Yoongi fidget with his fingers and edges of his sleeves as he stood in the queue, waiting for his turn. His heart thumped loudly against his chest as he witnessed parent by parent, sibling by sibling, turning away from the front, crying their eyes out. Some mothers didn’t even get to turn away. Their knees just grew weak and they collapsed to the ground immediately.

It was his turn and Yoongi carefully placed both his hands at the edge of the wooden makeshift table, leaning down towards the soldier sitting across him. Jeon Jungkook, Yoongi said. The soldier scanned through the list of names carefully, having his finger go through one name at a time so he didn’t miss any. The list was not that long, unfortunately. The soldier looked up at Yoongi with solemn eyes, eyes that he had given to many in line before him but still as sincere as the first, and shook his head. Not on list, he said.

Yoongi stammered as he politely asked the soldier if he could check again. He’s my brother, sir. And he’s very young. Please, Yoongi begged silently. The soldier nodded and go through the list again. Still a no. Yoongi bit his bottom lip and straightened his back slowly, bowing to the soldier to thank him. As he was about to walk away, the soldier spoke. Mister, I know him. I know I’m not supposed to give false hopes but, although he’s not in the list, I’ve not seen his body yet. Yoongi nodded to the soldier and thanked him once again, before walking off.

Yoongi had hoped to go back home to their small apartment with a sigh of relief, a lighter heart. But he knew it wasn’t possible. Not that he thinks Jungkook is weak. He’s young. The youngest soldier. It wasn’t his time to enlist yet but Jungkook insist that he was ready. I’m strong and brave enough, hyung. I’ve trained myself for months. I’m ready. Yoongi didn’t allow him to go. Never did. But Jungkook still went. They didn’t part with a goodbye or a hug, much less a kiss. Yoongi stood by the kitchen, staring at the younger as he hauled his big bag over his shoulder. Jungkook looked at Yoongi long and hard enough before he turned his head away and shut the door behind him.

Yoongi went to the campsite everyday without fail, to queue and check if Jungkook’s name is in the list of survivors. Everyday he came home with a heavier heart. Jungkook was neither in the survivors list, nor the dead. Please be okay. Please come back home. I’m waiting for you, Yoongi thought as he sat in the living room, fiddling with the silver ring that acts as a pendant around his neck.

Jungkook frowned as he opened his eyes and met with the glaring sun from the window. Yoongi chuckled as the younger buried his head into Yoongi’s chest to shield himself from the sun. What time is it, he asked. Time for you to wake up, Yoongi said, kissing the top of Jungkook’s head and his back. Jungkook sighed and looked up at Yoongi. I got something for you, Yoongi said softly. Jungkook’s ears perked at that and turned his body to where Yoongi nudged his head at. On the bedside table, sat a small black box that is undoubtedly with a ring inside. Jungkook took it and snuggled beside Yoongi once again. You know I don’t wear rings right hyung, he commented. Just open it, Yoongi said. Jungkook did and saw that the silver ring has a silver necklace attached to it. Jungkook raised his eyebrows and turned his head to Yoongi. You think I don’t know my own boyfriend, Yoongi said.

I’m very sorry. He’s not on the list. Yoongi nodded, hearing the same words again and again, every day. He turned and walked slowly, about to reach the entrance of the camp when he heard a commotion. Help! Emergency! Emergency! a soldier shouted, helping another soldier through the camp. The soldier looked severely injured; his uniform was badly ripped, blood all over his arms and legs and he didn’t even have the strength to keep himself upright anymore.

Maybe it was fate. Maybe it was their connection. Amongst the many other soldiers and nurses that had came forward to help bring the injured soldier to the shelter, Yoongi still saw his face. Badly bruised and covered in blood but Yoongi still recognised it.

Yoongi didn’t hesitate to think as he rushed towards the shelter where they had brought Jungkook to. He was stopped by a soldier. I’m sorry but you can’t enter beyond this zone, he said firmly, holding Yoongi’s shoulder. Yoongi saw over the  soldier’s shoulder that Jungkook has been laid down on the thin mattress bed as the doctor and nurses tries to aid him. Yoongi turned to the  soldier. That’s my brother sir. Please let me in. He’s my brother! Yoongi said desperately, pointing to Jungkook. He could hear Jungkook’s strained shouts from the shelter.

Namjoon shuts his eyes, hearing the youngest soldier screaming in pain. The least he could do is to let his loved one be by his side. Namjoon took his hands off Yoongi and nodded. Come with me, he said. Yoongi thanked him as he follows Namjoon to the shelter. You can only hold his hand. Do not touch anything else. Do not be in the way of the doctor and nurses. If you do, I’m going to have to drag you out, Namjoon warned him and he nodded quickly.

Yoongi got beside Jungkook and reached for his hand, kneeling beside the bed. Namjoon being one of the higher ranking soldiers, explained to the other soldiers and the medical team for Yoongi’s presence. Yoongi wanted to the younger’s cheeks although covered in blood, to calm him down, to tell him everything is going to be alright. But he promised that he would only hold the younger’s hand. So he didn

Jungkook-ah. I’m here. Can you hear me? You can do this. You’re strong, Yoongi whispered close to his ear as Jungkook panted from screaming and holding in the pain too much. But he heard. He heard the voice he’s been longing to hear for a long time. The voice that had kept him going through the war. The voice that had given him strength to make it to the campsite by himself, keeping in mind he wants to get back to Yoongi. Jungkook turned his head slowly to the side. I’m sorry hyung.

Jungkook was sitting at the back of the military van as they are being transported to their stations. He played with the silver ring around his neck between his thumb and index finger, looking at it. Jungkook regrets. Not about joining the military but leaving without saying anything to Yoongi. He could have at least hugged him even though Yoongi was still angry. He could assure Yoongi again that he’ll be okay. He could have done something to make sure they part with a good note. But he didn’t. He was too egoistic to make the first move.

He felt a nudge on his upper arm and he looked up to the soldier beside him. Jimin smirked. Girlfriend? he asked. Jungkook smiled shyly and shook his head. Boyfriend, he replied. He was expecting the soldier to be stunned or awkwardly stop the conversation but he didn’t. Aha! So there is a someone! Jimin chuckled. Jungkook just smiled and look at his ring. You miss him? he asked. The younger pouted slightly and nodded. Jimin said he missed his partner too. His partner is a military nurse and he said that he hope he would never see Jimin on the medical bed. But then again, he said, he would rather see me on the bed, screaming in pain than in the coffin, just waiting to be buried, Jimin said. I did something wrong before I left, hyung, Jungkook confessed. Jimin didn’t probe on to know what was it he did wrong. He simply said, after this ends, go back and apologise to him the moment you see his face.