“Seungwan,” Sehun called from the back door, his height noticeable among many. “I’m starving, come on.”

She greeted him with a familiar smile, “I’ll be right there,” and hurriedly got the bag resting on top of her desk. This was a routine they would do every single day; a routine Sehun knew would forever be in their system.

“Again, there’s always a need for me to come fetch you,” he took out his hand from his pocket, palms exposed. “Where to after going to the cafeteria, the rooftop?”

Wendy then handed the lunch box, “because it’s not only your family that adores me, but you as well,” she said with a chuckle. “And yes, we’ll eat at my favorite place today.”

“Yeah, right.” He placed an arm over her shoulders, “let’s hurry or they’ll run out of your favorite bread rolls!”

She playfully pushed away his arm to run, and Sehun chased after her as if they were playing tag. By the time they got to see how crowded the area was, Wendy’s face fell with the realization that she might not be able to buy her favorite bread rolls after all. “Let’s just go,” she said with a weak smile while taking Sehun’s hand.

“Wait,” Sehun tugged away his hand and ran towards the swarming people to get to the counter.

“What you’re doing’s hopeless, you know,” Wendy shouted for him to hear her, but Sehun was too preoccupied negotiating with the lunch lady.

He turned away from the counter, head low as if he was disappointed. “I’m sorry,” he muttered. “But the lunch lady couldn’t resist my charm and gave me the last bread roll for today,” he said with a wink as he took out from his coat the what she loves to eat most.

And her smile was beyond compare, “you’re the best!” She took his arm and dragged him out of the place, “come on, for today we’ll eat at your favorite place.”

“That’s something I’d like to hear often,” he laughed as he kept up with her pace.

“You’ve loved this big, old tree ever since we were little. Why is that?” It wasn’t a question that would catch him off guard, but Sehun couldn’t answer. “You can tell me anything,” she said, giving it one last push.

“I know,” was always the answer he gives while looking at her with gentle eyes, and he knew she would never notice that. This was the place where they would always meet and play when they were little kids. Since it was just a few minutes away from their school, coming often to reminisce their childhood was never a problem. And this big tree planted here was a witness to their growing friendship.

“Okay then,” she set aside the containers and stretched. “You know what? You should come eat with us since your parents won’t be home for another week,” she rested her head on his lap, “I’m sure auntie wouldn’t mind me babysitting you.”

Sehun then looked at her with judgmental eyes, “you just want me to sleep over.”

“What?” Wendy sat up and gave him a punch on the arm making Sehun rub the area she hit to convince her that he got hurt and they laughed. “No I don’t,” she continued, “it’s just that your parents are always overseas and I know you get lonely.”

“It’s not too bad since I have the place all to myself but,” he patted her head, “I’ll sleep on your bedroom floor for this week so that you wouldn't be haunted by your nightmares.”

“Do as you wish,” she said with a big smile. “And why  do you think I have them?”

His smile vanished in an instant, “I’m so—“

Wendy’s hands suddenly cupped Sehun’s face that made him stop from talking, “it was just a joke, don’t take it seriously, and I’m sorry.”

“But—“

She then squished his face a bit more, “no. It’s not your fault, so please stop blaming yourself. We were kids and there was no way in hell you could have saved me from drowning. I slipped and fell in the pool, that’s that.” She grabbed his hand and gave it a squeeze, her smile comforting him. And that was something he had always loved about her; any of your worries would be gone the moment she makes you feel safe. “That was a long, long time ago and I’m not blaming anyone for it.”

He chuckled and had his other hand caress her head, “thank you.”

“If it’s you, anything,” she smiled. “We better get going or we’ll be late for P.E.”

“Seungwaaaaaaan,” Sehun sang as he ran after her. “Do I have to wait for you again?”

“Yes, Sehun” she laughed, “or you won’t have dinner tonight. I’ll just change my clothes and I’ll meet you by the school gates.”

“Why do you even change into your swimwear when you’re not even swimming?”

“I just want to feel like I’m actually joining you guys even if I’m not,” she smiled. “Anyway, I’ll see you later.”

“Alright,” he nodded in agreement. “Make you sure you lock the door so that no one else can go in.”

She shook her head with a smile and went to the restroom. Since most of the school population are boys, Sehun knew how impatient they are, enough to barge into the girl’s cubicles just so they can have their turn in changing clothes.

Wendy got in the cubicle and quickly removed her shirt because of how sweaty she felt. “Make sure you lock the door so that no one else can go in,” she remembered Sehun say and laughed at the thought. But to make sure, she walked towards the door to lock it only to find out that it’s already opening.

Wendy screamed loud enough to startle the man behind the door. “,” he quickly averted his gaze away from the topless Wendy and closed the door. “I’m so sorry! It wasn’t locked so I thought no one was in here.”

He then heard her laugh moving closer towards the door. Wendy came out of the cubicle only to find the man completely red, which made her laugh all the more. “You should see how red your face is.”

“Because it’s my first time sneaking in and I end up barging into a topless woman,” his voice strained from all the humiliation. “I really am sorry about that,” his head hung low to avoid eye contact.

“I can’t say that it’s fine, but since it already happened there’s nothing more we can do,” she chuckled. “I’m sorry for startling you like that, you surely had caught me off guard. But thank you for being gentleman enough to apologize personally.” She then patted his shoulder and started to walk away, “you can use the cubicle now.” And his gaze followed her figure until she’s out of his sight.

Wendy came walking towards Sehun with a big smile on her face. “Did something happen?”

“It’s nothing,” she laughed. “A guy just accidentally barged in my cubicle while I was changing.”

“What?” Sehun’s face was more serious than what Wendy had imagined. “I told you to lock the door.”

She forgot about the laughable encounter the moment she saw Sehun’s expression. “Easy there, tiger. I forgot to lock the door, he opened it but quickly went out and waited for me outside so that he could apologize.” She laughed, “he didn’t see my hot body, but you should have seen how red his face was from being embarrassed.”

“Are you sure you’re alright with that?”

“Yes,” she chuckled and took his arm. “Let’s go?”

Sehun sighed out of frustration. He couldn’t do anything about the situation and it sure wasn’t alright for him, but he didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if she’s not bothered at all. “Next time, I’ll go with you,” he brought her closer by the head.

“Why, because you want to see me change?” Wendy pulled away.

Sehun laughed, “as if,” and he was just a meter away from her.

The 15-minute walk with her from and to school was something Sehun had always treasured; the silence residing between them made him comfortable – secure – the more he absorbed it. “Hey,” Wendy turned to look at him, still walking. “How many years have we been close friends?”

“The years we’re aware that we’re friends?” He chuckled.

“Yes,” she laughed with him, “the years wherein our mothers didn’t agree to schedule our playdates.”

Sehun thought hard; 5 years? 10 years? 15 years? He wasn’t sure, but he knew that most of the memories he had from his childhood was of her. He shrugged, “maybe a decade?”

“It’s been a decade of going home together with you!”

They laughed in accord, “I think it’s quite impossible for us to not go home together since our houses are next to each other.”

“And we promised each other that we’ll go home together no matter what. Moreover, this is the only way home so you really have no choice but to stick with me,” she giggled. Wendy turned her back from him and started walking ahead, her hair moving with the direction of the wind. They started to hear the grade crossing signals, “the train’s coming,” she said with a voice that’s a bit louder than normal.

Sehun stopped walking to look at her – to just look at her – and think of how his heart would skip a beat the moment he sees her, how he would catch himself holding his breath because of how overwhelmed he is of her presence, how this smart, funny, beautiful woman in front of him was so close but still so far away. She was everything he ever wanted, and how serene he felt when they were together was something he wanted to cherish. “Seungwan,” he called with a shaky voice.

And before Wendy could answer, the thrashing sound of the tough iron bars enveloped them. She turned to look only to find Sehun’s eyes gently gazing at her. She spoke with the toughest her lungs could do in order to be heard, “what did you say?”

All that Sehun could do was smile but his eyes reflected how his heart was slowly being crushed by his own hands. He shook his head, and said “nothing,” as an answer after the train had passed. He couldn’t just throw it at her; he didn’t want to jeopardize what they’ve had for years. “Let’s hurry up or we won’t make it in time for dinner.”

“Yes!” And the kind of smile she had was something he wanted to see even if he couldn’t hold her.

“Thank you for having me auntie,” Sehun greeted the moment he entered the house. “Again,” he added with a chortle.

The lean, short-haired woman gave Sehun a peck on the cheek and cupped his face. “You’re growing more handsome every time I see you.”

Wendy snickered, “stop making his ego taller than he is, mom.” Sehun made a face and she did the same.

“Alright,” her mom laughed. “Come on and eat.”

Wendy’s 5-year-old brother, Seojun, came running down only to be lifted by Sehun. “Oppa!”

