Never Give Up
NEVER GIVE UPZelo slammed shut the door to his bedroom, rattling the shelves and causing a stray pencil to drop from his desk, clatter on the floor and roll out of sight. He didn’t care, his mind was occupied by thoughts of frustration. Yongguk-hyung had been a pain. Zelo hated to admit it, but his best friend and partner in crime had upset the teenager. Usually there was no issue between them, but the pair had gotten into a petty argument about a girl and it was kind of embarrassing now that he thought about it. But nevertheless, the two hadn’t been talking much to each other ever since. Zelo sighed and threw his body onto his bed and dropped his bag to the floor with a thump, his limbs splayed loosely. His cheeks heated up as he recalled the squabble from earlier that week.
“Yongguk-hyung! Hyung, isn’t she just so perfect? Her eyes are so pretty and she’s just so beautiful. I can’t wait ‘till I get to see her again, and, and, hyung she’s just so amazing and when she laughs...” It wasn’t the first time Zelo had prattled on about his crush.
“Eh.” Yongguk had made a sound that should have signalled to Zelo that he didn’t want to hear anymore about this girl. He was getting sick from listening to how nice and great she was and wanted to talk about something more… something they could both enjoy. He sighed in slight aggravation and dropped his head down to rest on his arms when Zelo completely disregarded his hint and continued to blabber on about that girl. Yongguk’s ears began to burn from the annoyance, but being himself, he patiently wore on, only interrupting his dongsaeng when there was a lull in his words of adoration in the form of a dreamy sigh.
“Hey, Junhong,” the older began, a gentle smile and a hand rested on Zelo’s jittery shoulders to catch his attention. Zelo paused and gave his hyung an expectant look.
“Yeah?” He asked, only slightly curious as to why Yongguk-hyung would pull him away from further complimenting his ideal girl.
“Well, maybe you should lay off with going on so much about this… girl.” Yongguk said, purposefully keeping his tone neutral and sounding as if he was only suggesting, not demanding. Zelo felt a bit taken aback.
“What, is she a problem to you? Don’t you like her, too? I like her, I like her a lot. Why do you want me to stop?” He asked, slightly offended at the thought of his best friend disapproving of his crush. Yongguk wasn’t exactly sure how to say it without hurting Zelo’s feelings, but he tried to get it across.
“Ah, you just seem to be occupied with nothing but her. Maybe you should like her a little less for a while. Just a bit, not long.” Yongguk nodded, hoping this was okay, an assuring smile still occupying his features. But his hopes were brutally dashed when Zelo’s face contorted into a sharp frown.
“Fine! If you don’t want me to talk about the things I like, then I’ll just let you be. If you don’t like her, you probably won’t like me much anymore, either.”
Zelo was more than embarrassed. He had no right to be feeling bad for himself. After all, it was largely his own fault. He was the one that had said childish things and had blown up about it. Yongguk-hyung hadn’t really gotten mad about it, either. Yongguk-hyung hardly ever got mad. Come to think of it, Zelo couldn’t remember a time when he did. Hyung was always nice about things.
The younger boy shoved his head deeper into the covers and let out a groan. Zelo would have to apologize, albeit reluctantly. It was only appropriate. Yongguk was older than him and deserved more respect than had been given. That’s right. Tomorrow Zelo was going to show his hyung that he truly appreciated him and ask for his forgiveness. If that wasn’t right to fill in the ditch Zelo dug, then nothing else was. Yongguk was always reasonable and quick to shrug off the mistakes of his silly dongsaeng and that was one quality Zelo was always thankful for. He constantly messed up and only his hyung’s good graces saved his sorry hide in the end. The remembrance stole Zelo’s unwillingness and replaced with a sense of duty.
“Ugh”
He groaned again. He needed to make things better. Truth be told, he wasn’t even mad at Yongguk-hyung anymore. All of his negative feelings had fizzled out and the only remaining frustration came from his absence of conversation with Yongguk-hyung and his own childishness. His crush was such a great girl and sometimes Zelo couldn’t get his mind off her, but he was ready to accept that Yongguk’s feelings weren’t going to be the same. Yongguk-hyung would go on the like different girls and think about other things, and that’s how it was going to be. Honestly, Zelo was relieved that his hyung didn’t like her as much as he did. It would be really awkward between them if they both wanted the same girl.
