Dear Page,

 

Hello. It's my first time writing to you, and there's a reason why. There's so many things I want to tell you- and maybe I should start now, since I know one page isn't enough.

 

It all started last summer. Auditions for the school play was posted on the bulletin board right after I got out of swimming practice- and when I saw it, I know I wanted to be in it. You must be wondering why I wanted to act when I'm majoring in music? It's because of a certain girl.

 

A girl named Sandara Park.

 

She has light brown hair that flowed just beyond her shoulders. She also had bright, round hazel eyes that showed innocence, honesty and courage. She had pink, pouty lips that seemed to lure me in everytime I look at them.

 

She's a girl majoring in Theater Arts. I met her once, last semester. We're both in our junior year at that time, and Bom introduced me to her. They're siblings but they have different mothers and they're not blood related, either. Anyway, I won't talk about her family here.

 

Compared to Bom, she's quite different. She's aloof and cold. She didn't smile much and she just nodded at me when we met. She didn't stay long, she excused herself and left, saying she had theater practice to attend to. Even after that, we'd see each other on campus but she wouldn't even say Hi to me. She would just nod and leave... all the time. Come on- a lot of girls throw their whole body on me- heck, they'd even bow down and worship me if I notice them but this girl, she never showed the slight interest in me. It made me tick.

 

She ate lunch with me, Seung Hyun hyung and Bom, but she never laughed nor smiled. She only had a straight face. I tried talking to her, but she only gave me short answers- like "Yes", "No", "Maybe", "Yeah"- and that's it, end of conversation. She's very silent and hard to read. 

 

I grabbed the flier on the bulletin board and rushed over to the theater arts building- and just my luck, it was a musical. They needed an actor who can sing and dance- exactly my forte. Without even bothering to change and fix my chlorine-smelling blonde hair, I went up the stage and auditioned. I didn't know what to sing since I didn't know what play it was, so I just sang whatever popped into my head.

 

"Stop!" A high-pitched voice echoed through out the hall. "What do you think you're doing?"

 

Just the girl I was looking for. "Auditioning," I simply answered with a grin. "Why?"

 

"You can't," she told me. "You don't even know the lines and the story."

 

I hopped off the stage and went over to her. I assumed she was one of the judges since she was sitting behind the table. I gave one of the girls a smile (it always works) and snatched a copy of the script. "Yes, I don't know because this play is written by... Oh, you."

 

"Exactly," she said in a stern voice. "Please leave the theater, Kwon Ji Yong."

 

"I'm a music major," I told her clearly. "I can sing and dance. It wouldn't be that hard to act."

 

She crossed her arms. "Of course, you've done plenty of acting. I should award you a gold trophy, even... for making girls fall for your pathetic lies." She snatched the script away from me and said, "This play isn't something to mess with. This is something taken seriously."

 

"I am being serious," I retaliated. "You know that school plays aren't my thing but because- anyway, I want in."

 

"You said so yourself," she argued, "School Plays aren't your thing. What makes you think I'll let you in? You just might ruin the whole production."

 

"But unni," A girl to her right with short, purple hair said, "It would be nice if he's in it. A lot of people will surely watch! He's really popular!"

 

Ah, that's right. Theater Arts are usually for geeks and since no one's interested in school plays anymore, they're running low on budget. This purple-haired girl has a point. 

 

She glared at the girl. "Minzy, I don't care. I'm not letting him in the play."

 

"I'm really serious," I said, placing both my arms on her table. "I want in on this play."

 

"Leave." She said sternly, plopping back down on her seat.

 

I casted the girl, Minzy, a pleading look. "I'll lead you outside," she said sadly.

 

I sighed and followed her. Once outside the theater, she pulled me into an empty corner and said in a hushed tone, "What I'm about to say is important so please don't let anyone know I told you this."

 

"What is it?" I asked.

 

She looked around and whispered, "There's another audition next week. Same day, same time. I'm sure Unni wouldn't want me to tell you but... Jiyong-oppa, if you're really serious about joining... it would really help us a lot."

