Is it one sided? Or maybe there’s hope?

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Dear crush,

Today again you took a glance at me and made me stare into your eyes. Unknowingly, my heart smiled and I tried my best not to let it showed on my face. This is a very rare chance. Like out of one million, it would happen only once. And this tingling feeling in my chest, what’s this? Maybe I didn’t drink much water, sigh.

Without any warning, you asked me about my ideal type. How am I supposed to answer that? Dear God I hope it wasn’t obvious that I was staring hard at him. How was I supposed to tell Yongguk that my ideal type is someone like him? .....nope. It is him. Calming down I tell you the only thing I’m best at. Being realistic. Telling you that I’m only looking for someone who loves me for being me. Somehow I sounded too eager I was afraid I might have given out too much detail on my little secret. Please, just don’t yet.

Question after another question we almost ended up in an argument. "hey Channie. Between us two, who do you think tends to be more faithful to their partner?" and you insisted that likes of me usually cheat on their partner. What the hell was that supposed to mean?! Sigh, what is this? Damn. I can’t forget everything we talked about and the arguments for days. Even your simple gestures stuck to my mind like they had been glued.  And I had this urge to tell my friends over what we did. But then no one knew this feeling of mine so I could only hold back and bites my tongue each time. And at the end of the day, I’d wish you wouldn’t talk to me or even spare a glance at me because my heart felt so heavy every time you did so. 

Dear heart,

Please be kind to me. Please don’t flutter when Yongguk of all people telling me that I look pretty enough when I don’t think I’m pretty at all. Looking into the mirror and fixing the scarf, he came up to me smiling and said "You're already pretty, Channie. There's nothing to fix." The silly me can only turn to him and puff my cheek before walk away from him trying to hide the smile threatening to show up and the blush that's for sure creeping up my face.

"Hey, Yongguk showed me his gf's pic just now. She's so pretty and I don’t think she's a student from here" OUCH. "I saw he went out with someone for dinner just now. Do you think it’s his gf? It’s one of the freshmen, I think.” Please. Just stop already. I don’t know anything regarding who Yongguk is going out with neither do I need to know everything that he did. It’s nowhere near any of my business. Somehow far at the back I heard a sound of glass breaking and shattering. Well looks like someone is going to get himself bleeding from the broken glass.

Dear me,

How about we stop hoping? Because I’m quite sure he won’t like me the way I like him. How about we stop being happy whenever he comes to sit beside me simply wants to chat, doing his works or even help me out when I’m struggling with my tasks? Because…remember? He doesn’t even remember my name after like a month and a half we enrolled into the college? Heck, we even got into the same class. Till now. Which just showed that he doesn’t have any interest in me at all. Uhhhh. Just what do we do to stop this feeling? Because I’m not sure if I can contain this feels any longer. I’m tired. Of pretending. Of running away. Of averting my eyes from seeing that lockscreen of his each time because I don’t know who is she. Of my friends. And his.  Of his gummy smile that usually brightens my day and has me smiling the whole day.

So today as always I’d pray that Yongguk will stop giving me hopes. I know it’s not his fault. But then, is it my fault to feel like this for him? Every step I take to class is filled with thoughts of the kinds of attention and care he might give me later. Nope. I’m definitely not hoping for any.

Putting my bag and things inside the locker, I take out the books that will be needed for today’s classes. There’s something pink poking out of the books that catches my attention because I don’t remember having any pink bookmarks or even possessing anything pink. As it turns out that it’s a letter from someone I know very well. Very, very well indeed. I can even recognize it from the handwriting if he decided not to put his name at the very end of the page. Tears threatening to fall down as I start to read the letter that is very dear to me.

“Dear Channie,….”

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(a/n)

so, that's it. i wrote this based on my own experience (///) though the ending is different ahaha. 

and the idea to write just came to me. im not sure if i'll ever get the idea again. because i just dont know how and not the type to write >.<

feel free to comment on it ^^~

*EDITED*

(a/n 2)

thank you so much for the views, comments, upvotes and subscribes. you guys moved me to tears T^T

anyway, i think i'll reply to the comments here :)

@himelover : im very sorry but i dont think im gonna make a sequel to this >.< but hey, im working on a new one! :D

@bangbaby : maybe...maybe i'll post the letter some other time... /throws cookies for your eagerness/