∞

When we first met, we were 2 meters apart. He was short and tiny. He looked so vulnerable. But once he opened his mouth, all of that pre-judgments flew out the window. 

When Spring ended, we were finally 1 meter. Talking about anything under the sun, sharing jokes and making memories together.

And then...

50 centimeters.

20 centimeters.

And before we even noticed...

∞

#1. 60 square meters

That day, on a Saturday afternoon, it was unbelievably quiet. Baekhyun can feel the wind brush against his skin, sending shivers down his spine. He was sitting on the railings of the balcony. October has passed. Soon December will come. And finally, the year will end, taking pretty much everything he has going on for his life so far. 

The door opened and a loud alarming thud broke the silence around him. A deep groan followed and Baekhyun chuckled when he turned around at the sight of Chanyeol lying on the floor after stumbling down. “What are you doing?” 

Chanyeol looked up at him from the floor and pouted. “There was a rock-like thing on the door!”

“You mean this box?” Baekhyun asked, walking over to the scattered boxes he was moving around earlier. “Sorry I got distracted I forgot.” He added with a grin.

Chanyeol sat up and looked around the loft. “It’s pretty big.” He nodded, feeling proud.

“Well, yeah, or else you’re gonna knock and break everything with your long limbs.” Baekhyun said while carrying and moving the boxes one by one.

“Hey!” Chanyeol reacted while standing up. 

It took them at least 2 hours to put everything in place...pretty much. Both of them are hopeless when it comes to organizing things anyway. They knew they couldn’t finish anything even if they do it together. But doing it together was fun.

“Wow...” Baekhyun said while breathing in the cold wind from the balcony. “The view is so nice.”

“You always complained about the view from your room. I’m glad you liked it.”

Baekhyun hummed while smiling. “Not only that, there are also a lot of stores nearby. The bus stop is only a 10-minute walk away. And there’s a park close by as well. You really picked a great place, Chanyeol. I’m glad we chose this place.”

Chanyeol smiled and brushed Baekhyun’s hair, slowly pulling him close and kissing the top of his head. The wind was cold but between Chanyeol’s arms it was warm.

--

“I don’t believe this.” Yifan murmured. “Why do I have to go furniture shopping with you? Me, of all people? Me?”

“Come on now, hyung.” Baekhyun replied with a smile.

“I’ll kill you.” Yifan groaned. “This is so embarrassing.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine. I knew you would be like this so I texted Yixing and asked him to come as well.”

Yifan’s eyes widened. “What?!”

Baekhyun’s eyes were wandering around the utensils section. “Besides, wouldn’t it be good if you started living together with him as well?”

“W-with who?!” Yifan stuttered, feeling the embarrassment.

“You can live with only half the furniture. And the rent is cheaper as well.” Baekhyun said while scanning the mugs on the shelf.

“Don’t push the merits of being a homo onto me.”

Baekhyun chuckled. “A homo calling a homo a homo is pointless, homo.”

“I’m not a homo.”

“Pfft. Really now, homo.”

“Don’t use that word like an ending phrase.” Yifan observed Baekhyun picking up mugs. His eyes were sparkling. “ Besides, what do you plan to do after buying all of these stuffs?”

Baekhyun paused for a moment before smiling to himself, envisioning something. “Well, I mean, I’ve been living in a studio up until now so I don’t really have any living room furniture. I can just keep them. It’s not like I won’t need them afterwards, right?”

Yifan stared at him. “If you say so.”

“And I’m really looking forward to this, you know, owning a pair of cups...” Baekhyun chuckled, his eyes almost disappearing with that big smile. “I’m really excited.”

Yifan sighed at him. “Do what you want.”

∞

#2. November

They made rules once they finally settled everything in the apartment. Chanyeol goes to the university everyday for supplementary lessons because of all the classes he missed attending tournaments in and outside the area. Baekhyun only goes on Mondays and Thursdays because he’s a music major so he’s home alone most of the time. They made agreements on who would do the laundry and the dishes on each day but because of the conflict in schedules, Baekhyun ended up doing both after a week. Chanyeol ended up cooking breakfast, lunch and dinner because Baekhyun can’t cook to save his life. Eventually, they’ve established their roles and made new habits around each other. (A great example is how Baekhyun always made sure that the candy jar is full because Chanyeol needs them when he’s stressed and he’s always stressed nowadays).

And just like that, November finally ended.