Sehun let out a quiet chuckle. “Seojunnie, it should be ‘hyung’. Your ugly eonnie right there,” he pointed at Wendy, “should be the one calling me oppa.”

“I’m older by months, oppa,” Wendy stuck her tongue out making Seojun and Sehun snigger on the way to the dining table.

“Hyung, hyung, hyung,” Seojun called as he lifted both his arms to play with Sehun’s hair. “Can we play later?”

“Only if you finish your meal,” Mrs. Son demanded as the little boy sat beside him. Seojun’s expression turned sour making the three of them laugh.

“Where’s dad,” Wendy asked.

“He’s working overtime so he won’t be joining us for dinner.” Mrs. Son handed Sehun a bowl full of rice, “eat a lot so that you’d stay healthy. Your mom would surely scold me if I don’t look out for you” she laughed.

“Thank you,” he said with a shy smile.

“When you were still little boy, your mom took care of you and Wendy,” she smiled. “I was away most of the time, like she is at present, but she gladly took in Wendy like she was her own.”

“Because his family’s a connection of ours,” Wendy smiled and gave Sehun a little bump.

Mrs. Son’s eyes wrinkled as she showed the purest smile, “that’s exactly what it is.” She reached out to grab Sehun’s hand and gave it a light squeeze, “thank you Sehunnie.”

He returned the sweet gesture, “it’s something I like doing, auntie.”

Wendy stared at Sehun and her mom. “What’s this about?” she interrupted.

“Just an appreciation towards a long-time family friend,” her mom giggled. “We better start eating or the food would get cold.”

Sehun knocked on Wendy’s door, “hey.”

Wendy stood up as she finished fixing the futon Sehun would be using. “He’s already asleep?” And Sehun nodded in response. “Thank you for being a big brother to our Seojunnie,” she smiled.

“I like taking care of him the way he likes to annoy me, it’s no problem,” they laughed in agreement.

She plopped down on her bed and got in the covers facing the already-rested Sehun. “I’m so tired,” she yawned.

“You go and sleep.” The room was then illuminated by the light of the lampshade on Wendy’s bedside table as he turned off the lights of the room. “I’ll be reading a book while you’re at it,” he smiled.

“Hmm,” she hummed and allowed herself to be engulfed by the lethargy she felt. “Good night.”

A few hours had passed and Sehun turned another page in the book that lead him to a new chapter. He then felt how bushed his eyes were as he pressed a hand on them. He looked at Wendy who was sound asleep and smiled; no nightmares to disturb her tonight, he thought. The book he was holding was then placed on the table once he had laid down.

Wendy quietly groaned. “Sehun,” she then called.

He jolted up and looked at Wendy who was starting to breathe heavily, brows creased with beads of sweat on her forehead. “Sehuna,” she called out once more with a lurid voice, hands clenched over the soft sheets of her bed. “Sehuna!”

Sehun’s hand gently wiped away the sweat that rested on her temple and patted her head while the other held her hand. “I’m here,” he whispered. “I’m here, everything’s alright.”

She breathed in deeply and started to calm down. “Hmm,” she breathed out and snuggled close to Sehun’s hand.

He kissed her forehead, “I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.”

Walking down the raucous hallway every morning was something Sehun hated; bumping onto people every now and then was too much for him.

“We’ll get to the classroom soon,” Wendy giggled beside him.

He groaned, “I really do hate early mornings.” Sehun then lowered his head to avoid glaring at people but the moment he did, well-built shoulders hit his arm.

The man stopped and looked at Sehun, “I’m sorry.”

“You!” Wendy exclaimed as he pointed at the man.

His cheeks burned bright red the moment he realized who she was, “,” and Wendy started laughing.

“What’s going on?” Sehun had no idea as to what was happening and how the two people in front of knew each other.

“I’ll explain later.” Wendy went behind him and gave him a light push, “go ahead and sleep or something.”

Sehun eyed the guy from head to toe before his gaze softened as he looked at her, “are you sure?”

She nodded with a smile, “definitely.”

Sehun nodded and slowly walked away from the two people sharing a similar look in their eyes; the interest he saw building up between them made him feel how hollow he had dug his own heart’s grave.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday,” his cheeks flushed as he bowed. The man’s hand found its way around his nape while the other s inside his pocket, “I’ve been wanting to apologize properly but I didn’t know your name or what class you’re in.”

Wendy chuckled as she offered a hand for him to shake. “I’m Son Seungwan. But you can call me Wendy,” she smiled at him. “It was an accident so, don’t worry about it.”

“I’m Zhang Yixing,” his hand then found comfort in hers as he shook it. “But most of my friends call me Lay,” he quickly withdrew his hand, afraid that it would make her feel uncomfortable.

“Nice to meet you,” she said with a welcoming grin on her face. But even with that kind of warmth, it was still hard for two strangers not to be awkward. Lay’s head then hung low as they stood in front of each other, nonetheless, the smile on his face didn’t disappear. Wendy on the other hand kept looking everywhere but at Lay, eyes stealing glances at him every now and then with the urge not to giggle at how silly she thought they were. Her eyes met his the moment he looked up which made the both of them chortle. “I better go to class now,” Wendy pointed at the direction she’s headed to.

It took a while for Lay to respond, but he caught himself before his eyes starts absorbing everything about the beautiful woman in front of him. “Yeah, sure. I’ll walk with you to your room.”

“No need,” Wendy replied hastily as her hands shot up to shake unsynchronized. She looked at her watch, “it’s a few minutes before the bell rings, and I don’t want you to be late.”

“Alright.” He smiled, “I guess I’ll be seeing you?”

She nodded in agreement, “of course,” and bid him farewell.

Wendy heavily propped her hands on the desk Sehun was writing on and tugged an earphone out, “I’ve been calling you from outside a hundred times already.”

“I’m sorry,” Sehun said without looking at her.

“Are you busy?” She beamed at him as she bent down and held her head over crossed-arms. “Let’s go eat, I’m hungry.”

He continued writing, “go on ahead, I’ll just finish this."

“But why,” Wendy sang as she tilted her head to the left and pouted, an angle she was sure Sehun would manage to see.

“I’m busy.”

“But you’re never busy when it’s me who’s requesting,” she insisted.

“I am now,” he answered coldly, still without looking at Wendy.

“Hmmm,” her brows creased. But Wendy’s glare slowly turned into a knowingly sly expression, “are you jealous?”

Sehun’s hand stopped writing the moment he looked up to face her. Unbelievable, he thought. “No, I’m not jealous.”

She started laughing, “you’re actually jealous,” her stance then became confident as she stood up.

“Seungwan,” he breathe in deeply as his pen landed in between the pages of the notebook he was writing on. “I’m not jealous. How could I possibly be jealous?”

“You are,” she was sure, “I can see it.” She then rested her head on Sehun’s shoulder and giggled, “don’t worry, I won’t ever replace you.”

He smiled, “no, I’m really not jealous.” Sehun stood up to playfully lock her neck in his arm, “if you want to have lunch with me badly, then I’ll—“

“Wendy,”

Both Sehun and Wendy turned to find the voice that called her. She lifted her hand and smiled upon recognizing the person, “Lay!”

Sehun had his arm fall to his side, head slung low. “I’m sorry, I think I interrupted something,” Lay’s eyes showed of his being confused and embarrassed with the interaction between the two people in front of him. “I’ll just—“

“No, I think you’ve got it all wrong,” she giggled. “This is Sehun,” she nudged at the slim figure beside him, “he’s just my best friend.”

Sehun felt his guts twist and turn at the words Wendy had uttered. He looked up and managed a smile as he handed out a hand for Lay to shake, “hi.”

His smile was sincerely happy, “nice to meet you.” Lay’s attention was then fixated back at Wendy, “are you busy?”

“Not really, why?”

He smiled sweetly, “I was just wondering if I could maybe have some of your time after school? It would be nice if I could do something as a peace offering.”

“Peace offering?” Sehun interrupted.

Wendy linked her arms over Sehun’s, “do you remember what happened last week after P.E.?” Sehun’s eyes hovered over Lay’s figure. She pulled Sehun closer and spoke in a soft voice, “he was the one who accidentally barged in my cubicle.”

“I see,” Sehun’s face showed of disgruntlement and annoyance as Lay fiddled, his face red.

“I wanted to make up for what I did yesterday,” Lay interrupted.

“There’s really no need for you to do that,” her voice guilty. “What happened was an accident, you don’t have to worry about it.”

Lay shook his head, “no, I insist. It would quiet down my conscience.”

“Oh,” she glanced down at her feet, “I, um, have plans with Sehun. We made a promise we’ll always go home to—“

“Sehun!”

