecurities
Beautiful Imperfections
It was no surprise that girls of modern society were complexed about their physical characteristics. More specifically, their body shape, size, weight, face, you name it they'd probably find a flaw in it. More and more, plastic surgery kept becoming more common among the younger generations until it was just typically normal for Asian girls to get their face re-done just before their senior graduation.
Yulhee stared at her face in the mirror and pinched her cheek, taking the bit of flesh within her fingers and stretching it as far as it could go. Ew, she thought to herself before frowning at her reflection. Why were her cheeks so fat and squishy? She felt like a bloated whale. Looking back at her dull brown orbs, she touched her eyelid slightly and pushed it forward wondering if it was going to go into a double crease.
She hadn't been that obsessed with her physique before but like any other girl, of course she had insecurities. It was a normal phase for every individual to go through. Of course she had flaws, no one was perfect. And yet through this society, that was what counted the most; the looks, the physique, the skeleton. That was what greeted her every morning the second she opened her eyes; pretty women everywhere, on billboards, posters, SNS...
But when her friends started going for PS, it became even more of a dilemma to her. They went in only to come out with fresh new faces, whether it was an additional crease to their eyes, or a shot into their nose bridge, they gained confidence from it and worse, cackled about others, about the 'ugly' ones, they claimed. Yulhee couldn't resist but feel like they were in a way, looking down on her as well. It felt horrible. At lunchtime, the only thing they talked about was beauty, about the artificiality of it all as they dug into their 'new regime' that only consisted of salads and green things which made Yulhee shudder in disgust.
God, they looked like turtles, eating lettuce after lettuce like it was a slice of pizza.
"I'm so chubby and ugly" she moaned to herself impulsively. She could not bear to look at her face anymore, it was too much, they were too much.
Taking both her palms, she tried pulling them upwards and saw the appearance of a thin jawline, wondering how it would be better if she lost some weight.
No matter how much she resisted this sort of brainwashing propaganda, it affected her self-esteem in the baddest way she could imagine.
She felt like an ugly duck.
No scratch that, she was the ugly duck.
"Hey Yulhee, are you finishe-" the girl froze upon hearing her boyfriend call out her name, eyes wide with shock as she took in his bed-like appearance from the doorway, with an expression of more than a little shock and curiosity swimming in his eyes.
A pause ensued and she swore she felt her breath still.
Namjoon's eyebrows slowly furrowed into a frown, "what... Are you doing?"
"Nothing!" She exclaimed a little too quickly, dropping her hands from her face like they burnt with fire and turned to him, flashing a fake greeting smile. The boy did not fall into her trap and saw right past the fake optimistic mask she had put on.
Crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway with a pokerface, he asked, "something's wrong"
"What are you talking about?" She tried in vain to lighten up the atmosphere by chuckling nervously and swatting her hand in the air, "nothing's wrong"
He looked at her like she was the most stupid shallow idiot in the world and for a minute she really felt like one.
Yulhee was aware of the fact that Namjoon was very overprotective over everything she did and hated it the most when she criticized her own self.
Telling him her insecurities would only worsen everything. She didn't need the additional drama in her life.
"Yulhee..." He saw the look in her eyes, the distrust running through her orbs like flashing lights. Even if he was at the other end of the room, it reflected through her like she had been screaming it out loud. It didn't help the fact that she was clad in only her underwear. He caught sight of her feet pressing onto the weight scale and his eyebrows raised a notch, confirming his suspicions.
"I-I-Uh-" grabbing onto the nearest towel she could find, the girl wrapped herself in seconds with embarrassment slowly climbing up her neck and flooding her face. "You didn't knock!" She accused, trying to distract him from the topic at hand.
Namjoon only rolled his eyes in response and gestured towards the weight scale on which she was standing on, "you never weigh yourself, so don't tell me nothing's wrong"
She wanted to tell him that everything was just fine and dandy there was nothing to worry about but the look he gave her was saying as if if she lied to him one more time, then she'd never hear the end of it. So with enough dignity left, the girl gulped down her nervousness and said shakily.
"It's just that- everyone's been fussing about their appearance lately and I just realized how ugly I look. I mean," she started rambling as tears slowly inched their way towards her eyes, "I'm so chubby. I hate my cheeks, look at them. And my nose, everyone's just making fun of it" a sob slipped out of before she could stop it, "My friends are so pretty and I'm there like a fat potato looking like absolutely nothing-"
Before she could say anything else, her boyfriend walked up to her and grasped her arm harshly, pulling her behind him as he exited the room and flung her onto the bed in a swift movement, not even bothering about the fact that she was half- and dropping down onto her body right after her, his elbows holding him up as one leg slid between her own, parting them forcibly when the girl gasped.
She threw her hands to his shoulder and pushed at him in horror, "Yah! W-What are you doing?! I-"
Yulhee swore her breath caught in the moment He laid his eyes on her own brown orbs, silencing her with the look on his face. She gulped in part fear as the grip on her towel tightened slightly.
Sometimes, she really hated it when she couldn't read Namjoon's mind.
"Yulhee" his words travelled across her skin like a caress of his breath. He said it so slowly and with so much affection laced in his tone that she felt herself tearing up over again. Her knuckles turned white onto the material of her towel with nervousness.
A flutter of her eyes brought her gaze downwards, too embarrassed to look up at him when they were so close. What if he saw her double chin? Or the chubbiness of her cheeks? Sure, chubby was cute but not to the extent where the fat was practically falling off your face.
