“Slytherin!”

A smirk was set on his lips as he abandoned the wooden stool and walked over to the table that welcomed him with exuberant applause. Kibum was the epitome of Slytherin, so it was no surprise that he was sorted into the house where he belonged. There were only a few people more suited to that house, his parents being two of those rare individuals. They had raised him to be well aware that there were few things more important than status and prestige and that there was no way to rectify failure.  Some people might have felt burdened by their expectations, but Kibum knew better. Other people might not be capable of living up to those expectations, but Kibum knew how to be successful.

He quickly scanned the table, noting a few uncertain looking faces further down the hall. With the grace of a true royal he made his way over and claimed an empty seat. After the sorting he acquainted himself with the group of freshmen surrounding him, it would only be right for him to have some followers during his stay. The meal took longer than expected, but he soon found himself in the room that he would start calling home. The following years would be his chance to prove the range of his influence.

-

“What do you think I’m here for? Guiding mere first years that got lost on their way to class? Please, I have something more important to do.”

Kibum watched in astonishment as the aristocratic lady turned away to resume staring out of the window. What could possibly be so important about staring out of a window? From what he could see there was only a garden outside. And it wasn’t like he had asked her to guide him to class. After he had been held behind by a teacher he had only suggested that she’d tell him what direction his classmates had gone. He sighed and considered the pros and cons of going back inside to ask the teacher. He really didn’t want to ask him, since the man would probably expect him to know the way already. But he didn’t want to be late to his next class either.

It was only when he decided to wing it that he heard a soft cough behind him. As he turned around he noticed another painting, smaller than the one with the lady, and containing a simple barmaid that seemed to be talking to a customer. He was about to ignore the duo when he picked up part of their conversation. It happened to be about a group of rowdy first years that had walked to the end of the corridor and turned right. With a small grateful smile he rushed in the mentioned direction. To think that even those of lower class could be helpful on occasion.

-

There were three things that Kibum didn’t like: people who didn’t give him what he deserved, carrots, and uncertainty. Unfortunately the latter had managed to worm its way into his life, and he hated it. Over the past number of months he had come to notice something about himself that didn’t fit into the plan he had set out for himself, which reached all the way to the day he would die. It scared him, and he wasn’t quite sure what to do. Should he just ignore that part of him, like he had with many other things that attempted to thwart his plans? Or should he confront it and possibly change his plans accordingly?

Even though ignoring had felt like the most pleasant option, it proved to be more and more challenging day by day. Every time he found his gaze lingering for too long his gut would drop as he tried to tear his eyes away. Whenever his thoughts would stray in an unwanted direction he would struggle to guide them elsewhere and rarely succeeded. His nights started to grow shorter and he usually woke up feeling more tired than he had before. As time went on it became more and more obvious. He would have to learn to accept this part of himself, or it would be his downfall.

-

He was caught staring at the small notice on the board. It was rare for him to read anything that wasn’t signed by a teacher, but this one managed to catch his interest. It was a short note stating that if someone needed to talk, all they needed to do was send a message to ‘KJ’ by owl. He didn’t feel confident about talking to a stranger about his problems, but at this point he could use a listening ear, preferably one that wouldn’t know that they were listening to him.

Several hours later he found himself in the owlery, attaching a small note to a pygmy owl.

I’m a man who is attracted to men, and I don’t know what to do.

-

What had started out as a hesitant trial, soon evolved into something Kibum came to heavily depend on. There was now a steady stream of messages going back and forth between him and ‘KJ’ and he soon found that it gave him a platform to develop his own thoughts. Ideas that had been snuffed away in the past were now explored, slowly uncovering that the world had more to offer than the limited views he had grown up with.

As time went on his friends came to notice that the previously bossy boy no longer bothered to order them around. Instead they would often find him huddled up in a chair writing a letter, reading books that weren’t related to their homework, or even staring off in what appeared to be deep thought. At first they tried to wake him up, show him that they were still there, and that it wouldn’t do if he suddenly stopped spending time with them. But eventually they found that it was no use. Even if the boy did pay attention it was different than before. He would constantly try to start discussions about topics that didn’t need discussing, questioning things that he previously knew to be true. They quickly grew bored.

-

Christmas morning found Kibum sitting alone in the Great Hall, a letter in his hands. The writing on this piece of parchment was different to the one he had come used to. Instead of a large, messy script fine letters filled the page. The words carried questions about his school life, promises for summer break, and the assumption that he understood why it was better for him to stay at Hogwarts this winter.

