Bae Joohyun takes a gulp of water from her water bottle and fans herself.

  She had been twirling around all day in the practice room. Now feeling a little fatigued, she flopped onto the floor and drank out of her water bottle. Taking a quick glance at the clock on the nearby wall, she was startled to see that it was fast approaching midnight. Making a soft noise, she scrambled to pack up her things. Her water bottle thrown into her bag, iPod unplugged from the sound system, her duffel bag grabbed from the floor and she was good to go.

  Taking one last look around the room, she flicked the switch off and left.

@_@

  Unlocking the door of her dorm, Joohyun crept into the room while silently praying to not wake her roommate up. To her dismay, slouching on the couch while eating a bag of chips was Seulgi. Joohyun groaned and dropped herself next to Seulgi, hand snaking over to grab a few chips.

  Sometimes she forgot that she was older than Seulgi, who had been here for six years. Seulgi was a lot taller and prettier and talented, and Joohyun couldn't help but think that Seulgi would be included in the next girl group that the company wanted to debut.

  Her roommate cast her eyes over a tired Joohyun and murmured: "Unnie, you need to rest now. You've been out dancing since eight.", all while giving her slight shove to the shoulder.

  Joohyun just made a sound in response, but got up anyway. Seulgi had been here for six years, and sometimes it was just best to listen to them."

@_@

  She had never mentioned it, but Bae Joohyun nurses a small crush towards Johnny. He was tall, handsome and danced well. And as a fellow trainee specializing in the same art, Joohyun couldn't help but notice the American trainee. Even though they said that the other trainees like Taeyong and Ten were better, there was something about Johnny that drew her to him.

  They were having a Dance class when the news was announced.

  "Your seniors F(x) will be dropping by next week to monitor all of the current trainees. This will also be your next evaluation. I hope you will all do well for it."

  Joohyun wasn't quite sure how to react to the news. F(x) had already been in the business for four years, and were certainly full of experience. Why would they come down specially to evaluate all of them. Next to her, Seulgi seemed to have gotten more vibrant after the announcement was made.

  "I'm friends with Sulli of F(x)," she later explained. "Jinri and I were even roommates before she debuted. It'll be great to see her again."

  Joohyun frowned a liitle. She had heard rumors that Sulli and her bandmate Krystal were great friends and were roommates back when they were trainees, which would explain why they were so close with each other after debut. What about Krystal?

  "Oh, Soojung was my roommate too, and was always very quiet. She hardly spoke, but she's nice, from what I remember. And one other thing, all the guy trainees had a small crush on her. She takes after her older sister Jessica well too."

  Just as she finished, Johnny passed by their lunch table and gave her a little wave. "Hey Joohyun, Hi Seulgi!"

  Seulgi gave a wave back in return while Joohyun gave a small smile in reply, a soft blush covering her cheeks. Seulgi noticed and laughed a little at the reaction. "And you yourself are a boy magnet, my friend."

  She yelped though, when Joohyun managed to land a smack on her arm.

@_@

  A breath was let out when the music ended. Sweat dripped off her brow as she gathered her things to call it a night. Switching off the lights, she traipsed out of the practice room. As she turned a corner, her ears caught the faint sound of laughter.

  She knew that laughter anywhere

  Johnny's.

  Feeling curious, she followed the sound of the laugh. Walking through corridor after corridor, Joohyun thought that she would never be able to catch up. But she managed to catch sight of a tall silhouette and followed stealthily.

  She watched as the silhouette stole into a room and quietly, she crept over and peered through the small crack between the door and the wall. Just before she did, she heard a string of soft giggles through the door. Body freezing slightly, she silently asked herself: "Do I really want to look through the door?" Eventually, her inquisity took over her and she looked.

  What she saw shocked her beyond belief, and she would have gasped out loud if she wasn't suddenly hyper aware of where she was and what she was doing.

  Although the room was dark, moonlight streamed in through the windows and illuminated the two figures by the windowsill. She watched as the small Thai boy Ten give a smile and throw his arms around her crush while the taller leant down.

  This can't be happening...

  Feeling her heart shatter into pieces, she quickly turned and took off down the corridor as the two boys' lips touched.

@_@

  Joohyun had always been a quiet girl,keeping all her burdens and problems to herself. Seulgi however, could see how affected and dazed she was, and badgered it out of her friend. She might have been asleep when Joohyun returned back to the dorm, but the tear stains and slightly damp pillow were definite signs of her friend's misery. Trusting Seulgi to lift her mood up, Joohyun mumbled out what she had witnessed, but what amazed her was that Seulgi looked none too surprised upon hearing the news.

