Dedicated to my bean <3

We watch him dance, sing, laugh, cry, perform, and act like dorks. We watch him through a screen rather in person, trying to find the highest quality video, to satisfy our hunger for his image.

When we’re sad, we listen to his beautiful voice, no matter how many lines he gets. When his part comes on, a small, unknowing smile makes it’s way to our faces and our heart feels all warm and fuzzy. Those three seconds he sings makes our entire day, that much better.

It’s hard, living on the other side of the world from the one we love so much. Most of us have probably never even seen them in person, let alone breath the same air as they do.

We dream of a day when we’d come face to face, being one of the girls he shook hands with, even if he doesn’t remember our names.

The poster that’s taped on our walls is the closest thing to him we can get. From time to time we look at it and sigh, wondering when that day would come, when we’d meet him.

 

 

 

 

 

No matter when we started loving him, it’s the same for us who share the love. Since trainee days we watched him grow, sending our support over the oceans to where we think it’ll reach him.

He may have not been the best singer or dancer at first, but he worked so hard to come to the place he is today. And we were so happy when we saw their debut.

He was a bit clumsy, the nervousness was evident on his sweaty face, but that was okay. He worked hard for the stage, he fought for his place.

And we continued to watch him closely. We made sure he wasn’t hurt from over practicing or tripping on thick wires from the stage.

When he falls or gets injured, we want to take the first flight to him, but we can’t.

We’re so young, and he’s so far away. Sometimes it seems that he’s unattainable.

 

 

 

 

 

Parents don’t understand that we stay up past midnight, waiting for that new music video, or performance to come out. We research more that we do for school projects on when live performances broadcast or where their flying next for a show.

And when we see his face, the feelings indescribable. His smile can brighten up our day, bringing our own smile to our faces. It’s soft and cute, yet somehow overwhelmingly y, the way he winks toward the camera or bites his lip from time to time. When we notice his cute habit of playing with his fingers or poking his cheek with his tongue, touching his other members subtly to ensure them that they’re there, all of the little things they do, we notice.

 

 

 

 

 

But maybe he doesn’t know that we’re out here. Whether our letters, cries, screams, and tears reached him, we’d probably never know. We wonder if when he say, “I love you all,” if he meant us who are half way across the world or just the thousand that were able to make it in time.

How many times have we heard that he’s a waste of our time that he’ll never see us, which he doesn’t even know we exist? The people who cant accept the cultural difference find it “exotic”,  “weird” and sometimes “repulsive.”

But we protect him and their music with all our hearts. We’re weak and frail, but there are so many more of us that we seem powerful. We valiantly protect him when scandals arise, but inside our hearts cry and pray that it’s not true. Sometimes, we’re broken on the inside, and we feel like only he can fix us.

 

 

 

 

 

Sometimes we live in places we know for sure, he’d never visit. There just wasn’t anything special about the places we live in, and it disheartened us every time we received news of another concert or fan meet.

But no matter how close or far he, we always hold him dearly in our hearts, wishing one day that we’d come face to face.

A lot of the times, we don’t have the money. We envy those who could pay for those expensive tickets to get the best seats, the best cameras and connections. But thanks to those people we can watch all the fan cams of him.

As our eyes follow him on stage, we pretend we’re at the concerts, waving the glow sticks in the sea of color.  We mouth the fan chants as he sings and again, we smile when his parts come on, no matter how small it is.

The clip is too short for us and we look for more. After countless clicks, we realize the more we watch, the more we love him, but the more we yearn for him. He’s so far, can we ever reach him?

 

 

 

 

 

When the news came out that he got a girlfriend, we cried. We begged that it wasn’t true, but who are we to have a say? Can he not love someone the way we love him?

Wars sprout on the Internet, comments flood forums, bashing on him and we still try to protect him. We split sides, some of us lose faith, and some of us feel too weak to continue.

Does he know that we fight so hard for him?

But this is also okay, because our love is true, and we’ll support him through everything, even if it hurts.

 

 

 

 

 

We heard news that he cried on stage. During his message, we clutched tightly onto our pillows, blankets, or ourselves. He was in tears, choking on his words as he told us his message.

He said that he was so grateful for every single one of us. No matter where we were, he loved us and hoped to meet us. Thanking us for our undying love and support, he bowed lowly and lifted his head to show us wet eyes. He thanked us for not giving up on him or forgetting him when he felt like we did.

And then he sang a song. This time he might have received more lines than usual, or ended up in the middle for the dances, but somehow, it felt different.

It was