‘You’ve been smiling to yourself a lot lately.’ Soo Jung observed, as she walked around Tao and sat down next to him. His head shot up from the book he’d been reading. He hadn’t noticed her approaching. ‘Anything good happened?’

‘Just…  I feel good. Nothing special.’ He said lamely, scratching his head. It was a bit embarrassing for him to talk about his private matters in front of Soo Jung.

He had been trying to get closer to her as he sensed she wanted him to, but even as it was now, there was never anything special to talk about. Every time they were left alone, he felt the mood around them getting stuffy and his hands were getting sweaty with all the effort he was making to come up with a topic of their next conversation. Being silent with her simply felt awkward.

He also secretly thought she had no patience for his Korean sometimes and that made him even more reluctant to form long and possibly meaningful sentences in front of her. It was not that she was arrogant or unpleasant; quite on the contrary, she seemed to be so perfect that Tao would immediately lose all his self-confidence next to her. A human being would normally have their strong and weak traits – and Tao was no exception. But with Soo Jung always being so perfect and impeccable, he felt uneasy. He quickly figured out that it was also the reason he felt so comfortable around her sister – Sooyoung was just like him, smart but a bit clumsy, strong at maths but at English. He never felt he was in a competition with her.

He did see Soo Jung linger around after his running practice, as if waiting for something, but thankfully, Sooyoung was always there to unknowingly save him from her sister, dragging him around to eat or play video games after school. Even if what Sehun had said was true, and the hottest girl in school wanted Tao’s attention on her, he didn’t think he was ready for something like this so soon.

And more importantly, so far things with Soo Jung did not look too promising.

But there was another reason for which he felt reluctant to give up on her – the reason which wouldn’t let him sleep at night whenever he thought about it, which was an awful lot recently. The messages.

~ Zitao, are you all right? You seemed to have trouble with your presentation today. Try to practice your pronunciation more. I’ll be cheering you on. :)~`

The first message had puzzled him greatly. He saw it first thing in the morning and ended up ignoring, bitterly thinking that somebody in his class was making fun of him. However, after a day or two, another one came.

~ Zitao, how are you?  I hope you did not interpret my message as insulting. I was sincerely worried about you. I think you’re a nice and admirable person. I wish we could become closer.~`

He was even more surprised, seeing that. So he replied, a bit despite his better judgement.

~ Do we know each other? How did you get my Kakao Talk ID?’~ He had sat down, waiting for the reply and indeed, it came almost immediately.

~ :$ I decided to write to you because I did not know what else to do. I am too shy to just talk to you.~`

~ Tell me what?~ At that point, the boy was so confused he didn’t really notice the lack of answers to his questions.

~ …I think I’ve started liking you. But I fear you would never like me back. You seem to already have your eyes on somebody else. I know you can’t make somebody like you back. But I just want you to know I really care about you and want you to be always happy. ~

Tao put his phone away, distraught.

Since that moment, he had been trying to convince himself, with less and less success, that somebody was pulling his leg and any day now, Sehun or another of his teammates would reveal himself to be the source of this joke. But so far, nothing like that happened and day by day, he was still receiving messages from the person he started calling his secret admirer. Initially, he refrained from answering, not wanting to entangle himself in what he thought was a joke at his expense, which led to the girl wondering about his reasons, although she was never judgmental or pushy. She seemed to understand where his attitude came from, but nevertheless, everyday she would send a message to him, wishing him a good day or sweet dreams.

So Tao started answering. He started replying to her questions and asking his own. Before he realised, a month had passed and they were still talking, sharing bits of their everything and nothing. He had continued to ask about her identity, but she wouldn’t reveal herself. Eventually, he stopped and concentrated on the things he knew about her. It made him realise that he knew all her silly thoughts and things about her she would never want anyone else to know, but he lacked basic knowledge about her as a person.

She was in his school, that much was certain. From time to time, she would mention this or that event, she kept up with his practices and knew all the school gossip. She listened to H.O.T a lot. She disliked sugar in her tea. She secretly wrote poetry, although did not think it was any good.

She wished for him to notice her.

Tao felt frustrated and apologetic towards her. Every day, he would look around, hoping to spot a shy girl who was standing in the corner, peeking at him in between her fingers. It probably went too much over his head, because all he ever saw next to him was Sooyoug, looking at him questioningly, obviously not understanding what made him space out in the middle of their conversation.

He could not understand himself. He was going insane. But he was also happy to be able to share all of this with somebody who enjoyed talking to him. Things that no matter how much he wanted to tell Joy, he never seemed to be able to find the right words for and ended up saying nothing.

So how was he supposed tell Soo Jung all about this? Especially now, when he was beginning to suspect her of being the person who wrote to him.