  "I always suspected that Ten and Johnny had a thing for each other, but you were so enamoured by him that I didn't wish to burst your bubble. Besides, he was always so friendly to you so my gaydar couldn't affirm anything."

  Joohyun stared at Seulgi. Gaydar?

  "Cheer up," Seulgi said, giving a wry smile and patting Joohyun on the shoulder, all the while ignoring her friend's stare. "Evaluations' today, and there are plenty of bigger fish in the sea."

  For Seulgi's sake, Joohyun mustered the biggest smile she could on her face.

@_@

  Joohyun tried not to trip over her own feet while doing a twirl, eyes shooting back to Victoria of F(x) as she did.

  The leader and Main Dancer of F(x) had slipped into the practice room while the group was in the middle of their routine. Joohyun had been sliding past another trainee in the dance, and had nearly knocked the other trainee down due to her unfocus. Now trying to focus on the dance, all the while staring at the extra person in the room, Joohyun just felt like stopping and looking at Victoria's face. Just so she could know what the other girl was thinking about.

  All too soon, Dance was over and Victoria turned and glided soundlessly out of the room. Joohyun could have stood there stupefied, staring at the spot where Victoria once stood, if Seulgi had not grabbed her wrist and dragged her off to Vocal lessons.

  Here, Joohyun started to panic.

  Singing was not her strong suit. She had a soft and tender voice, as proclaimed by the vocal trainers, but she lacked the power and range that Seulgi and the other singers had.

  Out of the entire F(x), Joohyun admired member Luna the most. She was small like Joohyun, but could make her presence well known on stage. And she was nice. Whoever it was that foresaw her vocal training, she hoped that it would be Luna.

  Alas, just as the class was practicing their scales, the door squeaked open and a willowy figure made her way into the room. Joohyun twisted her head around a little to catch a glimpse of the newcomer and nearly choked when she saw Krystal of F(x).

  Krystal looked nothing like what Seulgi had described. Sure, she seemed quiet, but not in the shy way. This girl seemed icy and detached, seemingly glaring around at the trainees.

  Just then, the girl looked over and locked gazes with her. Joohyun immediately felt like wilting while Krystal just looked away a second later. She shivered and tried her best to focus on the rest of the training.

  Halfway though, Krystal stood up from her place on the floor and left the room. The sound of the door closing resounded throughout the room.

  Joohyun swore that she had never met a scarier idol.

@_@

  Joohyun winced when she saw a chaste but sweet kiss placed on Johnny's cheek from none other than Ten himself. It had been a couple of days after the F(x) evaluation and she had been feeling down ever since. The other F(x) members had evaluated her in her other classes and none of them had given anything away. She had hoped that they would reveal at least something, or at least gave feedback, but all of them had been like Victoria and Krystal. This put her in endless worry, as she wondered on whether she done well enough.

  To add on to her worry-plagued mind, she had to deal with her crush PDA-ing with his boyfriend. As much as she tried to forget him or ignore it, she would find herself somehow catching the couple doing all sorts of sweet things. Things that she wanted to do to Johnny as her boyfriend.

  Feeling her mind about to explode from excessive thoughts, she picked up her bag and made her way to her favourite practice room. At least she wouldn't be bothered there and had more time to get things off her mind.

  She had contemplated on spilling her mind to Seulgi, but something just held her back. Try as she might, she couldn't seem to tell Seulgi anything bothering her. Even if Seulgi noticed and asked her about it, it was only one problem on the list told to her. That still left ninety-nine or so problems left on Joohyun's list.

  Reaching the practice room, she dropped her bag down in a corner and immediately started working on her stretches. Stretching helped her relax her muscles and in overall, relaxed her body. Her mind, in a sense, would be relaxed as well as she would blank it out to ease the pain received through stretching. After stretches were over, she went through a series of movements newly choreographed in her mind. Humming a song lightly under her breath, Joohyun carried out her routine across the entire floor of the practice room.

  After minutes of mindless twirls, pirouettes and spins, she finally stopped in front of the mirror. After dancing, Joohyun couldn't hide any emotions that arose on her face. An image of Johnny and Ten being loving to each other surfaced in her mind. Joohyun struggled internally, wondering whether or not to compress those feelings of hers and continue with her dancing. But she knew that she would either break in here or in her dorm, most likely in the comforting and worried arms of Seulgi.

  Either here or there.

  Either now or later.

  And slowly but surely, the first tear rolled down her face.