∞

#3. Attachments

Chanyeol came in late that day. His supplementary classes finally ended so his teammates invited him to play basketball. He wasn’t able to get inside the court for almost a month so there was no way he could decline. But he just couldn’t stop thinking about Baekhyun waiting for him at their apartment, probably starving, so he only stayed for an hour.

When he came, the place was dark. His initial thought would be Baekhyun might not be home but he didn’t receive any text from him saying he’d be going out. He checked his phone to make sure anyway. 

“Baekhyun?” He called but there was no response. He dropped his bag on the floor and looked around. He went to the kitchen, gradually getting nervous. It’s weird. Why is he so scared of not finding him? “Baekhyun?” He called again, this time louder and more impatient, as he checked inside the bedroom. “Baekhyun?!”

“Yeah?”

Chanyeol immediately ran to the balcony. It was only when the wind pushed the laundry away that he saw Baekhyun leaning against the railings, looking at him with confusion. He was holding his headphones under his ear like he just took it off. That must’ve been why he wasn’t responding earlier. Chanyeol felt a great sense of relief. He ran up to him and hugged him tightly, surprising the smaller.

“What’s wrong?” Baekhyun asked but Chanyeol refused to answer and kept his head buried against his neck. Silence filled in and Baekhyun finally wrapped his arms around him, gently like he was holding a baby.

It was only a fleeting moment but Chanyeol seriously doesn’t know how he could survive without Baekhyun.

“What do you want to eat?” Chanyeol murmured after a while.

“Chicken please!”

∞

#4. Knots

Their days aren’t always perfect though. They’ll have little misunderstandings like when Baekhyun forgot to buy pepper when he volunteered to do the grocery and their food ended up having a weird taste, or when Chanyeol used up their month-long toothpaste because he cares about his teeth so much it’s ridiculous. In the end, they make it up to each other somehow.

Today was one of those days.

Chanyeol was trying hard to study for the exams while Baekhyun was falling asleep on the couch behind him. It would’ve been fine but Baekhyun’s constant snoring was distracting him. In the end, he got fed up and unconsciously threw a pillow at Baekhyun which woke and surprised the latter.

“What the hell? That hurt!”

“Hey, if you want to sleep then go to your room. I’m trying to concentrate here.”

Baekhyun pouted. ‘Then why don’t you go to your room?!” And in the end, Baekhyun stormed off, like a kid. Chanyeol was left groaning to himself.

After an hour and a half, Chanyeol knocked on Baekhyun’s door. The lights were off but he knew Baekhyun was still awake since Baekhyun can never fall asleep with a heavy heart. When he didn’t get a response after a while, he held the doorknob. “Baekhyun, I’m going in.”

Slowly, he opened the door. The light from outside vaguely filled the room and there, on the floor, leaning against his bed, he saw Baekhyun hugging his legs with his head buried in between his arms.

Chanyeol walked towards him and didn’t bother to turn on the lights. Then he knelt down in front of him and lifted up a Rilakkuma plushie, making its tiny hands poke Baekhyun’s head. “Hey, I’m sorry.”

Eventually, Baekhyun lifted his head. He was crying. Chanyeol used the plushie’s arm to wipe the dots of tears on Baekhyun’s eyes. That made Baekhyun smile. “Idiot."

Chanyeol smiled as well in return.

On a second thought, even with little fights like this, their days are always perfect.

∞

#5. Remembered

On normal winter evening, in the middle of meal, Baekhyun looked out the window and screamed. “It’s snowing! Chanyeol, it’s snowing!” He yelled, looking back and forth, with a big smile on his face. Finally, he stood up and ran towards the balcony. Chanyeol didn’t and instead went to grab their coats.

“Baekhyun.”

“Yeah?” Baekhyun replied without turning around. 

Chanyeol sighed. “Aren’t you coming?”

“Where?” Baekhyun finally turned around at Chanyeol who was waiting by the door. Without another word, Baekhyun immediately ran towards him.

As expected, there are a lot of kids playing outside. Some were already building snowmen. The park was packed with kids and teenagers alike. Baekhyun was running around, really excited. He had his arms stretched out and was spinning around while laughing loudly. 

Chanyeol could never let go of this image. All he can do now is watch Baekhyun while walking slowly behind him and try to burn the image into his mind so that he will never lose it. No matter how many years will pass, he’d like to remember Baekhyun like this--always laughing, always happy.

Chanyeol stopped when Baekhyun stopped at the entryway of the park. The large Christmas tree was finally lit up. Chanyeol slowly came up behind him and wrapped his scarf around his neck. He chuckled as he hugged the smaller from behind. “Your ears are red already.”

