Bitter taste.

Petals of white roses are scattered artistically across the carpeted floor, combination of white lilies and red roses are formed in pretty bouquets decorating the side of the isle where the red velvet carpet stretches from the big double doors of the church to the intricate golden altar. The grandiose chandelier hanging from the high ceiling is enough to illuminate the place—it was beautiful, breathtaking.

Hakyeon smiles, everything was set in perfection.

Everything.

He glances to Hongbin who beams so bright. He looks so dashing in his white tuxedo, his hair styled in a formal manner making him more presentable. When priest asked him, Hakyeon follows the promises of love and eternity in his mind, waiting for Hongbin’s answer. He grips on the hem of his neatly pressed blazer, Hakyeon can feel the tears pricking his eyes.

“I do, father.”

Then they kissed.

Hakyeon couldn’t bring himself to look away from Hongbin, the same smile was there.

-

The ice clinks against the glass and the dark brown rum sloshes as Hongbin swirls it. The bartender was talking animatedly with his friend, Jaehwan and they seem very attentive in whatever they are conversing. Maybe this is a good night, his friend might take someone home for good pleasure.

“Too early to get drunk, Hongbin?” the latter’s lips curves slightly.

He doesn’t need to face the stranger just to know who he is. Hongbin knows the person who owns that voice very well. “But not too early for a drink, right, Hakyeon hyung?” the said man chuckles and Hongbin can imagine Hakyeon’s pretty eyes crinkling, jutted cheekbones visible under the poor lighting.

“Not too early for a drink,” he repeated taking the empty seat beside Hongbin. Hakyeon calls for the bartender, cutting him off from his conversation with Jaehwan. The model spotted Hakyeon and gave him a smile, Hakyeon beams back at him. “Give me something hard.”

The bartender, Sanghyuk—as what his name plate calls him, tilted his head as he busies himself in the counter. “Anything in particular?” he asks, pouring an alcohol mix on a shot glass then slides it to Jaehwan.

“Surprise me.” Hakyeon says. Hongbin scoffs at him. Same old, Hakyeon loves to drink but can’t even remember any specification of what he likes—he just know what rum, gin, and tequila is. “So, marriage,” Hakyeon trails softly and Hongbin side eyed him, Hakyeon is smiling but his eyes aren’t shinning as much as it used too few months ago.

“Married,” the silver band in his ring finger was the proof of it. “Eight and a half hours ago.”

Hakyeon forces his eyes to look away from the silver ring wrapped securely around Hongbin’s ring finger. “I know, you gave me an invitation.”

“You came?” Hongbin turns to face Hakyeon, slightly taken a back as he swallows the eyes he loved—loves—until he decided that he shouldn’t drown himself again because he has responsibilities to do, a marriage to live with, not a man to kiss every morning, not a man to love every day, not a man to keep in secrecy. Hongbin doesn’t know how to swim and Hakyeon is like the ocean, so beautiful but dangerously deep. Hongbin reminded himself that he can’t swim, he doesn’t know how, he’ll drown.

Hakyeon breathes out and sighs shakily after Hongbin tore his eyes away from him. “I watched the exchange of ‘I do’, Seulgi cried. It was her dream wedding,” Hakyeon pauses, fingers drawing random figures on the counter top. “—probably far from my own dream.”

“You wanted to be wed in an island at six in the afternoon. Very specific, hyung. Why the sunset though?” Hongbin takes a sip of his drink, bitter taste of rum spilling inside his throat, burning it as it passes down. He winced. Too strong.

The older drinks his shot and ask for another. “Because I want to mock the sun. He was always up there to judge us, Hongbin, and sunset means he’s resting. No one will judge us, it’s just you… and me… and the night sky.”

“I married Seulgi when the sun was at its peak. There’s no one to judge. It’s just the two of us .” No one to hide from, no judging stares that spats shame but there was Hakyeon who’s heart was breaking into million pieces when Hongbin kissed Seulgi. It was their dream together, to kiss in public. Hongbin fulfilled it—made it into reality with someone who’s not Hakyeon.

No more dreams.

“Are you happy?” Hakyeon nodded at the bartender as soon as he got another glass, the smile on his face more bitter than Hongbin’s rum. “Are you happy, Hongbin?” Hakyeon asked the younger who shut his eyes close as soon as Hakyeon’s voice infiltrated his ears.

“I—“ Hongbin drops his hand on his lap, curling it into a fist, nails scrapping the ironed pants. “I—I— I don’t know.”

“I want you to be happy.” Hakyeon wants him to be happy. Hakyeon genuinely wished for Hongbin’s happiness when he left him alone in their shared apartment. Hakyeon silently wished for Hongbin’s happiness when he married the girl his parents wanted him to marry. Hakyeon wished for Hongbin’s happiness even if he was sitting at back of the church, clutching hard on the promise ring he once wore when they are still together.

