CHAPTER 4

It was a relief when Jonghyun was able to lock his libido in a box and bury it next to where his grave would be―well, in a figurative language―because if he hadn’t, he would’ve probably ate up Jinki’s face and lose control like a erted hyena.

Relief? He can’t really tell since the thought of kissing his hyung (if he hadn’t restrained himself) and how it would feel against his, all soft and plush, would’ve probably been amazing. Apparently, Jonghyun has been uncoordinated with his thoughts lately. He would be lying if he said he didn’t feel a strong desire to kiss his duck of a roommate.

During that “unfortunate” incident, what really happened is that instead of getting a perfect landing on top of his hyung’s lips, the younger took a turn; his head landing on the older’s chest. Breathing and silently cursing through his gritted teeth and, goddamnit, what the was he trying to do anyway?

Jinki asked if he was okay as Jonghyun shot his head up to look at him, he swore he noticed a shade of red creeping over his hyung’s cheeks (hey, maybe there’s a meek chance he was expecting… whatever he was going to do to him?) and the younger reasoned it’s just his brain shutting down for 5 seconds.

Jinki didn’t even know that a human brain can shut down for 5 seconds. Half of his brain says he’s not buying it anyway.

“In other words, you like him.” Kibum deadpanned.

 Jonghyun grimaced, snatching a fry at Kibum’s plate, “You’re not allowed to drop a bombshell of revelation to me.” Kibum scoffs, “But, you know, what are the possibilities that I only see him as, maybe, a brother?”

“Would you be sick enough to want to kiss your brother if you had a real one?”

“Heck no.”

“Then I don’t see any other suitable explanation for your frustrations. Except that you have testosterone-induced romantic feelings towards your roommate.” Kibum folded his arms and gave the older one of his knowing grin. Jonghyun almost dropped the fry in his mouth.

“I’m not gay like you.” Kibum snorts at Jonghyun’s unremarkable retort.

“Just so you know, you and I, we' are both part of The Kim’s huge family tree. And honey,” Kibum chuckles in all his glory, “Pink runs in our blood.” He finished, reaching over to pat Jonghyun on the cheek. The latter frowned as he pushed away Kibum’s hand.

“But,” Jonghyun let out an exasperating sigh, “You know I like girls. I’m just deprived… of girls.”

“Is that so?” Kibum said, checking his nails, “You know that cute waitress you told me? She served our snacks a while ago and you didn’t even lay an eye on her.”

Jonghyun raised his eyebrow and turned to look at the counter where the waitress is busy getting the plates unto the tray, “Well, she’s not that attractive anymore.”

“Is Jinki hyung attractive?”

“Yes.” Jonghyun rolled his eyes, snatching another French fry from Kibum until realization hit him, “I mean, no! He’s not. Ugh. Yes, he’s good-looking, but that doesn’t mean I’m attracted to him.”

“Oh come on! You wanted to kiss him, how is that any different from feeling attraction towards your roommate?” Kibum throws a fry at him, mumbling something about why he’s even having a conversation with the dumb.

“Yah, that’s rude!”

“It’s rude to take someone’s food without permission.” Kibum throws him another fry for that reason. “Well, Jonghyun, if you don’t see him that way, can I get his number?”

“No.”

Jonghyun couldn’t sleep that night, lots of tossing and turning and frustrated sighs. And when he finally tossed away from the wall, his eyes landed on the sleeping puffball lying on the other side of the room.

Jinki.

He smiles because it’s one of the things he noticed about the older, he sleeps with his blanket covering him all the way up to the top of his head. He doesn’t snore either, though there are times when he mumbles in his sleep, “I’m not a Cyndaquil!” like last time.

He smiles to himself and looks over the desk where they shared studying moments together. Jonghyun frowns at how he probably sounds like a school girl right now but he shrugs it, only for now.

Kibum is probably right. He’s right about everything, he admits to himself. Maybe he really does like Jinki that way, but what are the chances Jinki would like him back, too? Jonghyun grunts, scratches his head and sits up. He looks over to Jinki’s side again, raising his brow in a contemplative manner.