“Well, it’s cold!”

“Then should I do this?” Chanyeol placed his hands against Baekhyun’s ears.

“Stop! I’m not a kid!”

Chanyeol laughed behind him.

“Hey,” murmured Baekhyun while softly clenching Chanyeol’s arm around his waist. “Can we have more winters like this?”

Chanyeol couldn’t respond. Instead, when he noticed Baekhyun was in the verge of crying, he turned him around so he can lean against his chest and hide his face. It’s snowing, Baekhyun thought. The realization couldn’t have come sooner.

∞

#6. 1500 light years

Baekhyun’s vision was full of twinkling lights. “Oh, that one’s Orion! Am I right?” No response. “Hey Chanyeol, am I right?” Chanyeol was lying on top of him, his head buried against his shoulders.  He was heavy but Baekhyun couldn’t think of any other place that’s more comfortable than this. Baekhyun patted his back. “Heyyyyy.”

Chanyeol finally turned his head. “That’s correct.” He murmured, breathing into Baekhyun’s neck.

“Wow, this is really cool! Where did you get this?” 

Chanyeol can feel Baekhyun’s voice vibrating against his skin, the rise and fall of his chest with every breath he takes and the warmth of his body with both of them squished under the comforter. They set up the foam in the living room when Chanyeol went home carrying a star projector.

“How beautiful...” Baekhyun whispered. “I wonder if we could see the stars like this right now if it wasn’t raining.” Chanyeol slowly shifted his position to get a good look at the projection. “I wonder if those three little stars are neighbors.”

Chanyeol turned to where he was pointing. “Oh that’s not quite right. Even though they might look close from here, in reality the star in the middle is the farthest from Earth.”

“Even though it looks so close?”

“The reality of the night sky is that there are degrees of depth to it.” 

Baekhyun continued to stare at the little stars, wondering how they can be so far from each other, and how it might feel lonely out there.

“The things you see, in actuality, all live further and further away from each other.”

Baekhyun turned his head to Chanyeol. “Is space really that lonely?”

Chanyeol gently touched Baekhyun’s fringe. “Comparatively, the Earth is small.”

Baekhyun softly held Chanyeol’s hand, feeling the warmth against his skin. “I see. Earth is amazing.”

∞

#7. Chains

“Pfft.” Baekhyun turned around and finally, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

“Baekhyun, you bastard.” Yifan murmured, not amused at all, even though both Baekhyun and Chanyeol are amused that he appeared at their front door wearing a reindeer headband. 

“Did you guys like it?” Yixing asked, appearing from behind Yifan. “It’s my gift for him!”

“No wonder he still wore it.” Baekhyun said while grabbing Yixing. “We liked it a lot.”

“Ah, the things love can do.” Chanyeol teased while helping carry the drinks and snacks they brought inside the house.

“Shut up, you’re the same.” Yifan retorted. Well, apparently, it’s true, since Chanyeol is wearing a Santa overall. “You just ruined Santa for me.”

“What are you, a kid?”

“Oh, you’re right! It has a great view!” Yixing’s sudden comment distracted the both of them. Baekhyun beside him was proudly pointing at the things they can see from up here.

Meanwhile, these two whipped guys couldn’t help but admire them.

For Christmas eve, the four of them decided to spend it together. Although, they always used to spend even Christmas together, this year they all had different plans so they can only get together on Christmas eve. Yixing and Yifan volunteered to bring drinks and snacks while Chanyeol was left with cooking their meal and Baekhyun with the decorations.

The meal was simple but it was everyone’s favorite dishes.

“Well, you know, Chanyeol bought me a bowtie once.” Baekhyun started. “I’ve never even used it. Seriously, who gives a bowtie as a present?”

“Hey, you said you liked it!”

“If I said I didn’t I doubt we’d be talking about it right now.”

“Well I didn’t know what to give you!”

Baekhyun gave him a look before turning to Yifan and Yixing. “Then, you two, if you were to give me a birthday present, what would it be?”

“A sweater.” Yixing answered first. “Because you always forget to bring your sweater so if I filled your closet with sweaters you won’t forget them ever again.”

“Then in that case, I’ll give you a t-shirt.” Yifan followed, receiving laughter from both ends.

“See?” Baekhyun said, turning to Chanyeol. “How can a bowtie be your choice?”

“You really want it gone?”

Baekhyun paused. “...n-not really...but...”

“If I say I originally wanted to buy you a collar because I have sadistic tendencies but realized that we haven’t been together that long yet and settled with something close to it instead, would you still want it gone?”

