Conflicting Emotions
Mid-SeasonsHyukjae~
I watched as Heechul and Hangeng yelled at each other it was as if I was watching my parents fight because both are like parent figures to all of us.
Suddenly I no longer felt Kyuhyun's arms and I had to bite my lip to refrain myself from protesting from the lack of warmth when I watched my boyfriend walk over to the quarreling couple. I was about to follow when I saw Kyuhyun leading them somewhere else but Sungmin held me back. Kyu looked kind of angry mixed with confusion.
"Minnie!" I whined when he wouldn't let go of me.
"Kyuhyun is good with words Hyuk you know him he might be fixing it." I nodded at his words knowing he was right and internally prayed for Hanchul to be together again.
Meanwhile Ryeowook had dragged us around exploring other stands. I was mainly "exploring" the food stands though but managed to buy a cute cellphone strap for my boyfriend's phone case.
We were browsing around for quite a while and I was really grateful the rest had tagged along as well. It was fun! Yewook were quarreling; something about Wookie being stalked, really, we were bursting in laughter at Yesung's overreactions. YunJae were who knows where since they left us sneakily. Changmin kept on flirting with Minnie who I could tell liked the attention as much as he denies it. Yoonsu were at the food stands with Zhoury while Kibum shamelessly flirted with the people he'd label as a ten. Typical.
I rolled my eyes when I saw the latter walking to another guy. I quickly pulled him by the ear over to the rest.
"Ow ow ow!" He yelped smacking my hand. "Stop it Bummie! I don't think you'll be satisfied until you catch an std or something." He pouted and glared at me.
"I'm looking for the one!" He said. That's what he always said though.
"Yah! Stop using that excuse! Focus on the personality not the body at least." I scolded. He just rolled his eyes and stared at the rest of the couples.
"Easy for you to say, you found a really great guy in Kyuhyun." I blushed and bit my lip so my grin wouldn't appear.
He's right though. Kyuhyun is a really great guy I'd be a fool to not fall for him. And I'm pretty sure others would kill to be in my place. He's just so thoughtful and devoted. I sighed and smiled at Kibum.
"Bummie," I said in my cute voice. He turned around to look at me. "Would you have dated Kyu?" He frowned in thought before nodding.
"I guess, I mean he is hot." I smacked his arm lightly. "I don't care about that. I just like his personality." That made him chuckle.
"You know, I think you're not that far off from loving him." I beamed at his words. Really, I do wish to move on and I want to love him too.
Just then I felt a pair of arms hug me from behind. Kibum's smirk confirmed it was who I thought so I didn't struggle plus his scent invaded my nostrils making me smile.
"Miss me baby? Cuz I missed you." I blushed and pinched his arm making him groan a bit.
Kibum chuckled and started teasing Kyu about his choice of words and soon both started bickering. I don't think I can picture these two dating. Just the thought made me feel hurt. I waved those thoughts away and started walking with Kyu never leaving me from behind.
I turned to my side to look at him and saw him staring at me "Stop it." I said not waning to blush he just chuckled and pecked my cheek.
"Where's Hanchul?" I asked. He looked sad for a moment before he smiled warmly at me. "They're making up." I frowned not getting it until he whispered the word to me.
"." My whole face heated up and I turned forward biting my tongue. Aish I should've known.
Kyu was nuzzling on my hair and murmuring something which I only caught the word leave.
"What?" I asked tilting my head to the side.
"Don't leave me." He whispered in my ear in a sad tone. I shivered and turned to look at him. He tightened his grip on my waist and whispered those words again.
"Kyu, why would I leave you?" I asked confused. Honestly I don't know if I could even leave him. I mean why would I when I'm barely starting to like him that way.
"Never mind." He shook his head refusing to open his eyes. I cupped his face and pulled it down a bit so he'd meet my eyes when he'd open them but he didn't instead he rested his forehead on mine. "Kyu," I whispered worriedly. Yes I'm worried now. Why is he acting this way? I have never seen him like this it's as if he's afraid of opening them because he shut them tighter. I felt hurt not because of his behavior towards me right now but because he looks hurt.
"Kyu, look at me." I said. He shook his head but pecked my lips. "Kyu please." I pleaded and he finally did. That's when I saw his puffy red eyes. Omo! Has he been crying?
He looked anywhere but at my eyes which was getting me frustrated because I love those eyes. "Kyu!" I spoke again. "What's wrong?" I asked but he just sighed and pulled me into another hug.
"Nothing baby. Just..." He sighed again nuzzling on my shoulder. "Just... I love you." I barely caught those words that made my stomach feel ticklish and my heart flutter.
