Warnings: (Character death, possible triggers)

Everyone knew Park Chanyeol, the bright personality with the infectious laughter.

He was the clown, the one who pulled pranks on the teacher, who would shake her head and admonish him firmly, but with a slight smile, because everyone liked the smiling giant. He was one of the school’s best guitarist, often to be found in the music room, either alone or with Zhang Yixing, practising and making new songs, some more serious than others. A rapper he was, too, and at parties he usually had a one-on-one with other rappers like Huang Zitao or Kim Jongin.

Byun Baekhyun had never really had any real interactions with Chanyeol, if only because they didn’t run in the same circles. Baekhyun stuck with Kim Minseok, Lu Han and Kim Junmyeon, whereas Chanyeol’s best friends were Do Kyungsoo, Jongin, Kim Jongdae and Oh Sehun, people Baekhyun had not exchanged many words with.

Baekhyun only had two classes together with Chanyeol, music and English language, and they sat far from each other and had never paired up for a project. And while Baekhyun had some interest in getting to know Chanyeol, that interest was not enough for him to actively seek out the other’s hand in friendship.

Besides, Chanyeol had a handful of good friends and hundreds of acquaintances, and Baekhyun had enough in his own friends. He figured that would not change any time soon, and the realisation didn’t necessarily bother him. It was just the way it had always been.

But that was before that fateful Friday that completely destroyed the image he had of Chanyeol.

He had stayed after school to put the finishing touches on a project for his finance class due next Monday, and when he was finally done, he had packed his stuff and ventured out into the deserted halls, starting towards the exit. The quickest route would be to walk down the west wing, which would take him through the creative departments of the university, namely the music and arts rooms.

On a Friday, no students would linger on the school grounds for more than highly necessary, especially not on a sunny day in spring. And yet, when Baekhyun strolled past one of the music rooms, he came to a sudden halt. There was a soft melody coming from behind the door, a sad melody Baekhyun didn’t recognise but connected to all the same. And whilst Baekhyun would have usually continued undeterred on his way, he didn’t this time, because the door had been left ajar and his eyes had already found the silhouette of one Park Chanyeol.

The man was alone, sitting on a chair in the middle of the room with a guitar. The melody coming from the instrument was brought to life by Chanyeol’s deft fingers playing the strings, and the look Chanyeol wore was not one Baekhyun had ever seen on his face. It surprised him, as did the darkness in the room; for some reason, Chanyeol had not bothered to turn on the light.

Footsteps alerted Baekhyun of someone else’s presence, snapping him out of his thoughts, and he quickly hid in the nearest room, behind the door, peeking out to see who was coming and whether they were going to continue down the hallway.

They didn’t. Wu Yifan had stopped by the door Baekhyun had stood in front of just moments earlier, and a pensive expression adorned his handsome face. Then he pushed the door open and stepped inside, not bothering to close it again behind him, which fit Baekhyun quite nicely, because then he’d get to hear whatever Yifan wanted with Chanyeol. As far as he knew, Yifan only hung out with Zitao and Yixing, and he wasn’t even aware that he and Chanyeol knew each other.

Baekhyun did not make a thing out of eavesdropping on conversations not meant for his ears, but Yifan hadn’t closed the door, so he was pretty much asking for someone to listen in on him and Chanyeol. Or, at least, that was how Baekhyun justified himself listening to what could quite possibly be a private conversation.

“Chanyeol,” came Yifan’s voice from within the room, and Baekhyun crept closer to the door, flattening himself against the wall as he listened intently.

“Yifan,” Chanyeol answered, his voice sounding oddly detached, lacking the usual laughter and warmth. “Why haven’t you left yet?”

The melody was still playing, although it was now simpler in structure, most likely because Chanyeol’s attention had shifted to Yifan.

“I wanted to make sure you’d left,” said Yifan. “But you’re still here. Go home, Chanyeol.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Chanyeol snapped, and Baekhyun blinked, because since when did Park Chanyeol snap at people? “I don’t want to go home. You know that.”

“Then stay over at Zitao’s and my place,” Yifan said, and was that exasperation Baekhyun picked up? “You know you’re always welcome.”

There was a sigh, probably from Chanyeol.

“I don’t want to burden you guys. I know you’re holding back when I’m there.”

The silence those words caused had Baekhyun frowning. What did Chanyeol mean? Then Yifan was clearing his throat.

