Nearly a week had gone by since N’s fainting incident at the dorm and although in some ways the situation had gotten better,

it was still slowly worsening. Leo had been secretly caring for Vixx’s leader by making sure he ate at least one good meal a day

and keeping the noise of the other members to a minimum whenever N had the chance to sleep. However, no matter how much

Leo tried to direct their attention elsewhere or give them silent commands to stop, the maknae line still continuously took a shot at

their leader any time they could. More often than not, it was during the filming of shows. He didn’t know what was going through

their heads, it was like they had stopped caring about whether it hurt N’s feelings or if they crossed the line. All they seemed to

care about was doing everything they could to elicit a laugh from the MCs or the audience and N was an easy target because he

barely ever fought back. It had gotten so bad to the point where N avoided any situations involving the maknaes and a camera.

Whenever he would spot a camera, he’d either disappear into the dressing room or he would pretend to be asleep so they

wouldn’t bother him. Yet still there were some situations he couldn’t avoid. Like during interviews or radio shows. He knew he

couldn’t hide then so he’d just stand there and take it, trying his best to keep his dignity in tact by giving a forced laugh or jokingly

lashing out at them with a neck chop. What made it worse was that, although not all the time, Ravi and Ken would join in on it too.

Whenever that happened, Leo could literally see their leader shut down as if a switch for his emotions was flipped. His eyes would

glaze over and he would be on autopilot for the rest of the day. It was really starting to worry Leo.

        Today had been a particularly rough day with a live music show filming, a fan meeting, a radio show, two interviews, and

dance practice with several different choreographies for the end of the year music shows. They were all stressed from lack of rest

between the schedules and they had been up since five in the morning. It was 1am the last time Leo had looked at the clock. As

Leo lay there on the floor of the practice room, trying to catch his breath during the break between remixed choreographies, he

listened with irritation as he heard a dark skin joke come from one of the maknaes splayed out on the floor behind him. N wasn’t

even in the room and yet they felt the need to insult him. He was getting sick and tired of it.

“Speaking of N hyung,” Hongbin started, giggling at Hyuk’s oh-so-clever joke, “Where’d he go?”

“I think he went to the bathroom.” Ken panted beside Leo, throwing his arm out and purposefully smacking him in the chest with it.

Leo whipped his head to the side, glaring death threats at Ken.

“But he’s been gone for like, fifteen minutes..” 

“I’ll go get him.” Leo said, jumping up to his feet and stepping on Ken’s hand on his way out of the room ignoring the yelp of pain

from his fellow main vocal. He was a little worried as he made his way to the bathroom. N had mentioned he was experiencing

headaches and nausea a couple times over the past several days but had refused to go to the doctor for a check up when their

manager suggested it. He didn’t want to miss any of their schedules and worry their fans. As Leo approached the closed

bathroom door, he heard strange sounds coming from inside.

“N? What’s going on in there?” Leo inquired, knocking lightly on the door. The sounds stopped and for a moment there was

complete silence before the door opened revealing a very sickly looking N. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy with dark shadows

underneath; his skin was also very pale and he was visibly shaking.

“Hey.” He murmured, the look on his face was guilty as if he had been caught doing something terrible.

“Hakyeon…what..?” Leo didn’t know what to say. He had never seen his leader look so much like a corpse. It was scaring him.

There was a second where they only stood there staring at each other before N’s eyes suddenly widened and he whirled around.

Making a beeline for the toilet, he slammed down onto his knees before his body convulsed hard and he dry heaved, tears from

the effort rolling down his cheeks. Worry over N’s distress overcoming his own, Leo rushed to kneel beside him, rubbing circles on

his back. He let out a miserable sob when his body finally calmed down after almost a minute of retching into the toilet which, Leo

noticed, already had what had once been N’s lunch in it mixed in with the bile from his dry heaving. His breathing had become

harsh and fast and his shaking had gotten worse. His eyes were wide and unfocused. It took a moment for Leo to realize he was

having a panic attack.

“Calm down…” Leo tried, unsure of what to do.

“I-i can’t.” N whimpered, hugging himself and shaking his head erratically.

Leo remembered what he had once been told; when someone is having a panic attack, calm them down by showing them they’re

safe. After a moment of debate with himself over whether to just call for someone else to deal with the situation or do it himself,

Leo realized he was probably the only one N would allow to see him this way. Hesitantly, Leo leaned forward, awkwardly wrapping

his arms around N and bringing him close. N froze for a moment before leaning into the hug and resting his head against Leo’s

chest, a little bit surprised at his gesture of comfort. Leo could feel each deep shuddering breath as N attempted to calm down.

Suddenly, they heard a voice shouting from down the hall.

“Leo hyung!? N hyung!?” It was Ravi.

He felt N fist a hand in his shirt and press closer, hiding his face in the fabric. Understanding his unspoken request, Leo reached

his foot out to shut the door. They heard footsteps approach not long after.

“Guys..?” Ravi’s voice sounded confused as he knocked uncertainly on the door.

“We’ll be out in a few minutes, Ravi. Just go back and practice with the others until we return.” Leo said, pressing his foot against

the door just in case he tried to open it. He could feel N stiffen in his hold as they waited for Ravi’s answer.

“Yes, hyung.” Ravi’s reply was reluctant but soon they heard his footsteps leading away from the door. Leo sighed in relief. He

was glad it had been Ravi and not one of the two youngest who might not have listened to him. His attention was brought back to

his leader as N shifted in his arms.

“…thank you..” N whispered, his breathing had slowed and he seemed to have calmed down from his panic attack. Leo hummed

in response, resting his chin on the crown of N’s head. They stayed in that position for a minute longer before Leo pulled away

slightly to look at N, noticing that some of the color had returned to his face.

“We should probably get back to them before they come barging in.” N’s eyes remained downcast but he gave a little nod and

allowed Leo to help him up off the floor.

“I-i think I’ll just have manager hyung take me back to the dorm..” He said as Leo flushed the sick down the toilet, “I don’t want to

go back there and worry the others looking like this..”

Leo looked up at N with a scrutinizing gaze. He knew the real reason why his leader didn’t want to go back to the practice room.

He didn’t want Hyuk and Hongbin to see him and give them more reasons to make fun of him. Saying things like, ‘Oh~ N hyung’s

so old he can’t take being an idol anymore.’ or, ‘Wow, those dark circles…I didn’t know N hyung’s skin could get any darker.’ Leo

nodded in understanding.

“I’ll tell them you had to leave early to meet with your drama’s cast before filming.” He said, fabricating a lie because he knew that

N wouldn’t want him to tell the members what had really happened. N gave him a tired but genuine smile.

“Thank you, Taekwoon.”

Thank you to all those who have subscribed and left a comment! I'm glad you like this story :)