Maybe it’s time to exercise his charms and make use of his devastatingly good looks to woo him. One of these days he’s going to probably ask him to go out. He blinks up the ceiling and rolls his eyes when he sees Jinki’s dumb teeth-covered-in-chocolate smile. He flops back down to lie on his bed when he hears movement from the other side. He sighs when Jinki rolled to his stomach, still asleep, one leg poking out of his bed.

“I like Jinki hyung,” he whispered when silence ensued, feeling the heat rising to his cheeks already. It felt good to admit it, he thinks.

Jinki was reading when Jonghyun gets back to their room from his last period. The older had his back flat against the couch, arms stretched upwards, holding an anatomy book and probably reading the structure and parts of a (he was talking about love handles and abdomens last time, so Jonghyun guessed the book talks about the human parts in a descending order).

Jonghyun paused for a bit after taking off his shoes, feeling indecisive. Should he greet him, or tell him a joke, or just walk past him and into their bedroom? Or crouch down beside him, yank the stupid book away, enjoy the innocent and frustrated look that Jinki would give him, pin him down the couch and kiss him.

Jonghyun’s eyebrows furrowed.

“Welcome back, Jonghyun!” Jonghyun looked surprised and a little dumbfounded as he was disturbed from his cascade of thoughts. But there he was, Jinki, smiling at him from the couch. Maybe he should put a little more consideration for his last option.

“Hi,” He waves a hand and Jinki smiles wider, going back to lie on the couch on that same position. “Isn’t that difficult?” Jonghyun asks. Jinki puts down his book to rest on his lap when he saw the younger hovering above him.

He tilted his head (and Jonghyun thinks he’s gonna up at that cute little gesture), “It’s not that difficult if you’re enjoying it,” He singsongs.

“No, I meant the reading position.” Jonghyun grins.

“Oh but I actually meant both.” Jinki gives him a victory smile.

“Touché.”

Jinki sits up, setting his book on top of the coffee table. Jonghyun bites his lower lip as he walked agonizingly slow next to Jinki on the couch, he looked down and Jinki raised his brow at him, later mouthing an “Oh!” before using his hands to brush up the microscopic dirt on the couch. Jonghyun laughed and sat as the older patted a clean space for him.

“You don’t have to do that.” He smiled.

“I swear I did not eat any junk food on the couch this time.”

“Hyung, show me your teeth.” Jinki raised his brows in slight confusion before he gave him a wide grin. Jonghyun thought about being a little bold this time as he moved forward, face mere inches away from the older. “Uhh, Jonghyun?” Jinki asked through his teeth.

Jonghyun shot up a sudden look at him, and Jinki looked down to meet his eyes with worry, “Snickers,” The younger raised a brow, “It left an evidence right here,” And Jonghyun pointed his finger on his upper right where a piece of chocolate is stuck between two of his teeth.

When he pulled back, Jinki was already blushing, “Uhm, guilty?”

Jinki was playing circles with his hands on his lap, whilst Jonghyun drummed his fingers on the arm of the couch, observing the other through the corner of his eye as they fell into an awkward silence.

“Hyung―”

“Uhh, I think I’m gonna go brush my teeth right now.” Jinki scurried to get his book from the table and up, until Jonghyun caught his wrist just in time. The latter looked at him from head to toe and he could feel the older blushing even more.

“Hyung, I think you look good today.” Jonghyun let go of his hand, smirking.

“T-thanks.” Jinki stuttered and dashed off in his duck-patterned socks.

“I mean, at least you’re wearing your pants this time.” Jonghyun chuckled; Jinki may or may not have heard that, he’s not entirely sure.

“Do your homework, Jonghyun!” The older shouted as the door from the bedroom finally clicked. “And I heard that!”

Jonghyun couldn’t help but guffaw.