Baekhyun’s face was slowly turning red. In the end, he grabbed a napkin and covered his face. “That’s not something you say over dinner!”

Chanyeol smirked, amused at the sight of an embarrassed Baekhyun. 

“And there are other people here!”

“Oh, we know.”

“We already knew.”

Baekhyun peeked from the napkin he held over his face. “What?!”

“Well, he came to us for advice...although separately. So...”

“Ugh!” Baekhyun groaned, burying his head back into the napkin.

Chanyeol signaled the two and Yixing and Yifan immediately stood up, taking the plates. “Okay, so, we’ll start cleaning up.” Yifan said while walking away with Yixing.

“Hey,” Chanyeol called, moving close, but Baekhyun immediately turned his back towards him. Chanyeol chuckled. “Come on, don’t hide your face.” 

“Shut up. I hate you.”

“So, I guess it’s time for us to leave.” Yifan announced, standing by the door while Yixing puts on his shoes. “Hey, Baekhyun, we had a really great time!”

“S-sure! I-I’m glad.” 

Yifan chuckled and shook his head. “See ya around, buddy.” Chanyeol nodded and watched as they leave. 

“Baekhyun.”

“No.”

“You’re really not going to look at me?”

“No.”

“Even if I do this?” Chanyeol slowly wrapped his arms around Baekhyun’s waist. “And this?” And gently kissed the smaller’s cheek then his neck. “And this?” Then he slowly slid his hand inside Baekhyun’s shirt, touching his soft skin. Baekhyun tried to move away now but he still kept his hands on his face. “And this?” Chanyeol rubbed Baekhyun’s and as expected, Baekhyun moaned unconsciously. Chanyeol smirked. Baekhyun was always obedient when it comes to pleasure. Chanyeol continued to slid his hand inside Baekhyun’s pants. Slowly, Baekhyun’s arms went limp and he leaned against Chanyeol. 

“How .”

“Hey, did you...really wanted to buy a collar?”

“You can’t imagine the things I wanted to do to you and your body. I’m obsessed with you, you know. I wanted to keep you from ever leaving me, I wanted to make sure, so I wanted to give you a collar like a loyal dog. But I can never hurt you, that’s how much I love you.”

“It’s fine now...right?”

“I realized, rather than wanting to see you cry and beg for me, seeing your smile and hearing your laugh is so much better.” Chanyeol gently kissed his lips. “I spoiled you, gave you everything, and did everything to make you happy...because you deserve that kind of treatment.” He whispered in the smaller’s ear as his hands continued to wander all over his body.

It wasn’t long until Baekhyun completely succumbed to pleasure.

∞

#8. A diameter of 12, 742 km

“A present?”

Scattered clothes, condoms, and Chanyeol greeted him the moment he opened his eyes.

Baekhyun rubbed his eyes and yawned before getting back to the topic. “What was it again?”

“I have another present for you.”

“Really?” Baekhyun watched as Chanyeol grab something from his pocket. “Oh, from your pocket?”

“Here.” 

Baekhyun’s face immediately brightened up at the small globe Chanyeol held out. “How cute! What is it?”

“It’s a 13 cm. model of the Earth.”

Baekhyun smiled widely. “How tinyyyy!!!”

∞

When I first saw him, 20 meters. In the gym, with a ball on hand, laughing.

After we met, 2 meters. Yifan introduced us together.

In the Spring, 1 meter.

50 centimeters.

20 centimeters.

And without realizing it, finally...

#9. Zero centimeters

Baekhyun woke u, remembering that the year finally ended. He slowly got out of his bed and scurried to the kitchen, smelling the pancakes and scrambled eggs on the way.

“Good morning.”

“Good morning.” Chanyeol greeted back while setting the plates on the table. He was already all dressed and ready.

“Wow, you cooked more than usual.” 

“I was in the zone.”

“Pfft.” Baekhyun chuckled. “What the hell are you saying?” He said while taking a seat. “Anyway, let’s dig in!” 

“Thanks for the food.” They said in unison.

The whole time, they ate in silence. Although little conversations did sprung out, there wasn’t really space for more. Baekhyun wanted to compliment Chanyeol on how he’s dressed but he couldn’t seem to open his mouth and say one word.

After their meal, Chanyeol started gathering the plates. 

“Chanyeol, I’ll wash those. You don’t have enough time.”

“...okay then. I’ll start getting ready to leave.”

One luggage and a backpack. Before he knew it, Chanyeol was already standing by the door.

