The sky is dark, and there are no clouds. There's only darkness and black up above. No stars, or perhaps there are but the light pollution of the city is too strong, though she knows her beating heart is stronger at the moment.

She rushes up the stairs, one at a time, and then two at a time. She hears her neighbor's dog bark at her from the other room, but her vision is too blurry that she can't even see the doorknob clearly. 

She opens the door, and shuts herself in.

Soojung can't sleep, so she calls her sister.

Sooyeon does not pick up even after eighteen tries.

She's left alone in the confinement of her apartment, and still can't succumb to sleep. 

There are twenty-nine missed calls and fifty-three messages plus two emails.

Soojung doesn't read them because she knows they're only explanations. 

She doesn't want explanations; not now.

She just wants him to go away. 

She receives mail the next morning, and an unwanted visitor.

"Soojung, open up." his fist is practically punching her oak door. "Please."

She stares at her front door, it's shaking because of the force he's exerting.

She doesn't need to hold herself back, because she has no intentions of opening it. 

Not for him. "Let me explain! Please, just open the door."

She places her headphones over her ears and places it on maximum volume.

Sunyoung is the first visitor Soojung has had ever since she isolated herself from the real world. 

She offers her tea, and she takes chamomile. "He's been bugging me about you. All the time, every time."

Soojung serves her the drink in a classic teacup and saucer. "Ignore him then. He'll grow tired, eventually."

The older one makes a 'tsktsk' sound while shaking her head. "Oh, Soojung, that is so like you." 

She doesn't know how she got through the next five months, but she did. It was all just a blur of school and home since summer was now officially over and winter was now rolling in because autumn came and went. Soojung hasn't been anywhere else except for her apartment and the university, and she likes it that way better.

"Oh, hey, nice job." Jinri high-fives with her when she spots the big red 'A' that is on the upper left hand of Soojung's term paper.  "Someones' been studying, I see."

Soojung manages to crack a smile. How amusing. "Well, there's nothing to do at home." 

Jinri gives her a look, but doesn't bring anything up. 

On the screen of her laptop, a pixel representation of Sooyeon is smiling up at Soojung while she talks. She doesn't say anything in betwee or interrupts until her little sister is done. "That's good to hear, about school. Are you going to any parties tonight?"

Soojung shifts, and the laptop on her lap moves. She looks away from the videochat with her sister. "Umm, no."

"Why not?" Sooyeon is visibly upset. It shows in the way she frowns at her. "I mean, last year you went with Jongin to this -"

Soojung clears . Her eyes are anywhere but at the camera. "We - we broke up. It's been six months now." 

From the corner of her eyes, she sees her sister looking shocked; like she hadn't expected this at all.

Soojung knew Sooyeon would be like this, because she hadn't expected it all either. It was all so sudden.

"Oh, but - but I liked him. He was so nice to you."

"I know, I liked him too." 

A lot. 

Soojung ends up spending Christmas alone, it's the first time she has ever since she came to Korea.

She buys herself cheap champagne and cooks some lasgana which ends up getting burnt but she eats it anyway, telling herself it isn't all that bad. She watches holiday movies and later on reruns of Running Man and Gag Concert, and those shows are enoguh to lift her spirits up, but then it's midnight, and she's drunk on the bottle of champagne she finished all by herself. 

She looks for her phone and almost turns her apartment upside down because of it, but it's nowhere to be found. 

Sighing, she gives up and lies on the couch.

She turns off the TV, and she can hear the party next door being in full swing.

Soojung is reminded of exactly four years ago, when she first met him on Christmas Day.

She was new, and practically a foreigner but then she met Jinri in school and later on Sunyoung, who proved to be a good senior. They introduced her to other friends, and Sunyoung introduced her to Jongin. 

"Kim Jongin," he grabbed her hand and shook it firmly. "But just Jongin."

Soojung thought he was marvelous.

He thought she was too. 

Two years later, she said 'yes' to his question of 'will you be my girlfriend?'

A year later, he told her he had to end it. End them.

Soojung is still hung up on 'why' as she sleeps with tear-stained cheeks, because all she can remember is Kim Jongin and how handsome he was when they first kissed under a mistletoe exactly a year ago. 

"Are you okay, Soojung?"

"I'm fine." 

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