March

As the weeks rolled by, Baekhyun's memory was failing him. Though it wasn't at a drastic rate, but it was deteriorating fast enough to be deemed noticeable.

When relative and friends came by to see him, he couldn't even recognise half of them. He would only smile politely before hiding behind Chanyeol's tall frame, not knowing how to act in front of complete strangers.

Some cried and some even begged Baekhyun to remember them, in which Chanyeol would always try to intervene as he did not want them to frighten the boy.

"God is cruel" Most of them would say before walking out of the door. And Chanyeol couldn’t have agreed more.

He pitied them, he really did. But he couldn't help but feel a little blessed -as horrible as it made him feel- that Baekhyun still remembered him. The boy couldn't even remember half of the people his life revolved around but he still remembered Chanyeol; albeit not all too accurately but it was still better than nothing.

And for that Chanyeol was eternally grateful. For the time he was given that others weren't so lucky to have.

But the only flaw was that he didn't know how much more time he had left. The thought of waking up to Baekhyun looking at him confusedly and asking who he was -that thought was what kept him awake at night.

That's why Chanyeol made a point to shower the boy with kisses every night before they slept, not knowing which kiss may very well be their last.

Sometimes he couldn't help but let a tear slip down his face, but made sure to wipe it away when the boy wasn't looking. Because Baekhyun wasn't stupid either, though he was losing his memory -he still knew of his illness. And knowing that Chanyeol was in pain because of him would hurt his heart to no end. And Chanyeol didn’t want to see him hurt anymore. To him, Baekhyun’s happiness was first and everything else came second.

For Baekhyun, he’d do anything.

That was why Chanyeol gasped when he saw his reflection in the mirror. His hands gave way and the pile of cloths spilled onto the floor. He stepped forward and placed a hand on his face.

His eyes sunk with the eye bags he got from all those sleepless nights and he could barely make out the youthful features he once had behind all the weariness etched in his face. He couldn’t recognise himself anymore.

Chanyeol marvelled at what two months could do to him and wondered how he’d turn out by the end of the year. He was tired, he really was. But he had no one to blame and couldn’t bring himself to blame anyone. All he could do was bite down hard and fight for the strength to carry on.

He chided himself for even thinking like that. He had no right to complain, Baekhyun was hurting more than him. He couldn’t break now; he had to be strong for him.

Chanyeol bended down and picked up the fallen clothes one by one. He walked out of the room, though not before giving himself one last look and shaking his head as he let out a long, long sigh.

“Who are you?” Luhan asked warily.

Chanyeol watched as the pretty boy squinted at him with judging eyes and shifted nervously in his seat.

“The one you invited here,” he shot back.

“Chanyeol?”

Luhan leaned forward, hands on the table for support. He examined the lanky boy carefully and it was only when Chanyeol took off his snapback and let his hair fall back precariously did Luhan finally seem convinced.

“God, you look hideous! What in the world happened?” he gasped.

“I’ve only been with you for a few seconds and you’re already calling me ugly. Talk about rude.”

“Hey you know me,” Luhan shrugged, “I only speak the truth.”

Chanyeol chuckled and nodded in agreement. Maybe this was why they were friends, because he liked how Luhan was always real with him and never beat around the bush. It may get annoying at times but his straightforwardness had helped Chanyeol more times than not. He figured Luhan was his personal reality check.

“Anyways, why’d you ask me out for? Please don’t tell me it’s just to force me into buying those skincare products of yours again.”

“Well I would try selling you some now coz you look like you really need it but that’s not the reason why I’m here today,” Luhan replied.

Chanyeol gave him a skeptical look.

“Don’t tell me you and Sehun broke up. Luhan, he’s like your tenth boyfriend!”

“No, no! Sehun and I are still going on strong and besides I’m not here today to talk about me. I’m here to talk about you.”

“Me?” Chanyeol asked.

“Yes you.”

“Well Baekhyun’s condition has been well these few days and I think maybe he could actua-”

“Chanyeol-ah I want to hear how you’ve been –not Baekhyun.”

“Well I’ve been…”

Chanyeol left the sentence hanging. He couldn’t seem to think of an answer, he really didn’t know what was going on in him.

“I honestly don’t know Luhan… I… I just focus all my time and energy on Baek nowadays and I guess… I guess I just kind of don’t feel anything anymore.”

Luhan knew his theory had been right. He knew the boy all too well.

“I kinda figured that out myself already,” Luhan mused.

But his face then took a serious turn which made Chanyeol chew on his lip nervously.

