Do you know what it feels like? Have you ever had something ripped away from you, even if it wasn't intentional?

It's not a great feeling. I can tell you that.

Confused? I bet you are.

Here, let me tell you the story.

My name is Mark Tuan. At this point in the story, I am 18 years old.

Here comes the cliché at the beginning, like it usually does. It's a normal day with normal happenings. It's always like that. It gets...how would you say it? Boring...maybe, though we don't fully feel like it's boring. It's our everyday lives.

Anyways, same old, same old. I was in my house. It was breakfast time, and my parents had gotten all the food prepared. And so, I was eating with my little brother, Kunpimook. He was adopted by my family when he was 4 years old, he's Thai. His name is hard to pronounce, so I settled on the name Bambam. He's 17.

We were all having a calm breakfast, when the man on the radio speaks.

"Last night there was a terrible snowstorm and all the roads have been covered. Please stay safe and drive carefully. All schools have been closed until further notice." That's it. That's all he said.

My parents thought it was a good idea to go out today. Bambam and I wanted to go along, considering we had no school. So why not spend the day with your family? Especially when it's snowing outside.

We loved the snow. It's so much better than the heat.

And so, we're driving down the road. The radio guy was right, it was seriously snowed over.

There we were; a happy family. The growing excitement of wanting to be in the snow for the first time in probably forever.

Well, that excitement was cut short...as a speeding truck came smashing into our car.

All time seemed to stop for us. It was faint for me. Very faint.

All the darkness that tried to take me in, enveloped me entirely.

--

I slowly opened my eyes, looking around.

There were ambulances, cops, news reporters...

"What happened? Where is Bambam? Mom? Dad? Can you hear me? What is going on?"

No one seemed to take notice of me.

It was starting to frighten me.

I needed to find my family. "Bambam!" I kept yelling for him. He'd always answer no matter what...why isn't he answering me?

I tried to catch at least someone's attention. But nothing is working.

Why isn't it working?

I looked over and saw a crowd of paramedics standing around something. I decided to go look, suddenly rushing towards them. I peered over...and I scrambled at the sight.

It was Dad. He was hurt.

They were taking him to the hospital in the ambulance, so I got in after them.

They still couldn't see me. It began to seep into me that I could be dead. Is that why they can't see me? No... I can't be dead. It's not my time-

--

Nobody at this stupid hospital can help me. They can't see me, they can't hear me, they can't even feel my presence. I'm sitting alone in the waiting room until the emergency doors fly open.

One of the nurses or paramedics yell out, "His name is Mark Tuan. He's Type A. Prepare the supplies, he needs heavy surgery. He's currently comatose!"

"Mark? That's me isn't it? Then why am I there?"

I hurried off with them and the actual "me" to the operation room.

When I got to the room, it was actually me. I was laying there covered in so much blood. I'm pretty sure some of it isn't even mine. They did all these things to me, opening up my chest, fixing bones...I had to leave.

I still needed to find my family.

Dad was in surgery, too. Mom...I still haven't seen her or Bambam yet.

I'm so aggravated. Where are they?

--

It's been 3 hours.

Guess who arrived since then? Mom and Bambam did! I was so glad to see them...but Mom...she was taken to a different side of the hospital.

I never caught on where she was headed, but right now I am next to Bambam.

He looks so peaceful laying there.

Please, just keep this kid alive and healthy. I'm on my wits end.

Dad and I are still in surgery. But it's weird to talk about yourself when you're sitting right here, but you're also in another room.

The waiting room is a pain. I decided to leave Bambam for a few minutes just to go snooping. I caught on the news report on the tv playing. It was our crash. It was us.

I decided to tune in.

"...a drunk driver had been speeding and crashed into the Tuan's vehicle. Only one fatality has occurred, Mrs. Tuan. The rest of the family has been admitted to the hospital where they are currently getting medical attention. Mark Tuan is currently in a coma, and undergoing surgery. Mr. Tuan is also getting surgery, as he had heavily damaged the lower half of his body. He is expected to be out of surgery in a few hours. Their youngest son, Kunpimook, is out of surgery and is expecting to be under recovery at this time. This was Choi-"

A fatality? It...couldn't be Mom? Could it? No! She can't! She cannot leave us! We all promised to live a long life!

I fell down to my knees in the middle of the waiting room, screaming for this pain to end.

I didn't want this, Bambam didn't want this, Dad didn't want this. Certainly Mom didn't want this either.

It's not like we had a choice but it just isn't fair! Mom should've lived a happy life with Dad.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. It was supposed to be us four going to play in the snow just a few miles away.

But now...Mom is...dead. I'm a..ghost? Bambam is recovering, and Dad..Dad might be paralyzed the rest of his life!

Life is so unfair! -- Dad left surgery 30 minutes ago.

It's been 5 hours since the accident, and Bambam woke up, and is currently undergoing tests for problems.

The other 5 guys arrived upon hearing the news. They're anxious to know about our condition, especially mine.

They're all crying, though.

I walked up to Jackson and touched his face. He shouldn't have to be here waiting to see if his best friend is dead or not. He should be at home practicing his dance moves like he usually does.

Yugyeom is also waiting for Bambam, considering that they're so close. He's so desperate to talk to him, but the nurses won't let anyone but family in. 

JB and Jr, they're consoling the others. They don't have to do that. We're going to be fine, I promise.

