Lost memory
Lost memoryI wake up and to my shock, he is infront of me, smiling crazyly as always. Although I'm used to it, it still annoyed me. I can't remember quite well when he came to my life but I can't forget how and when I realized that I'm the only person in this wide world who can see him. It was when I first woke up from my coma in the ward which was two years ago and I had amnestic syndrome. It's not that I can't remember all of my memories, I can still remember some of my memories like my family and about my personal information. It's just that I can't remember what happened before this happened and what did I do, where were my school, who were my friends, teachers and something about that.
'He' was infront of me and I asked who was him but maybe silence is his languange. He had never talk. It made things worse. Then my mom came in and I asked her who was him but she looked shocked and confused. She asked me who did I saw, I just answered I saw someone, a boy, around in age of 15 or 16, his hair was black like a pearl, his skin was white pale, hazelnut-like-eyes, girlish lips, straight-edged nose. When I first saw his face I thought he was like maybe a prince from any country but then I looked at what were he wearing my thought changed. He wore torn white t-shirt and black pants with a pair of ripped shoes. My mom suddenly changed the topic. Then I asked my sister but her reaction just as same as my mom's. All of the people and pupil around me except for my family think that I'm a crazy and weird boy. I tried to explain to my mom but when I talked about that, her expression changed to sadness so I just kept the grudge until now. It's weird but what can I do?
I ignore him and look at my alarm clock beside my bed on my table lamp. It's seven o'clock. I quickly take my towel and walk into my toilet just infront of my bed. It takes just three steps. My room is for someone as lazy as me. It's not so big but not too small. When I'm about to ing my pyjama, like lightning, he stand in front of me with tounge out, teasing me. "Could you get out! I just want to shower!"
"Son, could you cut it and faster?! You'll be late!" I think my mom heard it from downstairs. 'He' giggles and walks out of my toilet or more like run. I really, really hate him. He always teases me anywhere no matter what time. I continue my bath and go to school by bus.
I sit on my seat while pairs of eyes gazing at me. I'm used to it. Of course I had no friend and my greds started to low because of 'him'. "Thehun! Anthwer thith quethtion." Did he says Sehun? Me? I hesitantly go to the front and take a marker from the teacher's table and there I stop. I didn't pay any attention in classes because of 'him', again. He always play with my pens, my hair, my bag and everything. Mr. Lee noticed my long paused. "What'th wrong with you?! You uthed to be a thmart kid. Anybody want to help him?" As if someone want to help me. I had never talked to any of them except like 'excuse me' , or sent messages from teachers. "Me!" The smartest girl in our class. She's kinda famous. Well she's smart, has nice appereance and personality and not too talkative. "You're lucky thomeone want to help you. Thit back at your theat and pay attention!" I go back to my theat. I mean seat... While I'm walking, I'm passing her, she stopped, " 'Something's' bothering you, huh? 'Something' that you can't explain. That nobody can see." Then, while I'm being shock and confuse, she continues her walk and write the answer smoothly. Something? 'Him'? If yes than how did she know? Can she see 'him'? Who's she? "What're you waiting for, Thehun? Continue your walk and thit!" I continue my walk . Maybe this is the chance for me to know the truth about him and maybe she knows about my past. I tried to ask my family many times before but they always suddenly talked about something else that were not related to my question, so I gave up.
Bell ringing. Means time for break. Before she could go to canteen, I rush towards her. "W.. wait! C.. can I talk to you for a minute?" I'm stuttering. It has been a while since I talked to somebody. She look hesitant. "Erm. Are you sure for 'a minute'?" She bold the 'a minute' words. Seriously? Is that a joke? Should I laugh? "Ha.. Haha.. Erm. I meant for minutes. Heh." She smiled. "Okay then" . Then I lead her to the school field and we sit on a bench.
"So, what actually you want to talk about? It's making me nervous. You don't usually talk at class."
"Oh. Heh. Actually I want to ask you about just now."
"Just now?
"Yeah. About when you said 'something's bothering me' when you're passing by me. Do you know what's happening actually?
"Oh. Hermm. I.. don't think.. I said that." She look down. Trying to avoid my eyes while her lips form a grin.
"Wait.. But.. " Obviously she said it! Is she hiding something from me?
"I have to go now. Recess time is passing. " She walk, leaving me whithout anything except confusion.
I sigh. What's happening actually?
I'm getting frustrate. And angry. I look at 'him' who is beside me with a sharp gaze. He look flustered.
"Who are you?" No answer as always.
"I repeat. Who. Are. You." My voice is getting low. His mouth is opening. I wait. Then his mouth close again. I can't take it anymore. "Follow me." I walk towards the school gate trying to go out. The guard is trying to stop me but I don't care anymore. I want to settle this outside of the school. Some place that are quiet. If I can touch 'him' I'll definitely grab his hand and drag him with me but I can't do that and anyways he will still follow me wherever I go.
I walk, walk and walk. Faster, faster and faster. He follow, follow and follow. After minutes, we are under a bridge kinda far from school so that no one can find us. I mean me. I stop. He stop. " I want to settle it now. Speak. Answer me. Who are you?" Silence. "Why are you here?!" My voice get louder. " WHY ARE YOU RUINING MY LIFE?!" Louder. He shocked. Tears in his eyes. I don't care. I just want him to answer me that's all and I'll get this thing over. I don't want to see him anymore. I don't want him to ruin my life anymore. I'm sick of it. I sigh. "Look, if you don't want to answer me than how.. ugh!" I don't know what to say anymore. It's useless. I run. Run towards nowhere. Rain suddenly pouring. Just like in the drama. It's pouring like tears in my eyes falling, wetting my cheecks. It has been 20 minutes since I run with no plan to go to. Without looking left and right, I run across the street but then, without any warning, I feel something hard and heavy hit me like a flash of light. And everything turn black.
