A Wall To Rely On

Walking on this road
Alone?
I don't hate anyone in this world except one
Myself. 
My mom once told me that no matter how bad people treat us, you have to be kind
And so I never hate anyone in my life.
Well…
Except me.
Yes. 
I do hate myself
Why?
Because every steps that I took
Every words that came from my mouth
Always wrong in front of their eyes

Sometimes I wish that I would never be born
Sometimes I wish that I could disappear from this cruel world.
I wanna escape.
But in the end I’m the one who will get hurt.

I cry in my sleep.
I pray every night, wishing that someday people will treat me nice.
I never cry in front of anyone except him.
My best friend in the world 

And to be honestly, having a best friend who's popular in the school is hard for me
Everybody even hate me more
Not everybody, just…
Crazy fangirls.
Well, you can say that every girls in our school are his fangirls

They treat me bad because they were jealous of me
Hello?
Being the best friend of the kingka of the school
People will kill me to get my position 

He always there for me
Someone that can lend his shoulder for me
And I always be grateful for that.
At least I have someone to rely on, right?

I felt tired of living. In front of everyone’s eyes I’m just a girl who useless, ugly, a (because I’m close to Baekhyun) and everyone hates me.

I wish I would die
But
Then I think again
If I left this world, will my family be ok? Will Baekhyun be.. Happy?

Yes, you can tell that I have a big crush on him, but I don't want to confe