Youngjae is trying to get a hold of our grandparents. He's trying so hard.

"Mark, please...stay strong for us. We don't wanna lose you, Mark. It's not your time.." JB cried.

I gave each of them a pat on the shoulder. I'd hug them, but they wouldn't feel it.

"Their grandparents are on their way...they're flying in at the moment from China." Youngjae quietly inputted.

--

Bambam was admitted to see the guys. He had recovered a lot.

But me on the other hand, I just got out of the operation room. I looked so helpless...and soulless... I want to go back.

I want to be me again.

I don't want to be this...freelancing ghost.

I don't.

It hurts.

No one can see, hear, or touch me. I need to tell them all that I'm okay.

--

The news hit them all so hard.

Especially Bambam.

Apparently Dad had some brain trauma.

He died in his sleep throughout the night. At least he went peacefully...

Grandma and Grandpa are here. They got the blow of the news, too.

I just want to hug them all...why do I have to witness this? They're all so sad.

Dad and Mom are gone. Bambam is fine, and me? How am I supposed to wake up?

How do I fight this? I want to wake up. I want to.

But how? Can't anyone send me any signs? Just one...please.

That's all I ask for. One more chance at life.

I'm still alive, aren't I?

I can do this. I want to do this.

--

I'm so anxious.

Why is that? I was sent into the emergency room once again at noon.

Apparently my heart rate kept decreasing rapidly.

Is that a sign that I could die? I don't want to die.

Everyone in the waiting room was told about this.

Grandma was allowed to visit me, after the surgery, of course.

She refused to see my face, though.

But she told me something.

She told me, "Yi-En...It's okay to let go now. You've suffered enough. It's okay. We promise to take good care of Kunpimook. But if that's not what you want, please keep fighting. Fight until you can no longer fight anymore. It's your choice now, Yi-En."

I'm suddenly in tears.

"It's my choice now? Grandma, I...I don't know how to fight this. Yet,I can't let go. I don't want to let go."

She sat with me for 5 more minutes until the nurse told her visiting time was over.

I followed after them both.

How depressing it must be to know your daughter, son-in-law, and your grandson meeting the fate of death.

Everything is so messed up...

I'm sorry, Grandma, Grandpa, Jackson...Youngjae, Yugyeom, JB, Jr...Mom...Dad...

Bambam...I'm sorry...

I turned to look down the hallway, but there was a strange light at the end.

What was that? Was it my time? Should...I go?

Is it even the end?

I took a few steps forward...considering everything at this one point.

I could be on the way to die right now. It could even be the door to waking up again.

What is on the other side of the door? It could lead to my death and that could honestly be a risk I'm willing to take.

It's probably my time anyways.

I continue my path towards the light when a voice peaks up.

"Mark, they won't let me see you, I'm going to say this in front of everyone. You need to wake up. You have to. We were all going to become famous together, remember? It was a stupid idea that you came up with, but we all loved it anyways. If you go now, that dream will never happen. We can't do this without you. Please...please wake up. I'm begging you. Screw the 'it's all on you now. It's your choice' crap. You gotta wake up, man. You're my best friend and I'd never let you die before I do. Wake up...please."

I turned around to look at Jackson. He was stood up and he looked like a mess.

He's right...what would they do without me?

"Mark! You have to wake up! You aren't going to leave Bambam alone, are you? He needs you. We need you. Wake up." Yugyeom...you guys..need me?

"It's not your time, Mark. You know that more than anything." Not so wise as usual, JB. But thank you.

"Mark, don't forget that we also love you a lot!" Youngjae..typical. I love you guys so much!

I've gotta fight. I'm going to fight this.

Nothing can stop me now.

I'm ready to fight this.

--

Wandering around seems pretty fun. I've got my hope and will.

Everything around me is slowly trying to fade, it's actually kind of scaring me.

I don't have any clear edge of the other side yet. It's honestly nerve-wrecking, and it excites me.

After all the guys had said their speeches, I felt so much better.

They all gained a little hope for themselves, too. I smiled at them...it was so nice to see them come closer than they probably ever would imagine.

It was great.

And it was going all too well...until I suddenly fell to the ground and my vision going black.

I woke up to the sound of beeping and people talking.

My eyes slightly fluttering open...when was light so bright?

"Mark!"

There was so many people yelling my name.

"He's awake! Mark...you did it!" Bambam laughed, wiping happy tears from his face.

"I thought you would've given up...but you pulled through. I'm proud of you, man." Jackson patted my leg.

It felt great to be alive again.

--

(A month later)

I've been out of the hospital for a week, and so many people have come to visit me and Bambam.

We held a small gathering for the deaths of our parents, in which I revealed my story.

The story of what it felt like while I was asleep for so long.

I told them everything.

Jackson's family had taken me and Bambam into their home, because we didn't want to leave this country with Grandma and Grandpa.

We really owe it to them.

All of us had gone through with the idea of being in a musical group. We all auditioned together at JYP Ent.

We're currently trainees, and it's tiring but it's totally worth it.

I'm still taking it pretty slow, I'm still adjusting to having sleeping for 2 weeks.

It was a long 2 weeks and honestly it taught me something.

It taught me that we should never go driving in the snow ever again. Look at how we turned out.

I feel blessed to be alive and I'm so glad Bambam is here with me.

Mom and Dad are forever in our hearts.

And this, is the ending of my story.