I was not allowed to be seen by you, I wasn’t allowed to touch you. I could see, smell and hear you, but I was not able to touch you and fill you with warmth. Therefore, I was praying that the man at your side could be your strength, your safe haven and your source of love and energy.

He was helping you in China, you were helping him in Korea, it was so simple, but it took a while for you to figure out your feelings. At first it was a simple touch of encouragement, then it was a short strengthening hug and further more a warm hug which lasted longer, lingering gazes followed. I was so happy to see you getting better, getting a place to let yourself go and not hide your weakness, your tiredness and exhaustion from all busy schedules, not enough sleep and definitely not enough to eat, dieting was somehow still a restriction from the company. Long hours of practice and training made your body weary and you felt lifeless. I could not only see, but hear it in your voice. My loving angel got weaker, so I needed you to fall in love, to share hardships and sorrow. The best with someone loving, caring around you.

The hugs became longer, the touches more aware, the longing for each other stronger. You didn’t want to be parted from each other and each other’s company made you happy, both of you somehow became closer and more intimate. You would share a room in hotels, you would take better care of each other, and making sure the other got enough food and understood well what was expected at shoots and interviews.

The days got longer, the nights shorter since the second concert tour was approaching fast. One night, when you were weak after ten straight hours of practice and your body was dragged to the bed by itself, you could simply kneel in front of it and let your head down. Was it worth all stress, all pain and depression to give the fans what they want? These days you could not think properly, vitamins and energy drinks made your body go by itself, like a machine, you were only focused on training hard and harder each single day. Sometimes you were worried because of your voice and all I could do is sit next to you and listen to your slow heartbeat and your silent tears, when nobody was around – which was very seldom. You were fighting not to give up, I could tell in your eyes, I could read your soul, as I was your shadow, your guardian angel and I knew I needed to help you in one way or the other, so I decided to let you two lean onto each other, since both of you needed a person to fall completely into, desperately!

This one night he came from the shower, dragging himself also to bed. He was dancing like on fire and he needed every step to be perfect. You could understand, as you want every single note to be reached, he wanted every movement to be right. Both of you were hard working, no actually, all ten of you were nearly killing yourselves to give your best, to create a concert never to be forgotten.

He saw you on the floor and rushed to you, asking if you were alright. 'Sure' was all you answered and when he kneeled down to you, sitting next to you, so close, that you could smell the shower gel and feel the dampness of his skin from the hot water. It was just a reaction, you hugged him close, letting his heart beat close to your own. There you were the two of you, close and in comfort, reaching out desperately for each other. You his back in a very comforting, smooth way, as to soothe a scared animal and he relaxed against your body, loosening all muscles, feeling save and sound, the same as you did.

Neither of you needed to say a word, it had somehow become a habit that you shared this closeness when nobody was around and disturbing your peaceful encounter. There was no need to express the need for the physical contact, the warmth and most of all the love the both of you feel; you just sensed it was right. This night, after so many struggles, you both felt there was the want for more, so he was looking straight into your eyes and after reassuring himself, that it was the same lust and despair in your eyes as in his heart, he slowly touched your hollow cheek with a warm hand, softly over your face. Touching your lips with his thumb, as if to ask for permission, which you gave after a deep stare into his wonderful deep eyes, where you lost yourself completely in this moment and slowly you parted your lips in anticipation. Both of you met shyly halfway and soft lips brushed against each other. It felt so right, though it was wrong in the eyes of others, but you needed each other so much that you could not stop here.

It was the warmth and comfort the other person was promising, when your kiss was deepening. It was for both of you the first experience with the same , but it felt incredible and soon, there was not enough oxygen in your lungs, so you had to part for taking a deep breath. It was a soft kiss, followed by the shy try of not overwhelming the other, just lips, no tongue, because both of you were insecure, but fully aware that this was about time it happened. You were following each other with gazes and touches, even though for the others it was just your friendship and closeness.

It was, for now, nothing more you needed than giving each other a place to rest in the arms of the other. Even though you were only kissing, it was just to give another relaxation and stress release.   

Making out was so good to forget all hardships and worries, so for a long time you set there, each other’s shoulders, arms, head and face, wondering about how beautiful a person can be. You were more than perfect in each other’s eyes. Though, your skin was extremely pale, your body weak and both of you were losing weight because of the hard training. Still, you were more than perfect in each other's eyes.

After a while you stopped holding on to each other and went to bed, into the same one, holding each other close, and kissing. In the dark only the moon- and starlight lit the room – there would be a full moon soon. There were no words, just the sounds of humming, of approving and lust. After a while kissing in the dark, he placed your head on his strong and your head, signaling that he was there for you, watching over you and protecting you in the difficult times you both shared. He was a little older and much more mature. He still had this inner peace you wanted back too so badly, so you admired him in so many different ways, that at the very moment you felt blessed by the heavens, being in his arms.

I saw you falling asleep instantly in the warm and secure arms of your new lover. I was happy, so happy, tears of joy spilled over my cheeks, shining in the moon light like crystals. You had finally someone to lean on.

The next morning, after only a very few hours of rest, you realized he was in his own bed again, sleeping deeply, when you opened your tired eyes with the first rays of the sun shining through the tiny window. A smile spread on your face because of the love you felt warming your heart while thinking about last night. Finally, you could feel the inner peace you missed so much for such a long time – he gives your soul a place to rest, he gives your mind hope and inner balance, you, in the end can feel joy and love thanks to him~