With my head down, I walk toward my classroom. The sound of chatter already can be heard. Yes, my classroom is the noisiest of all. Full of kingkas, queenkas, and any other kind of teenagers. I sit on the front row near the door. I stare blankly at the empty chalkboard infront of me. The sound of laughs can be heard, looks like my classmates are having fun.

I sit there for 15 minutes watching my fellow classmates. They're talking to each other and laughs, taking a selca together, hugging, and so on. But no words, are being spoken to me. They didn't even bother to look at me, let alone talk to me. A girl entered the room and skipping happily toward her deskmates. How good is it to share the laughters? How does it feel to share the tears? 

I walked home in the usual path i took. I stopped at the small house and sigh. I entered the house and found an emptyness. No one's home. Not until 7PM when the guy I called father come home. I guess I'm doing a great job at being a wallflower wherever I go? A knock on the front door startled me. I look at the clock in the dinning room, it's 5. Who could it be? Dad? 

I opened the door and see two man in a black suit wearing a sunglasses. I stared at them blankly. Who are they? 

When one of them take off his sunglasses, I immedietly shut the door and locked it. My heart's beating fast. I ran to my room and locked it as well. I squat down at the corner of my room and shut my eyes and cover my ears. It's the debt collector. It's the bad guys. They're here to take the only thing I can call mine.

I find it hard to breath. I gasp for air. My hand reach the inhaler and I inhale it hard. Tears finally fell down. The tears escaped my eyes and leave a trace along my cheeks until it fell to the floor. The pain is back. It's hurting again, like before. I feel a hand grasp my heart tightly and squeeze it. The unbearable pain spread to my body. The painful memories find its way to my mind. Like a film at the back of my mind. It needs to stop. This pain needs to stop. This life needs to stop.

I can't bear the weight of the world, not alone.

I woke up in the same position as last night. Squatting down in the corner. No wonders I can't feel my legs. I look at the clock. It's 6:00 AM. School start at 7, there's one hour left. I stand up and walk toward the bathroom. Once I go out from my room, I see no one. Just an empty bowl of ramyun in the sink. I sigh. Maybe the only thing what's mine, is not truly mine. 

I wash the empty bowl first then tied my hair up to shower. As the water kiss my skin, the memories start aching back. I close my eyes and wish the pain would just go away, washed in the shower. The unbearable shame, the unbearable pain, the careless dad, the plenteous debts, the lonely life. I wish and wish and wish, it would all go away. 

After wearing my school uniform, I join my shoe laces and get ready for school. For the last day. 

I walk to the school with decisive footsteps and for once, with my chin held up high. 

First period is PE. I changed to my PE outfit and look at the teacher who is explaining how the test will be done. Today my class will have a running exam. I need to run for 2 km during at least 9 minutes. I can see that everyone is excited. Pretty sure everyone will be aiming to be number one, or the fastest one to finish. But not me. I'm aiming for death. I have a weak body and an asthma. So basically, if I force myself at this running exam, I'll pass away. That's why I can't wait to run until my very last breath and leave this cruel world. 

I'm a misfit. I'm cursed. I'm broken. I'm no one. I'm lonely. 

No one will miss me anyway, I have nothing to lose if I pass away. My dad won't miss me, let alone my mom. Friends? Now that's funny, I do not have friends. The curse, remember? 

The boys go first, while the girls will be sitting in the bleachers cheering for them. I sit on the top and eyeing my classmates one by one. If I leave, will there be someone out here missing me? 

The teacher blow a whistle, signaling the boys are done. And the fastest one is Mark. Second is Jackson. Third is Youngjae and JR. 

I know them, I know all of my classmates. What's their name, what they like, what they don't like, what kind of people are they. Because being a wallflower means, you see things, you keep quiet about them, and you understand.

The girls are getting ready behind the starting line. I stand in the left, next to my 4th grade friend-oh I mean, my 4th grade classmate, Haejin. 

When a whistle blow signaling it's starting, I sprint. With all energy I have, I run. Run like there's no tomorrow, cause there will be no tomorrow for me. This is the end of the story of a lonely girl. A friendless and cursed loner. 

Without me knowing, it's already hard for me to breath. I can feel my lungs burning. I can see it's starting to blur. But I ignore all the pain, I ignore it all. One single tear escaped my eye, and I realized. What if I'm the reason, the fighting spirit to keep my dad alive? Truth is, I'm scared. I'm scared about death. I don't wanna die. 

But it's too late to think that way. As I make an entrance to the finish line, I know my lungs can't take it anymore. With my eyes close and a faint smile, I whisper. 

"Goodbye..."

And then, there's a black out. But no, the black out I was waiting for did not come. Don't tell my I'm not dead yet? Or this is what heaven look like?