“Chanyeol… I’ve known you for a long time and I know you’ve never loved anyone as much as you love Baekhyun but…” Luhan paused as if contemplating whether to go on, “you really shouldn’t let your life revolve only around him.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry,” he waved it off.

“Don’t bother trying to lie to me and don’t bother trying to lie to yourself. Look at you Chanyeol, you’re a mess, your studies are a mess, your life is in a mess. Is that really fine?”

Chanyeol remained silent. Luhan wasn’t going to stop till he got his point through.

“Do you realise that in the process of trying to get Baekhyun to remember, you’ve forgotten yourself?”

“It’s because of my face isn’t it? Don’t worry I’ll start taking care of my skin more-”

“I’m not joking Chanyeol. I’m genuinely worried for you,” Luhan said.

“And I’m telling you that you need to chill coz I’ll be fine,” Chanyeol shot back.

“Do you really think you can help Baekhyun in the state you're in?"

He said it. Luhan finally said it. Chanyeol froze in his seat. He didn’t want to admit it but Luhan was right; he was in a ty state. He hadn’t been attending lectures as he was accompanying Baekhyun round the campus, his performance at work was lacking and his grades were failing. How was he going to help Baekhyun?

“I… I’ll try my best to give Baekhyun a good life, I’ll figure out a way,” Chanyeol sputtered.

“Unfortunately you can’t survive with just a ‘try my best’ in the society we live in, the certificates do the talking,” Luhan said.

“Fine I’ll listen to you. I’ll hit the books, alright?”

“Chanyeol- ah… this may be too much to ask but… don’t get too attached to Baekhyun,” Luhan spoke, avoiding his gaze. “You know he won’t be here for long.”

Chanyeol squeezed the glass in his hand so hard that it could’ve broke.

“Stop it, Luhan. We’re stopping here,” he breathed.

“I know you won’t like what I'm gonna say but I’ll say it anyway because I care for you Chanyeol. You’re my best friend, I don’t want to see you hurt. So please... don't get too hung up on Baekhyun."

He couldn’t believe Luhan was asking him to leave Baekhyun in a time like this, when he needed him most. For the first time in his life, he never felt so disgusted by someone’s words.

“I can’t believe you actually want me to leave Baekhyun. When he’s like this? How could you expect me to leave him alone at a time like this? Are you even human?” he gasped.

“But if you do stay you’ll end up hurting yourself even more later on and Baekhyun... he won’t even feel pain anymore.”

“You've went too far Luhan. If you're going to continue then I'm leaving."

“Chanyeol listen to me-”

“No I’m done with you and all your bull. I’ve finally saw through you," he spat.

Chanyeol got up from his seat was prepared to leave but stopped to say one more thing.

“And I won’t be surprised if Sehun finally sees your true colours too.”

He walked out of the café in a huff, leaving Luhan to stare blankly into space, a tear sliding down his cheek.

“Baekhyun I’m home!” Chanyeol announced as he took off his socks.

“Where have you been? We were supposed to go see Taken 3 today…” Baekhyun grumbled.

“I was out with Luhan,” he wished he would never have to say that name again, “didn’t I write a note on the fridge?”

Baekhyun frowned and ran to the fridge to check. He came back with the blue post it scribbled on with Chanyeol’s handwriting.

“I didn’t recall this on the fridge though,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry I’ll make it up to you. We’ll watch it tomorrow, okay?” Chanyeol cooed.

“Alright…” Baekhyun sighed.

“Come on,” Chanyeol brought his hands to Baekhyun’s face, “smile for me.”

Baekhyun tried to keep the frown on his face but couldn’t resist for long and finally broke into a toothy smile.

“That’s better you look so much more beautiful now,” Chanyeol smiled.

“I didn’t look beautiful before?” he pouted.

“No, just… you look more beautiful when you smile that’s all.”

Baekhyun hit his chest playfully and ran off to continue watching his drama from where he left off.

That night Luhan’s words kept playing back in his mind. He wanted so badly to erase everything he had heard, wanted to erase this torturous feeling of knowing that Luhan was right. He was going to suffer if he continued loving Baekhyun, the pain was inevitable.

He lay on his other side and Baekhyun’s face was inches away from his. Instinctively, he reached out a hand to pull the boy closer and Baekhyun snuggled deeply in his arms. Chanyeol planted a kiss on his strawberry scented hair and almost instantly all his doubts were gone.

He could never bring himself to leave Baekhyun. Not even if he knew he’d have to walk barefoot down the road littered with broken glass. The road to moving on.

The next day Chanyeol found himself strolling into the familiar auditorium for his lecture. He figured this was the only thing Luhan had been right about –that certificates meant a better future- other than that he wasn’t going to let his other words sway him.