All eyes turned to look at the suntanned man that had found himself positioned beside Sehun. “We need to stay after school for the remaining weeks to work on our thesis for next month’s defense.”

“Is that so?” Sehun’s eyes moved from Lay to Wendy, “I’m sorry, but I think our plan for today’s cancelled.”

“Would you mind if she came along with me?”

Wendy looked up to see Sehun’s attentive eyes watching her sculpted face. “No,” he managed to force a smile, “not at all.”

“Sehuna!” Wendy greeted him with a huge smile on her face. “How was the defense?” He stood still, his face expressionless the moment their eyes met. “Hey, what’s wrong? How did your defense go?”

A smile slowly creeped up his face as he shot both of his hand up in the air, “we did it!”

Her hands made up its way to as she tried to stop shrieking. “Congratulations!” Wendy threw her arms around Sehun’s neck as he pulled her close by the waist, “I knew you could do it!”

He spun her around and held her tighter as his excitement got the best of him. “I’m sorry,” he said as they laughed while she struggled to stay on her feet because of the dizziness she felt. Sehun had his hand cup her head and had it fall on the crook of her neck, “thank you,” his eyes trying to explain more than what he had uttered.

She giggled and gave him a light knock on the chest, “it’s not really a big deal to give you support, you know.”

“It is for me,” he smiled. “I’ve been busy these past few weeks, should I make up for it and go home with you today?”

She nodded like a little child, “I’d be very pleased,” she chuckled. “I can’t wait to tell you things!”

“Things?” Sehun tilted his head in confusion, “what things?”

“Lots of things,” Wendy giggled as she made her way out of the auditorium. “I’ll just get my stuff then let’s meet at the school gates,” she said as her head peeked through the door, and Sehun nodded as a response.

Every step was like a beat to Wendy’s humming. She was happy for some reason Sehun wasn’t aware of, but he didn’t mind because he liked seeing her that way. All he could do was watch her and smile; he didn’t stay beside her because he felt guilty of the nightmares he felt he had caused, not because he was her best friend, not for the shape of her silhouette nor for the rhythm of melodies she was humming. He stayed because he was immeasurably in love with the being that she was.

“Do you remember Lay?” Wendy turned with a big smile on her face.

Sehun snapped back to reality as her question answered everything he didn’t know. “Why?”

She shrugged and started walking again, “I just feel happy whenever I’m with him.”

“What do you mean?” Sehun’s hands balled into a fist inside his pockets, nails digging deep in his flesh.

“It’s just that,” she looked up as if the answers she was looking for was there, “I’ve never had anyone make me feel this way. The way he looks at me, it’s like I can see every explanation I need even before I could ask him questions that form in my mind. The way he makes me feel safe – comfortable – whenever I’m with him. The way a single touch can send shivers down my spine; how I can get intoxicated with his presence, it’s just…” Her face was calm – happy – “it’s exhilarating.”

Sehun had stopped walking even before he realized it; a frozen deer caught up in the headlights. He wanted to be happy for her, but he knew it would be hard. It was like there was a big lump on his throat that made it hard for him to take in the air his body needs; he felt cold and feverish at the same time.

She was a meter away when she stopped to see that Sehun had stayed behind. “What’s wrong,” she asked full of bewilderment.

He looked at her with empty, expressionless eyes as he smiled, “nothing.” He started walking to lessen the gap that he had created between the two of them. His expression was blank, eyes showed of his shattered heart that Wendy couldn’t even tell. “I’m just happy for you.”

“I knew you’d say that,” she said as her face lit up.

“Have you considered about it?” The high-pitched voice on the other end of the phone expressed of worry and affection, things of which Sehun had missed. “Please say you have.”

“I’ll think about it,” he chuckled. “I’ll update you soon enough.”

A heavy sigh was the reply he got. “I’m sorry we weren’t able to come home.”

“It’s alright mom.”

“I miss you, adeul,” she said as her voice started breaking.

“Mom, don’t start with this,” he teased.

She laughed, “I’m sorry.” No one talked for a while. It was as if they were trying to absorb each other’s presence. “Take care of yourself, yes?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “Give my regards to dad.”

“I will. And mine to Wendy and her mom.”

“Take care mom,” Sehun said as a command rather than a request.

“Yes, yes,” her mom chuckled. “Oh, how are you and Wendy? Will I be having my grandchildren soon?”

Sehun shook his head in disbelief. “Mom, I have to go. I’ll call you again.”

She giggled, “okay! I love you.”

He smiled, “alright. I love you too,” and hung up. But even before Sehun’s phone could touch his bedroom desk, Wendy’s name appeared as it rang, “hello?”

“Sehuna,” she screamed and startled the clueless Sehun.

“That hurt,” he teased. “What’s up? I’m just a few steps away from your house, you know."

“I’m sorry,” she chuckled. “I know, but I’m already in bed so I’m really thankful that you answered the phone!”

He laughed, “I’m sorry, my mother called.”

“How is she?”

He let out a breath, “she’s doing well. She sends her regards to you and auntie.”

“That’s good. I’ll let my mom know. Oh,” she quickly added sounding apologetic, “I think I won’t be able to go home with you tomorrow.”

“Is that so?”

“Hmm,” she hummed in agreement. “Lay just called. He invited me over to have dinner with his mom and she insisted so…”

“Oh,” he pursed his lips. “Okay. Got it,” he said as calmly as he could.

She sighed, “I’m really sorry. But, I’m so nervous. He mentioned that his mom really wanted to meet me.”

“Really?” He couldn’t feel his curiosity more than the pain that kept banging on his chest. “Good luck then, I hope you’ll have a great time tomorrow.”

“I’ll see you at school?” Wendy asked as an assurance.

“Definitely,” and that was the last thing he said before she hung up.

The running water slithering down his body felt heavier than they should be; every drop felt like it was being embedded on his skin and it wasn’t helping to numb out what he was feeling. He wrapped himself in a towel and got his jogging clothes as he dried his hair with another cloth. The moment he put on his shoes, he plugged in his earphones and started running once he got out of the house. He didn’t want to be alone, but he was. He didn’t want to think of what he was afraid of and he had no one to blame but himself because he didn’t take the chance when he had it. Sehun wanted to let someone know how he felt – he wanted someone to tell him what he should feel – because he was afraid of going crazy.

Sehun had run for more than an hour, his body weary from exhaustion but his mind not one muscle tired from thinking of Wendy. He laid in bed just staring at the ceiling as he waited for sleep to hunt him. And he found it unfair; Wendy would be sound asleep by now while he was preoccupied with the thoughts of her.

“Wendy,” her mom called from downstairs. “Someone’s here to pick you up,” she heard her giggle.

She had a quiet laugh, “I’m coming.” Wendy straightened her salmon pink, knee-length dress, checked her make-up patterned to a fresh look, and fixed her dark brown hair that was curled at its ends. She had one last look at the mirror and took a breath in, fighting, she encouraged herself.

“I’m sorry if I took so long,” Wendy smiled by the time her eyes landed on him at the end of the steps.

His eyes gazed at her like she was the only thing that ever mattered; Lay couldn’t think of anything else. He just watched her; how beautifully her hair fell on the side of her neck, how her dressed flattered her slim figure, how her nose scrunches up before she smiles, how her lips would thin-out the moment it curves up like the captivating crescent moon, and how he allowed himself to get lost in her eyes without the intention of finding his way out. Mrs. Son gave her a nudge, that of which interrupted his awe towards Wendy, and they both laughed. “Hey,” he greeted, his face slightly red from discomfiture.

She shyly smiled back, “hi.”

Lay glanced down and had the back of his hand cover his mouth thinking it could hide even a little of his face’s color, “I’m sorry I stared too much.” He then had his hand fall to his side as he looked at Wendy with sincere eyes, “you really look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” she said as her cheeks flushed. And they just stood there, the comfortable and gut-twisting silence painting smiles on their faces. “Mom, we better go,” she said the second she noticed her mom smiling ludicrously beside the two of them.

Her mom giggled and held Wendy by the shoulders, “alright then. Take care and have fun.” She looked at him with teasing eyes, “I told Lay to have you home by eleven so I expect that to happen, yes?”

Lay chuckled, “yes ma’am. Have a great evening and thank you very much.”

“No problem,” she winked, and watched the two walk away until their figures were visible to her sight. If only our Sehunnie had confessed earlier, it would have been him, she thought as her smile turned bitter, heart clenched with the thought of Sehun’s feelings, I’m sorry.

Neither was talking as they made their way to Lay’s house, but they knew they’re both okay with it; they were happy like that. Wendy suddenly diverted back to the thought that she was about to meet Lay’s mom and started getting nervous. “What’s your family like,” she asked and broke the silence existing between them.