‘You were really good today at practice.’ She complimented, making herself more comfortable on the chair next to him.

Tao figured it meant she was eager to talk to him longer. If she was his secret admirer, he knew he would eventually be able to overcome the awkwardness between them, due to the nature of their on line conversations. Therefore, he did not want to turn her away from him, thinking that he did not like her at all. It’s just that… the signs he was getting from her were so contradictory that sometimes, he was certain Soo Jung was his secret friend, and sometimes he thought it could not be further from the truth.

~ I saw you at practice today, you were very fast. I really like that you work diligently on everything that you do. You always give it  your 100%.~` It was a massage that he had received just the day before.

~ Are you in a club?~  Tao had asked, curiously. Somehow he knew that she wouldn’t give him a straight answer. And as expected, she did not.

~ Yes. In a really lame one. People can never understand why I chose to join it and my friend always laughs when I get excited over it. But I love it, what can I say? _A_~

Tao had laughed at the message and at the emoticon she included. It made him think of Sooyoung and her lame Maths Club that he was always making fun of.

The same Maths Club that had apparently just finished its meeting because the door on the other side of the corridor opened and Sooyoung walked out, still engrossed in her thick text book, looking over a mathematical problem with her black, oversized glasses on her nose. She looked up and her voice died in , surprised at seeing Tao and Soo Jung together but she quickly recovered and smiled brightly at both of them.

Tao smiled back, standing up himself. She would always use her glasses for reading, he knew that, but they made her eyes look so big that her appearance never failed to remind him of one of a surprised bear. A cute, but nevertheless, surprised bear. He could not help himself and ruffled her hair.

‘Nerd.’ He said, affectionately. Remembering just now that she still had them on, she quickly took off her glasses and put them into her bag, huffing In fake annoyance.

‘Who teaches you such words, Pandao?’ He winced slightly, albeit bashfully. He should not have brought her to his house for dinner. As soon as she walked through the threshold, she became his father’s little helper and accomplice.

‘Internet?’ He shrugged. ‘Come on, I was waiting for you. You promised to help me with my mother’s gift, you know.’

‘You only wait for me when you want something from me.’ She said jokingly, although both knew it was not true as they hang out together almost every afternoon.

‘Aren’t you the same? You always drag me to eat this or that, but when it comes to paying, your wallet is dry.’ He exaggerated, looking at her with a stern face. She laughed theatrically.

‘My wallet is dry? Is that Chinese? I don’t speak Chinese, Pandao, I don’t understand you at all.’ She kept teasing him and he proceeded to ruffle her hair again, because he knew he could never outwit her in Korean.

‘Annoying.’ He just said, although he didn’t mean it at all. Then he noticed that Soo Jung was still with them. He quickly let go of her sister and cleared his throat awkwardly. ‘We’re going to the shopping centre. Do you… want to join us?’ He asked awkwardly. Both looked at Soo Jung, expectantly.

She shook her head, a bit too quickly.

‘I am meeting my friends in a moment. I’ll… see you later.’ She looked at him and Tao’s stomach dropped in relief.

He did try to include her, but he did not like that he needed to force himself to do it. He wanted to get to know her, but he still preferred to spend his time with just Sooyoung, not nervous over having to maintain conversation with the other girl.

They took the stairs and found themselves on the school’s front yard. It was quite late, but for an autumn afternoon, it was still warm and sunny. Tao had repaired his bicycle some time before and was finally able to ride it to school. They approached the shed and he unlocked the chain protecting his possession.

Sooyoung sat behind him and he pedalled, sometimes faster just to scare her because boy, was she scared of his fast speed or what, she kept screaming so loudly. It made him laugh.

It didn’t take them long to buy the perfect gift for his mother and he steered his bike back towards his house. He had one more gift to take care of today.

‘That’s not the way to my house.’ She said from behind him, trying to peek above his shoulder, no success.

‘Just a moment. I want to show you something. It’s at my house.’ He hoped she understood what he said because he couldn’t concentrate on his grammar when he had to watch the road ahead of him.

Soon they reached his house and she hopped off, stepping aside. He got off as well and led the vehicle into the garage, with the girl trailing behind him.

‘What’s so important? I hope it’s dinner because I’m hungry.’ She massaged her stomach for emphasis.

‘Hungry? You’ve just eaten.’ Tao looked at her, not knowing whether he should approve of her appetite or judge on the same account. He settled on just shaking his head. ‘I’ll make you something.’

‘In that case, I prefer to eat at home.’

‘Yah! I can make things. Sandwiches.’