“If this is happiness, I don’t want to be happy anymore, Hakyeon hyung.”

“We’ve sacrificed a lot for that happiness, Hongbin. Don’t waste it. I will be okay, I am okay.” The taste of the alcohol burns under his tongue. Hakyeon drinks a little more. His stomach churns painfully, maybe because of the alcohol or maybe because of Hongbin sitting so near but yet so far.

“I have always been good at pretending, hyung.” Hongbin eyes Jaehwan, he was still talking with the bartender. No one knows, just Hakyeon and Hongbin and the sun and the night sky. “Can you let me pretend? Even just for now… pretend with me.” He whispered, eyes brave enough to lock with Hakyeon’s own.

Silence.

The tan male bites his lower lip, feeling the tightening of his chest—he shouldn’t feel this way. Hakyeon prepared for this, believed that he’s prepared for this.

“That’s a very big favor, Hongbin.” Hakyeon calms his heart. He was never good at pretending, he was never good at lying.

“Please,” Hongbin wants to reach for Hakyeon’s hand but then he can feel the eyes watching him. He is afraid, he is a coward. In the end, Hongbin retracted his hand before it could touch Hakyeon. I have no gay son. I have no gay son. “Pretend that I am there beside you, that we are alone inside your room, my arms around your waist. I love your smell, Hakyeon hyung. Bubblegum candy—your favorite.” Hongbin closes his eyes, the images flashing in his mind. The stolen moments he treasures the most. The night where he left home and Hakyeon picked him up in the street. “I’ll kiss you, and I’ll tell you I love you.” he whispered desperately, hands resting on his lap, reminding himself that Jaehwan is there. He wants to feel Hakyeon. Pretend. This is just pretending.

“I—I can’t, Hongbin. I can’t, I don’t know how to.”

The moment their eyes met, Hongbin knew that he’s losing Hakyeon—again. Hesitations left him, Hongbin reaches out to hold Hakyeon’s arm, Jaehwan be damned, the world be damned, everything be damned. He ed everything up, Hongbin won’t let this small chance slip away without trying even if it’s too late.

Hakyeon took a sharp gasp of air, bile in his throat, heart thumping so fast. He glances down to Hongbin’s hand, nervous, he worried his lips, eyes fluttering close. Hakyeon gives in. “I’ll— I’ll pretend, Hongbin. I’ll pretend that I’ll hug you back, kiss you too. I’ll whisper ‘I love you’ and we’ll stare at each other’s eyes. You’ll smile at me. I’ll smile back—“ he clenches his hands together. This is so wrong. Hongbin is a married man.

“Pretend that I’ll hold your hand throughout the night and we’ll wake up. I’ll wake up beside you. I’ll greet you good morning. Pretend that we’re happy. Pretend that—that you’ll look at me and call my name.”

“Baby, yeah, I remember when we used to call each other those silly pet names.” Hakyeon chuckles, holding himself from shattering. “Hongbin, I’ll pretend that it was our wedding,” when he opens his eyes, Hakyeon looks away and Hongbin flinches. “—it was our wedding and we are happy. I’ll pretend even if I’m not good at pretending.” He gathered his feet, slightly wobbling, Hongbin’s hand slipping from his arm, too defeated to grab Hakyeon back. He drank too much. Hakyeon smiles to himself, Hongbin watches him, eyes full of longing.

“Let’s pretend for the very last time, Hakyeon hyung.” Hongbin finishes his drink. Jaehwan was long gone along with the bartender. There’s a new one serving drinks. “Please pretend that you still love me.” Ice clinking against the glass, empty. Just like how Hongbin feels.

“I love you, Hongbin.”

“Thank you.” Hongbin is happy. Hakyeon drapes his scarf around his neck, silver band glistening under the light from the counter. It was their ring—their promise ring. Hongbin thought Hakyeon threw it away, he saw the older throw it when they got into fight.

Hakyeon is leaving. Hongbin can’t do anything other than watch Hakyeon walk away, just like what he did that night.

“I’ll pretend for the last time too.” Hakyeon stops from his track, back facing Hongbin. “Pretend that you don’t love me. Pretend that we’re not hurting.” Hongbin can see Hakyeon’s shoulders trembling, fist gripping hard until the nails digs deep against the skin. Hakyeon is crying again, sobbing and defeated because of him. “Hongbin, please pretend that we don’t know each other.” And then he left. Hongbin watched a tall man from the bar entrance gather his broken angel, he watched his friend, Jung Taekwoon, kiss the crown of Hakyeon’s head as he walk him out of the building.

Hongbin balled his fist.

I am good at pretending, he told himself.

--
what-- okay, i should finish the other one which will be posted either tomorrow or today.
whatever. hahaha thank you for reading!