Lay smiled at her and knew what she was thinking about. Wendy wasn’t hard to read, maybe that’s one of the many reasons why he’s so interested in her; he wanted to know more of what she thought, and he wanted to be the first person to whom she would tell her secrets to. “Don’t worry,” he assured, “she’ll love you.”

The moment Wendy entered their house, the bright smile of Lay’s mom welcomed her; she didn’t know why, but she most certainly made her feel like she’s already part of the family. The ambiance of their home was warm and relaxing; a very happy family indeed lived here. “Hello Wendy,” Lay’s mother smiled, “it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Lay’s smile was that of an innocent child when he shrugged as Wendy gave him a knowing look. “It’s nice to meet you too, Mrs. Zhang” she smiled at his mom.

“Oh, you can call me auntie. Come and sit down. Yixing's father will be coming home late so it would be just the three of us,” his mom said as she tugged Wendy to their dining area. It took up most of the space in the house since the kitchen was situated with it, but it was beautifully designed. The mahogany table stood a few steps away from the kitchen’s counter with French arm-chairs placed in every gap. Moose-like horns hung from above the dining table that gave the area a great light. “Do you like it?” Mrs. Zhang interrupted as Wendy fell silent, fascinated by the room.

“It’s gorgeous,” she smiled sweetly.

Mrs. Zhang returned the gesture, “I designed it myself. I’ve always wanted a beautiful kitchen.”

“Mom, I hope you wouldn’t mind being Wendy’s company while I cook?” Lay s his arm around his mother’s waist as he entered the room.

“It would be a pleasure,” she smiled at both Lay and Wendy. “Shall we,” her hand stretched out to direct Wendy to the table; she nodded and smiled.

“Thank you for having me tonight,” Wendy said as she sat down.

“Oh no,” Mrs. Zhang shook her head, “thank you for accepting the invitation. I’ve always wanted to meet you,” she smiled. “I’ve heard a lot about you from my Yixing.”

“Mom,” Lay demanded as he heard the statement.

Wendy giggled, “it’s alright.”

“See,” she looked at him with a smile. “Now, continue with your cooking.” Lay’s head then shook from side to side. “You know,” the back of her hands placed under her chin, “Yixing’s father and I met at the same age  as you are. I remember him bringing me flowers every day.” She giggled, “he would leave it in my locker with a note that expresses his admiration towards my beauty, and I would keep it because I found them sweet. When I finally met him, oh he was so endearing,” and her smile was sweet and full of nostalgia. Wendy blushed as she giggled because of how overwhelmed she felt about Lay’s parents love story. “And until now he leaves a rose at my bedside table with a simple note that says he loves me,” Mrs. Zhang continued.

“You still have those sparks in your eyes when you talk about him; you really look beautiful auntie,” Wendy commented with a gentle smile.

Mrs. Zhang cupped both of her cheeks, “thank you, darling.” Her face then shifted to Lay who was so concentrated with what he was doing and Wendy followed her gaze, “maybe because there would always be that one person you’ll just have a connection with. You can talk to many different people in a day and still feel nothing, but you would always have that certain pull just by looking at one person.” Her gaze then turned back at Wendy who still consumed the tall man’s figure. “I didn’t know how, why, or when I fell in love with Yixing’s father, but I was sure he was the one I wanted to be with.”

Wendy smiled upon seeing Lay’s different expressions; she turned back to his mother, “I think I know why, auntie.”

“Yixing certainly reminds me of his father,” she agreed.

The then-silent room was filled by a panicked scream. Both Wendy and Mrs. Zhang turned to see an agitated Lay staring down on something. “What have I done,” he whined.

Wendy followed after Mrs. Zhang who quickly came to her son’s aid. “What’s wrong? What happened,” she stood beside him.

“The meat won’t bind together,” he said, his hands preoccupied with the meat he was trying to mold.

“Did you follow the instructions?” His mother asked while looking at the book.

“Yes, and I don’t know what went wrong.”

Wendy walked beside Lay and looked over the bowl that took up most of his attention, “may I see?”

Both faces turned to look at Wendy as she observed the dish that was being prepared. “Sure,” Lay hesitantly said. “I’m sorry, I just wanted to prepare something that you grew up with since you told me that you’ve lived most of your life in Canada.”

She smiled, “you didn’t have to, but I really appreciate it.” Wendy then laughed, “you added too much milk.”

“Really? But it says here—“ Lay looked at the cook book and scrunched his nose up, “1/4 cup of milk but I poured a half. My bad, I’m sorry,” he laughed apologetically.

“Here, let me help,” she grabbed a spare plastic gloves and helped Lay remake the failed meatballs.

“Oh that’s wonderful,” Mrs. Zhang exclaimed, clasping her hands together. “I’ll leave you two to it since I'll be waiting for Yixing’s father.” She winked at Lay and mouthed, “I like her,” then hummed as she walked away.

“Your mom’s really loveable,” Wendy said as she continued to whisk the egg.

“She really is,” Lay said as he removed his plastic gloves. “I didn’t know you could cook.”

“It grew in me as a hobby,” she looked at him and smiled. “Can you please pass the salt?”

“Sure,” he said as his long arms stretched to get what Wendy had asked for and watched her add it to the whisked egg, parsley, parmesan, and black pepper. “I’m really sorry about this. I’m the one who invited you but you ended up cooking.”

She laughed, “it’s really not a problem. Besides, it’s nice to let someone else know that I can cook.” Wendy then added the onions and the proportionate, soaked breadcrumbs mixture to the ground meat and thoroughly pinched it. “I’ve been recently wanting to do something for someone else aside from my family and Sehun.”

Wendy then started making palm-sized spheres from the ground beef. “Here, let me help,” Lay offered as he took a new pair of plastic gloves and assisted her. “Having mentioned Sehun, you two seem really close,” he chuckled, “I mistook you as lovers because of that.”

“What?” she laughed. “No, no. Sehun and I are just best friends; ever since we can remember actually. Our moms have a close relationship that’s why we grew up together; eating, taking a bath, and sleeping with each other when we were little.” Wendy chuckled, “I remember always calling for him because I couldn’t sleep.” She then paused, lips pursed and her brows creased, “he’s like a big brother to me even though I’m older by months,” she continued as if she found the answer to Lay’s question. “The way he treats me, it’s the kind of comfort my family gives me. And ever since I almost drowned when we were little, he had always kept an eye out for me. He felt guilty since he was there with me but he wasn’t able to save me because we were just kids,” she shrugged.

“How did you drown? Who saved you then if it was just the two of you?” Lay was filled with concern over what they both knew was a past event.

“I was playing beside the pool even though Sehun kept asking me to move away; I slipped then tried swimming for air.” Wendy tried to remember, her face lost from all the thought she had tried to recover. “I don’t know how exactly, but I remember my mom telling me that an ajusshi told her how Sehun ran as fast as he could with a face full of panic and worry asking everyone and anyone he sees nearby to help me,” she chuckled. “After that I’ve had reoccurring nightmares of it but I don’t know, for some reason it had stopped as time went by.”

“I’m glad your trauma somehow lessened,” he smiled at her. “And Sehun, does he think of you like a family as well?”

She nodded quickly, “of course,” she smiled. “Sehun’s intentions are pure. And if he liked me, he would’ve told me sooner because I know how eager of a person he is. And I know that despite his playful attitude, he respects me and our friendship.” Wendy had grabbed the last chunk of ground and molded it, “there, we can leave it in the sauce for half an hour,” she smiled.

She removed her plastic gloves, as did Lay, “shall I give you a tour of the house,” he offered. She nodded and walked towards the living room with Lay behind her as she explored the interior of the house.

Wendy stopped in front of a big painting that she hadn’t notice when she entered the house. It was a portrait of Lay’s family, his father standing behind the little version of him and Mrs. Zhang as they all wore the same smile. “This is beautiful,” she remarked, eyes observing every edge of Lay’s figure in the painting. She then looked at him and smiled; his hair was a tousled dark brown that seemed thick and lustrous. His almond-shaped eyes were that of an attractive copper against honey that disappears when he smiles. His face was defined; a prominent jaw curved elegantly around and the strength of his neck that showed a little of the snaking cords of muscle that shaped his entire body. Lay’s rusty brown turtleneck surely defined his strong shoulders and long neck, his brawny forearms exposed under the rolled sleeves of his fit clothing. A blush creeped up her cheeks as she caught herself admiring every inch of the figure beside her; she chuckled.

“What,” he asked, face as innocent as a child.

“Nothing,” she smiled. “It’s just that, you haven't changed one bit from this picture.”

“I grew tall,” he laughed as she did. “Well, obviously.”

Wendy turned to her left to see a grand piano with music sheets rested on its rack, “do you play that?” she pointed.

Lay looked to where she had pointed and smiled, “yes,” he humbly said. “Do you want to hear what I’m currently composing?” and she smiled in response.

