(Author’s note: This officially came from my own imagination. If any similarities found, it’s not on purpose. Enjoy!^^)

                      I smiled from ear to ear when the morning finally came. Although the morning sunlight was rather hot on my face, I felt my heart was in a winter season, a cool winter season. Only three days had gone since the day I asked her out, but it seemed like three ages for me to look forward to this day to eventually come. I did not let my mind to wonder again what I was going to do for today’s date which actually I had been brainstorming during the times I daydreamed, so I got up in a blink of eyes and took my clothes, walking to the bathroom to while humming playfully.

                      She was my first love ever and this was my first date also. I did not care if someone saw me or even mocked me being sissy since I was, at the moment, doing what girls did when she had her first date with her boyfriend. Some clothes of mine, hats, cardigans, jeans were all scattered all over my bed. I analyzed which t-shirt matched on which cardigan which matched on which jeans and so on. I sighed in depression that I did not find any clothes matched when I was standing in front of the mirror with a hand holding some hangers of clothes, when actually I wore these clothes everyday, but at the same time smiled like crazy as I imagined that I would look so damn cool and chic for her. Piles of romantic imaginations in my head boasted up my confidence that whatever clothes worn on my body, I would still look hot. At the end, I just took a simple short-sleeved shirt with indistinctive graffiti on the back and black baggy cargo trousers with some useless zippers circling randomly on it, matching them on with white sneakers and my spiky black hair perfected my look. I exercise on different poses, cool greeting poses in front of the mirror before I put on my deadly ‘v’ aegyo and left the house.

                         The busy street of Seoul even celebrated my first date today. No vehicles hindered me from making my day be more complete with joy. When I arrived at her dorm, a familiar figure greeted me, the woman I had been falling in love for years. Her checkered shirt with red tank top fit perfectly on her slim shape and the medium mini black skirt, showing off her slender legs whose feet wearing white tennis shoes, just took my breath away. Her long blonde hair which was single braided was just faultless.

                         “Shall we go?” She responded with a light nod and a small smile.

                         That smile …

_Flashback_

                      “I really like your smile, noona.”  I said to her bluntly. She was just slightly shocked when her usual eye-smile was not seen. A bit later, she showed the smile to me again.

                      “I like yours, too.” I knew what she meant by that ‘like’. She liked mine, but I loved hers. I always knew that hers would not be mine forever. A bitter smile formed on my lips and I would never dare to think she would ask me why I showed that smile because actually, the main concern she was having right now was how she would give the present to my brother which had been beautifully wrapped by, I was sure, her own delicate hands. Her expression when she was thinking deeply with those glistening eyes was just irresistible. Sometimes she frowned, sometimes she smiled and sometimes looking at the present. How I wish right now she was planning the romantic deed for me.

                       “Oh, you’re here.” I blinked in a little bit of shock when she stop daydreaming and welcomed someone’s presence. I was not thankful at all when he finally got out of his bedroom, looking so stylish and at the same time, gorgeous. So perfect for the date right on his birthday. She was his, I reminded myself again and again, but my heart was quite stubborn to obey that command.

                      As they got on the car, I could only, for the nth time, saw with a broken heart. I smiled when they saw me, a fake smile which directly dropped when they were eventually out of sight which I never thought it would be for …

forever.

Was I too sinful?

Was I?

If a flash of imagination came up in my mind? A flash of imagination where we, she and I, walking hand in hand, dating, when everyone was crying their heart out beside my brother’s soulless body? I never at once wanted my big brother to experience this. Let alone her. Her smile was completely gone. Tears were nowhere to be seen on her face, only a deadpan expression, an expression of disbelief. I hated this. Although, I wanted her to be mine, I did not want to see her being this lifeless more.

Bro, don’t die. The family needs you. She needs you.

It was the last thing I thought when the tears finally fell down on my cheeks.

---0---

                  Weeks had passed. The smile slowly appeared again on her face. However, I did not why that I just felt something not right. There was this kind of nameless burden on my heart, I had no idea what it was which let me ignore it and just let it go. She smiled, after all, to me. I had been dreaming this from the time she popped up on my head after my brother showed off her candid photo to me for the first time.