@_@

  A few weeks after F(x) had monitored their training, Joohyun was told by one of the dance trainers to report to the trainee-in-charge. Bewildered, she made her way to the trainee-in-charge's office. Reaching her destination, she gave a couple of light but sharp knocks and entered.

  Inside the room, she saw three other girls sitting in front of a desk, with a lady behind it. The lady gestured her over to a fourth chair in front of the desk and said: "We're waiting for one more."

  Just as Joohyun plopped herself down onto the chair, knocks were heard again and this time Seulgi entered the room. As she sat herself down next to Joohyun in the fifth chair, the lady behind the desk spoke up again, this time accompanied with a small smile.

  "Hello girls, I'm Mrs Oh, the trainee-in-charge. As you can probably remember , we called F(x) back to the company a few weeks ago to evaluate all the trainees. What you all didn't know was that they were called down to help us shortlist the female trainees for our next girl group."

  "That's right. Kang Seulgi, Bae Joohyun, Kim Yerim, Park Sooyoung and Son Seungwan, you girls will be debuting in our next girl group, Red Velvet."

@_@

  "Omigosh I'm debuting with you!" Seulgi squealed in happiness, seemingly bouncing off the walls in their dorm. Joohyun gave a small smile. Despite feeling happy, excited and overwhelmed, she kept her cool and watched her friend.

  Seulgi took a look at her friend and realized that she wasn't joining her in her bounce-and-squeal fest. Is she not happy about debuting? Or does she not like one of those girls back there? Seungwan and Sooyoung are pretty nice, although I don't know much about Yerim...

  But then she noticed small smile on Joohyun's face, a smile of comfort and concealed excitement. Feeling decidely reassured, she danced off to the kitchen.

  Joohyun looked at her confused. Wasn't Seulgi just dancing and singing in joy over debuting? Why did she prance off to the kitchen?

  Her roommate and best friend returned soon enough, bearing a cup of chocolate and a warm grin. "Drink up, Bae Joohyun. I made this as a form of celebration. If you don't accept it, I'm gonna take it as an insult and fling this cup all over your pretty little face and ruin it, my precious."

  Joohyun tried to hide her barely concealed grin. Seulgi had been watching too much of The Wizard of Oz.

  Later in bed, Seulgi asked Joohyun: "Joohyun-ah, do you think I would make a good idol?"

  "You'll do fine, Kang Seulgi. You're talented and pretty and everything. Sometimes I wonder why the company didn't debut you earlier."

  Seulgi remained silent for a moment, as if contemplating on whether or not to say something. She eventually decided to.

  "Suho oppa of EXO once told me, that he always wondered when he was going to debut. But he told himself, good things happen to those who wait. And sometimes he thinks that he was really meant to be in EXO, because he trained this long."

  She turned in her bed to face Joohyun, smile on her face. "I believe that. I was trained this long to be in Red Velvet, I'm sure of it."

  Joohyun looked at her friend's determined face. It was one of Seulgi's rare moods, to be so affirmed about something that was serious. Just as she drifted off to sleep, she heard Seulgi's voice saying: "And Joohyun-ah, please try opening up more to me. You need to relieve your mind more."

@_@

  Trainee life just got harder, now that they were preparing for their debut. Joohyun moved into a new dorm with the four other girls, and learned to live with them. It felt like having three new younger sisters and Seulgi.

  They also had more meetings with the Debut Team, about their concept, debut song and choreography, positions in the group and the possibility of stage names. The five girls were allowed to think carefully about their stage names. Joohyun had decided on the name Irene, as she thought it was a pretty name that she had once come across in a book. Seungwan decided to use her English name Wendy, while cheerful Sooyoung picked Joy. Maknae Yerim shortened her name to Yeri, while Seulgi announced that she would keep her actual name.

  As a secret form of promotion, the Debut Team placed Seungwan, Seulgi, Joohyun and Yerim in SM Rookies, SM's predebut team. They decided to keep Sooyoung under wraps to add onto the curiosity when they would debut them.

  Meanwhile, they decided on positions. Seungwan was tha main vocal. Seulgi was lead vocal, lead dancer and visual. Sooyoung was placed as lead rapper and lead vocal while Yerim would be the Maknae and sub vocal. As for Joohyun...

  "You'll be the main rapper and main dancer, as well as the Leader because you're the oldest."

  Joohyun gasped. Seulgi trained a lot longer. Now that she was finally able to debut, shouldn't she at least be the leader?