He walked with her and sat down. Lay then patted the space beside him to offer Wendy a seat, and she did so. His fingers were long and slim; a perfect fit between the black and white keys. Gently, he started pressing one key after the other that made the kind of melody Wendy could be engulfed in; it was like a lost lullaby that only she had found. Lay’s voice was calm and soothing, his emotion felt through every word as he sang and Wendy had closed her eyes as she listened to him; I may seem strong, I may be smiling but there are many times when I’m alone. I may seem like I don’t have any worries but I have a lot to say. And she thought of how much she had wanted Lay in her arms in that moment because of how his song warmed her heart. She opened her eyes only to see him glancing at her and the edges of his lips lifted into a smile. The moment I first saw you, I was so attracted to you and I didn’t weigh out my thoughts and just talked. Both then looked away because of how the lyrics were written as if it was meant for her; a shade of pink slowly becoming visible on their cheeks. The answer is you, my answer is you. I showed you my everything – you are my everything – because I was so sure. His pace then slowed as he ended his song, it’s you.

Wendy clapped her hands and chuckled, “that was really lovely.”

“It’s a hard process but I do write as often as I can,” he smiled, “thank you for listening even though it’s not yet complete.” His eyes widened, “ah,” he said after remembering something. Lay then bit his lower lip and took her hand in his, “I’ll show you one more thing,” and she followed.

“Where are we going,” she giggled.

They went outside and he stopped in front of a small gazebo, vines intertwined with each other and laced on its pillars. Lay then smiled as his eyes landed on the different colored flowers that bloomed in the garden that was just a few steps away from them. He looked at her, hand still in his, “this is my favorite place in this house. Whenever I need a breath of fresh air or time for myself, I go here,” he smiled. “I just wanted you to know for some reason; to share my personal space with you.”

His eyes on hers were warm and sweet like chocolate milk and his smile a perfect frame of happiness and comfort. Wendy felt the soft warmness like a country home; the green grass that waves with the cool breeze of the wind while catching the light that shows through light blue skies. His fingers tangled with her small ones, a firm grip that made her feel fragile and protected. She gave it a squeeze, her heart a beat faster than usual, “I’ll keep this a secret then,” she smiled; Wendy didn’t know how her soul could completely and suddenly turn from grey to a bright shade of yellow in an instant.

Lay’s grip relaxed, his thumb drawing patterns on the back of her hand, “hmm,” he hummed.

Wendy tugged his hand, “I think we better go back and check on those meatballs,” she chuckled.

He laughed, “of course,” and walked with her, hands never letting go.

Dinner with Lay was more than what Wendy could have expected. It wasn’t the type where conversations were thrown in just to get rid of the awkward air, it wasn’t the type where being cautious of your movements was the top priority, and it surely wasn’t the type of dinner where neither was their normal self. Being together was either’s opportunity to get to know the other, to further allow each other to become a greater part of their lives.

Lay glanced at his clock and pursed his lips, “I should probably take you home,” he chukled.

Wendy did the same and saw the small hand of the clock fifteen minutes to eleven, “I didn’t notice that it had gotten this late.”

“Can I take that as ‘I enjoyed spending my time with you?’” he teased.

She laughed, “I guess you can.”

“Come on, I’ll walk you home,” he stood up and reached out a hand for her to hold, and she did.

Lay played with her hand, fingers locked with each other as they made their way to her place; a smile waiting to be tempted out on either’s pursed lips. Wendy’s heart melted like ice on a hot summer day; every cold drop she felt landing on her gut as it slowly turns into liquid. Her head was light, like she hadn’t slept in days, and that all of her body’s weight was gone –  and surely she felt the butterflies rioting inside of her. She breathed in and faced him the moment they stood in front of her house. “Well, this is me,” she didn’t want to end the night just yet, but she had to. Her hand held Lay’s tighter rather than letting it go.

“Thank you for coming over and helping me cook,” he laughed.

She shook her head, “it wasn’t a big deal. I actually had fun, thank you,” she smiled.

He returned the sweet gesture, “I’m glad.” And they just stood there silently gazing at each other, their hearts at lost for words because of how overwhelmed it was of this kind of emotion. Lay took both of Wendy’s hands in his and held them tight. He glanced down on them and thought of how much he didn’t want to let her go; not now, not anymore. He then looked up at her, his eyes sincerely locked with hers. “You know that I’m in love with you, right?”

She fell silent; her body stiffened, her eyes dilated, her limbs went weak, and her heart stopped every after a beat. Wendy knew well enough how much she wants him but she didn’t know if she was ready for it. What they felt was like a clap of thunder that gave them a shock after it had hit.

Lay was more nervous than he had ever been in his whole life; it was as if his heart would jump out of his chest any minute. He moved closer to her – slowly – his head resting on the side of hers leaving no space between the two of them. He lifted his arms and gently wrapped it around Wendy, cautious of any signs of rejection from her. He breathed out a sigh of relief when he had finally held her, eyes closed, “say something,” he pleaded.

Wendy felt the loud thumping of his heart through his shirt, his scent reminding her of the first morning of spring: a soft kind of sweetness that can get you intoxicated. Her shoulders relaxed as she allowed herself to be eaten by what she was feeling, hands grabbing the either side of his shirt. She was thankful that he couldn’t see her face, “you do know that I feel the same, right?” she managed to say.

He pulled away to look at her, a boyish grin formed on his lips, “does this mean—“

She nodded slowly, hesitant if she was thinking the same thing. “Yes,” she smiled.

Lay brushed the back of his fingers on Wendy’s cheeks and smiled, “you have no idea how happy I am right now,” he said as his hands cupped her face. He pulled her close and landed a soft peck on her forehead, his arms enclosing her yet again in a tight yet comfortable embrace.

Her hands s around his waist and she allowed herself to be comfortable in this kind of situation. But the minute she opened her eyes, her gaze landed on Sehun’s figure slowly walking towards them. “Sehuna,” she pulled away from the hug, a shade of pink creeping up on her cheeks.

Sehun unconsciously held his breath at the sight; it was like time had started moving a second later than it’s supposed to, his chest heavy as if his heart was being opened only to be messed up. He had wanted to run away from the thoughts that suffocated him when he went out for a walk, but he never thought reality would bite him hard. He pursed his lips, “hey,” he muttered.

Lay raised a hand, “hey,” he greeted with a shy smile as if getting caught doing something he shouldn’t. “I’ll be going then,” he looked at Wendy and had his hand rest on the crook of her neck, “thank you.”

Wendy reflexively held Lay’s hand and gave it a squeeze, “hmm,” she hummed and waved him goodbye as he walked off with a smile. She then looked at Sehun and chuckled, “sorry about that.”

He managed a smile, “it’s alright,” but it wasn’t. It was like he was close to blacking out, not because of running for more than an hour but because of how heavy he felt. “How was the dinner?” he tried to shove away the feeling; she was still his best friend after all.

She smiled like a little girl that’s been given her most favorite thing in the world, “he’s my boyfriend now.”

And it didn’t surprise him. But Sehun felt his heart squeezing in as if it was slowly being pulled out from his chest, tugging at it with only the slightest strength. He wanted to say that he was happy for her, but he didn’t want her to feel his half-heartedness. He just smiled and nodded, “that’s great.”

“What’s wrong?” Wendy asked with a worried look on her face. She walked to enclose the gap between the two of them, “why are you out this late? You only jog when something’s troubling you.”

He shook his head and patted hers, “I’m okay,” he convinced her. “I just wanted to breathe in the night air.”

“What’s with that?” she gave Sehun’s chest a light punch. “You know that you can tell me anything,” she smiled.

“Of course I can,” he locked his arm around her neck, “you’re my best friend.” The word rolled off of his tongue smoothly than what he had expected, but his voice emotionless as it was; he was at lost for what he should feel. As the pain he felt continuously constricted his whole being, the more he became numb. He let her go and tapped her shoulder, “I’ll go inside now. I’m a bit tired,” he explained. He was smiling, but his eyes were as dead as they could be.

“Do you want to come over,” Wendy asked.

Sehun shook his head a no. “Good night, Seungwan. I’ll see you at school,” and he walked away without looking back at her.

He let himself fall to the ground the moment he had entered the house. Everything was coming down on him to the point that he couldn’t feel anything; he was hurt, he wanted to feel happy for her, he felt regret, and he hoped for another chance. Sehun wiped away the tears that had unconsciously trickled down his cheeks, one after the other, but he didn’t know why it won’t stop. He didn’t want the tears, what he wanted was to rip his own flesh apart to feel something certain; he wanted to scream as loud as he can just so he could hear something else aside from his beating heart.