"Sehun! Are you okay?" From far away, footsteps can be heard running closer to Sehun. "Don't look at me!" Sehun turned his body, don't want to face Suho who was worrying about him.
"Look, it's okay to cry. "
"No, It's not okay. I'm weak just like what they said! But I don't want to be weak! "
"Outside is not important. What's inside is important."
"I don't care! I'm still weak. I can't even won the game. I'm the one who got beaten up!"
"Listen! Okay, A strong man can carry loads but can that strong figure try to carry the loads that've been in his heart? "
"So? It have nothing to do with me!"
"Even if you're not strong outside but you have a strong heart, you won't give up! You'll try, try and try! And you'll get the result."
"But what if I don't get what I want?"
"There'll be something much better than what you want. And maybe what you want is not good for you but God knows more what is the nest for you. Trust me. I promise. Youll get what you worked for."
"Ughh. Whatever! I'm sick of being weak. You don't understand me!"
"Yes, you're right I don't understand you but please.. If I'm not with you anymore, I hope you can be strong by heart. Just dont give up." Suho smiled. Angelicly Sehun still can't control his emotion he don't even care about what Suho said. Before Sehun could face Suho, a big and heavy fist land on Suho's face. Sehun panicly ran to Suho who was lying groaning of pain on the school's floor.
"What's wrong with you guys?! If you want to fight, fight with me not him. You said I'm the one who make the team lost!"
"Tch! Fight with you, whiner? Ha. Ha. So funny. Whiner like you should'nt have been in the school's rugby team because you. are. weak! Just say sorry and I won't hurt you, little boy."
"What did you say? Whiner? You're the one who should say sorry to me, you...!" Sehun who can't kept the grudge anymore, stoped by Suho. A cold and sweaty hand grabed Sehun's fist which was in the air, ready to fight. "Sehun, just say sorry. Just let it go!" " I won't!" Sehun ignored Suho who was trying to stand to stop Sehun from the useless fight. He knew Sehun very well since Sehun was a kid until know, 15 years old. Suho who was the one to take care of Sehun like a brother. Sehun can't control his emotion sometimes, and Suho was the one who always tried to calm him down. The guy took a bat which was just on his left, just 2 steps from him. Without hesitate, he swung the bat tried to hit Sehun's head.
"No! " Bang!! Blood all over Suho's head. Sehun, who was pushed by Suho, hit the pot which was not too far from them. Suho's last heavy breath end with a glance on Sehun which his head was bleeding, looking at him. Sehun's tears that had been hidden finally burst, wet the floor. And everything turned dark like the darkness of his memory.
"Huh! Huh! W.. What was that? " My pant can be heard clearly in the wide ward.
"Sehun? You're awake! Oh, son, I was worried about you when someone tell me that you had an accident. This is the second time your head injured! Oh! I should tell the doctor. The ward's bell is not working so you just wait here and let me tell the doctor, okay?" Mom kiss my head and walk out of the ward leaving me confuse. What was I dreaming? Is that a dream? Why was 'he' in my dream? I look around the ward. He's not with me. I should be happy right now but my curiousity is stronger. He was in my dream but why was it feIt so real? Was I seeing a ghost this whole years? I'm sure 'she' must know something about it. I must find her and end this curiosity. Whithout hesitate, I rip off all the medication thingy, I don't know what they call it. I run faster with the patience's uniform still on me and a bandage wraping my injured head. All the people around me looking at me like I'm a weirdo, well actually this situation is really weird but I can't care about a thing. I have to find the truth. Eventhough school time has ended, I know she is still in the school. She always stayback because she is one of the badminton club members. They stayback almost everyday so there is a big possibility she is still in the school. I pass through the line that differentiate the school area with not-school-area and I can see her sitting, drinking water. I take this opportunity to ask her.
"Huh! Huh! Hey, t.. tell me. I..it is true right? You know about 'him'!" I'm tired of running but I must ask her, if not I'll feel uneasy until I know the truth. She look at me from head to toes but I don't have time to explain.
"What.. is.."
"Please.. I don't have time to explain. Please, I really need to know. I dreamt about 'him', the one who only me can see. If I'm not wrong, the name is Suho. I know you knew something about it."
"Hmm.. Guess I must explain. Well, that was not a dream."
"So, he is a ghost? And after I dreamt about him, he is not with me. Like right know. Please explain to me from A until Z."
"Okay. Actually he is not a ghost nor an invisible man or whatever. He's.. actually your.. memory."
"Wait, what? I don't understand."
"He is your 'lost memory'. You don't remember about 'him', which is part of your memory that was important to you but you lost it in the incident. And he was searching for it, his place, which is your memory and only the one who own the memory can see his/her memory. "
I can't open my mouth. I can't say anything. It is like I'm dreaming but I'm not that stupid to not realize that I'm in reality. I have heard about this kind of story but I thought it was just a myth. And now I know that the story I heard was real. And I walked in the 'unmyth-like-myth-world' without realizing it.
"You should know actually there are a lot of lost memories around us.. searching for their places.. searching for their owners.. searching for minds that have forgotten them. The owners too are searching for their memories. But.. most of the owners will feel regret when they found their memories because the memories were important to them. You'll understand what I said about 'regret' if you think about it again. Hmmm.. So, I've done explain it for you. It's up to you to believe me or not." She continue.
She walk away leaving me behind like last time but this time she left behind something that I was searching. And it all solved now. But I'm not satisfied. I'm not happy. I thought I would be happy if 'he' has gone but why I'm feeling sad? I feel bad.
These whole years searching for my lost memory, turn to regret. It's all too late. I had never imagine that I want to lose my memory.. so that, he could stay with me.. forever.
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