“You are not a burden to us, Chanyeol. Listen, just crash for tonight at ours, okay? Really, it isn’t a problem.”

The music stopped, and Baekhyun held his breath, although he didn’t know why. What could possibly be the reason behind Chanyeol not wanting to go home?

The silence stretched on for an eternity, and Baekhyun was in the middle of convincing himself to leave when Yifan spoke up again.

“Alright. Alright, just… Just give me a call if you’re coming over. I’ll prepare the guest room for you, just in case.” Another silence, then the sound of clothes rustling, footsteps meeting his ears once more. “Right, okay… See you, Chanyeol. And, please, don’t stay here for hours like last time, okay?”

Yifan wasn’t graced with an answer, and Baekhyun quickly hid away again. He looked around the corner, witnessing Yifan close the door and then leaning against it, arms folding over his chest as he seemed to listen, worrying his lower lip, eyebrows pulled together in a deep frown.

He stayed like that for another minute, then pushed himself away from the door and continued down the hall. It was Baekhyun’s turn to frown, because he really had no idea of what had just transpired. He didn’t understand a thing.

He slowly approached the door again, leaning his ear against the wood and listening.

The guitar play didn’t pick up, however, and after waiting in front of the door for a total of ten minutes, Baekhyun finally decided to take his leave. It was weekend, and he had plans, after all.

He used the whole weekend to ponder the enigma that was Chanyeol, though.

-

Chanyeol was a chameleon, Baekhyun decided the following Wednesday.

In class, in the cafeteria, around his friends, Chanyeol was all smiles and boisterous laughter and pranks. But alone, long after classes had ended and students had left the school grounds, Chanyeol stayed behind, playing soft melodies on his guitar in the middle of a dark room, melodies that carried a sad message that spoke louder than any amount of words could.

Baekhyun didn’t understand Chanyeol, but he itched to understand the smiles – and the lack of. He just didn’t know how to approach the other male.

“Hmmm, I think someone has a crush.”

Baekhyun and his friends were currently gathered in the cafeteria for lunch break, and Baekhyun snapped back to attention, fearing he had been caught watching Chanyeol fool around with Jongdae.

Lu Han wasn’t looking at him, however, but Junmyeon, who looked like a deer caught in headlights. Baekhyun, always one for the most recent gossip, raised an eyebrow and turned around to face Junmyeon, who had gone suspiciously red and lowered his eyes.

“What? Does our Junmyeon hyung like someone?” Baekhyun leered, and Junmyeon, if possible, turned even redder.

“He’s been staring at Zhang Yixing for minutes, and didn’t react to me calling his name,” Lu Han explained, waggling his eyebrows at Junmyeon. “So, care to share?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mumbled, and Lu Han snorted.

“Don’t you dare deny it.”

“It isn’t just today, either,” Minseok piped up, and Junmyeon finally lifted his eyes to throw Minseok a look of utter betrayal. Minseok was not fazed, however, and continued merrily, “Yesterday, in Chinese, he was staring, too. And guess what.”

“Shut up, hyung,” Junmyeon groaned, but Lu Han pushed him aside, eyes alight with interest.

“What? What is it, Seok?”

A smile pulled at Minseok’s lips. “He asked Yixing for help in Chinese.”

“A-ha,” Lu Han exclaimed, standing from his seat to point an accusing finger at Junmyeon, who was trying - and failing - to pull him back down. “So our Junmyeon does have a crush on the kind, lovable Chinese exchange student! Yixing, that is, not me.”

“Would you keep it down?” Junmyeon hissed, finally succeeding in dragging Lu Han back down on his . “Oh God, he’s looking this way – no, don’t you even dare!”

Baekhyun cackled at the sight of his two friends, Junmyeon doing his best to keep Lu Han from making kissy faces at a clueless Yixing while gesturing to Junmyeon.

He considered himself lucky for not having been caught in the act of staring at Chanyeol. It wasn’t like he had a crush on the giant, but Lu Han did not care for facts (unless they proved his theories correct). Baekhyun did feel slightly bad for Junmyeon, but if Junmyeon’s crush on Yixing kept Lu Han from turning his attention to Baekhyun’s newfound interest in Chanyeol, Baekhyun would gladly sacrifice Junmyeon.