Sehun stumbled on his feet as he felt a sudden weight hover on his back. “Annyeong,” Wendy sang as she tilted her head to the side to get a better view of Sehun’s face. “Wah, I didn’t know that our Sehuna was this handsome.”

He laughed, “and you just noticed that no?” Sehun hunched his back to lift her from the ground, hands holding onto her arms. “Get off, you’re heavy,” he teased.

“No,” Wendy shook her head. “I still feel sleepy, carry me,” she pleaded.

He breathed out heavily as he handed his bag for her to carry and got on one knee. “I wait for you to get ready for school and this is what I get?”

She laughed, “because you love me.”

“You have no idea,” he mumbled.

Wendy’s face turned a shade of pink as Sehun’s statement caught her off guard, “what?”

She wasn’t supposed to hear that, he thought with wide eyes. He his fleshy lips and had the most awkward smile, “what I meant was, you have no idea how heavy you are.”

“I’m not heavy,” she pouted. “Hurry up or we’ll be late!”

“If you get off of me, then I’ll be able to walk faster,” they laughed. And Sehun wanted these kinds of moments to last until the years they’ve lived were already visible on their faces; he wanted to be there for her every passing minute, to be the one she needs. But he knew how close to impossible it was to happen. He knew because he saw how far away she looks at the horizons when he was just standing there beside her.

“Hey, let’s go to a café after school. I heard there’s one nearby that makes great pastries!” Wendy tugged on Sehun’s arm when she got down before they entered the school gates. “You’ve been so busy lately, it’s getting kind of lonely.”

Sehun placed an arm over her shoulder, “I can’t today. I have plans.”

“Oh,”

“Is my Seungwan sulking?” He then leaned her head to his chest, “I’ll make it up to you next time, I promise.”

“I’ll expect that, okay,” and she had that grin of a little child who was excited to a parent’s promise.

I wouldn’t be able to handle it myself if I ended up disappointing you, he smiled at the thought. “Okay,” Sehun answered. “I’ll see you for lunch?”

Wendy bit her lower lip, eyes looking anywhere but at Sehun. “I, uhm,” she stuttered. “I have plans for lunch?”

Sehun opened his mouth then shut them tight, his jaw strained as he gritted his teeth. “I see,” he said blankly.

“Wendy,” Lay called out a few meters away from them, his hands waving back and forth in the air.

“You could say I have girlfriend duties,” she giggled. “I’ll see you whenever, then,” Wendy waved goodbye as she pranced her way towards the slim figure she saw.

Lay had his hand stretched out and took Wendy’s, their fingers laced and intertwined with each other. Sehun could smile while looking at how blissful she was, but the thought that Lay was the one who caused all of that felt like he was swallowing his own heart. He glanced down and took a breath in as he closed his eyes, you didn’t see anything, he said to himself.

Wendy held on Sehun’s speed-dial number and had her phone over her ear. She couldn’t contain her smile, “where are you,” she asked even before Sehun could answer.

“I’m,” he hesitated, “on my way to meet an acquaintance.” He cleared his throat, “why?”

“Liar,” she laughed.

And so did he, “I’m not lying.”

“You always clear your throat after you lie,” she mocked. “Anyway, I need to show you something.”

“Can’t you tell me over the phone?”

Wendy creased her brows, “it’s supposed to be seen, not heard.”

“I’ll see if I can drop by after I finish my appointment, yes?”

“Make sure that you do,” she exclaimed. “Mom’s been missing you. She’s been asking me to make you come over since she hasn’t seen you for the past month. You’ve been so busy lately,” she sighed, “you don’t even have time for me anymore. You don’t come by my classroom anymore, I don’t get to eat with you anymore, you don’t walk with me to school anymore, you—“

“Alright, stop it with the guilt-trip already,” he chuckled. “I will,” he emphasized, “go to your house later to eat supper with you, auntie, uncle, and Seojun.”

She laughed, “see you later,” and ended the call.

Sehun then returned his phone in his pocket, “sorry about that.”

“It’s alright,” the man in front of him replied with a smile. He then handed out an envelope, “you’ll just have to read and sign this, then leave the rest to me.”

“Thank you very much, sir,” Sehun said as he accepted the envelope.

“No problem. Anything for your family, Sehun.” The man then stood up and reached out his hand, “I’ll be going now. I’ll see you next month I suppose?”

Sehun shook his hand, “yes, sir. Thank you again.”

“You’re welcome,” his eyes wrinkled as he smiled. The man then walked out of the café and left Sehun sitting alone.

Sehun opened the envelope and took in a deep breath. He skimmed through the papers and terms written on them, elbows on his thighs supporting his dead weight. His mind was a wasteland; he could barely hang on to anything that wouldn’t crumble the moment he touches it. It was noisy – his thoughts were too loud for him to hear anything else. Backing out is not an option now; everything was already settled. His hands clenched on the pages as he had it cover his face, what have I done?

Questions continued to bother him as he took one step after the other; Am I doing the right thing? Should I tell her? Would she get mad? Would she be happy? Would I be happy? And it was frustrating for Sehun to bear the thought of not finding a single answer to these multiple questions.

Sehun stood in front of Wendy’s home. He pressed his hands against his face before he rang the doorbell. “Hi, auntie,” he greeted Mrs. Son the moment she opened the door.

“Sehunnie,” she sang and had him in her arms. “It’s good to finally see you again. You haven’t been visiting lately,” she pouted.

He gave her a peck on the cheeks, “I’m sorry auntie, I was busy.”

“Aigoo,” she held his hands. “You’d be graduating next month with my Seungwan, am I right? I just hope you’re taking care of yourself.”

“Yes, auntie. And I am taking care of myself, please don’t worry about me,” he said with a genuine smile. “Is Seungwan asleep? She asked me to drop by earlier yet she’s not welcoming me,” they laughed.

“She’s in the living room with our Seojunnie and Lay. They’re playing,” she smiled with guilt etched in her eyes.

“Oh,” was the only thing Sehun could say. “I’ll just go and say hi,” he assured her. His feet became heavy with every step he took towards the living room. He could hear her laugh the way she does when she felt like everything was in its right place, and Lay was laughing with her. Holding his breath has become a habit when it was about the two of them.

The image of a happy family was what he was reminded of the moment he saw the three of them playing around. Lay was lying flat on his back as his hands and legs supported Seojun whom he was lifting. Wendy sat beside them, her eyes glistened with bliss watching her lover and brother. “Sehuna,” she exclaimed the moment she had noticed the tall figure standing by the entrance. Wendy went and stood in front of him with a wide smile, “how do I look?”

Sehun’s eyes then landed on her now-blonde hair with a fringe that covered up her forehead. She looked all the more beautiful; she was blooming. “It looks good on you,” he smiled.

“Ey,” she teased, “you want something from me don’t you?” Wendy glanced back at the two people whom she loves most, “Lay and I just wanted to have a spontaneous moment so we decided to go for blonde.” She looked back at Sehun and smiled, “want to eat dinner here?”

His eyes glanced from Lay to Wendy, his image reflected in her eyes. He was this walking ball of confusion and hope, rage and happiness, frustrations and love, when all the world could see – when all Wendy could see – was a boy, 183cm tall, with dark brown hair and chocolate-colored eyes. He wanted to grit his teeth while peeling off the skin on his lips trying not to dig deep into his flesh as he watched himself be replaced. “Uh, I’m okay,” he tried to smile. “I’m guessing that you’re busy today.”

“I’m sorry,” she sighed. “I invited you and this is what happens. Lay decided to come over and my mom asked him if he could have dinner with us.”

“It’s fine. Girlfriend duties, right?” he muttered as those words rolled off of his tongue like thorns hugging his entire mouth. “I have something to do as well,” he said as an excuse.

“Are you sure,” she worried.

He nodded as an assurance. “Say hi to Seojun for me,” he smiled. Sehun walked out of the house with the slightest hope that maybe she would come after him. But that’s the thing about hoping, it hurts a lot more when nothing happens.

He slumped his body onto the comfort of his bed, his hand covering his face. Sehun wanted to eat a home-cooked meal, but his thoughts were enough to make him full for the night. He shifted his weight onto his side as his eyes wandered around the almost-empty space of his room. The white walls lured him to sleep as he closed his eyes and had himself be taken away by somnolence.

Sehun’s eyes studied the familiar view; glass windows that looked out a small garden. It smelled of chemical as the small waves of water echoed around the room.

“Sehuna,” he heard a voice cry out. “Help me Sehuna!”

Sehun turned around only to find Wendy’s arms trying hard to pull herself up from the water; it wasn’t the little Wendy that clung onto him wherever he would go, it wasn’t the little girl who almost drowned because of him. He saw Wendy’s blonde hair, her head bobbing out of the water as she desperately tries to catch her breath. The situation turned his breathing ragged as he panicked. What he wanted was to dive in and save her, but his body stood there trembling with fear. Sehun’s heart was pounding against his chest, his mind about to explode trying to scream out her name.

