They said be careful, because fame could change a person.
But why would I listen?
I was young, stupid, and on my way to the top.
In my trainee days I hit it off with Jungkook easily, and we started dating. Of course, the public didn't know. Neither did the other trainees, at first.
It was only after the seven of us debuted as BTS that we told the others.
To me, Jungkook was my light, my star, even my bias.
His sweet smile lit me up everytime, and I could always feel my heart swell.
I was head over heels.
The other boys teased us about it, but it was obvious they were jealous. None of them had boyfriends or girlfriends at the time.
The company wanted us all single for the fans. Someone whos already dating never gained as many as someone who was still single.
We stayed together all the while BTS grew. Seeing all the fans we had gained made me happy, but never as happy as Jungkook made me.
The way he would smile when we were alone, and the lingering touches we would share that left my skin ablaze.
Oh, god, did I love him.
Thinking back, maybe I should have realized it was too good to be true.
I first noticed a change in Jungkook when we hit our 500 days.
He started being more distant, and almost wouldn't even look at me in public.
Back at the dorms he was better, but I could still feel a distance growing between us.
At one point I think the fans noticed it.
I kept seeing posts on twitter about how I wouldn't smile as much anymore, and that I was never posting selcas.
Had it really gotten that bad? I'd even lost my smile.
The day I confronted Jungkook about us is the day it all fell apart.
-
"Jungkook? Could I speak with you?"
The maknae looked up from his game, smiling. Except it wasn't his usual smile. It was empty of emotion. Where had my kookie gone?
"Yeah, what's up?"
"Uhm, alone?" I continued, glancing at the other members, who were starting to look worried.
I couldn't have been sure, but it sounded like Jungkook huffed as he stood up and followed me to our room.
"What's so important that we have to talk alone?" He asked. He seemed imatient, and my heart felt like it was breaking.
"Jungkook... This is hard for me to say, but... I feel like we aren't really even a couple anymore..." It hurt saying these words. I wanted to take them back, maybe then the outcome could have been different.
Jungkook looked mildly surprised at my words. "I agree."
I waited for him to say anymore more, maybe suggest a way to fix this.
I could almost hear my heart break in the silence he left.
"Jungkook... I think we should... Break up." He nodded at my words, not really seeming bothered by them.
"Sounds fine with me." To me, he looked bored. I don't think he even cared anymore. "Are we done? I was in the middle of a game."
"... Yeah."
As he left I could feel my heart go with him.
I didn't even noticed I was on my knees until I felt the tears dripping onto my jeans.
Is this what regret felt like? Why did I have to say those words? It hurt even more now than it did before.
-
After we broke up I never really felt whole.
The first week I even tried to kill myself.
The other members noticed right away, but the only one that was really able to help me through it was Hoseok.
He would come sit with me while I stared off into space and take my hand, bringing me back to reality. I was out of it for while, and by the time we reached our two year mark I almost felt over it. Almost.
I think the reason I fell for Hoseok was only that he helped me.
I mean, don't get me wrong, Hoseok was amazing in his own way, but it still hurt everytime I saw Jungkook in practice, at meals, in the dorms, during preformances- everywhere.
I wasn't ready to love.
But slowly he was able to open me up again, and replace my broken heart with part of his own.
By the time we reached out 600 day mark I was smiling again, posting selcas, and dating Hoseok.
After our comeback in May we had talked to the CEO, and he even agreed in our coming out.
And I guess that's why I'm writing this now. To tell you our story.
I love Jungkook, and that'll never change, but it's a lost love. Now, he's just more of a little brother. Love never really fades, it just changes.
I also love Hoseok, and that I'm sure, will last.
They said becareful, becuase fame could change a person.
I didn't listen, and thats what broke my heart.
So this letter is also a warning.
To all of you, my dears armies, be careful. Protect your heart. But don't shut yourself down, don't let yourself break.
And if you do happen to break, like I did, just wait- Your Prince, or Princess, will come for you, just like Hoseok did for me.
Be strong, my beautiful armies, and keep my words in mind.

-Kim Taehyung