It’s been a month since you left me. Every night I can’t sleep, Every night I’m still thinking of you, Every night I still want to be with you again, Every night I’m always here drinking. Today is raining again that making me more depressed. Why this happened to the both of us? Why I can’t forget you? Why we end up like this?

I hate myself for allowing you to leave me. My life now is miserable, everyone is asking me to stop thinking about you but I chose to be alone while raining. The rain…. Why are you raining? Is the sky sad like me? I remember when we are still together; we’re both happy of what we have.

“Oppa! You know what?” You said to me while I’m hugging you. “You’re the most handsome man that I met in the whole wide world. I love you oppa!!” That is the sweetest and my favorite sentence from you. There’s no word that can describe how much happy I ‘am with you.

“Oppa, look?” You point your finger into the sky and I follow it but you steal a kiss from me. You ran and I follow you, we’re both running and playing. We both seat together when we feel that we’re already tired.  “I love you too” You look at me with a big smile in your face when you heard it from me, you were shocked, you know that it’s once in a lifetime. This is the first time I said I love you to you.

“Did I heard it right oppa? You really did say you love me?” I smiled at you and I say “Yes”. Your smile, I smile, your smile now is different, you’re really happy because of what I’ve said. You hug me very tight “Oppa! I love you so much! Saranghae, saranghae, saranghae, saranghae, saranghae!” You said it many times that making the both of us laugh. We both stop laughing and my face turns into serious. “Will you marry me?” I ‘am nervous while waiting for your answer but when I see your smile I know that your smile will be yes.

That is the happiest day of my life. We get married, enjoyed our honeymoon. Nothing changed, we’re still sweet but everything has the ends. You ask me that you’re already ready to be a mother. You want to start to have a family with me but I rejected it. I lost my job, they fired me. You’re so sad and depressed when you heard it from me. You work harder and until that time I still don’t get a proper job. Everyone are telling me what kind of husband I ‘am to you, I’m letting my wife to work while me is only in the house. The girls should not be working they said but I don’t have any choices but to allow you to work for the both of us. Allowing you to work for our future and having a no job is hurting my pride. I let everyone talk about us, I ate all my pride.

Then one day you decided to apply a job on the U.S. You told me about it and I didn’t allow you. You said that it’s for the both of us. I became so immature on that issue, I think of what might other people tell about us again. This is too much, I can’t take this any longer, I don’t have a job, my wife is the one working for our future, I ‘am a house husband and I don’t like it, PRIDE is the only one I have now and I don’t want that to gone.

Our life became worst, you don’t want that kind of life, I no longer see your sweetest smile that always in your face when we’re still not yet married. You asked me again about the job on the U.S. but I still not allowed you.

It’s raining again outside and the house is so dark.  You’re confused why the house is dark, you turn on the lights but nothing happened. You asked why we don’t have electricity while the other houses have; you get mad at me because I didn’t pay the bills for our electricity that’s why they cut it. I was drunk on that time, all the money that you gave to me was end up on the soju and I ‘am currently drinking.

“Oppa, why you didn’t pay the bills? Oppa I’am working so hard for the both us, that money is from my sweat and tears. I gave that money for the bills not for that Soju. Oppa! I’m really tired about this life!!!” You start crying but I didn’t feel any guilt, the only one I felt is the angry. “So you’re now boastful because you’re the only one earning the money and I ‘am not?” I started to shout at you, this is too much; you’re now taking my pride.

“Oppa, that’s not what I mean!!!” You said to me but I ‘am too drunk to understand anything. “No!!! That’s what you really want to say!!! You’re now sick and tired of me!!!” You get your bag and get out of the house. You know that I need some time to think about this. You know that we cannot fix this issue when we are both mad so you decided to go out for a while.

I don’t know where you went, I didn’t stop you. You’re the one who go out so you’re the one who will come back. I know that you’ll coming back because it’s raining outside. I continue drinking my soju while waiting for you and waiting for the rain to stop but it has been a month since you left. You didn’t come back.

The water is still falling from the sky. The lonely and dark skies are making me depressed. I decided to get more soju when I saw you in the window. You don’t know how much I missed you, you don’t know how much I waited for you, you don’t know how much I think about you every night, and then my tears fall from my eyes. I smile sadly, “I’m sorry for not being able to get a hold of you because of my pride.”

I forgot about my soju and decided to go to our room to sleep. I hug your picture “It’s exactly 1 month when you died. I miss you so much and I will love you forever!”