Only Time Can Tell

A valdec_ short story

Acceptance has always been bittersweet. It is happiness alloyed with pain. It is sadness coupled with delight. It is everything that she had wished for and only time can tell when this end will mark another beginning. She has always heard people say that time heals all wounds but for the first time of her life, she has finally witnessed it unfold right in front of her very eyes.

It’s been a long time coming, but we’re here now. Those words may have been just a part the very first song that had made her, the very first song that had made them the 2NE1 that people look up to but those very words had never felt more true to her now. Looking back to what had happened in all these years, she still cannot believe that everything had led to this, to something she thought she never would see, something she thought she never would feel.

Being in a relationship with Jiyong when she was younger had allowed her to feel how it was to love someone innocently and how to care for someone endlessly. It was something she was entirely grateful for, seeing how she had grown from that time. Jiyong had shown her how it was to live like the world was in their hands, how it was to have something that no other person has and how it was to see the beauty of secret love. But somewhere along the way, something went wrong. The relationship was forgotten and he got himself attached with the other girl, the one who made his heart beat harder, the one who was there when he needed someone. 

Jiyong, in all his fame and money, had his whole life mapped out. At a certain point, she was quite sure she was an important part of the map, the capital of whatever place he would like her to be in. She was quite sure her three-lettered name gave his stomach butterflies, on the kind of wings that flutter and reside. She was quite sure she was special but that had all changed, that had all disappeared, when he left her hanging.

He left her hanging….and somehow met and loved the other girl. She was supposed to be that girl. She was supposed to be the one he loves. But he had broken it off with her, telling her he does not date within the family, entirely dismissing everything they had been in that innocent and young love they had tenderly shared.

Hengsho, he had said to her as the other girl wrapped her arms around his. And it had hurt. It had pierced right through her heart that at a certain time in her life, she felt it would not stop bleeding.

Oh yes, it had hurt. It had hurt enough that she lamely found ways to avoid going to the company building in case she would see him with that gummy smile on his face. She still didn’t understand why she already crumbled down into pieces while every single part of his body still remained intact. The logic didn’t quite fit; he was supposed to be the one suffering for he let himself be tempted while she had remained and stayed disgustingly loyal.

There was only so much that her tiny body could bear and he had overstuffed it. With broken promises and sugar-coated lies. He had promised her he was always there but he had lied to her because she knew he will no longer be there for her anymore. He will always be there, yes, he had said that. He will be there for her….for K. And not for her.

It had hurt her, of course. But then she finally learned to keep her emotions bottled up. When before, she’d easily cry by the any mere thing that reminds her of him, she’d only dismiss any thoughts of him now. Couple items didn’t even bother her anymore. It was more of acknowledging each other’s impeccable good taste in fashion…it wasn’t as if they were from him but then again, most of them actually were. And they didn’t bother her at all at that time.

She scoffed.

What a sad lie. But it was only a lie until she had met him. Yes, him. Her HAEppiness.

Hengsho, Ji had said. And she did. She really did.

And she hasn’t regretted it since.

*****

She had met her at the event for the first time in a long time and she hadn’t expected to feel like this. Years ago, she would’ve felt uncomfortable. She wasn’t able to look at the other girl in the eye, afraid that she might see that triumphant glint in it. She had always felt lacking in all aspects and she had thought that the other girl must’ve had it all for Jiyong to come to her.

Looking back at all those times, she just laughed at herself. No matter how many times she thought about it, her insecurities back in the day were all for the wrong person. The only acceptable way she could be insecure is when the only person she is insecure about is no other than herself. Life taught her the hard way but she had managed to stand back with her feet on the ground.

With his help, of course.

With the help of her boyfriend. Her boyfriend, Lee Donghae.

*****

She was specifically invited to the event and she could not say no. Apart from the fact that she likes the clothes, she was also close to those who run the business. It would only be genuine friendship that would have her come to these events where she would most likely gain attention even if she had no intention too.

She had anticipated for this moment to come but she had not imagined it would come at the way it did. It was only a few days when Hae had finally met Jiyong and now she was already put in this spot. It was a weird but such a perfect kind of timing to be able to see the other girl like this. She was at her happiest now as the other girl was at hers as well and there would never be any time that would come in handy like this.

She had stayed at the corner with her manager-oppa, had dressed down to attract less attention but somehow a couple of guys had gone to her, asked for a picture to be taken with her, and had told her it was going to be posted on Instagram. She had received countless messages from her man after that and he had said, “Baby, I’m watching you.” She smiled and wished he was there with her but knew it would not be possible because circumstances would not allow them. She knew going there with him, if she actually had, would cause a great deal of speculation and besides, he had to go to Singapore for SS6. There was no way they would see each other today.

