”We’re entering the cave

Of the Lambda es.

We’ll grill ‘em and we’ll shave

Their heads shaped just like peaches.”

I turned to the voice of someone singing a very disturbing song. “At least someone’s excited about this suicide mission.” I said sarcastically.

Me?” The girl asked,  pointing herself. “Yeah. I’ve done it every year. It’s really fun.” She said.

“You. I know you!” I pointed at her, and then backed away in fear.

“Kryssie,  look what you’ve done, he looks like scaredy little cat, his face is twisted.” She told Krystal. “Hi, I’m Hyuna Kim.” She offered her hand.

“Yes, I know. We met like five times already .And this face, it says 'back off, I don't want any trouble'. ” I said, ignoring her hand.

“And ‘he’ is she, Hyuna. Don’t talk to her. Did you forget what she said about you in the closet?” Krystal came to us.

“What did she say?” Hyuna asked Krystal, but Krystal nudged the question and pointed her head at me.

“Not a s-l-u-t.” I said.

“Of course I remember! I was practicing my acting skills that time. I'm sorry if you thought I was mad at you. I'm just that good.” She said proudly.

"How do I know you're not acting now?" I asked her.

"Calm yourself. I don't act unless I have permission from my agent or if I don't have make-up on. I got to look good for the fans. I wasn't really mad at you, really." She said.

“Really? The other girls used tape to stick sequins on me.” I told her.

“Yeah?” She asked innocently.

“You used glue gun.” I spat at her.

“Oh that. Heh. Yeah, I overreacted.”

“You suggested selling me off eBay.” I waved my hand for emphasis.

“Good thing the girls didn’t agree with me then. Or I won’t have a handsome partner tonight.” She said joking.

"Well I'm regretting it. Only if I knew you will be a constant annoyance in my life back then."  Krystal told me then left.

"Don't worry too much. I've done it every year since I came here and look at me, just fine." Hyuna consoled me.

“Yeah? So you didn’t get caught? Not once?”  I asked her.

“Oh. I got caught. Every time. Spent two weeks in a federal prison down the street, it’s just across McDonalds. Fun, right?”

“Uh… yeah…” I answered, slipping back a meter away from crazy.

“I’m pretty psyched because I will get to see Shae again, a prison girl I made friends with.” She scooted over, leaving -10 inches between us. “She got accused for cutting her boyfriend’s p-… uh… thing. But, really it was all made up she said. No one understands her. Who can possibly cut something so… salient?” She asked in disbelief. Hyuna keep babbling about her friend Shae and its thing-less boyfriend for God-knows how long. At some point, someone took pity on me and gave me ear buds. The team moved and we're just outside the house of Lambda, hiding behind the bushes.

“Okay. How do we do this? What’s the plan?” I asked to no one in particular.

“We enter through the bedroom window then inside the house blending in with the Lambdas. Sneaking just to reach the basement where they keep their items for the Greek House Cup tomorrow. “ Hyuna explained this to me in one go like she’s just giving directions to 7-11, which made me wonder, how many times has she done this?

Sulli is putting black ink on my face. She said it's for camouflage but I think she's just like to mess with my face.

"How do I look?" I asked Sulli but Krystal beat her to it.

"Like a baby chimpanzee."

"That's an improvement. You called me-"

"What? Chimpanzee instead of stupid?" Krystal asked.

"Baby." I smiled at her. And I'm sure she just blushed if it wasn't for Hyuna teasing us.

"Tsk. Team Suzber pa rin ako." Sulli whispered.

"What's that?" I asked Sulli.

"Nothing. Come here. Let me put more ink on you maybe Krystal will call you baby octopus next." She said, grabbing my face and putting the black ink briskly, not giving me a chance to say anything.

“Hyuna, how far do you often get with the plan?” I asked her as we put on our spy uniform and gears. 

“Just the window, usually. But the first time was so close I was just about to open the basement door but… I took a victory selfie a little too early the flash caught one of the girl’s attention. Then Ta da! Hello, Shae..” She continued.

What? We need a new strategy. If I’m going to be jailed for delinquency I will not let some amateur do it for me. I’ll do it with style.

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