He took a seat in an empty row and settled his materials down quietly. Not long after, someone sat down on the seat beside him.

He looked up and found Sehun staring back at him.

“Hi Chanyeol. Haven’t seen you in class for a long time.”

“Hi Sehun,” he replied.

Chanyeol had almost forgotten that Sehun was taking the same major as him.

“So how are things going?” Sehun asked.

“Good. Things are going good.”

Chanyeol couldn’t meet his gaze; he knew Luhan had probably told Sehun about yesterday. The boy probably hated him.

“You know you don’t have to act so distant. I know what happened and I don’t hate you Chanyeol,” Sehun spoke as if he had read off his mind.

“Good then.”

An awkward silence then fell over them. Chanyeol resorted to scribbling imaginary notes in his notebook.

“Luhan isn’t what you really think he is.”

Chanyeol pretended not to hear what he said and continued scribbling into his notebook.

“I’m saying this because… Luhan knows how it feels to lose someone you love so much. He’s been there before.”

Chanyeol’s hand froze, his pen dropped onto the floor.

The minute the lecturer announced that class was over, Chanyeol ran like he had never ran before. He pushed his way through the throng of students, desperately searching for the boy with silvery blond hair.

He spotted someone with the hair colour that matched his description and gave chase. When he finally caught up, he grabbed the boy by his shoulders and spun him around.

“Luhan I-”

But instead of seeing Luhan’s usual signature eye smile, he saw a guy with bushy eyebrows staring confusedly back at him.

“Sorry,” he muttered and released his grip.

Sighing, he looked in all directions frantically but there was just no sign of Luhan anywhere.

Just when he was about to turn on his heels and leave, he felt a tap on his shoulders.

“Were you looking for me?”

Chanyeol spun round and a sigh of relief escaped from him immediately.

“Yes! I’m so sorry Luhan I didn’t mean to- I didn’t know I mean-”

“Calm your horses boy, let’s find somewhere less crowded to talk you know I hate crowds.”

Chanyeol nodded embarrassedly and the both of them picked a spot overseeing the pond in the shade.

“So... what's up?"

Luhan looked at him expectantly, waiting for Chanyeol to explain himself.

“Look Luhan I’m sorry alright? Like god damn I’m so sorry I was such a ing for not-”

“Sehun told you?” Luhan interjected.

“Yeah, but he didn’t mean any harm.”

Luhan fell silent. He kept his gaze on two koi fishes swimming in the pond, not once leaving each other's side.

“His name was Minseok,” Luhan finally said, “and I loved him so much.”

“I was seventeen when we met. He was my first boyfriend and I was convinced that he would be my last too.”

Chanyeol listened in silence; he never saw this side of Luhan before.

“We did everything together, we even lived together. My family adored him and his family adored me. We had everything set out and our future together was all planned. We were going to be together forever.”

The serene look the boy always had on his face soon had the faintest signs of sadness.

“But then reality had to come be a and Minseok... well he was diagnosed with lung cancer, the very last stage,” Luhan shook his head and laughed, “I couldn’t believe I never noticed. How he was getting thinner and thinner every day and how much weaker he got.”

“I was there during his final months, weeks and days. I never felt so helpless, Chanyeol. To see the one you love suffering and slipping away from you each day."

Luhan took a deep breath to calm himself.

“I couldn’t do anything to save him. I wanted to so badly but there was nothing I could do… till now it still haunts me. The images of him during his last days and him taking his last breath,” Luhan shook with each word, “I can never forget him and the hell his death put me through.”

Luhan tried to pull himself together and wiped his tears with the sleeves of his shirt.

“That’s why I said what I said yesterday. But I take it all back.”

“Luhan let's forget about what happened yesterday” Chanyeol started. 

“A certain someone once said ‘Love is like a firework from the past. It’s more beautiful for it to go to pieces and scatter far off’,” Luhan quoted, “And I think I finally know what it means.”

Luhan then turned to meet Chanyeol’s gaze.

“So I’ve realised that instead of wasting our time worrying so much about the inevitable pain of losing someone, why not use the time to love them instead?"

Chanyeol stared at him sympathetically and broke out into a sad smile.

"You're still hurting over Minseok, huh?" he asked.

“I was up till yesterday...but now..."

Luhan looked up at the horizon and a smile danced on his lips.

"I think I can finally let Minseok go."

a/n: Chapter 4 is out! Hope to see more comments and would love to hear your thoughts on the story! ^^ Probably won't be able to update next week because of exams so expect an update in about two weeks! Till then, farewell *throws sprinkles*