‘Just show me what I’m here for.’ She interrupted, grinning, because she didn’t want to comment on the last sandwich he had made. It’d been drowned in baking butter.

He turned around and pulled up the garage door. He left his bicycle on the side and motioned for her to enter further.

‘Because it’s your birthday soon, I have a gift for you. For your birthday.’ He added awkwardly. He had been thinking about how to say this, so he wouldn’t feel too awkward, but he ended up feeling exactly that, because when he looked back at her, she kept looking at him, blinking and seemingly not understanding.

‘You bought me a gift? But my birthday isn’t until next month.’ Her lips formed an “o” shape, her expression still confused.

‘I know but… You won’t be able to use it later. If I give it to you know, you will be able to use it now. And later next year.’ He tried his best to explain but he felt himself blush. Due to his own nervousness, he was losing coherence. ‘I hope you like it.’ He finished lamely but sincerely.

When he pointed to the green bicycle standing in front of them, she looked back at him, still not understanding what the present was.

‘It’s a bicycle.’ He finally said, prompting her to approach the machine.

‘You’ve bought me a bicycle? But… it must have been so expensive. And I don’t even know how to ride one.’ She looked so worried that he had to pat her shoulder for encouragement.

‘I didn’t really buy it. I couldn’t save enough.’ He scratched his head in embarrassment. ‘I found it, somebody left it out there because it was very old. I repaired and painted it for you. It’s still in a good condition, not dangerous at all. You will still have a good use out of it.’

He belatedly realised that she had become unusually quiet and when he looked to check what the matter was, he saw tears forming in her eyes. He panicked.

‘Don’t cry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. If you don’t like it, it’s fine.’

‘You’re stupid. I love it.’ She started sobbing and then went into a full crying mode. And she was going very loudly about it. Tao was lost. He never knew how to deal with crying girls.

‘There, there.’ He patted her back, clumsily. In turn, she threw her arms over his neck and kept sobbing. That completely immobilised him in the spot he was standing in.

‘What’s going on in here?’ The door inside the garage opened and his father’s head appeared in the gap made. Tao wanted to quickly extract himself from Sooyoung’s embrace but it was too late; his father noticed and grinned at him, knowingly. He will never hear the end of teasing, the boy was sure of it. ‘What made your lady bear so upset?’

‘Dad! She’s not… my lady bear.’ He finished, hissing. He was glad his father said it in Chinese. ‘I showed her the bike, but she just started crying. Doesn’t she like it?’ He asked, also in his native language, frowning.

‘Oh.’ His father switched to Korean. ‘Tao put a lot of effort into it, young lady. He even learned how to repair the oil chains and such.’ Hearing this, Joy started sobbing even louder. Tao sighed, not understanding anything.

She finally broke the suffocating hug, wiping her tears with the back of her hand. She looked and them both.

‘I’m so thankful. I’ve never received such a meaningful gift. And I don’t know how to use it.’ She looked so heart-broken that Tao felt upset at himself for doubting her intentions even for a second.

‘Come into the house, young lady. You need to make yourself presentable around your young suitor so that he won'tt run away.’ Tao was ready to scream out his frustration at his father’s insinuations but the former beat him to it and changed the topic. ‘Let’s eat first, I made a casserole. Don’t worry, Xiao Xiong’ He repeated the endearment in Chinese, smoothly switching back to Sooyoung’s native language ‘Tao can teach you how to ride a bike. It will take five minutes.’

‘What does it mean? That thing your father called me.’ Sooyoung frowned at Tao when they followed his parent inside.

‘What?’ Tao shrugged, pretending not to know.

‘You know what. What have you been telling your father about me? I want him to like me.’

‘Don’t worry, he does. Too much.’ He muttered the last one under his breath.

‘As I was saying’ for the past twenty minutes, Tao thought to himself, exasperatedly ‘you need to keep your focus on the road. Just let it be. Try to move your legs and not think about it too much.’

‘I can’t. I don’t care. I’ll let you give me a ride until the end of my life.’ She decided, stopping so abruptly, she almost ran him over.

‘I don’t want to. You’re too heavy.’ He decided, grinning. She stack her tongue out in response. ‘Come on, let’s try one more time.’

She sighed and sat down carefully, mentally praying for a success this time around. She decided to just look ahead and if she was meant to die today, so be it. But when she started pedalling, she finally realised what Tao meant but letting it go. She moved slowly but firmly as Tao jogged next to her for security.

‘Look, it’s working!’ She turned to him in, letting go of the handles to clap her hands in glee. That’s when it all went down.

‘Watch out!’ Tao shouted and barely managed to catch her in time to avoid the bicycle falling in her leg. The force of his reaction had him fall backwards instead and when Joy landed on him, he couldn’t help but groan in pain. At least he didn’t hit his head against the ground.