 

"Why do you seem so nervous?"

 

"You do know that theater arts is running low on funds, right?" She asked me. I gave her a nod. "It's because of that... the dean isn't supporting us anymore. He decided to support the courses that's moer interesting- Like Music and the swimming team."

 

And I know, I know... I'm the captain of the swimming team and majoring in Music. "So you mean... the dean will cut you out of the campus? He wouldn't even let you finish the whole year?"

 

"Yes. The dean decided to give us a chance. If this play succeeds and we manage to get at least half as a return of investment, then the dean won't take Theater Arts out of the campus. If you're in the play, I'm sure a lot of people will watch. I don't understand why unni doesn't want you to be in it."

 

"When is the audition again?" I asked her.

 

She clasped her hands together- I can tell she's really happy. "Next week. Same day and same time. I know you don't have a copy of the script, so please give me your email. I'll be sure to mail it to you as soon as I get home."

 

I gave her a wide smile as I keyed in my email address. "Don't forget, okay? I'll be sure to get in the play."

 

She giggled. "I'll help you, and I'll ask Chae Rin unni to help, too. Maybe Dara unni's just having one of her fits. I'll see you next week, then. Oh, and you must absolutely keep this a secret."

 

"How will I know the songs in it?"

 

"Chae Rin unni and I will teach you," she answered. "We'll practice with you but we have to keep this a secret."

 

"Arasso," I told her. "See you." 

 

That night, I received a mail from Minzy and she also gave me her phone number. I contacted her and I can tell she's really serious. She didn't even squeal or she didn't sound nervous to talk to me. Other girls were always squealing and talking in a cute manner. I wonder, is it because she's in Theater Arts? Or has Dara's coldness finally rubbed off on her?

 

Minzy asked for my schedule this week and since it's summer, I only had swimming lessons. In a few minutes, I received a text from her. It's a schedule of our Private Play Practice with that girl- Chae something- she's been talking about.

 

For six days, I practiced the parts of the lead actor so hard. I think I might worship theater actors and actresses because of this since they act on the spot- one take- no NGs, no nothing. Unlike on TV, you can edit the part as much as you want.

 

The play was about a girl who wanted to be an actress. She wanted to be a famous actress and she's been chasing her dreams. She fell in love with a boy she met in a school play, too- too bad she had to die in the end because of brain Cancer.

 

The next day, Sandara Park was beyond mad to see me.

 

"What are you doing here?"

 

"You're having another audtion, right?" I asked.

 

She raised a brow. "How did you know?"

 

I gave her a wink. "I have my sources," I told her.

 

She sighed and angrily sat on her chair. "You're such a pain. Go do your routine BUT," she said, "You have to respect my decision. No matter what it is."

 

"Yes."

 

I didn't give her a reason to reject me. I'm Kwon Ji Yong- no one rejects me. As soon as the music started, I sang the piece for the play. After that, I acted with all my efforts. If my friends saw me then, they'd laugh at me and make fun of me but who cares? I have to get close to Sandara Park.

 

After my performance, the theater was quiet. It was almost frightening and deafening. I can hear the loud rhythm of my heart as it pounded nervously against my chest. I have never felt so nervous in my entire lifetime... except on that one time.

 

"Sorry, you didn't make it." Dara's voice broke the silence.

 

"WHAT?" I asked in disbelief. "Why!?"

 

"You're a terrible actor." She said flatly.

 

It made me snap. "Why are you so against me joining this play?" I asked her.

 

"You will just... ruin it," she said. "You're Mr. Popular, Jiyong. Just go do your swimming and other stuff that you cool people do. Forget this play."

 

"What are you talking about?" I asked her. "I'm serious about joining this play. I want in on this. Why aren't you--"

 

"Unni," Chae Rin said, "He did great."

 

"Please," Minzy said, "We need him. With him on the play, a lot of people will watch. We need to make this play work. He might be our only chance."