Acid made a way up his throat as he progressed through the letter, knowing that each of his answers would be considered a disappointment. It wasn’t what his parents would want to hear. Just like how they wouldn’t want to find out that the people he had once considered as friends were now seated at the far end of the table. He wasn’t even sure if they’d work on a project with him anymore. A chilly blanket settled on his shoulders.

The rest of Christmas day Kibum hung around in the school library. It had become his new place to be, since the Slytherin common room no longer felt like home. It was between the books that he felt at peace. None of them would judge them, and they would provide answers to many off his questions. The silent company wasn’t too bad either.

Diagonally across him was an older Gryffindor, avidly penning down words on a piece of parchment. Kibum couldn’t see what he was writing about due to a pile of books, but he wouldn’t have wanted to invade his privacy anyways. The sound of a scratching quill was oddly comforting. It helped him feel a little less alone.

Eventually the scratching came to a stop and Kibum couldn’t help but look up. He wanted to know if the boy was simply taking a break, or if Kibum would be alone soon. What he hadn’t expected was for the boy to be staring at him with furrowed brows, eyes staring into his as if they were looking for something. It didn’t take long before he had to look away. Kibum actually knew who he was, a star Quidditch player on the Gryffindor team, rarely found without a gaggle of fans surrounding him. It was only at the library that Kim Jonghyun could ever be found alone.

Kibum jumped when a wad of parchment was dropped into his book, soon followed by the bang of the library door as he was now the only one remaining. The place diagonally across him no longer carried any signs of occupation. He was alone. With hesitant fingers he opened up the piece of parchment, his throat closing as familiar messy script covered the pages. The parchment was dropped to the table before the first words could be read.

-

It had taken a while before Kibum had collected himself enough to finally read the letter, and once he did his eyes tore through it at top speed, practically inhaling the written words. Once he finished reading he raced out of the library, down several flights of stairs and through a greenish common room, until he found himself panting at the foot of his bed. The gifts that had remained untouched this morning were still in the place he left them, but now he quickly checked the labels until he took the smallest, lightest parcel out of the stack. It was rare, not just in its size, but also in the warm feelings that came with it.

With delicate movements he took off the wrapping paper, not allowing any risk of tearing. As the package was opened, it revealed something blue and fluffy. When Kibum took it out and held it up it unfolded into something simple, but to him absolutely perfect; a pair of blue, fluffy socks. The note that came along with it only made it better.

I had a hard time to figure out what to give you for Christmas, but I decided to go with an intricacy that few pureblood wizards are familiar with. I hope they will keep your feet warm, and maybe you’ll wear them while we enjoy our Christmas dinner together?

-Kim Jonghyun

Kibum couldn’t feel more elated as he pulled on the socks and happily buzzed around the castle as he waited for dinner. Maybe it wouldn’t be as cold as he feared. Along with today’s knowledge he felt like he had gained a new kind of freedom. It had become easier for him to part with his family’s traditions, and he had gained a new friend in the process. He wondered if house elves could feel similar when receiving socks.

-

When it came around to dinner time Kibum hastened to the Great Hall, wanting to be there early. He looked forward to the prospect of eating with Jonghyun, but he was also quite sure that he wouldn’t dare join him if he was already seated and surrounded by friends. Fortunately the Hall was still mostly empty when he arrived, so he could just take his favorite seat and wait for the elder to arrive.

As more students filed into the hall Kibum started to feel a bit jumpy, not sure when Jonghyun would show up, and if he would even find him once he did. Eventually though, he spotted him heading in his direction, now clad in an oversized jumper. So much for formal Christmas wear. Kibum couldn’t help regretting not putting on those socks after all.

“Hey!”

-

The following days had the boys spending large amounts of time together, considering Jonghyun’s friends had all left for home over winter break. He would have also done so, but at the last minute his grandmother decided to visit his parents, and the two didn’t get along. It was this and many other details of his life that became known to Kibum during the time they spent together. Kibum really couldn’t remember a winter being this cozy and warm, and he secretly wished that it would never end. Unfortunately he didn’t really have a choice.