Weeks went by and Jonghyun still acted the same. He didn’t go on any dates, didn’t hang out at the bar, didn’t notice a girl winking at him. Instead, Jonghyun enjoys going grocery shopping with Jinki, enjoys how he picks a different box of cereal every time they do, how he never misses to buy chocolates, and how he scrunches up his face at the smell of blue cheese (he hates how he says it smells like Jonghyun’s feet).

Jonghyun goes to the library with him, he picks a magazine, sometimes a book, but he does not bother to read them, only watches Jinki advance read his lessons in Calculus, how he nibbles the tip of his pencil, and his upper lip in concentration. Sometimes he’d them a little bit longer and Jonghyun tries not to do weird things.

Jonghyun hates the way Jinki takes his hand when they walk on the street and he suddenly sees something interesting, or something he’d been meaning to show the younger, or sometimes he would forget his umbrella and he never forgets to drag him. He hates the way the older asks him to get coffee at a café, because all he smells is coffee; less of Jinki. The smiles, the jokes and the puns are all worth it though; his coffee drink has never tasted better.

Jonghyun likes it when Jinki tutors him, when he dumps a few books on the coffee table, rolls up his long sleeves and breaks his neck, before he sits next to Jonghyun on the couch. Sometimes Jinki would forget his glasses, so he always has to move closer to see, like when he observes the younger solve problems, he moves and fidgets on his sit and squints his eyes, trying to see if Jonghyun’s answer is correct. Jonghyun can feel his shoulders, how they would sometimes bump knees, he could feel his round thighs, and Jonghyun can’t help but tell him to go get his glasses.

Jonghyun blames Jinki because he’s becoming sappy as . Sometimes Jonghyun just feels like exploding, most especially when he just smiles up at him, and his eyes turn into crescents, and he pats his back for doing a good job, when his laugh tickles him. Jonghyun hates it when he’s alone with Jinki.

When Jonghyun confessed there are no chocolates, no roses, or flowers to pluck on a nearby picket fence. No fancy get-up, no gold pants, nor a single Korean won inside his pocket. It was all so sudden he can’t even spit on his hand and fix him a makeshift hairdo. It was all unplanned, and he blames Jinki, or the weather, because it’s hot and he just has to pop open a few buttons on his shirt right in front of him like a ing star. Jinki fans himself as he sat next to Jonghyun on the couch. The younger thinks he might pop open his buttons (on his denim) as he revels in the sight of delicious collarbones.

Jinki runs his hand through his sweat-damped hair, closes his eyes, and exhales.

Jonghuyn gulps. Motherer.

“Stop doing that.” Jonghyun mused, eyes outright glaring at Jinki who expressed his confusion by blinking back at him.

“I’m... sorry?” Jinki looks away, eyes casted on a strewn candy wrap which he initially spotted and decided to give more attention to. Maybe the candy wrap didn’t mind doing… whatever he’s doing that bothers the younger.

Jonghyun glares back at him more intense than before, and the other can tell that his eyes were burning as he took one risky glance at the former from the corner of his eyes. Jinki thinks this is the most uncomfortable moment he had with the younger, and he’s pretty clueless as to why the younger was acting a bit different these past few days. Sometimes he’d be super, extra, sweet to him, and sometimes―a sudden sometime just like right now―Jonghyun looks like Arnorld Schwarzenegger from Terminator, he can even hear him saying one of his famous lines "I need your clothes, your boots, and your motorcycle" with one eye twitching.

“Oh, so now you’re making me feel guilty.” Jinki looks back, eyes meeting the younger’s dead on, and the latter turns away this time.

“Jonghyun, I’m not making you feel... I―Are you…” And the older instantly brings his stupid stubby fingers on his forehead, making Jonghyun’s eyes widen at how warm and soft and so very gentle that simple touch of concern is. “Are you sick? Are you okay? You’re acting weird lately.” Jinki bites his lip.

“Damn Jinki, I’m going to really pounce on you next time,” The younger mumbles, turning away from the older’s plush hand.