 

Dara stared at the two girls beside her. She looked back on the stage, and all the people behind me- who, I guess, are all theater arts majors- before closing her eyes.

 

Five whole minutes passed. Five whole minutes which felt like eternity to me as I waited for her answer.

 

"Okay. You're in."

 

I pumped a fist in the air with a wide grin.

 

"But," there she goes again, "I'm only doing this because we need to. Got that?"

 

"Yes sir!" I shouted, giving her a salute.

 

She rolled her eyes at me. "This play means everything to us... so you better take it seriously, too. No skipping practice. No missing out on meetings and most importantly- no fooling around."

 

I gave her another sharp salute. She picked up her coffee and a clipboard before walking out of the theater. I grabbed my bag from the floor and decided to follow her out, but I stopped by Minzy and Chae Rin.

 

"Just curious," I said, "Who will be playing the female lead?"

 

Chae Rin smiled. "Oh. You just missed her. She just left a few seconds ago with her coffee and clipboard," She answered with a wink.

 

I felt like I hit the jackpot. I got the male lead and Sandara will be the female lead- perfect! 

 

All through out summer and even when the first semester began, I had fixed my schedule to fit with the Play practice. It was tiring- I had classes every M-W-F and I had my swimmming practice and theater practice T-TH-S.

 

Practicing with Dara was hard. I barely concentrated and she was often pissed at me because of this. I made her angrier every second, but it passed as soon as it came. We got closer and before I knew it... I already fell for her. She wasn't any ordinary girl. She worked hard to write the script and she's working hard to make the play work.

 

She's also a great actress.

 

We have established a good relationship. We were friends but I can tell that she's still shutting me out from her world. She didn't want me entering her walls, but I didn't know why. She would interact with other boys but would always avoid me. What did I ever do to her for her to hate me and avoid me like I'm some kind of plague?

 

One afternoon, after class, I waited for her patiently to come out of her class. Once she saw me, she hurriedly walked towards the opposite direction, just as I had assumed. I took a shortcut- I have been observing her for the past days and I knew she would always go to the back of the building. I pulled her towards me just as she passed by the hallway and pinned her against the wall.

 

"Why are you avoiding me?" I asked her.

 

She averted her eyes. "I-I'm not," she said.

 

I pounded a fist against the wall. "Don't lie to me. Why are you avoiding me?"

 

"Why do you want to know so badly?" She asked. "It has nothing to do with you."

 

Nothing to do with me? Is this girl crazy? "You're avoiding me. Of course it has something to do with me, pabo," I told her.

 

She raised a brow. "Pa-pabo?" She repeated. "Yah, you're the idiot. Not me."

 

"I'm the idiot?" I repeated. This conversation sure isn't going anywhere. "Why am I the stupid one!?"

 

"Why do you always keep on following me, anyway!?" She exclaimed. "It's creepy."

 

"I wanted to be close to you," I answered honestly. "You're the reason why I wanted to get into the play."

 

"M-me?" She asked.

 

I nodded. "Yes. You. I wanted to get close to you."

 

"Why?"

 

I leaned down to kiss her pink, luscious lips. They were the softest lips I have ever kissed in my entire lifetime. They felt so soft and smooth, it made me crave for more. I knew those lips haven't been kissed by anyone else and it made me happy to know that I'm the first because I certainly will be the last, too. 

 

I pulled away from her from fear that I might lose my self control and want more than just a kiss from her. If there's one girl I would marry before I actually touch, it will be Sandara Parl.

 

"It's because of that," I said. "It's because I like you." 

 

She scoffed and said, "You're really stupid."

 

"Why?"

 

She pulled me roughly and kissed me. She was inexperienced but she tried hard, and it was the purest kiss I have ever received. I never knew a chaste kiss like this will send my heart beating hardly against my ribcage. When she pulled away, she had a smile. The first smile I have seen from her since we first met.

 

"It's because of that," she said. "Because I like you, too."

 

She told me everything- how she was avoiding me because she liked me. She told me that she didn't want to get close to me for fear that she might be having one-sided feelings, so she acted cold and pushed me away.