Finally deciding to quit feeling bad about it and determined to improve their relationship, Zelo pushed himself off of his bed and shuffled through his bag, digging out his textbooks to work on homework and study as he should. Zelo wasn’t much one to do required tasks immediately, he liked to take his time and was ranked quite high in the castle of procrastination. Usually he’d go out with Yongguk to the arcade and get a bite of fast food to eat or hang out at the park, but on this particular evening his desire to waste time wasn’t so overpowering. His sense of procreation overruled most anything else. He needed a tidied mind to be comfortable enough to make up with Yongguk-hyung and feel accomplished.
As the hours passed and the sun lowered, Zelo got quite a lot of things done. He finished his school work, got in good study time, and even helped his mother around the house. She had gratefully thanked him and Zelo was pleased that he’d made her feel better since she was always so busy. When his father got home, Zelo spent quality time with him and felt that he’d improved the relationship he shared with his parents. By the time he needed to go to bed, he was proud to say he left smiled on their weary faces.
Zelo grinned at himself in the mirror and mentally gave himself a pat on the back after he brushed his teeth with the completion of his nightly schedule. He headed towards his room, a bounce in his step. Before he had even closed the door to his bedroom, he had stripped down to his underwear and slipped under his covers, pulling them up close. His mind whirled with the jittery anticipation he felt for the interaction he would have with Yongguk-hyung tomorrow. Tomorrow would be a good day, he thought. Yongguk-hyung would definitely forgive him Scenarios streamed through his head at top-speed and he could hardly close his eyes. This nonstop process led to Zelo staying awake late into the night and this-- this led to him sleeping passed his alarm which then led to the younger teenager hastily riding his skateboard down the sidewalk to get to school on time. His hair had been a disheveled mess and the most he’d done for it was run his hand through and fix it to the best of his abilities.
I shouldn’t have thought so much about it…!” Zelo’s stomach tightened as he complained aloud and rushed to school, beating himself up about getting up too late and feeling stupid. Once he neared the gym, he jumped off his board and flipped it up with the push of his foot, caught it, and grasped it under his arm and pushed the door to the gym open. As he walked in, his eyes drew in the other students and their physical activities. The cheerleaders and gymnasts practiced their routines, creating formation with their bodies and holding each other up. Off to the far side of the athletes, Zelo spotted his crush chatting with her friends. Ah, she was so pretty. Her charming clean face, her unique and wavy hairstyle, her slight body with just the right curves in just the right places. Zelo couldn’t keep his eyes away. With his eyes glued to her, he failed to watch where he was going and clumsily stumbled into the bin that held the basketballs and had to catch himself on the rim of the container, nearly dropping his prized skateboard.
To his vast dismay, Zelo’s lovely crush and her group of friends had witnessed the incident and giggled together in amusement. Zelo scratched the side of his head in disappointed embarrassment and patted the nonexistent dust off of his uniform shirt. Having her see him do something so uncool left him feeling terribly lame. He quickly made his way to the door that led into the hallway in order to escape the eyes of the girls and kept his head low. And of course since his first class wasn’t gym, Zelo found himself running through the hallways even after the bell signalled class start. The day wasn’t looking so bright anymore.
Zelo rushed into the classroom and came to a messy halt when he saw his teacher scolding the very one and only-- Yongguk-hyung. Zelo’s eyes widened and his mouth opened slightly. Seeing his hyung getting in trouble with the teacher gave him some amused mirth and brought a smile to his face. Said smile quickly disappeared though, for the teacher caught his tardiness and promised a stern punishment. Zelo bowed and gave a careless ‘Sorry’, rolling his eyes when his head was down and pasting a remorseful look on his face. After being let go, Zelo hurried to take his seat and made eye contact with his hyung for a quick moment. Yongguk-hyung looked quite disinterested and Zelo wasn’t sure if it was because of the teacher getting on to him, or because of Zelo. Hoping for the best to come from the planned apology to his best friend, the younger teenager forced himself to pay attention to the lesson and do his best not to give Yongguk-hyung any hint that he was going to ask forgiveness. He wanted it to be a surprise.
Zelo must’ve given away his intentions when making the split-second eye contact with his hyung, because hardly any time passed before he felt someone tapping him on the back and lo and behold when he turned around, Yongguk-hyung’s smirking smile was there to greet him. Yongguk-hyung was good at figuring Zelo out, he’d been like that since they were kids and at one point in time, Zelo had believed his hyung was a magical mind-reader.
