Disclaimer: Not even close to being mine.

 

Birthday Blues

 

The cake had been delicious, a moist strawberry sponge with white chocolate ganache decorated with sweetened strawberry slices, all courtesy of Kyungsoo’s hard work.

The presents seemed limitless; smiling faces that offered a congratulatory hand and verbal greetings that he had sometimes strained to hear or nearly blown his ear drums off in its boisterousness.

He smiled throughout the whole party and, now, his cheeks hurt when he tried to speak or drink or eat and finally, he gave up even trying. He cautiously moved towards an empty spot near the corner of the huge room… So far, so good, he thought, still edging away.

A few people caught him on his way and he struggled to get away, exchanging pleasantries, inquiring how their latest work was doing.

“I heard your new song, it was great.”

 “Oh thanks, Tao. We worked really hard on this new concept but you know that guy couldn’t really keep up with the choreography and so-“

 

And just like that, Tao tuned out of the conversation, tilting his head occasionally, exclaiming little words and sounds at, what he hoped were, appropriate moments until he finally managed to escape with a lame excuse that someone was looking for him.

He passed Sehun and Baekhyun drinking shots and loudly proclaiming themselves the winner, only to bicker about the result and down the next shot in an endless loop.  He spied Chanyeol looking worried as Baekhyun wobbled a bit and Kyungsoo and Jongin gently prodding Sehun to stop. Jongin was muttering something to Kyungsoo, his expression irritated, and Kyungsoo leaned in to retort something that made him shut up.

Suho and Yixing were managing the guests, directing them to the table laden with food or offering them drinks or conveying their gratitude for tending the party. Tao slipped past them with a silent apology and reached his destination with a relieved sigh.

 

He settled in on the comfy bean bag and stretched out his legs, pushing the bag further into the corner. He was about to close his eyes, hoping to get lost in his own world, when a sharp voice roused him.

“Not having fun at your own party, Tao? I feel bad for Suho hyung.”

Tao suppressed a groan as he tilted his head forward unenthusiastically to see Kim Jongdae’s face peering amusedly at him.

 

Did the gods have to go against him today of all days?

 

“Leave him alone, Jongdae. He’s gone through enough already”, a drowsy voice reproached beside the lean singer and Tao adjusted his head to see their oldest hyung slouching against other’s shoulder.

“I was just teasing him, Minseok hyung”, Jongdae defended himself albeit in hushed tones. Tao saw Minseok’s lips curve in a smile that said that he didn’t believe one word of what the younger proclaimed.

“Whatever you say, Jongdae.”

 

Tao drooped back in his seat, closing his eyes firmly this time.

It was nearly 11 o’ clock, if the clock on the wall was correct and he still hadn’t called yet. He had been awake from 12 last night, the minute his birth date had officially started, waiting for him to call. He was afraid to fall asleep in case he missed his call and so a steady flow of coffee had kept him going till the others woke up.

If anyone had noticed his red eyes and the less than enthusiastic replies to their excited greetings and singing, not a word was said; at least not to his face. A small cake with a bright, burning candle was presented to him and he mustered the most cheerful expression possible and blew out the flame to loud clapping and cheers.

 

“Well, now you’re legally allowed to drink so we should party hard” Baekhyun had declared with a mischievous gleam in his eyes.

“I was legal last year onwards, hyung”, Tao had smiled mildly and let out a small laugh at Baekhyun’s horrified expression.

“You mean we missed all those chances to drown our miseries because we thought you weren’t legal?!”

“Actually, everyone knew he was legal, Baek”, Chanyeol had interjected with a grin, “We just didn’t want to handle your drunkenness so we just, ah, didn’t bother to correct you.”

“Then we’ll have to make sure we drink enough this time to cover up those missed chances.”

“Lord, save us all.”

 

That statement had started a loud argument between them which was eventually joined by an eager Sehun and a disapproving Kyungsoo. Tao had escaped before anyone noticed his absence and had headed to exit their dorm to get away from all of them; he did not feel too social at that moment.

He had nearly got through the minefield of exploding arguments all around him when Suho caught him at the doorway.

 

“You’ll be free in the evening, right? No plans?” the young leader had inquired with a smile.

Tao had nearly grimaced; he knew what was coming. “I don’t think so-“

“Good!” Suho’s face glowed with happiness, “We’re throwing a birthday bash for you and almost everyone is invited-“

Tao’s heart had given a despondent flip as he realized that a peaceful day had been thrown out the window.

“Hyung, there’s really no need for a huge party. Just us ten are enough.”