 

She really is a great actress.

 

It made me the happiest person on earth. The cold Sandara Park was actually a sweet, pretty girl who showed her appreciation generously. She never failed to make me smile each day and I felt like I was the happiest person on earth, so I vowed to make her the happiest person on earth, too.

 

Everyday, she gave me a piece of paper with a reason why she likes me. I did the same, with a different reason of my own. I'll take her home and before she enters the house, we'll exchange our pieces of papers and read it when I get home.

 

The play went on successfully and the dean kept his promise. It was a day to celebrate, but me and Dara had a different reason to celebrate that day. It was our 100th day together.

 

On our 100th day together, she gave me a pink paper folded neatly. I gave her mine, a blue one folded hurriedly because I couldn't find the original one I had written earlier that day. 

 

We decided to open the paper at the same time under the bright moonlight.

 

And guess what?

 

We both wrote the same reason.

 

Reason #100: I love you.

 

I felt happy. So happy that even winning a hundred gold medals and trophies from swimming won't amount to. It made me feel content just to have her by my side.

 

That night, she gave herself to me. She told me that I will be the first and last person she will give it to. I didn't want to, since she might not be ready yet but she assured me that she was ready. It was a night very memorable to me.

 

"I love you, Kwon Ji Yong," she whispered as she snuggled up close to me under the covers.

 

I kissed her forehead. "I love you, Park Sandara."

 

"Don't ever forget that," she said with a pout. "Promise me."

 

"Babe," I told her, "That won't happen."

 

But the next day when I woke up...

 

... She was gone.

 

A note was lying next to me with her neat handwriting.

 

I have to go somewhere, it said. I love you, Jiyong. I love you so much... sorry I left you. -Sandara Park

 

I called her but she didn't pick up. Maybe she's still busy so I changed my clothes and texted her to meet me at school. 

 

But she never showed up.

 

I dropped by her house, angry for making me wait in the cold. I frowned when Bom answered the door.

 

"Isn't she with you?" She asked.

 

"No," I said. "I told her to meet me but she never showed up."

 

Now it was her turn to frown. "That's odd," she said. "She called me a few hours ago saying she's staying with you for the meantime."

 

Both of us stared at each other before realization hit us both. Sandara Park lied to us... but why?

 

Bom, Seung Hyun hyung and I drove all around town to look for her, even reported her to the police but they told us that the person should be missing for at least 24 hours before we can actually report her.

 

The next morning, I went to the school registrar to find out if she had any other addresses. Bom told me Dara was an orphan because her mother died and they decided to take her in. Bom's father is Dara's step father, after all. But I had to make sure. She might've had any other places to go to. She couldn't just disappear like that.

 

Bom and Seunghyun hyung reported to the police while I checked the registrar.

 

"Sandara Park?" The secretary asked me. "She filed a leave three days ago, effective yesterday. Why?"

 

"Three days ago?" I asked. Why didn't she tell me? "Did she state her reason for her LOA?"

 

The secretary scanned the documents at hand. "All she wrote was that it was a personal matter and very confidential."

 

I didn't know why, but my heart started to beat painfully. I'm scared. Where is she? What if something bad already happend to her?

 

Three days passed and there was still no news of her. The police had been searching for her and I have been nagging on them to search faster. I had tried calling her a million times but her voice mailbox was already full because of me. I sent her a thousand emails but she never replied to any one of them. She wasn't even contacting Minzy, Chae Rin... not even Bom.

 

One morning, the police came to my door with news about Dara.

 

"Sir, is this the Sandara Park you were looking for?"

 

One look at the picture and I clearly knew it was her. "Have you found her? Where is she?"

 

"Please come with us," he said.

 

I hastily put on my coat and told Bom and Seunghyun hyung to meet me. I also texted Minzy and Chae Rin.

 

"Wait, why are we here?" I asked as reality dawned on me on where we are.

 

"We found her... there." One of the police men pointed towards the direction.

 

Nervous and afraid, I walked towards it and saw...

