“…” I say to myself.

The clock is ringing again.

One more day in a school I hate, full of people I hate and classes that wont teach me a single . Maybe I wont go to the first class… I got a really big problem with skipping school, but that’s ok, my dad always justifies my skippings with some pappers my shrink gives him.

“cause of skipping school: depression”

I get lost in my thoughts and fall asleep again.

 

“honey? Sukí, honey wake up”

“wh… what? What is it dad?” I say rubbing my eyes.

“sweetheart, you need to go school… remember what the psychiatrist told you. If you isolate yourself, it will be even harder to get out of that depression”

“yeah dad, I know, don’t worry.”

“ok… look, here it is the morning medication, and money for you to have lunch, ok honey?”

“ok, thanks dad, you can go now” I fake smiled

“love you sugarpump” he kisses me on the head and leaves.

“bye”

 

I look at the table next to my bed. Lots of colorful pills… I grab them and just stare at them. They look like a rainbow. I take all of them at once without needing water, I guess im really used to this.

I’ve been in a depression for a year and half now… my mom and dad got divorced because they thought that they were the reason for my behavior. That was just stupid, and useless.

Im now living is Seoul with my dad. Altough we don’t have an amazing relationship, he’s better than my mom… she’s always overreacting to everything I do.

 

I get up and get myself in the bathroom. I try my best to don’t look at the mirror. My reflection disgusts me.

I get in the tub, and take a long bath. I look at my legs and all I see is fat and cuts… I don’t get it… why am I like this?

Last year I got over my bulimia problem, but it’s still so hard to eat.

It would all be easier if I just died… I’ve already tried to kill myself twice. With pills. And my shrink thinks that the best way to get over that is taking more pills he gives me. Wow, so clever.

 

As I dress myself I think about how much I love black. People say that black is sad, but it’s not. It’s poetic… I bet you’ve never seen a poet wearing a bright yellow shirt.

 

 

Im leaving my house now. Im going to get cigarettes before going to school. That’s how I always spend my lunch money. I kind of feel bad for my dad because he actually thinks that I eat during the day… I feel even worse because even tho he does everything for me, I can’t get out of this black hole.

I often feel that my thoughts are full of waves, and my heart was replaced with a jellyfish.

 

I’m late for the third class, and still, I walk peacefully, listening to music.

When I get to the classroom I can feel everybody staring at me, like I’m some freak. I try to ignore them and don’t even take my earphones out. Until I see someone sitting on my place.

“dude that’s my place!” I say to him while getting off my earphones.

“oh, oh im sorry!” he says while getting up.

“Sukí! Don’t be like that to the new student! Just sit next to him!”

I ing hate this y teacher. But oh, yeah, new student.

He set down and I set next to him. I could feel him staring at the drawings I was doing but I just kept drawing and put on one of my earphones.

“shouldn’t you be paying attention to the class?”

I looked at him and smirked

“shouldn’t you?” I asked

He quick looked away and I countinued drawing.

 

It’s ringing, finally it’s lunch time. I got my stuff and got out of the classroom. I found out this place behind school where I always go and smoke. Its so pacific. Im going down there now.

“Sukí! Hey, wait!”

I look back and it’s the new student, running in my direction.

“what?”

“gosh Sukí… im calling you since you left the classroom! Why are you always with that on your ears?!”

“I was listening to music, im sorry”

“why are you always listening to music then?”

“because it keeps shut all the voices inside my head”

“what? What voices?”

“forget it” I turn away and keep walking to my spot.

“hey wait, im coming with you!”

“what? Why?”

“I don’t know this place, and im afraid of getting lost!”

“oh off you prick”

“hey! Don’t be like that!

“or what?!”

“or, or… or! I don’t know”

“gosh… if you wanna come with me hurry up”

“where are we going?”

“to my spot behind school”

“oh… ok…”

 

When we arrived and sat on the floor, I got one cigarette out and started smoking. I could feel him staring at me.

“what? You want one isn’t it?”

“no… I don’t smoke”

“then why are you looking at me?”

“I don’t know”

“now that we’re alone…” I got closer to him “why did you came here with me?”

“oh… I don’t know…”

I laughed “dude, now that you’re here, don’t tell anyone I’ve shown you my spot”

“ok… you don’t seem to have a lot of friends…”

“I don’t”

“why?”

“I don’t know. Im stupid. People usually say I don’t look nice”

“art isn’t supposed to look nice…”

I looked at him and I could see his ears turning red.

“ok……. That was gross.” I laugh “I don’t even know your name”

“Taehyung, but you can call me V”

“why would I call you V?

“because all my friends do…”

“dude I’m not even your friend… and what does the V stand for? ?”

“n..no! they just, call me that for no reason!!”

“ok then. But im still not your friend, Taehyung” I said smiling.

He’s nice, I guess.

“Sukí, why don’t you use the school uniform?”