On the first day back to school Kibum walked in for dinner, his eyes scanning the crowd. Eventually they landed on the mop of brown hair he had been looking for, but unfortunately there were several other coupes surrounding it. He felt stupid for not knowing any better. Resigning himself to his fate he turned around and made his way to the place where he used to sit before the break. He couldn’t help but wonder if the heating charm was defective in that part of the room.

Unlike what he had been expecting his part of the table didn’t remain empty, as he was soon surrounded by those that had once been the closest thing he had had to friends. The look in their eyes didn’t seem to be particularly friendly though, and soon it became clear that their intentions weren’t either. Apparently they had found out that Kibum hadn’t been alone during the past weeks, and they couldn’t appreciate the limited effects of his exile. Soon they were seated closer than was really comfortable, throwing accusations at his head that only had him eating faster. He was deliberating whether he should just leave and not have dinner that day when a hand on his shoulder made him jump.

His whole body was tense as he tried to gather his strength to look up. If whoever stood behind him had the same agenda as those surrounding him it was a given that he wouldn’t stand a chance. They were blocking his way to the entrance. Slowly he raised his gaze, only to notice that the vile grins were no longer directed at him. As a matter of fact they had been wiped from their owner’s faces and replaced with looks of dread. He turned to look at the person behind him and came face to face with a clenched jaw. The sight explained why the hand on his shoulder had been so tense. Jonghyun was practically fuming. The joke was on whoever said that the short boy wasn’t intimidating.

After what could have been just a few seconds or several minutes, the hand on his shoulder relaxed as Jonghyun turned to face him. A smile softened up the previously scrunched brow. It was a true transformation.

“Key, I’ve been looking for you! I’d been wondering why you hadn’t joined us for dinner yet.”

The lightness of his tone would have convinced anyone that the boy was incapable of feeling any negative emotions, if it weren’t for the icicles that lined the sentence that followed.

“I noticed you had a meet up with some old friends though. I hope they don’t mind if you come with me now.”

The people that sat surrounding him were no longer even looking in their direction, as they were each trying to burn holes in their plates. Kibum grabbed his plate and eagerly followed to a different table. When they reached his group of friends they easily made way for the both of them, engulfing Kibum in a warm atmosphere.

-

“Hey Key! Where’re you going?”

It had taken him a while to get used to. The nickname Jonghyun had started calling him, soon followed by the remainder of their group of friends. It had been a sign that they took him on board though, and he couldn’t be more grateful. After what he later realized was a pretty lengthy period of social isolation, it was great to once again have a group of people to hang around with. Especially since this group didn’t seem to care about keeping up a certain image. They just coexisted.

Kibum turned around to see Minho and Jinki approaching him. Minho was a Gryffindor of the same age and they even shared a few classes. They had soon become pretty close and they now did most of the group projects together. Jinki on the other hand was a Ravenclaw of Jonghyun’s age, and the two were pretty close. It was only after a few days that Kibum found out that Minho and Jinki were in a relationship, and since then he couldn’t help but observe their dynamics. He wondered if he would ever have something like that. For now he was pretty content with having real friends though.

“I’m not really going anywhere specific. Class just ended so I figured I would drop off my books, and then go from there.”

To be quite honest, he was quite glad to see the pair, since they would probably keep him from an afternoon of boredom.

“Would you mind helping me out with sorting through the latest additions at the library? I’ll do most of the work, but it’s nice to have some helping hands around in case a book behaves unexpectedly.”

Jinki’s offer might not have sounded very appealing to most, but Kibum was pretty eager. It would be nice to spend some time with him. He had wanted to get to know him better.

It turned out that Minho wouldn’t be joining them since he had to head for Quidditch practice, so they eventually parted ways. When they arrived at the library Madam Pince showed them to the large collection of books they would have to sort through. Kibum couldn’t help but wonder how Jinki had ended up with the task, and didn’t hesitate to voice his thoughts.

“Well, since I frequently go for the subjects that aren’t too commonly discussed Madam Pince has been a great help with finding titles for my schoolwork. It’s pretty hard to find relevant works, so I wanted to help her out as a thank you. In a way I find the work to be quite calming.”

Kibum still couldn’t imagine why someone would do detention work for free, but then again the older boy seemed way more kindhearted than him. It might just be one of those things he didn’t quite understand yet.

It had become obvious to Kibum that there were many things that he didn’t know as well as he had thought. And while this might have proven vexing in the past, he was now simply eager to figure things out and learn all the things he hadn’t known before. He would often dive into the books to find an answer, but on occasion he would attempt to ask a friend. Today the second option seemed more appealing, especially since it would provide them with a topic of discussion.