I looked at the rest and mentally thanked them all for being too distracted to notice me pulling Kyuhyun out of the place.
We got to the hotel suite and pulled him into our room. We sat on the bed and I made him face me.
"Kyu what's wrong? Please tell me." Hopefully he'll tell me now that we're alone but he didn't. I just watched him get up and go through his stuff. He pulled out some clothes and went into the bathroom. I just stared at the door feeling hurt.
I have lived this before. With Donghae.
He would ignore me as well. He wouldn't even look at me just like Kyu right now.
I wanted to cry as I searched for my pjs and quickly changed into them using Yewook's bathroom to wash up. When I came back Kyuhyun was already under the covers lying there staring at the ceiling.
I heard him sniff as I made my way over to the bed. I pulled up the covers and lied next to him. It was awkwardly silent when he finally turned to look at me. He looked startled, he probably didn't feel or hear me. But his eyes were red again. I looked worriedly at him wishing he'd tell me but he just pulled me close to him and hugged me again.
I guess he doesn't want to talk about it. Understanding this, I didn't ask anymore instead I kissed him.
Kyuhyun~
I felt bad. Really bad for doing this to my baby. I just wanted some time alone to cry out. I'm honestly debating whether if it is or isn't too late to break up with him. I really do love him and his happiness is mine as well even if it's not with me. I know that fish doesn't deserve him because if I was in his shoes I would've been straight up honest and tell him everything while pushing Siwon away.
I know how tempting people can be, trust me, but I have self control. Something Donghae clearly doesn't. I wouldn't have kept something like that a secret specially from my loved one. It'd be his decision if he'd leave me or help me, something Donghae didn't consider. And knowing Hyukjae, he would have helped him through it.
But I shouldn't judge.
I cried silently and wiped my tears away pulling the covers up to my chest. I sniffed and sighed. I just don't want to cloud myself with negative thoughts. I ran a hand through my hair and turned to my right side only to be greeted by my baby's worried face.
I widened my eyes hoping he didn't hear me. I don't know what to say so I pulled him by the waist and hugged him tightly. This is how I want to always be. With him in my arms. It just feels so right.
I sighed and inhaled his intoxicating strawberry scent when he suddenly pulled me down and kissed me.
Was this the first kiss he's initiated? I don't know but I don't want to miss out on this thinking about it.
He s his arms around my neck to pull me even closer as I played around with his tongue. I it a few times with mine earning a moan from him. God, that alone . Never had a moan done this to me. I pulled my lower body away from him so he wouldn't feel the bulge. But I think he did and never had I felt this embarrassed before.
I don't want him to think I'm therefor I want to have or something- though it wouldn't be the first time I jump someone like this. But this is Hyukjae, my baby, and as much as I love him- and yes I've thought of us doing it, I can't because I respect him. I don't want him to think I'm going too fast.
We pulled apart for air and I kissed his nose. He stared at me for a few seconds before he straddled me. I blinked at our new position. He was on top of me his legs apart on either side of mine and god no. I groaned when I felt his crotch brush against mine.
He began to kiss me again. I felt submissive but I didn't care. I kissed him back passionately as I felt his hands travel to my chest under my shirt. I heard him moan through our kiss and set my hands on his hips lifting them up a bit to keep him away from my hardness.
Once again, I couldn't let my hardness think for me. This isn't just anybody to me.
I pulled away first earning a cute whine. I looked up at him and smiled. "Baby you're tired. C'mon let's sleep." Of course it was an excuse but what else could I say?
"No Kyu. I'm not. I want to help you." My eyes widened understanding what he said. No.
"Uh, baby, let's sleep." I would be lying if I said I didn't want this to happen but I don't want him to feel he needs to. I want him to do it when he wants to and feels ready.
I was about to turn to my right side so he'd fall from my waist and onto the bed but he clutched to my shoulder and the sheets on my left side tightly preventing me from moving.
"Baby," I started as I looked up at him. "It's okay. Please don't do this." I pulled him down and kissed his forehead. He pouted and whispered in my ear something that had me catching my breath and shivering.
"I want to do it with you Kyu. Make love to me."
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A/N: Tada! Filler fluff..? I'm so sorry for not updating sooner :/ I've been busy studying for exams and cram school plus tutoring around. I'm working on the next chapter hopefully I'll update this week. Thank you for your patience and comments they always make my day and inspire me ^^ Thank you to the new subscribers and upvoters too!
Also, I'm sure you all heard about Choco. Poor Hyukkie he's so sensitive I hope he doesn't cry too much x( I cried when I found out. He spent a lot of years with Choco of course it'll hurt I know by experience too.
R.I.P beautiful Choco.
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