“because it’s yellow”

“but its not allowed not to wear the uniform”

“yeah, and look at how many s I give” I say while putting another cigarette in my mouth

“why do you smoke so much?”

“why do you ask so many questions?

“I don’t know… how old are you?”

“gosh… 17, and you?”

“18. That makes me your oppa!”

“that makes you annoying”

“respect your oppa!!!” he says trying to look serious

I laughed at his face “dude, shut up”

“aigo…”

“why did you move to this school?”

“I got in some troubles at my old school….”

“you?!” I laughed “like what? Stealing? Selling drugs? Fights?” I said in a joking tone.

“I used to get bullied…”

“oh…” … poor guy “im sorry to hear that Taehyung…”

“its ok… it’s all over now…”

“here people judge a lot, so just stay in the shadow, like I do”

“why do you stay in the shadow? You’re actually nice…”

“I’m not. I’m all ed up”

“why do you say that?

“because its true”

He was about to say something but then I got a message from my dad:

“honey, don’t forget you need to go to the shrink today! Love, dad”

 

“ this ”

“what? What is it Sukí?”

“its my dad”

“is he ok?!”

“yeah, but I gotta go to the shrink today”

“shrink? Why? Are you on a depr…”

“no” I interrup him “im just… ed up”

“oh… that’s ok…”

“yeah”

“well, I-I… I think you’re cool…”

I looked at him, and he was facing the floor.

“thanks, I guess… but you’re still annoying”

He laughed and he’s laugh… his smile was so… weird! So weird it made me smile.

“dude your smile is weird”

“stop it… I hate it…”

“I like weird stuff!”

He blushed and I smiled. Im not used to smile anymore, so this is feeling weird.

“I like you too Sukí”

“D U D E wow calm down!” I laughed “don’t start flirting with me if we’re not even friends!”

“h-hey! I was not flirting with you! I was just being nice!”

“yeah yeah…” I smiled

 “aren’t you going to have lunch?”

“nah”

“why?!”

“because im not hungry…” I say while looking at my legs.

“oh… Sukí… you’re prefectly fine…”

His voice was sad.

“what?”

How the did he noticed?!

“You’re not fat or anything like that… you should eat”

“dude I already said im not hungry!” I shout.

“hey! Calm down! Im just worried!”

“ off you prick! You don’t even know me!” I get up and grab my things.

“wait! Im going with you!”

“no! just stop following me!” I say while getting away from him.

 

 

I arrived home now. I can feel those voices screaming in my head again. I’m home alone.

I didn’t went to the afternoon classes, or the shrink. I just need to sleep.

I lay in bed and try to sleep.

I can’t get Taehyung out of my head. . I was too hard on him… I shouldn’t have left... .

I’m not used to relationships with people of my age. But I know he was just trying to be nice.

 

(Next Day)

 

“WHY DON’T YOU ALL DIEEEEEE?!!” I say punching the clock that is ringing.

7:50 AM

I should get up now.

I look at my desk and there are no pills or money there. That means that my dad didn’t spend the night home. Usual.

Im thinking about skipping school today, and just stay in bed. But I feel I should go because of Taehyung… I dreamed of him last night, bah. that, I’ll talk to him later.

I decid to call my dad.

Calling…….

“honey?”

“hey dad.”

“hey baby, how are you? Im sorry I didn’t sleep there today, I had a lot of work to do here at the office…”

Yeah sure, with office he means a ’s house.

“that’s ok.”

“did you go to the shrink?”

“no, I got home and fell asleep but I’ll go there today or something, don’t worry”

“ok baby girl. Look, go to my room and in my desk you have money, take some of it to have lunch today, now I got to go.”

“ok dad”

“oh, and ah… I’ll probably stay at the office tonight as well… you don’t mind do you?”

“nah, don’t worry, I’ll be fine”

“ok honey, have a good day, I love you”

“bye.”

 

Great, I got the whole house to myself.

I’m going to sleep now, I’m tired.

 

~trrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing~

“what the…” I say while waking up.

It must be the mailman, I’ll just ignore him.

 

~trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrriiiiiiiiiing trrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrring~

“ OFF DUDE IM TRYING TO SLEEEEEEEEEP! JUST THE MAIL BEHIND THE DOOR!” I shout really loud.

“it’s not the mailman! It’s me! V!”

V? what the hell? Am I dreaming?

“DUDE OFF IM TRYING TO SLEEP!”

“hey! I brought you some notes from the classes you skipped!”

“I DON’T GIVE A ABOUT THAT, GO AWAY AND LET ME REST”

“HEY!! Please open the door, I need to pee!!”

What the actual Taehyung.

I get up and open the door.

“ham…” he says covering his eyes.

“what? You never saw a girl in her underwear?”

“n-no…”

“fine, come in and go to my bedroom, I’ll take a quick shower and I’ll be right there”

“o-ok…”

 

This ing boy… how the did he discovered my house?