Sooyoung raised her head, not looking too well herself.

‘Remind me to never let you take driving lessons. You’re a danger to both others and yourself.’ Tao mumbled, still too stupefied to register how close their faces were. They stared at each other for a few seconds, blinking.

‘Taozi, stop molesting your lady bear on the street. We don’t want the neighbours to think we’re weird.’ His father’s voice served as the best wake up call, because they quickly made a move to detach themselves from the other and as a consequence, ended up bumping heads. The groans of pain could not have been louder.

‘Is your father cross with me?’

‘Cross? What cross?’ Tao looked at her, uncertain. She smiled.

‘Is your father angry? I didn’t mean to make you fall. I guess I get too distracted sometimes.’ She smiled sheepishly.

‘Oh, no. Don’t worry. That's the end of your lesson for today. Let’s… Let’s go. I’ll walk you home.’

‘No riding, though.’ She said.

‘No riding.’ He confirmed.

No one was more surprised that Soo Jung when she saw her sister entering the apartment with a bicycle. At her questioning gaze, Sooyoung just laughed.

‘Early birthday gift.’ She shrugged and proceeded to beg her mother to let her leave the vehicle in the corridor of the small flat for the night, before she would figure out what to do with it. She didn’t notice Soo Jung’s upset expression.

‘Stop calling her my lady bear, dad. It’s embarrassing.'

'But that’s what she is, isn’t she? You said she reminded you of a bear.’

‘I was just joking, dad.’ Tao whined as he finished doing the dishes. It was only him and his father in the house that night. ‘Remind me to never tell you anything, ever.’

‘Not fair!’ His father shouted playfully after him, but Tao did not grace it with a reply because he was already walking up the stairs.

For the first time in a long time, he did not immediately check his phone for a new message from his secret admirer. His mind was preoccupied with the events of that afternoon.

When he saw the abandoned bicycle, he decided it would be perfect for his friend. Even though the repair took a lot of hassle and energy, he did not think much of it. He and Sooyoung became so close so soon, that he could not even remember what it was like without her around. She introduced him to everyone and always took care of him, and he in turn became protective of her, in any way he could. They just meshed really well together, he decided.

The moment it became obvious that they were hanging out together almost every day, everyone in his family, Luhan included, started teasing him about her. Luhan said he was in denial, his father kept calling her “his lady bear” and his mother just smiled affectionately, every time Sooyoung was brought up in their conversation.

He laughed it off, he always did but today, for the first time, he felt like he had missed something; like everyone was aware of a joke but himself. He was no stranger to Joy’s affections because she was very touchy, but although still awkward about it, today he felt a big knot in his stomach that wouldn’t go away.

He did not think much of it, when he had decided to prepare such a time-consuming gift for her, but her reaction to it both pleased him and made him realise that he would probably not make such an effort for anyone else. And especially not another girl. Not Soo Jung, whom he desperately tried to like but failed. And not the secret admirer, who although very nice and easy to talk to, was not constantly by his side like Sooyoung was.

He felt disorientated. And he disliked feeling disorientated.

He picked up his phone when it vibrated on his desk.

~`‘I. HAPPY. TODAY. GOOD. HAPPEN. HOW.ARE.YOU.PRONUNCIATION.TRAP. ~`

He blinked at the message. What? It was clearly from his online friend but she wrote to him in Chinese. Or at least what she thought was Chinese. Most of the message was understandable but what was that last thing? Pronunciation… Trap…? He read it out loud… Zi… Tao… Zitao! His name. He laughed to himself. Same pronunciation but different characters.

~ ‘How come you write to me in Chinese? For the future reference, my name is written子韬, not 字套. :) ~

~ I bought a text book the other day. But it’s so hard. >.< ~

~ It’s Ppeppero Day next week. Can I give you chocolate? ~ He received another message before he had a chance to type a reply to the first one.

~ Only if you give it to me yourself. ~ He typed, meant for it to be a light joke but as soon as he pushed the “send” button, he realised that he wanted to finally meet her. Not just because of his curiosity but also because he was beginning to feel burdened by the feelings he had for her. He felt that she knew his well and that potentially, they could get even closer if she was indeed a person she portrayed herself to be.

He had to know whether it was Soo Jung. And he also did not know what to make out of the new-found feelings he had for Sooyoung. The friend who ever since they met, had always been there for him and whom had become one of the most important people in his life without him even realising it.

The phone beeped again and he opened his Kakao.

~ ok. ~ Came a short reply.

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Changdeol says: Jamelia's "Something about you" is the anthem of this fic. Nothing to add, really.