                   “Noona, do you want some?” I offered her my dokbokki. She just refused it with a slight shake of her head.

                  “Are you sure?” I tempted her by bringing the delicious food closer to her nose while making a simple circle move around her nose as if hypnotizing her appetite.

                    “No, I just don’t feel like eating it, Kikwang-ah.” Once again she refused. She put her small hand on mine, gesturing me to stop joking.

                     “Oh, okay. Sorry.” I was not sure what I was sorry about, but I could not help having a feeling as if I had made a serious crime, especially when I saw her face. A really expressionless face, a bad expressionless one. The awkward silence wrapped the atmosphere around us while we were walking along the street and a pang of guilt kept engulfing me more and more.

                  “Kikwang-ah, do you want to play there?” She pointed at a small arcade centre nearby. After a few uncomfortable minutes had passed, she finally initiated a topic. My smile could reach my ear and the guilt was finally washed away by her … smile.

                    I would not dare pinching my cheek, even though this might be a dream.

                   “Ok. Next song.” We were sweating like crazy when we finished two songs from PUMP already and the two songs were super fast. I was super smelly, I bet, but who cared? She smiled.

                   “Wait. Let me choose. I know your favorite.” I agreed to her offering. Well, my brother always made me a third wheel whenever she tried to take her to a date when they had not been an official couple yet. He was too nervous to be out without me, so to speak, since I always ended up leaving home earlier and alone. A lovesick I was.

                   But, finally not anymore.

                   “Yup! I am sure that this is your favorite!” Her sudden exclamation snapped me out from my thought. But, it was not her yell which made me into a complete shock of misery right now, it was …

                    “Yes! Yah, what’s wrong? You always get an S for this song.” I did well covering my heartbreak, again, by the fake smile. The same fake smile when I sent the used-to-be lovey dovey had a great time alone somewhere.

                        It was alright. If that smile formed on those lips, my heart which had turned into pieces once again was worth it.

---0---

                Why? It had just had been fifteen minutes since last time she had fun with me at the arcade center, now she just looked she was about the blow the McD away. I just did not see what was happening right now. Much to my surprise, she closed her eyes and suddenly put her forehead on her hands on the table.

                “Noona, what’s wrong? Are you sick?” She just kept silent which made me even more worried.

                “Please, can we just get out of here?” She answered while keeping still in her position.

                “Why?” No answer was heard, instead she lifted her head up and I could see a very anxious face on her.

               “Noona?” I asked while holding her hand rather tightly to calm her down. Slowly, her expression was becoming softer, but still left me be worried.

                “Ok. Let’s go out if you don’t want to eat here.” When I was about to get up from my seat, she held my hand, preventing me to get up.

                “It’s ok. Sorry, I just … Never mind. Oh, the food is coming.” In Korea, it was cultural to eat with no sound, but I could not help but asking her what was going on. However, after I remembered again that anxious face on her, I had no energy to even speak a word, too afraid in fact, therefore we just ate without words.

                Oh, it was just so good. Even the weather made fun of me. The drizzle successfully dampened my mood. People were running around the street, looking for a shelter or a romantic shelter for the couple, including us. We finally found one in front of a store which was just completely right.

                The romantic yellow light in the display was a good marketing strategy to interest some women who always had a childhood dream of becoming a wife to her male best friend. I was not sure if she had had a dream like that, but from the way she was mesmerized by the pure white gown behind the glass wall at the moment she caught a glimpse of the wedding dress, I knew she at least once wanted to become the beautiful bride ever with a man she loved walking side by side along the aisle.

                I never expected a smile was never seen on her face, instead her eyes produced tears which were about to fall down on her milky white skin.

                “Noona, please smile.” The words were just blurted out of the blue from my mouth. She refused to comply with my plea by looking at me with no smile, but overflowing tears. I offered my hand to wipe those sad tears, but she retreated a little bit, never wanted me to stop her being this miserable.