“Okay, I’m off. Baekhyun.”

“Do you have your candies with you?”

“I forgot.”

“Do you want me to grab some now?”

“No, that’s okay. I can just buy them at the airport.”

Baekhyun’s frown finally surfaced. “...I see.”

Chanyeol grabbed his suitcase.

Once again, 3 centimeters.

“Take care.”

“Yeah.”

10 centimeters.

Chanyeol opened the door and started walking.

20 centimeters.

And walking.

50 centimeters.

Baekhyun dropped on his knees.

1 meter.

And then the door finally closed.

2 meters.

The distance to where you are...

Baekhyun bent down, his hands on his face, trying to contain his cries.

The distance to you is...

Chanyeol, on the other side of the door, also had his hands over his mouth, trying not to make a sound of the misery that came immediately. He needed this extra time before he can finally take another step away from that door, away from that apartment, away from him.

Just like you said...

At the end of Winter...

Baekhyun coughed. His tears were already falling.

...you cleaned up your room and left.

There was nothing but empty space on what used to be Chanyeol’s area of the apartment.

The distance to you is something I don’t know anymore.

∞

#10. 8,600 miles

“Why?” Baekhyun asked with his eyes wide in shock. “You really don’t have to go to America, do you?!” There was no response. “Hey, answer me! That’s basically on the other side of the world, you know?! The opposite side of this planet!” He continued, his voice getting louder and louder by the second. 

“Baek--”

“You know, in the first place--”

“Baekhyun--”

“--when are you coming back?”

Chanyeol stood up from the swing. “Let’s live together.”

Baekhyun’s hands were shaking.

“Until I go to America next year, let’s live together.”

Baekhyun finally couldn’t keep his tears from falling.

“Live with me, please.” Chanyeol murmured as he pulled the smaller towards him.

There was no argument, Baekhyun realized. It was just him trying to deny what was to come over something that he could say is set apart from reality. He never had a hold on him and he certainly can’t hold him back from his dreams. Somehow, he knew. Someone who still has so much to show, so much to learn and give, his wings will spread wider and still taken him further. Further away from him. 

Baekhyun finally nodded.

It was inevitable.

Little by little, I’ll try to prepare for your departure.

∞

#11. It’s okay

The constant ringing distorted the silence in the room and Yifan was forced to get up and take the call. “What?! What do you want?!”

For a while, there was no response, just sounds. 

“Hyung, I might...open a hole in my chest and die.”

And then he understood.

“Today was the day he left, huh?”

It was obvious, even from behind the phone, how much Baekhyun has cried. “I was really...”

It’s okay.

It’s not lonely.

“...the happiest during the days when we did nothing at all...” 

Yifan can now hear him sobs louder. Yixing, who was peacefully sleeping beside him, eventually woke up. “Yeah...I know...” Yixing got up and after observing Yifan for a while, reached towards him and softly kissed his cheek.

“I’m the same way.”

Even if Baekhyun wanted to stop crying, he can’t control the tears that came from how much pain it was causing him. I tried, Baekhyun thought, I said I was going to prepare myself for the day you will finally disappear...but it’s hopeless.

Even if you aren’t here anymore,

In various ways, 

Memories of you are always around me.

“It hurts...so much.”

After a few minutes, Baekhyun finally decided to hung up but his helpless cries still echoed in Yifan’s mind.

--

Baekhyun wasn’t used to his surroundings being this quiet, surely even more so that the only sound he can hear is his own sobbing. That deep gentle voice won’t be here anymore. That warmth won’t be here anymore. The only person that he looks forward to greeting at home has disappeared. 

Who’s gonna cook his meals?

The amount of laundry he’ll be washing from now on will be cut in half.

The amount of dishes he’s going to do from now on will be half of what he used to do.

Just like that, in a blink of an eye, the happiness that was given to him was immediately taken away.

The apartment felt so empty.

He doesn’t know how long he’s gonna cry like this. 

∞

#12. 13 centimeters

“Do you think they’re gonna be okay?” Yixing asked.

“Who knows.” Yifan replied while placing the phone back on the table. “I don’t give a about homos.”

Yixing chuckled. “There you go again with your self-deprecating jokes.”

Yifan grabbed Yixing’s shoulder and pulled him closer, hugging him. “They’ll be fine.”

Yixing smiled, settling at the warmth of Yifan’s body. “How can you say that for sure?”

“Because Chanyeol said so.”

“Really? What did he say?”

Yifan looked down at him and smiled. “It’s just 13 centimeters.”

∞