“Rubbish”, Suho had dismissed, “It’s your birthday and God knows we need more celebrations.”

Tao frowned at that last part. He knew what the other man had implied. After the departure of two of their members, they couldn’t bring themselves to celebrate crazily like they used to. The last one had ended with Sehun sobbing.

 

Tao realized that Suho had been waiting for a response so he gave a noncommittal grunt. It wasn’t like his opinion mattered at that point; the invitations were sent and people would probably talk if they cancelled it last minute. They didn’t need any more gossip to deal with.

“Then I’ll tell the others to start the preparations.” Suho had turned away with a nod and gently patted his back. Suho understood and he had been just trying to make him feel better. That realization had made him feel worse.

He wasn’t ungrateful for their concern. But he just wanted to be alone right then. The fact that there still had been no call just worsened his mood.

 

The call came in the afternoon when he had been shopping for clothes with Sehun and Kai. They had entered the store and his companions immediately scattered in different directions as Tao walked slowly along the long aisles. A jacket had caught his eye and Tao reached out for it, feeling the smooth fabric and admiring the pattern of studs and miniature chains draped over it.

“You like it? I’ll buy it for you.”

He had dropped the jacket as though it burned him and jerked back to see Kai’s surprised face.

Another voice, deeper, huskier ringed mercilessly in his ears.

 

“You like that one?” the voice was mirthful, amused at his excitement over the fancy jackets, “I’ll buy it for you.”

 

“No”, Tao didn’t know how he had managed to find his voice, “I’ll buy it myself.”

“But it’s your birthday! Consider it my present”, Kai had insisted. Tao shook his head in refusal and then, pondered over the jeans he saw dangling on another aisle. Kai followed his gaze and smiled, “That one?”

“Yeah”, Tao replied, his voice hollow, “I didn’t like that jacket much anyway.”

 

He had been in the midst of trying on the jeans when the call came. He had hurriedly reached out for his phone and answered it with an eager, breathless, “Hello.”

“Tao?”

His heart had shrunken at the voice but his spirits lifted slightly, “Luhan-ge. Hi.”

“Happy birthday, Tao.” Tao could hear the smile in his voice and he couldn’t help smile.

“Thanks, ge. How are you?”

“I’m good. We both are.” A pause and Tao felt his breath stop. “He didn’t call you, did he?”

“No.”

“I’m sorry.”

“So am I, ge.”

 

There was no more meaningful conversation after that and Tao put his phone back, took the jeans and opened the door of the changing room to find Sehun staring at him with the most sorrowful expression he had ever seen.

Tao clenched his jaw in guilt. Sehun seemed to be struggling to say something and finally settled with, “Was it him?”

“Yes.”

He nodded his head curtly, took his jeans and went to the counter to pay for it, grabbing Kai along the way. If Kai noticed anything was off between the both of them, he kept quiet, lightly protesting only when Sehun stopped at the liquor store next.

“What’s a party without booze!” Sehun had exclaimed through a tight smile.

“But, Kyungsoo hyung-“

“Oh, don’t get your in a twist.”

That had effectively shut Kai up, at least till they had reached their dorm where he defended himself to having no association to the liquor as Kyungsoo bellowed his disapproval and Baekhyun shrieked in victory in the background.

 

That had been at least five hours ago, though it felt like ages to Tao. He stretched with feline-like grace and reclined against the roof tiles, wriggling to make himself more comfortable.

The sleepless city lay in front of him, blinking its lights, twinkling like a galaxy of stars. It was ironic that because of these stars, the real ones were almost invisible. Tao gave a humorless chuckle at that thought.

Then he thought of another galaxy, even more beautiful especially when he smiled and blinked back the stinging tears.

It hurt.

It hurt so bad he wept to sleep for months.

It hurt so bad that he couldn’t focus during practice and injured himself more than once.

He was shattered when he left. He nearly destroyed himself when he left. He nearly gave up everything to follow him but the former expressed his displeasure at that.

 

“Don’t do that,” he said and Tao flinched at his harsh tone, “You don’t know how messy it can get so don’t do it. You can get along fine without me.” His voice softened and Tao let his tears flow, “I know you can, Zitao.”

“Ge, I c-can’t. N-not without you.” His words fumbled as he spoke and his hand trembled as he clutched his phone tighter.

“Yes, you can”, and Tao thought he heard his voice crack, “You were meant to be the star, Tao. Believe in yourself.”

“What if I don’t want to be?”

Kris chuckled at his stubborn tone, “Then, be the star in my galaxy.”

 

That was their promise.