“What? Did you just said―”

“I said I’m going to really throw an ounce of Coke at Key next time,” Jonghyun retorts.

“Are you guys fighting?”

“No, no,” Jonghyun shakes his head, “We’re completely okay―look, hyung, can I ask you a favor?” He cannot deny that his hands are itching to push the older down the couch as he gripped his shoulders.

“Sure, anything. Oh, except throwing away my DS because my Pokemon is at level 60 and I named it after you―”

“Is it a Machoke?”

“Uhh, Charmander.”

“I hate you.”

“I love you, too.” Jinki smiles up at him, and no, he did not just say those three damn forbidden words, even though he meant it in a friendly way. No. no.

“Hyung!” Jonghyun grips his shoulders harder, leans his head just to shoot lasers at the older through his wrathful eyes.

“Uhm, you’re asking a favor, you say?”

“No, forget about it,” Jonghyun takes a deep breath (accidentally breathes in Jinki’s scent. God, he smells like shampoo and fresh mornings despite the perspiration) just to calm himself down, before he made a mad dash to their room. No, not today, Jonghyun thinks. But Jinki just has to say something to prevent his escape.

“Jonghyun,” His voice was pleading. But the aforementioned stayed silently glued on his tracks, back facing the other being.

“If you have a problem, and you need someone to talk to, I’m always here,” and this is where Jonghyun dramatically turns around like one of those scenes from the dramas he used to watch, “Well, literally, but you get the sentiment, right?” Jinki smiles, a genuine and beautiful smile.

Jonghyun stays silent for a few beats, his expression somewhere in between dumbfounded and that of a heated kettle that’s already whistling.

“You know what―alright, fine, I’m just gonna say it,” The younger spoke up, walking towards a fragment of the sun sitting on the couch.

“Hyung, I…” He started, taking a few more steps closer, dwarfing Jinki who sat still and quiet on the couch looking up at him with curious eyes.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to sa―”

“No, hyung. Stop.” Jinki recedes, shifting from his seat as the other’s gaze warned him. Jonghyun admitted this to himself already, he likes Jinki, but there are times when he questions his own feelings, even his uality, and maybe he isn’t so sure yet. But everything, whatever his feelings are; he’s willing to find out. He’s a man, he’s going to face this, and he’s gonna up. “Hyung, I…

“I like... I’m―” He breathes, “Oh it, I like you.” He confessed, sounding more to himself than the person in front of him. It took Jinki a few moments to digest what Jonghyun just declared, but he didn’t come up with an output. The younger could feel his cheeks burning, but he tries to will the rush of blood to go away.

“What? W-what do you mean?”

“I like you like you, hyung.” He grips the older’s shoulders, and Jinki flinches, cheeks and ears burning to a shade of red. “And you probably don’t like me back that way but I swear, Jinki, I will make you fall for me.”

“Uhh, J-jjong―”

“Now don’t go all awkward on me because this isn’t the last time you’re going to hear that.”

“Jonghyun―”

“Hyung, shut up because I might kiss you.” That literally made Jinki shut up, his face going red like a ripe tomato. Jonghyun thinks he likes that face, and he would certainly enjoy watching that a lot. He smirked, making sure he makes an eye contact with the other before he dashed off to their room.

Suddenly, Jonghyun spotted his phone and quickly reached for it, dialing someone’s number, “What do you want?”

“Kibum,” He said, almost breathless.

“Why are you panting? Are you to images of Jinki hyung?”

“What? No! And will you please listen?”

“I’m listening, aren’t I?”

“Okay, are there any chances that the Lee family has gay blood running through them?”

“I don’t know, is Taemin gay?”

“.”

A/N: This story is almost finished in my head, 2 or 3 more installments and this is done. But somehow I’m having a hard time putting this story into words? I’m sorry I’m so slow in writing this, and this is kind of a pointless chapter. T____T (And LOL, to those who have read this earlier, I totally ed up Arnold's name. I don't know the spelling so I just typed in his last name in confusion!)