Or so she had thought.

Manager-oppa had whispered something to her and she just found herself slowly backing away, walking to the washroom. Manager-oppa gave her phone to her because someone was calling.

“Yoboseyo?” she had said.

“Hey baby.”

She had smiled upon hearing his voice and was really glad that he had decided to call. “Hey~”

“How’s the party going?”

“Boring. Youngbae and I were just stuck in a corner a while ago.”

“A little bird had told me you took quite a few selcas with other guys tonight. Are you looking to replace me already?” He teased.

She pouted. “I swear I didn’t approach them! Those were harmless selcas! Please tell your little bird he or she was mistaken.”

“People have been tagging me with your photos with other guys. They seem to know you more than me, baby.”

She pouted more, changing the subject, “You know that’s not true. If I could only post the selca we had after the concert the other day…” she trailed on but just sighed, “I’m going to miss you, you know.”

“I somehow knew you were going to say that…”

“Heol!”

“Don’t stay up too late today, okay? Rest that sweet voice of yours. I’ll be lurking and watching your videos.”

“Okay, father.” She said, teasing him. “Have a safe flight! Let me know when you’re there already. I’ll think of you here.” She added.

“I love you, Dara. You know that, right?” he suddenly said so seriously that it felt like he actually really was competing with some unbeatable force that he felt was something he can’t manage to break into. She had known he had always felt like this whenever there were events that she and Ji attend together, but she had always brushed it off, thinking that it would eventually go away. But then again, she may be wrong. Because Hae would always be concerned if Ji was around her. Because he had felt what the two of them had was something that will forever be etched in her heart and there was no way he could replace Ji’s part in her life with his.

“Of course. And I…too, Hae.”  She told him with the very words she has always said to him. She did love Hae, very much, but it took all of her to say the missing words to him. She was being careful, she was being cautious of what may happen if she finally would utter the words he had wanted to hear. She has gone that road before and that hadn’t fared well. And she didn’t want to go that very same path again.

Oh yes, she was just being careful.

The call ended so much without a declaration of love from her. But hearing her voice  enough for him. But feeling her love was enough for him. Maybe only time can tell when she would finally say those words back. And perhaps, just perhaps, time might’ve already healed her wounds by then.

*****

By some unknown call of fate, she had ran into the other girl when she had gone out from the washroom. The moment she did, there was a buzz, a deafening kind of buzz that had surrounded them. People kept asking how they knew each other although everyone knew the answer already. It had been awkward but both had handled it gracefully, like the two professionals they should be. She knew that the other girl grew quite uncomfortable with all the commotion and so her warm and welcoming self had stood beside the other girl while trying to act all civil.

A few moments later and not much scoop taken from them, the media had finally decided to divert their attention to more gossip-mongering information. The other girl had shyly smiled at her and had offered her hand, silently asking her to take it. And somehow, she felt herself give in, she felt herself smiling back and taking that hand that was selflessly offered to her.

“I am sorry,” K had said to her. “I never meant for this to happen the way it did.”

She was taken aback. Off all the things she has expected to happen…This…this was the most unlikely one. To have Kiko actually saying sorry for what happened a number of years ago had made her freeze in the spot she was in and take in whatever the other girl had to say.

“I am sorry…I know this apology has been long overdue. I should have done this the moment he has introduced us to each other years ago. There was no excuse that could have covered the hurt and pain you have been through, San—uhm…” K had started to stutter when she didn’t know what to call her.

And she somehow found her voice when she said, “Call me unnie, K. Call me unnie.” The moment she had said it, they knew she had forgiven the other girl. It has been years since that last fateful night and it has all led into this. It was greatly unplanned and it all boiled down into this.

Call me unnie, she had said. How long has she forgiven the girl? How long has she forgotten? Did the years go by kindly for both the parties that she had made such a big epiphany?

“Unnie,” K’s voice croaked and she had both of themselves misty-eyed and in heavy spirits when K had finally broken the silence that came after the bomb she had just thrown.

“Unnie,” she had repeated, “I really am sorry. For everything. For whatever it was you have gone through when Ji and I got together. For the times he should have been beside you but he was meeting up with me. For all the broken promises he has made because I had caused him to act like a jerk towards you. For this. For all this. I’m really….really sorry, unnie” the other girl had said softly and slowly in Korean and then Dara knew the other girl’s boyfriend had quite a hand in this.

She can’t help but just sigh and smile at K, who had bravely approached her and had done the ‘manly’ thing, if this was what was considered a manly thing to do. “Kiko…how—“