He was aware that he would have to keep it down, however. He couldn’t afford being caught by Lu Han. Yet he stole another glance at Chanyeol’s table, watching him play with his food whilst he laughed at Jongin and Jongdae.

Maybe… Maybe he should walk over to Chanyeol’s table and introduce himself. But on the other hand, wouldn’t that seem terribly random? Then again, Chanyeol was friendly, a social butterfly, and many students approached him to exchange a few jokes or to have a longer conversation. It would be simple. But Baekhyun would just be one of many who ventured closer.

And he didn’t want to be one of many. He wanted to be Baekhyun.

So he would wait.

Baekhyun forced his eyes away from the other man, focusing on his own table and friends again, laughing at Junmyeon’s red face and Lu Han’s relentless teasing.

He’d continue watching Chanyeol later, when he wasn’t in danger of getting caught by certain nosy friends.

-

Two weeks went by in the blink of an eye.

School was hectic, projects and assignments and homework piling up, and Baekhyun kind of hated it and wanted to throw a fit, if only because he lacked sleep and overdosed himself regularly on coffee. College life was tough, no doubt. Baekhyun often stopped to reconsider his life choices.

As busy as he was, though, he still kept an eye on Chanyeol, and staying after classes had ended to find Chanyeol in one of the music rooms had almost become a habit at this point. On most days, he’d be there, but on the days that he wasn’t, Baekhyun would merely shrug and go on with his life. Or as much as he could when he found his thoughts suddenly revolving around the other.

It took another four days for him to realise that there was something seriously wrong.

It happened on another Friday, like last time, and while he had been there to witness one or two more of Yifan and Chanyeol’s conversations, usually Yifan being concerned about Chanyeol and consistently telling him to come stay with him and Zitao (Baekhyun had only experienced Chanyeol leaving together with Yifan once), this one proved different.

Baekhyun honestly had not planned on eavesdropping this time (it made him feel bad), but when he heard raised voices the moment he approached the door to the music room he haunted as of late, he couldn’t help himself. He was a curious being.

So, he had stopped and leant closer to the door, although it wasn’t exactly necessary with how loud they were.

“Don’t you ing say that!” That was distinctly Chanyeol’s voice. “You ignore me in class and in-between, but then you come here after everyone has left and act like you care!”

“Because I ing do!” yelled Yifan. “And excuse me for not being by your side all the time; you have your friends and I have mine!”

“Then stay with them and leave me alone!”

“Chanyeol, for ’s sake,” Yifan groaned, and Baekhyun imagined him running a distraught hand over his face. “I didn’t come here to fight.”

“Then off.”

“When you’re like this? I’d be a horrible friend if I did that. I’m ing worried about you.”

A moment of deafening silence, and then a crash. Baekhyun jumped in shock, instinctively reaching for the door handle before thinking better of it and removing his hand once more.

“Chanyeol! What the ?” Yifan cried. “Why did you –“

“Get out!” Chanyeol screamed. “Get the out, Yifan!”

Baekhyun only just managed to hide before the door was flung open and Yifan stomped out, throwing a heated glare over his shoulder. “I’m trying to be a good friend, you er.” But as he looked back into the room, his eyes softened, and for a moment, it seemed like he wanted to go back inside. But he didn’t, choosing to hover just outside.

“If you need a place to sleep tonight, you’re welcome at our place. You always are. This… This won’t change that. I’ll always be here for you when you need me, Chanyeol.”

His only reply was a scoff, and Yifan lingering by the door for a breath or two, before he sighed and left.

Baekhyun, once making sure the coast was clear, slowly approached the door, only to stop short at the sound of sobs. The door had been left ajar again, and despite feeling like he was intruding on something very intimate, something private, Baekhyun couldn’t stop himself from taking a peek.

Chanyeol was on a chair, with his head in his hands, and his frame shook with sobs. Baekhyun quickly stepped back from the door, leaning against the wall and taking a deep breath. Chanyeol’s cries hurt to listen to, and Baekhyun was caught between wanting to walk away and going inside to… do something.

Hearing Chanyeol crying, when he was so used to his laughter, was horrible and gave him a bad taste in his mouth.

He didn’t know for how long he stood outside, weighing his options. He didn’t fully register when the sobs turned to sniffles, when sniffles turned to nothing, and he most definitely didn’t register the footsteps before it was too late.