“Sehun,” she cried out again. “Sehun!”

Tears trickled down his cheeks; he could utter nothing, he couldn’t do anything. All he could do was watch her lose the strength in fighting for her life, her body slowly sinking further.

Beads of sweat formed on his forehead, eyes bloodshot from crying; Sehun woke up with his heart rioting inside of him. He sat up, and dialed Wendy’s number.

“Sehun,” she answered with a groggy voice. “What’s wrong?”

Her voice was the only thing that could relieve him of his worry. “Are you okay?” he asked as his other hand ran through his hair.

Wendy sighed, “yes, I’m fine. What happened?”

Sehun smiled, “nothing. I just wanted to make sure that you’re okay.”

There was a pause before she could answer, “at 3 in the morning?” she laughed. “Thank you, but I’m okay.”

He pinched his nose, “yeah, sorry,” he chuckled. “Go back to sleep. I’ll see you later.”

“Hmm,” she hummed then ended the call.

Sehun had only noticed the sun creeping up when his alarm . He couldn’t go back to sleep with the fear that Wendy might needed her and he wouldn’t be able to rush to her side. He got out of bed and prepared for his morning class. It would be comforting if he walked with her to school today – if he could stay with her all day – to make sure that nothing would happen to her, but he can’t and he wouldn’t dare. Sehun respected the relationship she had with Lay, and he didn’t want to ruin anything even if it could hurt him the most.

“Sehun,” the familiar voice called out as he made his way to the classroom. The blonde head stood out from the crowd, and he knew immediately who it was. Standing next to her was Lay with eyes that watched him intently after giving a small smile as a greeting.

“What,” Sehun answered.

“You didn’t wait for me this morning,” she complained.

“Sorry, I had something to do,” he said as an excuse. Sehun still felt that sharp pain whenever he would see them together; it was like adding salt to his wounds. But what can he do, even though it hurts seeing them together, he still wanted to be there for her.

Wendy made a face, “you’re always busy.”

“Because I’m a good student,” he stuck his tongue out and walked away from the two.

“That kid,” she hissed.

Lay grabbed Wendy’s hand and gave it a light squeeze, “let’s go?”

She turned to look and found a preoccupied boyfriend, “is there anything wrong?”

“It’s nothing,” he shook his head. “It’s just that, the way he looks at you – it’s like you’re an ocean he so badly wants to drown in. Didn’t you notice?”

Her brows creased, head tilted to the side, “who, Sehun?” Wendy smiled mischievously at him and clung onto his arm, “are you being jealous right now?”

Lay laughed, “you bet I am. Come on, we’ll be late.” Wendy then tugged him and they ran laughing.

Sehun entered the room and had a glance at Wendy who looks even more beautiful because of how happy she was – because of how happy Lay made her feel. He sighed heavily and disregarded the thought as he sat down on the chair.

“You ready for P.E.,” the suntanned man had his hand over Sehun’s shoulder.

He turned to look at the man with bewilderment, “what’s with P.E.?”

“They said we’ll go swimming with the other classes today for our finals since it’s almost graduation,” he grinned. “Are you ready to see hot bodies?”

Sehun smirked and pushed him away, “you’re always the one, Kai.”

Kai’s face turned a shade redder, but he laughed it off. “I’m a man, and this is my nature,” he clicked his tongue.

“Alright class, settle down,” their Physical Education professor said as he entered the class. Kai winked at Sehun before he settled down. “Go to the changing room, and I want all of you to be at the swimming complex in ten minutes.”

Some groaned, and some where giggly as they took their bags and made their way to the changing room. It was too early for Sehun to process everything, and he was too sleepy to think of anything at all. His mind was blank, his body was heavy and his eyes stung.

A disheveled hair, his wrinkly swimwear top, and a hunched body was his get-up before he went behind Kai in the line at the edge of the pool together with the others. His eyes immediately looked for Wendy who was sitting on the bench by the pool, her hair in a bun and her hand waiving excitedly and lauging at Sehun. How glad he was that she was nowhere near the waters. Her attention was then caught by someone else, whom Sehun guessed was Lay; his blonde hair neatly fixed up with a rash guard that emphasized every bit of his muscle.

I’m not insecure. Sehun cleared his throat, looking away from Lay as he approached. “Hey,” Lay greeted.

“Hey,” Sehun nodded in reply.

“Alright,” the professor called out, which Sehun was thankful for as he saved them from an awkward air. “I want everyone to do two laps of each I’ve taught you, from 5 feet to 8.”

“Even the shooting , coach?” someone from behind shouted which made everyone laugh.

“Ha-ha,” their professor said stiffly. “Since you’re so cool, go upfront,” the student scratched his head and walked towards the start of the line while everyone else teased. “Ready when I whistle,” the coach instructed.

Everyone else had their turn, one after the other, until everyone was done; tracks of foot and puddles were everywhere.  Sehun’s eyes immediately searched for Wendy only to find her walking along the sides of the pool with some of the students who were fooling around. Without hesitation, he rushed to her side and pulled her away from the edge of the pool, “what do you think you’re doing?” he exclaimed as his chest heaved up and down with worry.

Wendy’s eyes closed the moment Sehun had grabbed her, “I’m sorry,” she countered.

He briefly closed his eyes and sighed, hands letting go of her arm. “I’m sorry I startled you, I was just – I just didn’t want anything to happen.”

“I was being careful,” she muttered. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled, “I’m really sorry.”

Sehun’s hands balled into a fist; he knew how sensitive Wendy was but he let his worry get the best of him. He wanted to hold her and make her feel safe, to let her know how much he had regretted raising his voice but he couldn’t – he shouldn’t. Instead, his hand found its way on the crook of her neck as his thumb her cheeks, “please stop crying,” he begged. “I’m sorry for raising my voice.”

Wendy shook her head as her hands rubbed against her eyes, “no, you don’t have to be sorry.” She looked up at him, her eyes stained with tears, “you were just worried about me, thank you.”

“Sehuna,” Both Sehun and Wendy turned at the voice who called him. “Come on,” Kai gestured for him to come near.

“Lay,” Wendy uttered as he saw him standing just a few meters away from them, in front of Kai.

“You okay,” he asked, eyes gauging from Sehun’s hand to his face.

Sehun’s hand dropped to his side as the other combed his damp hair. “Yes, I’m okay,” Wendy answered with a smile. “Sehun and I just had a little bit of misunderstanding.”

“I’ll go ahead,” Sehun told Wendy with a small smile. “Sorry again,” he continued.

She shook her head and waved him goodbye. Sehun walked to where Kai was, head hung low with the hope that Lay wouldn’t make a big deal out of it. But to his surprise, Lay grabbed him by the arm as he looked at Sehun straight in the eyes. “I hope you know where your limit is as a best friend,” he said straightforwardly.

A loud splash was the response both Lay and Sehun heard. “Sehun, Wendy fell in the pool!” Kai immediately announced, making everyone’s head turn to Wendy who was struggling to swim for her life. “That’s 8 feet man,” Kai continued.

Sehun launched forward to aid her only to be taken aback by what she had uttered out: “Lay,” she screamed again and again as her head bobbed out of the water. Sehun’s body froze only to be awaken by the gush of wind that brushed against his side, Lay’s figure running towards the pool as he dived in; he just stood there and watched Lay bring Wendy out of the pool. The moment she had caught her breath, she threw her arms around Lay’s neck and cried so much in his arms. Everyone’s worried chatters filled the area but all Sehun could hear was the deafening screeching sound in his ear and his whole soul staring into space. Lay walked pass at Sehun without a second look as he carried Wendy in his arms to bring her to the infirmary.

Fist curled into a ball as tears threatened to drip from his eyes; the way he feels for her was beyond words, yet he couldn’t even save her life and Sehun knew that he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself for that.

It’s been a month since the incident; he didn’t know how to face her, nor does he know how to make the guilt he felt suffice and gather up the courage to apologize to her. It was an hour until their graduation and he still doesn’t know how he would deal with everything – he didn’t know how to tell her.

He stood in front of the mirror that was by his window. He fixed his white polo and took a deep breath in, this is it, he told himself and grabbed his toga and graduation cap. He glanced at his reflection one last time and noticed the photo that was tucked in the corner of his mirror; Wendy’s head rested on his shoulder with a smile on her face as he looked at her like he always does – like she was the world. Sehun took it out and wrote a note at the back. Even if it was just a little bit, he wanted to leave behind his feelings for her to have the strength to pull away from her.