 

In bold, engraved letters...

 

Sandara Park's name on one of the tomb stones.

 

I dropped to my knees and cried. I didn't know how long I have been crying nor when the others came. I forgot all about that day... all I remembered was that it snowed. It snowed and it wasn't even winter yet. I cried for God knows how long. The only girl I love...

 

The only girl I have ever loved...

 

Was dead.

 

I found myself lying in bed the next morning. Seunghyun hyung must've taken me home. Next to me was a pink notebook and a little pink box. I opened it, and there, I found Dara's neat handwriting.

 

It was her diary.

 

I read it page after page. She started writing her diary when she started going to university. She wrote there how she was the cause of the death of her mother. They were fighting because she wanted to become an actress but her mother wouldn't allow her to even go to university. They fought and her mother had a heart attack. 

 

She must've been crying as she wrote her entry because some of the ink were smudged and blotchy. She apologized to her mother earnestly, though she knew it was too late. She had a lot of regrets.

 

And then, she wrote when she first saw the man she said she would marry. It was during a play about Romeo and Juliet in the first year. She had described him clearly, how he spilt juice on her skirt and she just ran away from embarrassment because she kept on blushing.

 

Everything that happened to her, day by day, was clearly written there.

 

And one particular entry caught my mind.

 

Hey, do you remember the man I wrote about? The man I said that would someday be my husband? Today, I met him again. Bom introduced me to him because she's dating his best friend, Seung Hyun oppa. He's the captain of the swimming team and he's a major in music- he has a really nice voice. He's handsome, he's polite and he's a gentleman but he's a real playboy.

 

He has blonde hair, which, by the way, looked so soft even though it was soaked in chlorine-treated pool water all the time. He has this handsome smile that always gets my heart beating a hundred times faster. He had small, amber eyes that seemed to disappear when he smiles.

 

His name is Kwon Ji Yong.

 

But it's too bad, isn't it? Today, I received some bad news.

 

I can never marry that man, Kwon Ji Yong.

 

Because I only have limited time.

 

I wrote a play, Page. It was about me and my life. If you read the script, you will understand. It's about a girl who dreamed to be an actress and who loved a man who didn't love her back... but she didn't fulfill her dreams because she died of brain cancer.

 

Yes.

 

I have brain cancer, Page.

 

I turned the next page and found out that it's the last entry she wrote, along with a small piece of paper. The paper I had given her with the 100th reason. I picked up the box and opened it and there, I found all the other papers I had given her.

 

At the back of those papers were her handwriting- about how I looked, what I wore that day, what we did... it was amazing. And for the hundredth time that night, I cried.

 

There was one, however, that was folded neatly in the shape of a heart.

 

Jiyong,

I see, so you have received this already. I'm sorry I left you but there's no other way. I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to think about each passing day as another day closer to my death.

I want us to share a lot of happy memories without worrying... and I'm glad we did.

I'm glad I met you, and I am thankful that you loved me.

To be honest, I was avoiding you and pushing you away because I was scared... that if I became close with you, leaving this beautiful world would be really hard for me. It might be tormenting for me to know that sooner or later, I would have to hurt you and leave you.

But I have no regrets.

You helped me experience happiness and contentment... and love.

I love you, Jiyong.

You're the first and last man I will tell that to... because it's true. I love you like no other woman can ever do.

I love you.

-Sandara Park

 

 

 I knew those lips haven't been kissed by anyone else and it made me happy to know that I'm the first because I certainly will be the last, too. 

-I didn't think that these thoughts would come true. I certainly am the first and last.

 

And because of that, I started to write this thing.

 

Why?

 

Because I promised her I won't forget her... and I am keeping that promise. I might grow old and maybe forget her, but at least I will have this to read and remind me of her. Just like what she did, I want to keep her alive...

 

Even if it's just on paper.

 

I want to be constantly reminded of the girl I love...

 

Sandara Park.

 

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Sorry, I just had to write this! 

I can't get it off my head HAHAHAAH!

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