Their contact was minimal but during those rare moments, they managed to express how much they missed each other and how they could ever meet each other without either agency knowing. It was fruitless and they both knew it. He couldn’t be back on Korean soil without S.M hunting him down and Tao couldn’t land in China without every movement being tracked.

He clutched his phone tighter, gave it one last glance and then placed it away from him. He wouldn’t call.

No, he corrected himself, he cannot call. He was the original ‘traitor’ and S.M. would be monitoring the phones for any contact, especially his. Luhan was secondary to them. They would monitor Sehun’s phone for that. But judging by Sehun’s expression this afternoon Luhan kept his distance from him.

To protect him.

They both kept their distances to protect them both and Tao could never blame them for that.

 

The stars of the galaxy in front of him were blinking and twinkling less now and Tao realized that the day was coming to an end. His digital watch glowed 11:45 PM in the dark and he gently closed his eyes, hoping his dreams would take flight.

The shrill beat of his phone’s ringtone startled him. He d in the darkness , found the resounding gadget and looked at the screen. His hand quivered as he read the number on the screen.

A Chinese number. He swallowed the pulse at his throat and pressed the answer button.

 

“H-Hello?”

“Zitao?”

The dam inside of him broke apart at the sound of his deep, husky voice. Over his sobs and haphazardly clutched phone, he barely heard Kris soothing him, telling him softly to stop crying, affirming that he was there and he’s not going anywhere.

 

“Happy birthday, Tao”, Kris congratulated softly after his sobs died down.

“Thanks, ge” Tao replied, voice thick with emotion.

“I’m sorry I took so long to call. I’m sorry, Tao. I’m so sorry.”

Tao felt the tears blur his vision at the sound of his broken voice, “It’s ok, ge. You called and that’s all it matters.”

“How was the party?”

“How do you-“

“Please, Zitao. Those guys look for any excuse to party.”

Tao laughed freely for the first time that day, “It went great, I think. Loads of booze, courtesy Sehun and Baekhyun hyung.”

“You think?” Kris’ voice was disbelieving.

Tao hesitated a second too long and Kris’ voice became tortured.

“Was it because of me? That I didn’t call?”

“Ge, forget it. The party was great-“

“Zitao.”

 

The demanding tone silenced Tao instantly. He knew Kris was agonizing over it and he’d never forgive himself even if Tao forgave him.

Time to break the news then.

“Ge”, he started off slowly, “I talked to my father.”

“What? Why?? Did something happen to you??” Kris’ voice now turned panicked.

Tao took a breath before replying, “I want to see the stars of your galaxy shine again. Personally.”

There was a moment of silence on the other end and, for a moment, Tao feared that the connection was lost. 

Then he heard him exhale deeply.

 

“I suppose it’s time you made your move as well.”

Tao smiled, “I’ll be reaching Beijing next week, Thursday morning.”

“Text me the details. I’ll come pick you up from the airport.” Tao could hear the smile in his voice and it made his heart giddy.

“Then I’ll see you next week”, he replied softly, “And, Kris-ge?”

“Yeah, Tao?”

Tao felt his heart swell at his casually intimate tone, “I love you.”

“I love you too, Tao.”

 

The connection was cut and Tao smiled as he laid back and imagined the galaxy twinkling above him.

 

**           **           **           **

Sehun stared at Tao from behind the curtains of his window. He saw him answering his phone, breaking into tears, laugh happily and finally, smile. The smile lit up his whole face and Sehun looked away, disgusted and ashamed of himself.

He pulled the curtains over his window to block out the night sky and got into his bed. He switched off the lights and his gaze lingered at the faint glow from his phone.

He clutched it tighter despite knowing no call will come for him, knowing he will not call him.

 

But he clutched it closer, nonetheless.

 

Fin.

**           **           **           **

A/N: I DON’T LIKE DOING THIS TO HUNHAN EITHER, OK?

I just wanted to do a birthday fic for Tao and since I’m a major Taoris shipper, it had to be the way to go. Also, I addressed the Tao rumors and twisted it to suit my fic. In no way am I saying that I want Tao to leave EXO.

You guys know that, right?

Tao has grown before our eyes from a brat who’s afraid of ghosts to a young man of impeccable demeanor. I just hope he continues growing well and that he finds more success in his life.

So I hope you guys wished him a happy birthday and keep our favorite AB style Panda in our prayers.

#HappyTaoDay ! Although it is belated, haha.

Thoughts on the fic are most welcome in the comments section. Upvotes let me know that you liked it and it makes me happy to know that you guys liked it.

Thank you for reading! ^_^