Several-hundred voices were humming like an orchestra of loafer droids with their monotone buzzing welcomed Sehun as he entered the school’s gymnasium. How the crowd settled down when the program began made him nostalgic of his stay in this school; the good, the bad, the fun, and the idiotic moments – these were the things that made him who he was today. And this was finally the time to start anew and to try and leave the past behind. As each name was called, he tried to recall of a moment he had spent with them; he would smile at some memories and scrunch his nose at others. And he couldn’t hear his own thoughts when he was called upfront because of how loudly his heart was beating. His palms were sweaty, his knees trembled, but then again he couldn’t be any happier to receive that piece of paper representing his accomplished education. Everything went on and about, but one name was different amongst all; Son Seungwan. His eyes followed her figure even before she could go up the stage – her blonde hair that fell elegantly into soft waves on the sides of her neck, her eyes that twinkled in a such a way that made her look radiant, her smile that can take his breath away in a second, and everything else that made her the Wendy he’s deeply in love with – until she got down. Right then and there he started to doubt if graduation wasn’t a good thing after all. Time flew, vows were made and the next thing they know they were already throwing their graduation caps up in the air to celebrate the new life that has been offered to them.

“Sehuna,” Mrs. Son called out, “come take a picture with us.”

Sehun smiled and walked his way towards their family to have a photo with them. Seojun and Mr. Son moved out of the frame as Mrs. Son took the camera and had Wendy and Sehun stand beside each other after the family photo with Sehun was done. The awkward air was noticeable between the two, but everything vanished in an instant when Wendy locked her arm around Sehun’s neck. Mrs. Son laughed gave him a peck on both cheeks after congratulating him. Mr. Son and Seojun then approached and did the same.

“I haven’t talked to you in a while,” Wendy remarked the moment her family walked away from the two of them.

Sehun chuckled, “yeah.”

“How are you?” Wendy’s eyes welled up, hands balled into a fist, “I missed you,” she quietly sobbed.

“Aish,” Sehun pulled her close and hid her face against his chest. “Everyone would think that I’m making you cry,” he laughed.

“It’s because you are!” she sobbed a little louder. “I don’t know how it’s possible but I can’t even see you in school; I can’t eat lunch with you, you’re not visiting my place anymore – not even a phone call!”

He bent down a bit and hugged her tighter, his head resting on hers. “I couldn’t save you again,” he admitted, “I didn’t know what face I could show you or how I would be able to treat that as something that never happened. You’re someone very important to me and I couldn’t even protect you; I’m not something that’s worthy of a place in your life. I’ve let you down and I’m really sorry about that.”

Wendy shook her head and s her arms around his waist. “You’re more than worth it! What would I ever do without my best friend?”

Sehun smiled at the word best friend; it was all he ever was to her and all he could do was accept it. He didn’t know if she could hear how his heart crumbled to a million pieces, but at some point he wish she did. “You could do great things even if I’m not with you.”

“I might,” she chuckled, “but it will never feel right.” Wendy pulled away and gave him a light punch on the chest, “that’s for being a jerk.” She then handed him a box neatly wrapped with a blue aztec cover, “and this is for all the years of being patient with me.”

“What’s this?”

“Open it,” she smiled.

His finger tore one side of the wrapping and revealed a transparent box. Inside was a silver chain bracelet with Sehun’s engraved name on the bar. She took the box from him and opened it only to have him wear it. Sehun touched the trinket and looked at Wendy with a smile, “thank you.”

“Anything for my best friend,” she smiled back. “I’ll see you later for dinner, okay?” And he nodded as a reply.

But Sehun never came to have dinner with them. He walked around the great places in their area and took it in; surely he would miss this – he would miss everything. And the walk home made him lonely, but he needed to get used to it – he wanted to get used to it. The moment he got home, he went up to his now-empty room and just took the time to remember every detail of it as he did to every part of the house. The plane ticket he was holding told of his 2AM flight; he got his luggage and finally locked the door.

Sehun took in a deep breath, “hi auntie,” he greeted as Mrs. Son opened the door to his knock.

Her eyes landed on the bags that he was carrying, “you’re really going to leave?” Sehun nodded. “You’ve been going in and out of this house every day without Wendy knowing just to make sure that her bad dreams wouldn’t haunt her, and I’m really thankful for that. But won’t you at least say a proper goodbye,” she begged, “it would hurt her so much if she woke up one day to find out that you’re gone.”

He glanced down before answering, finding the right words to tell her how much he didn’t want but needed to. “My parents wanted me to be with them, and I think that this is for the best, auntie.” Sehun’s smile didn’t reach his eyes, “I know I’m a coward for not facing her properly, but it would hurt us more if we lose our friendship rather than her losing me – she wouldn’t really lose me, it’s just that I wouldn’t be there for her that often anymore.”

Mrs. Son took his hand in hers, “make sure you take care of yourself the way you’ve taken care of our Wendy, hm? Go on up, she’s asleep.”

Sehun’s footsteps were as light as feather to avoid any sound that could possibly wake her. His head peeked through her door before he went inside and silently closed it behind him. He smiled at the sight of Wendy’s peaceful face; to him she was an angel – she is the angel that guided him to a better life. He sat on the edge of her bed and had his finger brush away the strands of hair that covered her face. “I’m sorry,” Sehun murmured. “I’m sorry for being a coward – for running away from my guilt, from what I feel about you, and from possibly running away from the pain I’m currently feeling.” He took her hand in his and held it as if it was the most fragile thing he has ever held, “I’m probably being too selfish with everything that I’m doing right now but this is the only thing I could think of to save the both of us and what we have.”

Wendy squeezed his hand that made Sehun hold his breath. Is she awake? Did she hear everything I said? Her brows creased and beads of sweat started to form on her forehead as her groans started getting audible.  “Lay,” she called out.

All Sehun could do was glance down and bite his lip so that he would feel a different kind of pain. Every night ever since the accident happened, it was Lay’s name that slipped out of and it made Sehun feel all the more replaced. He placed his hand on her head and caressed it like how he always does, “I know that I’m not the person you need most right now, but I will always be here for you. I hope you know that.” He then gave her a light peck on the forehead and gently stood up from her bead. He reached for his pocket, got out an envelope – a letter he so selfishly made to let her know of how much he had adored her – and placed it on top of her bedside table. Sehun looked at her one last time, “thank you for letting me know how much I could possibly love one person for a long time.”

Wendy woke up with the sound of her alarm clock on her bedside table. Groggily, her hand reached out to turn it off but she soon afterwards felt a different object resting on the same area. She sat up and rubbed her eyes as she turned the envelope around to see what was written behind; Seungwan, it said. If she would search the world to find who wrote this letter, Wendy would go straight to Sehun because he was the only one who called her by her first name. She tear the envelope open and it revealed of Sehun’s uncanny handwriting.

Seungwan,

        By the time you read this, I would be on my way to Edinburgh to be with my parents. They’ve been wanting to take me there with them, and I think that being stable there isn’t such a bad thing. This was the reason why I’m not able to have lunch and go home with you after school; I’ve been busy working on the papers for my immigration.

        I know that you probably hate me right now for not letting you know, but believe me this is for the best. I’m sorry for being a coward, I’m sorry for probably hurting you, I’m sorry if I left you, and I’m sorry if I couldn’t be the kind of best friend you can fully rely on. I’d rather we go our separate ways than have myself ruin our friendship. You could say that I’ve done what I can as your best friend and I can’t force myself to thrive somewhere I don’t belong anymore. I’m still a lost kid and I need to find what I want in life aside from being with you.

        I’ll keep in touch and mail you as often as I can, and I hope you wouldn’t forget about me? Please keep our memories together intact; keep them how you’ve kept a dry rose in between the pages of your favorite books – a memory that can make you smile once you flip through the pages.

        Take care of yourself and be happy because as long as you are, I am as well.

I love you. I’ve been and still am in love with you; always, all ways.

Sehun

Wendy rushed out of her bed as tears stained both her eyes and cheeks; she brought the spare key Sehun had given her just in case there was an emergency, and right now was an emergency. The way he acted the past months made sense to her now.

“Sehun,” she screamed sobbing as she opened the door, covered furniture welcoming her. “God damn it Sehun, come out!”

Her feet fell heavy on the wooden stairs as she made her way to his room, but nothing. There was nothing left of Sehun in the house she knew so well. Wendy sat on the edge of his bed, her sobs audible from every corner of the room. She didn’t know why she was crying, everything happened in an instant; Sehun was nowhere to be found, she knew of his love for her, and she felt how much pain she had caused him. He was alone with his own thoughts, and she couldn’t even do anything for him.

Wendy looked up and around the room, her eyes landing on the photo tucked on the side of Sehun’s mirror. Her fingers ran through the photo before she took it out. What was written behind made her break down, feeling every bit of pain Sehun could have possibly felt all this time.

I was so sure it was you.
But even if I was wrong,
it still is, and will always be you.