 

I get out the bathroom with a towel rolled in my body and make my way to my bedroom.

“you can go now Taehyung.”

“what? Where??”

“to the bathroom! You said you needed to pee!”

“oh! Yeah, ah… but now I don’t need anymore!!”

“ok…” I say while taking off the towel.

“hey!!” he says while covering his eyes

“dude, im a girl, it’s normal to have s and a ”

“b-but it’s not polite to watch that…”

“whatever…”

I put on a large sweater and I check the clock. 19:27 PM. I slept all day.

“dude, how did you discovered my house?”

“I followed you yesterday…”

“what??!!” why?!”

“because I was worried about you!”

“gosh…” I sigh “well, now you can leave, thanks for the appointments.”

“you’re welcome…” he stood up “are you alone?”

“yes”

“why?”

“my dad is spending the night out”

“and your mom?”

“they’re divorced”

“oh…” he looked at the floor

“then can I stay??”

“WHAT?!”

“I’ll make you company!!”

“dude I don’t want your company! off!”

“c’mon!! I’m also alone at my house and if I stayed we could make each other company!”

“BUT I ALREADY SAID I DON’T WANT YOUR COMPANY!”

“pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaase!!!!!!!!” he kneeled down and beged me.

“fine, get up!”

He got up “yayyyyyy!!!”

I sighed. “but then you make our dinner!”

“ok!”

“and you clean the dishes after!”

“ok!!”

“then go! I hope after I dry my hair its all done!”

“ok!!”

He left running to the kitchen and I started drying my hair.

He was nice, but also annoying.

 

I can already feel this amazing smell coming from the kitchen… hummm.

I turn off the hair dryer and make my way to the kitchen. He made ramen.

“tchanan!!” he says smiling and proud.

“it actually looks pretty good!” I say smiling. “bring the plates and lets go to my room”

We started eating and it tasted really good.

“thanks for the dinner Taehyung”

“I’m happy you enjoyed it!”

“look, I’ll sleep in the right side ok?”

“what?” he asked confused.

“the right side! Of the bed!”

“BED?!?!” he shouted.

“yes! You’re not going to sleep on the couch!”     

“b-but….”

“don’t worry! As long as you don’t touch me it’s ok! And my bed’s big, so.”

“o-ok… I guess…”

“you never slept with a girl?”

“no…”

“and your still a ?”

“y-yeah…”

“that’s cute” I smiled.

“no…”

 

We finished eating, he washed the dishes and I layed in bed.

“done washing!”

“ok, come here!”

“b-but… I don’t have a pajama…”

“you sleep in your pajamas???” I laughed.

“yes…”       

“stop being a and take off your clothes!”

“all??”

“yes! I-I mean, except your boxers!!”

“o-oh! Yeah I know!!”

Ok, this was akward… Im going to sleep next to a guy I met yesterday, what the heck.

He undressed him and covered his body with his hand and jumped into my bed covering himself with the sheets. And I could see some scars in his chest.

“why do you have those scars on the chest?”

“b-because… I don’t know…”

“you don’t know? Or you don’t want to tell me?”

“I-I don’t know…”

“dude if I’m going to share my bed with you, you should trust me.”

“oh… these scars are really old… my dad made them…”

“your dad? How?”

“with cigarettes…”

“with cigarettes?! He used to do that to you?!”

“yes…”

“why?!”

“I don’t know…”

I felt so bad for him at that moment. So I put my hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry for that Taehyung…”

“it’s ok… he’s in jail now…”

“oh…”

“yeah, but lets change subject!” he said smiling.

He was so full of joy even tho he had those scars that would make him remember such bad memories… I wish I was that strong.

“thank you Taehyung”

“for what?”

“for… for being my friend, I guess”

“oh?? We’re friends now??”

“y-yeah, but I still won’t call you V!!”

“then call me oppa! I wanna be your oppa!!”

“n-no!! off you prick!!” I say while feeling my face blushing.

He laughed. “you look adorable when you blush”

“STOP IT YOU PRICK!”

“but!!”

“but nothing!! Let’s go sleep!!”

He laughed. “ok… goodnight Sukí”

“goodnight Taehyung…”

I switched off the lights.

I could feel his warm body vibrations. It made me want him to approach me. But I didn’t want that at the same time…

A bit later I knew he was sleeping… He was snooring like a little baby. It was cute.

“Taehyung?”

He was not answering.

“Thank you for being here, V…” I said, and approached him a little bit.

“you’re welcome…” he whispered.

“WHAT THE…” I said trying to get away from him.

“shh…” he pulled me closer to him. “we won’t talk about this tomorrow…”

His voice was different… deep, and calm, as the ocean.

I approached him even more, and I felt safe in his arms. He smelled like heaven.

 

 

 

Author’s Note:

Hope you enjoyed the first chapter!!

Please forgive any mistakes! *^*