“Say, Jinki?”

The elder hummed in question as he was trying to figure out how to open a book so that he might find the title on the inside. It didn’t seem to be on the cover.

“Do you know, by any chance, if it’s possible to change houses?”

Jinki paused in his inspection to look up at Kibum, the question clearly not what he had been expecting.

“Well, it isn’t very common, but it has happened before. Are you considering it?”

Kibum nodded as he traced the patterns in the wooden table he was sitting at.

“I haven’t felt quite at home in my house for quite a while now. The people aren’t really the type I feel comfortable around anymore, and my passions and look on life have shifted. I don’t think I would be sorted into Slytherin if the hat had been placed on me now.”

Jinki stared at him in silence for a couple of moments, making him feel increasingly uncomfortable, until he finally nodded.

“I think it would be best for you to tell this to Professor Snape. He might not be happy to be losing a student of his house, but he’ll know what to do and how to help you along. At the end of the day it’s the student’s wellbeing that matters the most.”

Jinki gave Kibum a soft smile before they once again bent over their books. Kibum felt a core of excitement in his stomach now that he knew there were possibilities for him to switch houses. It would be nice to feel welcome when walking into his common room. He’d talk to Professor Snape first thing tomorrow.

-

Ever since Kibum had transferred to Ravenclaw, his school experience had become brighter. At first they had been hesitant to accept them in their midst, but with Jinki’s support he’d managed to prove himself as a valid member of the house. It soon became as if he had been part of the house from the very start. The only clear difference was that while most had gotten tired of the riddles they had to answer to enter the tower, he still worked on them with full enthusiasm.

He had a rare moment alone when he was studying in the Library, the place being important enough to him that he still would often visit. He was just about to finish his paper on the magical properties of Basilisk venom when his favorite Gryffindor walked in. He was about to greet him with the usual enthusiasm when he noticed something was off. The boy wasn’t making eye contact and the hair that was usually styled to perfect imperfection lay feebly on his scalp. The bounce in his step seemed to be absent. Before Jonghyun even managed to reach his table Kibum had already packed his things and he stood up to drag the elder out of the library. They needed to be at a place where they could talk. The lack of protest made his heart sink.

With permission of Madam Pince the two entered one of the private study rooms where they would be able to talk without disturbing those who were studying in the general area. When Kibum turned around from closing the door, he found that Jonghyun had slumped down onto one of the chairs, his gaze looked on the feet that he had stretched out in front of him. Kibum bit his lip before dragging the other chair to sit down in front of him, he hesitantly placed his palm on the elder’s shoulder.

“So, what’s up?”

When Jonghyun finally made eye contact the hesitance was clear. He wasn’t just looking at Kibum, he was trying to measure him up, trying to figure out if he was the right person to talk too. Kibum couldn’t help but hold his breath, only able to release it when Jonghyun broke eye contact along with a sigh.

“I- I broke up with my boyfriend.”

Kibum’s heart stopped with the way Jonghyun’s voice broke, never before had he heard him sound so distraught. Jonghyun’s boyfriend hadn’t been a direct part of their friend group, but he would join them on occasion. Whenever they were together the couple seemed to be happy together, but Kibum had no way of knowing what happened behind the scenes, and apparently it was much more than he had imagined.

“I don’t think I’ve told you before, but I’m not homoual as most people assume. I’m a homoromantic aual, which means that even though I can fall in love, I just don’t really feel ual attraction… When I first told my ex-boyfriend he seemed fine with it… But yesterday he made it all too clear that he wasn’t. I couldn’t do anything else but to put an end to it for both our sakes. But even though it was the best thing to do… It still hurts.”

Jonghyun’s voice had been croaky throughout as the tears seemed to heap in his eyes. The last sentence was what it took to get the waterworks starting, a broken sob ripped from his throat. Before Kibum was even really aware of it, he was holding his friend in his arms, silently patting his back as he let it out.

-

Several hours later Kibum had brought Jonghyun back to the dorm room, assured by Minho that he would bring him to bed and take care for him. Kibum would have stayed with him longer, but the school’s curfew didn’t allow it. Over the past hours he had listened to everything that had been on Jonghyun’s mind. Anything from how amazing he had felt during the start of the relationship down to the darker moments where he doubted if he even deserved his boyfriend in the first place. All the doubts he had felt when he was trying to convince himself that he wasn’t really broken after all, and the relief he felt when he found out about auality. It had all been an eye opening experience for Kibum, and he truly felt blessed that he was the one Jonghyun had opened up to.

