chapter 3: Emptiness

09 / 10 / 2014    11:40 am

     Soojung leaves and I feel hollow. All I feel is a gaping hole inside of me; like she carved out my soul and my heart and took them with her. That night, I can't fall asleep because I feel so empty. And in the morning, I don't want to wake up because I feel so empty. 

     I can't shake it: The loneliness, and after the painful night had passed me by, I lie awake in bed, only two things on my mind, only two awful things. One of them is, of course, Soojung. No matter how hard I try to distract myself, she always sneaks back into my mind with her silk lips and vanilla scent.

     The other thing that haunts me is how she has already gotten me so addicted to her. How she already has complete control over me and I can't do anything to stop her—I'm utterly helpless and it's only been a day. I know I'd call her if I had her number, I would text her too and I know that just sounds like I'm some obsessive, psycho girlfriend, but I don't know how to stop myself from feeling like this. Without her here, I just feel so incredibly empty I want to die. I wish with burning anger that I never met her. Or that at least I had slapped her away and shouted when she kissed me.

     Jesus. I can't be believe how much I hate her.

     There are two soft knocks at my bedroom door, and shortly after them, it creaks open. My mother peaks her head inside my room, "I'm going to work, darling," She whispers, a sympathetic smile on her red lips as she walks to where I lie. She bends down, placing a warm hand on my forehead, "There's lots of food in the fridge. Eat well alright?" She raises her eyebrows.

     I nod and she stands up again.

     "I'll be back home around six-thirty-ish."

     I nod once more, watching as she walks back to the door.

     She turns to me, smiling softly, "Feel better, darling." She says, closing the door behind her as she leaves.

06 / 15 / 2015    3:20 pm

     If glares could kill, I'd be dead because Amber has been staring at me with a hatred I can't even begin to describe for the past five minutes. I don't think she's even blinked. But I seem to be the only one that's noticed the hostility pouring from her eyes: Everyone else is just discussing what we'll do for our first, free summer day, blissfully unaware of the hate I can't seem to ignore.

     "We have to go to Seulgi's house," Krystal is saying with a grin, "Her parents are out of town so she wants to trash the place."

     "No, no," Luna sips loudly on her strawberry smoothie, (she's the only one who hasn't finished yet. We've been sitting at the Diary Queen for an hour and a half now.) "We gotta go to Vic's, she hosts the best parties."

     "You've got to be ting me!" Yeri groans, letting her head flop down on the table. Her frown is apparent in her voice; "I can't go to Victoria's party... Not after what she did to me."

     "It's been a year, Kim," Luna takes another loud slurp of her drink, "Get over it."

     Yeri snaps up from the table to stare at Luna in complete disbelief, "Get over it?" She echoes, eyes wide. Yeri laughs sarcastically, nodding along as if in agreement, "That's right, I'll just get over it. I'll just get over the only person I've ever loved."

     Luna snorts, putting the straw of her drink to her lips again. "I'm just tryin'na help you, man," She says, beginning to chew on the big, purple straw, "Chill out."

     At that, Yeri snatches the smoothie from her hands, standing up and glaring down at the blonde-haired girl. "Chill out?" she laughs the same laugh she had before, this time swinging her head back like the evil villains do in all those movies. She pulls the plastic lid off of the cup, "I think you need to chill out." She speaks,