Me? I've never considered dating a person of the same . Not even once. I grew up in a happy family that raised me to become a healthy, normal boy. It's not that I'm against it, but I just think it's not for me. I have no problem with homouals. I don't even get disgusted whenever I see two males or two women, expressing their affection for each other. Who am I to judge? Love is a beautiful thing. It comes in different sizes and shapes. People are free to love who they want to love.

I've dated countless girls in the past, and I'm proud to say that each of them, I truly loved. So, I guess you could say that I'm a straight guy, right? No, wait. Why am I even asking for an opinion? I myself know that I don't swing that way. I've never felt something about someone of the same gender before. No doubt. I'm completely sure about it.

..But I guess, not until recently?

I don't know. Am I just imagining things? I think it's just because of the stress building up inside of me, that I've been lately having weird feelings. Yeah, that's right. I've been getting worked up about our new album, that I'm being like this. I guess I haven't been thinking clearly. I need to get myself together. I think I'm just on the stage that I'm having doubts about myself. The stage where you get 'confused'. Wait. Haven't I been way passed that stage? Usually, it's when you're in your adolescence stage, right?

What the hell? So really, what's wrong with me?

I've never felt this way before.. not towards a man. And most especially, not towards a very close friend. This is wrong on so many levels. I should get myself together. I need to fight this off. No, I don't think he's 'pretty' for a guy. No, I don't think he has the most beautiful eyes. No, I don't think he has the sweetest smile. And no, I don't think he has the most angelic voice.

T-This is dangerous. Now that I've think about him, my heartbeat's getting faster. Damn it. I'm hopeless. Since when did I started feeling this way? I don't know. I can't remember. All I know is that, I don't see him like I used to, anymore. I get all flustered up whenever he gets close to me. I wasn't like that before. I was completely normal back then. What happened? He just suddenly looked.. beautiful in my eyes. It seemed like there was a light oozing out of him whenever I see him. This is really dangerous.

Mom says that I should always be true to myself. That I should always follow my heart. Should I take care of this problem like that? Should I just be true to myself and accept this 'new me'? It's not like I'm doing something bad by liking him, right? 

Damn it. It's like I'm a lost star wandering around the galaxy. I don't know where I should go.

Should I just follow my heart, like what my mom always says?

Right. I should. This way, I'll be setting myself free from this heavy burden I'm feeling. Alright. I've decided. From now on, I'll be true to myself, and I'll be honest about my feelings. I'll confess to him as soon as I could. If he rejects me, then it's alright. At least I tried. Maybe I'll be hurt, but it's fine. It's better than him, accepting my confession and trying to 'like' me back, just so I won't be brokenhearted. It's like agreeing to be my lover out of pure pity. I don't want that.

To be honest, I'm not expecting anything, at all. I'm not expecting him to respond to me. I'm just doing this for myself. I'm doing this to set myself free. 

OH. Right. Haha. I just remembered something.

I'm such a fool. How could I forget? Yesterday, when Jinwoo finally had a breakdown from all the stress and pressure, he ran away, crying. I followed him, of course. I followed him all the way to the park he usually goes to whenever he wanted to escape from reality. As expected, I saw him there, sitting on a bench, crying his eyes out. I even thought I heard him call my name. When I walked towards him, I realized he wasn't alone. Seunghoon was already there. He already got there before me.

Now that I think about it, those two were always unusually close to each other. I didn't think much about it before, but I guess they had something going on? Those late night talks they thought no one would know, those sneaky-glancing at each other whenever they had a chance, those 'friendly' touch that are obviously filled with malice, and of course, that kiss.

I was shocked when I saw Seunghoon leaning in closer to him. There's something in me that knew exactly what he was gonna do. I could sense it. I knew that look in a man's eyes. But I thought, he wouldn't. I mean, it's a park---a public place. It's open, and anyone who passes by could see. But I've never been so wrong in my entire life. Funny how I just stood there and did nothing. I just watched them as they engage in a passionate kiss. It felt like a dull knife was slowly stabbing my chest. I was in pain.

How could I forget about that? 

Back then, my friends always mocked me on being dumb. Even now, they still do. I guess they wouldn't call me that for no reason, right? I really am dumb. Aish. I'm so stupid. What kind of a brain do I have? So pitiful.

So I guess I should just forget about that stupid 'confession', right? I mean, who does that nowadays? Such an old-fashioned thing to do. Not my style, at all. Besides, even if I did confess, it would be useless. Jinwoo's already in love with Seunghoon. 

Oh. What do we have here? Is this.. tears on my cheeks? Haha. What the hell?