"Yulhee, look at me" Namjoon ordered. "Look at me" he repeated more firmly. Reluctantly, her brown orbs rose to meet his own with uncertainty swimming through her eyes.
"Do you really think I care about that?" He murmured huskily, tone dropping down a fee octaves as she inhaled a breath.
Taking her by surprise, the boy grasped the edge of her towel and pulled.
She squeaked, "Namjoon! What are you-" he cut her off with a soft growl and she knew that there was no arguing against him. Biting her lip, she let him open up the towel and averted her eyes because of the embarrassment rushing through her blood. There she was, sprawled out nearly beneath him and she wished that a black hole would swallow her up. Heat flushed through her cheeks at the thought of him trailing his eyes over every curve, every imperfection, every lard of fat.
The warmth of his gaze was killing her.
But on the other hand, he would never hurt her in that way. She trusted him even more than herself.
When she gathered up enough courage to look up at him, she noticed that his eyes had been on her face all this time, nor wandering aimlessly around her body because maybe he thought she felt really uncomfortable baring herself like that. A rush of warmth filled her momentarily as she coughed awkwardly.
His gaze still pinioned on her own like glue, he reached down and traced the outline of her knee, fingers dusting over her flesh and leaving a hot trail of sensations. "This is beautiful" he murmured, deep alto mixed with genuine admiration. When Yulhee felt like closing her legs upon instinct, he only parted her thighs by placing his own in between and staring her down, challenging her to defy him.
"This," his hand moved upwards, softly but surely across her inner thigh, a tingle of electricity eliciting a gasp from , "Is beautiful"
He cupped her hips in his hands and Yulhee thought that at this rate he was probably feeling disgust because of the fat that was falling through his fingers. But instead of squeezing it and throwing himself away at the chubbiness of her stomach, Namjoon's fingers trailed across her abdomen and very gently leaned over to press a kiss at the bottom of her navel, locking eyes with hers before he whispered "Beautiful"
She stared at him like he had grown five heads, the flush over her face threatening to get permanent as they kept gazing at each other like time had stopped. His hands then moved upwards from her hips, slowly, gently, taking his sweet time tracing a map across her body, transitioning to her sides and skimming over her s lightly before settling upon her elbows, "so beautiful"
The sensation of his fingers grazing her sensitive parts made a hollowed gasp fall from Yulhee's lips, eyes widening at the tingles of desire suddenly making way towards her spine. Gulping down all the sensory overdrive she felt, she forced her eyes to stay onto his maroon orbs swirling with a feeling she had yet to decipher. She could've been wrong but it looked like admiration mixed with a hint of affection.
His plump lips landed on her shoulder, softly leaving a trail of kisses across her flesh up to her collarbone while his hand brushed her hair aside from her skin causing a whine of desire to be emitted from . Staring at her neck, he placed a soft kiss before nicking the skin lightly, " this is beautiful" his velvet voice was doing nothing to help her for the girl could feel her toes curl in pleasure, mewling slightly. Cupping her face with both hands, he let his thumbs graze over her cheeks and reached up to place another chaste kiss on her forehead, nose to finally land on her lips.
'You are beautiful' he declared with a seriousness that wasn't to be joked with, town eyes swimming with a tenderness that was as tangible as himself reaching out to caress her, "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise"
Yulhee averted her gaze but frowned, "stop lying-"
"I'm not lying" he snapped, "that's what I see, and what I see Yulhee isn't just your physique okay? What I see..." He took a deep breath then leaned down, mouth dragging across her flesh to leave scorching marks of unknown desire tingle up her spine. He stopped near her left , then his eyes fluttered up to meet her gaze, "is beautiful. In there, where it counts"
It clicked in her mind, of course. Of course, she repeated like a mantra, how could she be so stupid? Namjoon never loved her because of her physical appearance, Namjoon loved her because of what she was inside. Namjoon appreciated her flaws and admired her imperfections because that was what made her unique, an identity of her own. And vice versa, she couldn't love anyone but him, Namjoon was never replaceable. How stupid had she been to doubt herself in the first place for something as shallow as this? She wanted to slap some sense into her for being so stupid and dense, for thinking that the shell was the most important. She had learnt something new today; that humans were made up of bits of flaws and unevenness, never would you find someone 100% happy with what they were, it was just up to you to accept yourself as you are and forget about others because no one is comparable, no one can be replaced, everyone makes a beautiful world.
Her eyes suddenly filled with tears, "thank you" she sniffed before wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to press her lips against his for a short kiss. "Thank you, Namjoon"
"You really are an idiot" he whispered to her as a hint of smile dangled upon his lips,his breath hit her and caused her to shiver. He wrapped his arms around her frame and nuzzled the underside of her jaw in affection, "don't change, okay? You're beautiful"
She squirmed at his touch, nodding and blushing like a schoolgirl. What would she have done without him really? He was the only one that could make her feel this way.
"Besides, I love your chubby cheeks" he pulled at the skin of her cheek and flashed a dimpled smile that caused her heart to melt. Granted she adored his dimples like no tomorrow.
Frowning, Yulhee grimaced and pushed his hand away, "Shut up, they're horrible-"
He shut her lip with a deep, passionate kiss, their lips disconnecting with a pop sound before he gazed at her with dark, serious orbs, "say that word one more time and I'll do worse than just kissing"
She stuck out her tongue at him, "try me"
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