Baekhyun was brought face to face with Chanyeol, blinking up at the man towering over him. Chanyeol didn’t seem fazed at seeing Baekhyun there - if anything, he seemed rather indifferent to another person witnessing his breakdown - but Baekhyun still felt terrible for being caught by Chanyeol outside of the room after Chanyeol had come apart so dramatically.

They stared at each other for a little while, neither moving, neither lowering their gaze. Baekhyun held his breath, giving Chanyeol a discreet once-over. He looked surprisingly composed for someone who’d just shattered, but Baekhyun still managed to catch the slight redness around his eyes.

Tears didn’t suit Chanyeol.

Chanyeol cleared his throat and was the first to move his gaze. He gave the slightest of nods in acknowledgement before he stepped around Baekhyun and continued on his way.

“Are you okay?”

Baekhyun had spoken before he could consider his words, and he bit down on his lip as he watched Chanyeol come to a slow halt, giving Baekhyun a sideways look over his shoulder. The corners of his lips pulled up in the slightest of smiles, vastly different from the usual grin he wore, the grin Baekhyun found he missed in this moment.

“I’m okay.”

And then he was gone, and Baekhyun was far from satisfied at the answer. If anything, Chanyeol was not okay.

He itched to run after Chanyeol, but something made him turn his attention to the door instead. He stepped closer, tentatively pushing it open and glancing inside. He didn’t know what he was looking for until he found it.

Chanyeol’s guitar, the one he’d played all those beautifully tragic melodies on, was on the floor. Smashed into a thousand pieces.

-

It was Monday, three days after Chanyeol’s fight with Yifan and his breakdown.

Baekhyun was a bundle of nervous energy, worrying his lower lip, his leg never stilling. They were in the cafeteria again, and Baekhyun was looking for Chanyeol, but he was nowhere to be found. Not even by his usual table with his friends, who were chatting amiably with each other, despite the lack of Chanyeol’s presence.

Baekhyun had made up his mind. When he saw Chanyeol again, he’d approach him and, hopefully, start a conversation. He wasn’t sure how, especially not after their short encounter outside of the music room, but he knew he couldn’t stay away any longer. He wanted to know what was going on, why Yifan was always worried, why Chanyeol didn’t want to go home, why Chanyeol had been crying.

But most importantly, he wanted to know why Chanyeol was smiling when he wasn’t happy.

He wanted to be Chanyeol’s friend. Maybe more, if he were honest with himself. But for now, friendship would suffice.

Lu Han was still teasing Junmyeon about Yixing, and it didn’t make it better that Junmyeon had caved under pressure and told them he’d been on a date with the Chinese exchange student. Lu Han had been positively ecstatic at the news, an evil twinkle in his eyes, and Baekhyun had witnessed the instant regret in Junmyeon’s face. It had been too late, however, for him to take it back or deny it.

Baekhyun shared a look with Minseok, and they both smiled and shook their heads at their friends’ antics.

Minseok’s gaze then turned softer, and he looked carefully at Baekhyun. “Is there something wrong?” he asked gently, so as to not draw the others’ attention.

Baekhyun blinked, then smiled and shook his head. “No. Nothing’s wrong. What makes you say that?”

Minseok’s brows pulled together in contemplation, and he drummed his fingers on the edge of the table. “I don’t know. You just seem… distracted. Like there’s something bothering you, and has for a while. It worries me a little.”

“I’m fine, hyung,” Baekhyun assured around a laugh that felt forced, too sharp in tone to be natural. Which was odd, because he was fine, if only a bit… distracted, as Minseok had put it. But nothing that warranted his friend’s concern.

Minseok watched him for a moment, eyes narrowed, but then decided to drop it, instead turning back to Lu Han and Junmyeon, the oldest of the four apparently deciding that now would be a good time to try to help Junmyeon out.

Baekhyun frowned when he looked towards Chanyeol’s friends and there still was no Chanyeol.

He guessed he’d just have to find him after school or the next day.

-

On Wednesday, all students present on campus were called for an impromptu information meeting just before the start of morning classes.

Baekhyun had stayed up most of the night to finish an assignment and was only awake because of the obscene amount of caffeine pumping through his system. Lu Han took pity on him and let him rest his head on his shoulder as they waited for the last students to filter in and sit down, and for the headmaster to finally stop exchanging hushed words with his co-worker and get this meeting over with. Baekhyun hated meetings. They never pertained to him.