  Feeling uncomfortable, she cast an uneasy look over at her best friend. Seulgi worked so hard for this, and so much longer than any of the other members in the group. Aside from that Joohyun herself didn't feel confident enough to lead this group of girls. Why did they pick her? Why not Seungwan or Seulgi? What if she messed up big time? What if her mistakes were so serious that it ended up getting Red Velvet disbanded? Did they choose her simply because she was the oldest? She couldn't do this. She simply couldn't. She considered passing on the role to Seulgi, to shed herself of such a heavy burden that she was sure she would be crushed from.

  However, a glance at Seulgi's face told her that Seulgi was fine with her being the leader. Seulgi looked so carefree and cheerful. How could she simply toss such a responsibility to her best friend and have her forever chained to such a problem?

  It simply wasn't for Seulgi to take.

  Swallowing hard, Joohyun nodded.

@_@

  As celebration, Seulgi invited her new group mates over for a party at the F(x) dorms, to celebrate their debut. However, Joohyun didn't feel like going. The whole thing about Johnny and being the leader had left her feeling raw and tired, and preparation for Red Velvet's debut further drained her. Seulgi just gave her a dirty look and dragged her out anyway.

  Which left her currently curled up in a corner of F(x)'s couch. Luna, as it turned out, was nice. But also really chatty. Timid Joohyun couldn't keep up a conversation with her and eventually withdrew and let someone like Sooyoung or Seulgi take her place.

  Sighing, she got up off the couch and poured herself a cup of peach tea before making her way over to F(x)'s balcony. As she stepped onto the balcony, she was startled to see a lithe figure already standing there, leaning against the railing.

  Krystal turned around when she heard Joohyun's footsteps, and stared at her. Joohyun gulped, and meekly murmured: "Sorry to bother you, I'll just go find someplace else."

  "No, wait."

  Joohyun stared back at Krystal, who sighed and said: "You can stay. I don't mind."

  A few seconds later, Krystal spoke up: "Sorry if I scared you or something. I just don't like...talking to people."

  "Oh."

  "As in...I don't like speaking out. And I don't really know how to talk to strangers properly. Just...it feels difficult."

  "I get what you mean" Joohyun murmured.

  "And this job of mine, it requires me to open up and all. But I still don't feel comfortable. My friends understand how I feel, and some of them are like me."

  "Who?"

  "Oh, you know. Kai of EXO, I call him Jongin. And Victoria Unnie too. She may seem cheerful, but she doesn't like talking either. Oh, and Jessica too of course."

  Joohyun couldn't help but stare back at her again. Krystal looked gorgeous under the moonlight, while she herself felt like small fry. How was it that someone so beautiful could be so...uncomfortable among other people? But here Krystal was, proving everything that she ever thought of her wrong.

  "You seem to have a lot of problems. Care to share?"

  "Umm..."

  "I know you prefer keeping your problems to yourself, but trust me, you'd feel a lot better after talking."

  Joohyun looked at Krystal again, whose eyes radiated with pure sincerity. Should she confess everything that she had been worrying about to this stranger? She never told Seulgi much, why should she tell Krystal anything? She should just continue harbouring everything in her heart and mind. No need to add her burden to another person.

   But Krystal was someone like her. And so was Jessica, Kai and Victoria apparently. Kindred souls.

  And little by little, her walls started crumbling down.

  Joohyun talked about how she was afraid that the fans wouldn't like her. As a child ulzzang, people admired her for her looks. She was afraid that people would only see her as a pretty face and nothing more. She was also afraid of how meek and timid she was, yet she had to lead a whole group through the K-pop world. How her members would look up to her, and how she was fine and all with it, but what if they needed help one day and she had no idea how to help them? And...

  And...

  And...

  Krystal silently listened to every single one of Joohyun's worries, not once interrupting her. And when she finished, she spoke up.

  "The world is a scary place. I'm not going to pretend otherwise. I debuted when I was fifteen, and I saw enough. Fans are going to chase after you, and you'll never have a moment 's peace anymore. People are going to judge you, thinking they know who you really are. You'll encounter hurtful comments and attitudes, and there's nothing you can do about them."

  "Jess and I were often chastised for being bored and rude. But I like said, we just don't like talking. Ever since I debuted, I've always been known as Jessica's younger sister. And as much as I love my sister, I keep trying to break out of her shadow. People never see me as myself. They always think I'm who I am because I'm "Jessica's little sister"."

  "Of course, she gets her fair share. Like people say she only made it into SM because of me. But then she's so much a better singer than me. She's prettier, more talented and more interacting."