                “I’m sorry, Kikwang-ah. I should have never accepted your feeling yesterday.” I should have been stunned to death by the statement of her, but I did not. Somehow, although I tried very hard to deny it, I knew this was going to come anyway. Her eyes only looked at the ground and I could only see her blonde hair whose bangs were quite wet because of the rain.

                Ah, this was why sometimes I felt a bit, no, so uneasy when I saw her. The way her mood swung from the first time I met her in the morning.

                Did she learn the fake smile from me?

                Since the first time we met this morning, never at once she showed the same smile when she was with my brother. Only once, only once. It was when she chose the song as we were in the arcade center. The song which she had mistaken to be my favorite one that it was not. It was my brother’s. I also finally understood why she put on the most annoyed face ever when I offered her the dokbokki. My brother hated the food so much and … the sudden flashback played in my head explained why her face showed a great anxiety at McD.

                “Kikwang-ah, you are going to have a sister-in-law.” He could not see my eyes for they were looking at the screen of my laptop and I was thankful for that. He would know from my eyes' gazes that I was shocked to death, shocked in a really bad way. Not happy at all. My fake smile made to appear again, though. I was happy for him and … her, that was my head told me, but my heart, no, I did not have one anymore.

                “Chukae, hyung.” He bought the ring this morning, but it was like he had just bought it a second before he claimed that Hyosung-noona was going to be my sister-in-law, he could not stop staring at it and sometimes blew some dust on it, being afraid the dust would make a small scar on the ring.

                “We love chicken. What if I made a chicken ate this ring and fried it and when she ate it, she found the ring in ?”

                “Hyung, that’s so gross! Yuck!” I put on the most disgusted look ever to him while he laughed and repeated himself that he was just kidding. It was not funny. At all. Who could laugh when the woman you loved marry another and of all people your own sibling?

                “I am going to take the best spot ever in McD.”

                “McD? Oh, please, why don’t you choose a more romantic place?” This time, I put on a questioning look because I really did understand what she was thinking right now. Guys usually thought of the most romantic place ever, right, when it came to proposing?

                “I’ve told you. We never miss McD every time we go on a date.” He answered brightly.

                “Yeah, right. Good luck, then. Get lost now, I still have things to do.” I told him while swinging my hand, gesturing him to leave my room. So far we had been talking, I never let my gaze left the screen of my laptop, too hurtful to look into his eyes.

                “?”

                “Yah.” He ran away before I made to smack his head.

“Noona, please smile.” Once again, I begged her.

“I am really sorry, Kikwang-ah. Really sorry.” She bowed. Why should she bow? It hurt, noona. It really did.

“What can I do to make you smile?” She finally looked into my eyes while biting her lower lip.

“I like you, but I really love your brother.”

“He’s dead.”

“I know.”

“He’s already …”

“Kikwang-ah, I love him.”

I knew it.

I knew it.

You did not need to tell me twice. I was just stupid to deny it. I had that fake smile first, why could not I recognize hers?

That smile could only be sincere when she was with my brother. She loved her. When a woman met the person she loved, that smile would make her the most beautiful smiling angel ever. No wonder I fell in love with that smile.

“Noona, what can I do to make you smile?”

“Kikwang-ah-“

“Please, just tell me.” A few minutes of silence had numbed me in the inside. I could not feel anything at the moment.

“Let me go. Give me some time alone.” She answered with a straight face. I could give her some time alone, but letting her go would absorb the whole energy remaining in me. However, I knew if I wanted to see her smile again, I had to do that.

“Good bye, noona.” There. I was now officially dead mentally. But, I was revived again some moments later when I saw that smile again. The smile she had been hiding from me for weeks. Bro, I could make her smile. Not only you could make her smile, I could, too, even though I still lost to you. Her heart was not mine, could not be mine. It was yours.

I smiled to her when she finally walked away.

It was weird, though, my smile was.

It was not fake anymore.

The End

(Author’s note: The sequel is still in progress^^.Thx.Jlu)