Baekhyun had more pressing matters on his mind than whatever this meeting was about, which was most likely something about an upcoming sports event or the student body elections that were in their final weeks of campaigns.

For instance, he hadn’t seen Chanyeol since last Friday, and it worried him. It had even been his intention to find Yifan that morning to ask about Chanyeol’s whereabouts, because he needed answers, damn it, but halfway through his search for the man (who was just as hard to find as Chanyeol) they had been called to this meeting, and so Baekhyun had dragged himself to the auditorium and sat down with his friends, mumbling complaints into Lu Han’s shoulder because he was too tired and too worried about Chanyeol for this.

Finally, their headmaster turned to the podium and cleared his throat, his heavy gaze running over the students as he spoke slowly into the microphone.

“This morning, we received word from authorities that one of our students has died.”

Those words cut sharply through the cloud of thoughts in Baekhyun’s mind, his chest tightening with a feeling of foreboding, and he heard the name before the headmaster said it, loud as it echoed in every corner of his mind, as it had been for the past few weeks.

“Park Chanyeol, a senior, was found in his home, and police have deemed the cause of death to be suicide. Despite paramedics being called to the scene, he was unresponsive and was pronounced dead as of 9:21 last night. I know some of you were aware of the…”

Baekhyun didn’t hear the rest, still hung up on the opening words. Even if the rest of the speech were drowned out, those sentences rang clear in his mind.

… Found in his home…

He could feel Lu Han shift in the chair next to him, though Baekhyun couldn’t move.

… Cause of death to be suicide…

Someone coughed behind him, while another sniffled, somewhere off to his right.

… Unresponsive…

Where was Yifan? Chanyeol’s other friends? Did they know? Had Chanyeol given them that same smile Baekhyun saw last Friday?

… Pronounced dead…

His grip on the chair beneath him tightened, and he in a harsh breath through his mouth as he squeezed his eyes shut, trying desperately to cut off the stream of words that kept repeating in his head.

No. It couldn’t be true. He had seen Chanyeol, had ing seen him just a few days ago. There was no way…

“Baek?” Lu Han whispered. “Are you okay?”

Only then did Baekhyun realise he was trembling, that he was crying silently into Lu Han’s shoulder. Lu Han was still speaking, and he could feel two sets of hands on him, but Baekhyun didn’t care.

He had seen Chanyeol. He had wanted to talk with him, to ask what was wrong - if he had just done it sooner… He could have, maybe, been there to stop Chanyeol from taking his own life, could have helped if he had just pulled himself together and approached him sooner.

He had been right there. He could have done something.

Baekhyun fisted his hands in Lu Han’s t-shirt and buried his face in the fabric, the tears seemingly having no end.

No. He wasn’t okay.

I’m sorry. I am so sorry (because italics will totally make my apology that much more believable.)

Blame Meg (MegLee06) for this. It was her prompt (“He was a chameleon”) and she knows how my mind works, so, really, she should have seen this one coming. (She helped make it worse (Meg’s comment: you spelled “better” wrong (Nat’s reply: Angst <3)), too, so.) But huge thanks to her for beta-ing this for me! <33  Love you, nightingale!

I hate giving away the ending and the likes with warnings, which is why I didn’t tag this as tragedy. I am aware that some of you prefer a fair warning, which I respect, hence, the warning at the top. I just didn’t want to spoil it for those who, like me, prefer reading without knowing beforehand.

Right. Seeing as I wrote this thing in a couple of hours and after 12am, it might be somewhat… vague. If you want to know more and/or have questions, ask away and I’ll explain and/or answer. Also, if you catch any typos neither Meg nor I have caught, or have other forms of constructive critique, please tell me so I can edit and improve my writing!

Lastly, I really, really hope you liked it! (And if you think this is bad, you’re going to love my KaiSoo).

If you’re interested, do check out my other fics, and if you happen to follow Watching the World Turn, know that I haven’t forgotten that, and will return to it once I finish that ty oneshot mentioned in the Forewords.

… Yesh. Until whenever, lovely readers! Thanks for reading! <3  (I at short ANs. Sorry OTL)

(PS: Can any of you help me on LJ? I plan on starting to upload there, too, but eh, how the hell do I do that?)