Seulgi feels it under her skin long before it actually hits her. She sees it in her mind's eye like a flashing red light that only grows brighter and bigger with each day that passes. She ignores it and hopes that it'll go away, but with every day that she trains and pushes herself past her limit, with every day that people give up and leave, she takes another step towards the flashing light, until she's face to face with it.

On that day, Seulgi wakes up and doesn't feel like moving. Heavier than her usual reluctance, heavy like someone sitting on her, a shape made up of her doubts and her insecuries, of all the questions that she's asked herself without any answers. She feels paralyzed by this fear that all of this - all of her training, her years of effort, years of secrets and her bubble of dreams - will go to waste. Seulgi closes her eyes and wiggles her fingers, tries to remind herself that she's still alive, but she just feels so endlessly tired. She feels tired beyond her aching muscles, which complain because she stayed up again last night and practiced on the rooftop, near the door to the stairs where the only light source is. She feels tired beyond anything she's ever known, like all of the energy has been taken out from her and she can only think, 'Tired, tired, so tired.'

Seulgi doesn't get out of bed that day and she misses school and training for the first time. At the end of the day, she's on her side, knees tucked and curled up against herself, tears steadily going across her face and adding to the damp pillow beneath her cheek. She doesn't sleep that night, so she thinks about what she could have dreamed about, had she been asleep. She thinks she would have dreamt about getting ice cream after school with her friends instead of dieting before an inspection. She thinks she would have dreamt about late-night, loud group karaoke to American pop and words that mean nothing instead of an empty room whose acoustic walls bounce every pitchy note and mistake back in her face so she can feel it hurt. She thinks she would have dreamt about crushes and dates, shy glances and intertwined fingers, instead of the dull, constant beating in her chest that only reminds her that she's still alive.

Around five in the morning, when her eyes are dry, but her arms are still crossed across her shins and she's still trying to make herself as small as possible, she hears her door push open. She closes her eyes because she wasn't expecting anyone to come looking for her, and she doesn't want anyone to come looking for her because that doesn't help her disappear. Her bed sinks to one side and she feels a thumb brush under her swollen left eye, rubbing against the dry skin there. There's a kiss pressed against the top of her exposed ear, warm, and then Joohyun says, "Roll over."

Seulgi obeys and rolls to face the wall, inching herself a little bit closer, and the blanket is pulled upwards as Joohyun slides in behind Seulgi and wriggles an arm into the gap between Seulgi's stomach and her bent legs, holding her close.

Seulgi thinks about the patch of tears that might be pressed against Joohyun's cheek and wonders if Joohyun has ever felt like this. She wonders if Joohyun has ever cried like this, and if anyone has ever comforted Joohyun like this. She wonders if she's the only one who has hit rock bottom like this, even though she knows it's not true.

Joohyun pulls Seulgi a closer to herself and Seulgi lets her arms come loose, her legs unfold a little bit.

"It's alright to be sad," Joohyun mumbles against Seulgi's neck in a way that makes Seulgi shiver. Seulgi lets out a sob and covers with her hand, wanting to listen to Joohyun's words and not the thoughts in her head screaming failure.

"We'll get through this," Joohyun continues, her thumb tracing circles against the fabric of Seulgi's shirt. Seulgi pulls her hand away and lays it on top of Joohyun's, presses it harder against herself.

"Together?" Seulgi asks, dry and her voice desperate. She doesn't want Joohyun to lie to her, but she isn't sure she could handle anything but a promise right now, even if it ends up broken like countless others.

"Together," Joohyun says, her voice lower than usual, firmer than usual, and Seulgi tries to imagine the grimace on Joohyun's face right now and closes her eyes again.

"Okay," she breathes in response, and breathes in again. She feels like Joohyun is the new weight attached to her, one so different from the shape before. Joohyun is the weight of their hands together, Joohyun pulling Seulgi forward and keeping Seulgi going.

Seulgi falls asleep and dreams about noise, about Joohyun's back just barely in front of her, about streaks of pink in Joohyun's ponytail and a silver headband held in by a handful of bobby pins. She dreams about her arms held up by Joohyun's sides, her palms up, and Joohyun intertwining their fingers together as other faceless people smile and laugh with them at Joohyun's playfulness. She dreams about Joohyun's smile, a countdown, and whispers that sound like, "We made it."

When she wakes up, she wakes up to Joohyun's humming and a lingering warmth behind her that is growing colder. She rolls over and sees Joohyun going through her closet. The bedframe squeaks and Joohyun is quick to come back over, one of Seulgi's favorite button-ups hanging over one arm as she leans over and rubs her thumb under Seulgi's left eye again. Seulgi looks up at Joohyun with her right eye squinting.

"How are you?" Joohyun asks with a small smile and brings her hand down to cup Seulgi's cheek instead.

The light burns yellow now, a steady warning for Seulgi - "Slow down," it says, instead of the daunting red from before that begged her to stop. 'Slow down,' she thinks to herself, eyes closed again until she feels Joohyun's hand leave her face and grab the neckline of her shirt instead, shaking her.

"Get out of bed, you bum," Joohyun laughs, Seulgi opening her eyes just in time to catch Joohyun's eyes curling shut in delight as her teeth show. "And wear this-" she tosses the button-up into Seulgi's face. "It's my favorite."

"Better," Seulgi answers finally once she's sat up and when Joohyun in back at her closet, looking for something to "borrow" that Seulgi will probably never get to wear again.

Joohyun only hums softly once in acknowledgement, her eyes glancing over one of Seulgi's sweaters.

"You don't have to run," Joohyun reminds Seulgi later, their hands pressed together tightly, Joohyun leading the way back to the company. "We'll get there."

Seulgi stares at the back of Joohyun's head wonders how she can be so confident.

"Together," Joohyun promises. "We'll get there together, so you don't have to run."

Seulgi wants to believe her, so she keeps going.