When Jonghyun had pinned his note to the notice board he hadn’t only hoped to keep someone else from going through the dark times of self doubt alone, he had also hoped that he would find someone he would dare confide in. Fortunately he had managed to do so with Kibum, though it would probably remain a mystery to Kibum as to why he would be more trustworthy than their other friends Jonghyun had known for a lot longer. He was glad, though that Jonghyun trusted him and given him a chance to return the favor.

-

After their conversation in the library, the two were found seeking the other’s company more frequently than before. While it had been due to circumstances during the winter, it was now something the both of them explicitly chose to do.

It had started off as a way to help Jonghyun recover, but it soon became something they would both depend on. Whenever something would happen, they would go look for each other. They would rather wait for the other to finish class than confide in another. Every high and low they went through soon became a combined experience. They had even enchanted pieces of parchment so they could exchange notes during class, even if they were on opposite sides of the building.

Kibum honestly was nothing short of ecstatic about the development. It was as if he had found another part of himself, and he wished that it would never end. He already feared the day that Jonghyun would graduate, because that would strongly stump the communication between the two. And even then he wouldn’t be sure how often they would get to meet up. What would their lives look like once they left Hogwarts? He couldn’t help but bitterly think back on the time that he had been so sure he knew.

He had thought that he would work with his father at the ministry and eventually take over his position once the man was old enough to retire. Now he barely spoke with him anymore. His parents hadn’t take too kindly in his change of behavior. And his change of house had been taken as a stab in the back. By now he was pretty sure that the only reason the pair still acknowledge him was because cutting him off would mean recognizing their own failure.

He had learned to deal with it though. Not only had Jonghyun become a great support, but he had also come to realize that cold relationships were hard to miss. Surely he did wish that he could’ve remained closer to his parents, but he now also knew that they had never really been close in the first place. He had been closer to a product than a child.

-

“So, you and Jonghyun, huh?”

Kibum cursed as he accidentally cut into himself while chopping up his newt spleen. Minho always chose the worst moments to start talking. He quickly healed the wound with a charm he had learned from Madam Pomfrey before turning to the grinning boy. The kid seemed to thrive on dramatic reactions to his questions.

“What’s with Jonghyun and me?”

“Well, are you together?”

Kibum was about to reprimand Minho and tell him that there was nothing going on between Jonghyun and him, but he didn’t quite manage to reach that point. Even though it was true that they were not in a relationship like Onew and Minho were, it wasn’t as if there wasn’t anything going on. Kibum had long since found that he had feelings for the older boy, and they had only continued to bloom as grew closer after the breakup. In his heart they were already together, but in reality they were not.

Minho watched as Kibum turned in on himself, clearly lost in thought as he continued to work on his potion. It was clear that he had long since forgotten that they had been holding a conversation. The tall boy smirked as he also resumed his work, hoping that his boyfriend was booking similar results.

-

Dinner turned out to be an intriguing affair. Minho and Onew didn’t even seem to bother taking a bit as they watched Kibum and Jonghyun interact, their attention levels similar to when they were watching a soccer game. It was clear that both the potential lovers had been caught by surprise at the thought of them potentially getting together and remained relatively silent throughout the meal. Their body language was clear though, and as soon as they had both finished their meals they stood up and left together, probably to find a quiet place where they could talk. Minho and Onew started eating while surrounded by an air of victory.

-

September 1^st found Kibum once again on his way to the Great Hall. Last year he had proudly watched Jonghyun, Onew and several others graduate, and this year it would be his turn. He had promised to keep Jonghyun up to date through owl post, the feeling somewhat nostalgic with how they had started out. Now the sentiment was completely different though. Kibum was no longer confused, and Jonghyun was no longer unsure of himself. The future was still vague, but Kibum knew where he would live in a year’s time once had managed to graduate. In the small little house the two of them would buy, to figure out their future together.

He walked past the fresh batch of Hogwarts students when he caught the words of a particularly snotty looking first year:

“Oh, this is Crabbe and this is Goyle. And my name’s Taemin, Lee Taemin.”