“Let’s get outta here.”
Everything was alright. Yongguk-hyung was so awesome. Zelo knew all was well between them and they could go on without hitch. His day was definitely looking up. He stood up with a loud motion and let his papers go free with a quick toss, grinning back at his friend. He and Yongguk were the first to get their butts moving and leave the classroom, the rest of the class drinking in their influence and getting talkative with their friends, some even throwing their papers, too. It was all good.
The duo rushed out, laughing and elbowing each other as they set their courses to rouse the school. They made their way around, calling out to the other students and making a scene. They were joined by many on their childish quest. Zelo felt great. He was on the same page as Yongguk-hyung again, and they could create chaos together as they used to. Zelo felt high in spirits as they traversed the halls, calling out and encouraging the other students to have fun and rule the day. They used to do stuff like this a lot, especially in middle school. They always got in trouble, playing pranks and stirring up problems. Yongguk taught Zelo at an early age to enjoy himself regardless of the rules and Zelo was a proud learner.
Yongguk-hyung was so cool. Zelo looked up to him. Hyung dealt smoothly with their schoolmates and said just the right things to get them involved and was such a big role model that just about any student would listen to him. He skillfully sent them out to excite the rest of the school like a master general and had skill and stealth enough to keep out the the teachers’ radars a big portion of the time he’d spent being naughty through the years and removed himself and Zelo from trouble. On this day, he led Zelo away from the others to cause trouble elsewhere. Zelo felt extra special in times like these, knowing he was Yongguk-hyung’s best friend and possessed special privileges to spend time with the influential teenager.
“Hyung, we can do better!” Zelo urged, grabbing Yongguk’s arm and giving it a pull.
“Yeah…” Yongguk agreed with a nod of his head, knowing what his dongsaeng was referring to. They raced to the school’s announcement/sound room, Zelo’s own excitement bubbled and grew. The two burst in, interrupting the startled students who were trying to decide what CD to play on the speakers. Choosing for them, Zelo snatched a diskcase from the girl’s hands and ushered her out along with the other guy. Yongguk smiled at Zelo’s eager actions and they claimed the chairs that were previously occupied. Yongguk switched off the music mode and flipped on the microphones. Zelo tapped on his to assure it was working and began his declaration.
“This is our school!” His voice rang aloud.
“Yes, the tiresome school we go to, we plan our lives around and scurry to make ends meet. Our teachers are boring and give us tons of work. It seems we have no time for what we want. We’re taught that our grades are so much more important than our friendships. We’re pressured to do good in exams and study like good kids. To go to college and spend the rest of our lives working, to be drowned in stress and never have a moment to enjoy each other or pursue our interests. This is ridiculous, you know? Personally, I like being laidback and living calmly. But no, I’m forced to stand up straight and work hard, there’s never a chance to do what I want. My dream is to make music and what do I get stuck doing? Math. School gets in the way of my dreams. And sometimes I feel like I gotta give up. But I can’t give up, and neither can you! Do what you like, love what you do and get in gear to reach your own dreams! Don’t give up, don’t give in. Don’t let the harshness of school hold you down, break free. Believe in yourself and go for it! Chase your dreams, catch them.” Zelo spoke with great enthusiasm, and Yongguk broke in to give his own piece of youth’s advice.
“That’s right, get away from the things that keep you away from your goals. Start a new life and slow your step. Don’t let anything crush your dreams. Promise me this. When you come back here, you’ll be a new person. Strong and willed to find your passion. To do what you want and get where you're going. Put your hands up and declare it to the world that nothing can stop you, that everything will be fine. Never give up, keep on at it.” He finished with a chuckle and glanced at Zelo, sharing a smile and laughing, confident that their efforts had sparked the remainder of the school.
“And don’t forget guys, build your friendships ‘cuz it will be your friends that help you the most through your toughest times.” He glanced at Yongguk-hyung, meaning every word he spoke, intending them for Yongguk to believe and cherish. Yongguk turned off the mics and looked off with his eyes smiling. The two got up and out of the chairs.
“Ah, hyung, your speech had my heart going fast.” Zelo’s grin still going strong as he knocked his shoulder playfully into Yongguk’s. The older teenager ducked his head for a moment with a quiet breathy laugh and then met his eyes to Zelo’s.