  "Victoria Unnie was scared that she would never fit in because she's Chinese. Jongin was afraid that his injuries and the world would bring him down."

  "But at the end of the day, we all chose this. And as much as we don't like it at times, it's our life. We have to bear with it. And sometimes, when you find the best friends you can ever find, you won't hate it so much."

  "There are probably people right now thinking I'm a bimbo, but I can only just ignore them. Being an idol has its rewarding moments that makes it worth all the pain. But you'll still be a rookie in the business, Joohyun. Enjoy it while you still can. We've all felt insecure at some times, but the important thing is to secure them."

  Joohyun felt awed. How could she have misjudged Krystal so badly? But one more thing was stuck on her mind.

  "I actually have another problem. I had a crush on this guy, but one day I saw him kissing...another male trainee."

  Krystal exhaled, giving her an unreadable look. Joohyun suddenly felt nervous. Was Krystal homophobic? But she just said: "It stings, doesn't it?"

  Joohyun numbly nodded in relief. Krystal then continued: "Since you're friends with Seulgi, I bet she mentioned that I was a boy magnet."

  "Mhmm."

  "Well get this, I never had a boyfriend, even after debut. I've only ever liked this one guy. I went back to SM that day, and I had walked past the vocal room. He was in there. I fell in love with his voice. It turns out that he had a heart to match. I was so happy when I found out that he and Jongin were friends and soon-to-be bandmates. That is, until Jongin confessed to me one day. Told me he was in love with the guy I liked and should he tell him? He was my best friend, but my heart broke that day. It crumbled when they came up to me one day, hand-in-hand, and announced that they were dating. Jongin remains a good friend of mine, but I can never tell him I love his boyfriend. At least not now. Besides, they look good together. I'd be a monster to tear them apart."

  "Trust me Joohyun. It hurts a lot now, but you'll get better. If you really like that guy, be happy for them."

  Joohyun remained silent, then she looked Krystal straight in the eyes and said: "Krystal Sunbae?"

  "Yeah."

  "Thanks for everything. I don't regret coming today."

  "Anytime."

  "...One more thing. If you don't mind me asking, who was your crush? The boy you fell in love with."

  "...Do Kyungsoo. His name is Do Kyungsoo."

@_@

  Training and preparations continued. Joohyun felt exhausted, but she was nearly there. She couldn't give up now.

  Tragedy struck when Kris and Jessica stopped their EXO and Girls' Generations' activities respectively, advancing their debut. And under the sheer pressure of school and debuting, Maknae Yerim finally broke down. After assessing Yerim, the Debut Team decided to withdraw her from debuting for the time being. The other girls protested that they wouldn't debut without their Maknae, but Yerim surprised them all by insisting.

  "I'm still young, I can debut next year during your comeback. You girls should debut now and tell me about it. It worked out fine for Kyuhyun Sunbae, I can handle it too. Meanwhile, Sooyoung can fill in my role and nobody would know."

  The other girls were unwilling, but Yerim had her final say, and they would be moving on without her for the time being.

  Johnny as well, was another thing settled in Joohyun's book.

  She had been so busy that she had not thought about him that much. The next time she saw him, he was having another moment with Ten.

  This time she smiled.

  They looked cute together.

  "Chin up Joohyun," she told herself. "Plenty of other fish out there in the sea."

@_@

  It was finally the night before their debut stage, and all five girls, including Yerim, were huddled together on the couch. The four older girls had refused to leave her out, and Yerim had joined them with tears in her eyes.

  They were watching a movie when suddenly Seungwan paused it and scrambled off the couch. Joohyun stared at her in surprise just before a blindfold covered her eyes.

  "Please be nice and don't remove the blindfold Joohyun." she heard Seulgi say. "It's a surprise."

  When they finally removed the blindfold, Joohyun gasped and tears sprang to her eyes. An ice-cream cake was sitting on the table in front of her, with the words "Thank you!" iced to perfection.

  "We got this for you for being such a great leader." Sooyoung started.

  "Whenever you're not sure of things yourself, you still help anyways." Yerim chimed in.

  "Even though most of us don't know you, you're still awfully nice and treat us like family." Seungwan added.

  "You've been an awesome friend." Seulgi sniffled.

  Joohyun couldn't take it anymore, she engulfed them all in a hug.

  Krystal was right. When you do find the right friends, you'll never be happier to have them by your side.

  Epilogue:

  "Any idea what you want your next album and single to be named?"

  Irene thought back to the night before their debut and smiled.

  "How about Ice Cream Cake?"