“You did pretty good yourself,” He countered meaningfully, returning the playful shoulder bump and walking over to the door to let them out into the hallway and leave the small room.
“Um, wait a moment, hyung. Something’s not quite right…” Zelo said, he picked up the red CD case and opened it, swiftly popping the disk into the player, switching the mode back to music and feeling the satisfaction of hearing the notes of his choice flow out of the loudspeakers. He flashed his smiling face to Yongguk to receive acceptance from the person he idolized and bounded over to meet him at the exit. Without even switching off the lights, the pair left, swagger in their step as they traveled down the hallway. Sure to their expectations, the building was no longer full of strict order, the loud chaos and obnoxiousness of the students was beautiful and only brightened Zelo’s day further.
Zelo turned to his hyung, his idol, -his best friend- and smiled crookedly.
“We did good.” He said. Yongguk nodded in agreement as they walked and talked.
“We sure did.” The older teenager breathed, looking around to admire their handiwork, the array of wild students continuing to flow about and upset teachers.
“Junhong, you did good. I’m proud of you.” He set a hand on his dongsaeng’s shoulder, and giving him a satisfied look. Zelo’s body wracked with contentment, he was pleased by his hyung’s statement.
“Ah, hyung, thank you so much for not staying mad at me…” Zelo spoke quietly, head lowered after a pause filled with silence. Silence, except the noise all the students around them were making. Yongguk chuckled. Feeling slightly bashful, Zelo’s head shot up and he looked questioningly at his hyung.
“Ahaha, Junhong, I wasn’t mad at you.” He grinned with his special smile. Zelo’s eyebrows furrowed.
“I was just waiting for you to come back to me.” He answered and slung an arm over the younger teenager’s shoulder, pulling him down a bit.
“You know I’d never be mad at you; you’re my friend. I care about you.” Yongguk laughed, and pat Zelo’s back before drawing away.
Mission complete. Zelo grinned. Yongguk-hyung was the best. He never held grudges on Zelo and always came to lighten the load the younger carried. Hyung was… Hyung had been there for Zelo ever since their childhood. Hyung had directed and guided Zelo through their days of growing up. Hyung put up with Zelo’s childishness. Hyung waited patiently for sense to crawl into Zelo’s brain. Hyung treated Zelo with calm respect. Hyung lovingly teased and played with Zelo. Hyung gave Zelo gifts. Hyung spent money on food for Zelo’s large appetite. Hyung took Zelo places. Hyung laughed at Zelo’s weird jokes. Hyung encouraged Zelo to skateboard when all Zelo could do was fall down. Hyung gave Zelo a place to sleep when Zelo had nowhere else to go. Hyung helped Zelo turn in his homework on time. Hyung was…
Yongguk-hyung was always there for Zelo.
Filled with memories and emotion, the younger teenager turned to Yongguk in order to properly express his gratitude but before he’d even met the eyes of his friend, he was stopped by the sight of her. She was there, just over there, laughing and having the grandest old time with her buddies. Her hair seemed to sparkle in the light, her long eyelashes fluttering and her sweet mouth formed into a cute smile of laughter. Zelo was tempted to run over there and confess his undying love, but, that wouldn’t be right. Zelo’s conscience would kill him if he did. All of the ordeal he had gone through would have been for nothing if he abandoned Yongguk-hyung now to be with his crush.
As he stared at her interacting with her friends, the intense adoration he held for her trickled away. She wasn’t worth obsessing over if it meant ruining the friendship Zelo and Yongguk had established over the years. He forced his eyes to leave her pretty form and gave them a place to rest on his hyung. No. She for sure wasn’t worth forsaking his relationship with Yongguk-hyung. No way at all.
“...Hyung?” Zelo started, a gentle smile playing on his lips. Yongguk nodded for him to continue.
“I… I’m really glad that you’re my friend. I wouldn’t have been able to be who I am today, without you,” he whispered, thousands of feelings left unsaid. Feelings that couldn’t be explained with words, feelings unable to tell what they are. Though he didn’t have the ability to share his sincere emotions, Zelo trusted that Yongguk knew what he was trying to say. Yongguk had always been good at understanding Zelo. Yongguk had always been. Yongguk had always.
Yongguk-hyung had always been everything for Zelo, he had always been there to lift him back up. Yongguk-hyung had never given up on Zelo, and now Zelo wanted to do the same for Yongguk. To never give up.
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