“I demand a refund,” Jinhwan says for the fifth time in the three hours they’ve spent in Universal Studios and Jiwon literally facepalms.

The first came when they first entered the gates and the all-too-excited twenty year old dragged him towards the roller coaster without hesitation. The second and third took place in the short span of ninety seconds of rising and plummeting repeatedly, in the form of helpless squeals. The fourth came when Jiwon dragged him onto the same ride for the fourteenth time. And now, Jiwon can only feel himself melt from his fingertips as Jinhwan wraps his arms around the Marty stuffed toy gently.

“Quit doing that, you’ll burn a hole in the stuffed toy and stain it with your sweat.”

A scowl is heard.

“Let’s go, it’s getting late and we haven’t tried the other rides!”

Silence.

“Do you really want it that bad.”

And therefore the duo leaves the shop fifteen minutes later, a shopping bag sitting within Jinhwan’s grasp. He swings it a little while they walk and Jiwon lets his fingers brush against the older male’s free hand. It’s been awhile since he saw Jinhwan genuinely happy, albeit mild, and he realizes that he doesn’t really mind doing this on a daily basis even though it’s tiring. The mere thought of being brought back to the confinement of the practice room and the company building after five days of a breather comes across as stifling at times but these notions only last for a few seconds because something at the back of his mind sweeps it away as quickly as it comes, and as much as it bothers him, he isn’t conscious or sober enough to swat the mechanism away.

“You’re blanking out again.” Jinhwan muses as he laces his fingers around the other boy’s hand and frowns lightly.

“I don’t do that much, in my defense. And it isn’t a bad thing, so there’s nothing to worry about.”

Jinhwan falls back into silence for a few seconds before parting his lips slightly to let out a soft sigh, “I wonder how the other boys are doing. Junhoe would’ve enjoyed the amusement park rides.”

“Increasing his vocal range three-fold on the roller coasters, of course.”

Jinhwan smiles again and Jiwon decides that perhaps they’ll come to a point where he’ll be able to see his smile regularly and that he’ll be able to stop finding the need to count the number of times it happened in a week with his fingers behind his back, and restarting the counter naturally at the start of every week.

-

After spending close to an hour walking around the facility in search for a suitable restaurant, Jinhwan tightens his grip in Jiwon’s hand and the younger boy understands it a little faster than the former would’ve expected him to. With a little detour, they make their way to a convenience store – and within fifteen minutes, they’re huddled around the coffee table in the middle of the hotel room with cup noodles set in front of them.

“To think we’re having instant noodles on our romantic five-day getaway.” Jiwon starts, his husky voice a little muffled against the programme airing on the television set in front of the two of them. Jinhwan merely smirks in reply, his toes digging into the carpet flooring as he pulls the Marty stuffed toy into a closer embrace.

He’s drifting away again, and with their shoulders touching, Jiwon feels the ironic sting of distance and something he can’t put into words. It feels likened to cracks surfacing upon his stability and confidence, some sort of tilt which pushes him off equilibrium and he feels like a lack, a conundrum, a blank entity for a few seconds before his self-regulation kicks in as he leans forward to peel the cup noodle cover open.

“Eat up soon, it’ll get cold.”

“I never thought I’d get insecure about this, but it seems like I’m breaching past the lines,” Jinhwan starts as he peels the chopsticks apart and stirs his noodles for a little while, “it feels odd and surreal, like something out of a nightmare.”

“Talk to me about it, love.”

“Lack, we’re all a lack, a little piece of nothing - and everyone leaves without themselves knowing it. Be it drifting off into the clouds, be it falling into the vast turquoise seas without a buoy or a defense complex when deemed necessary.”

“It’s inevitable but some things stay, some things are stagnated in a good way – they don’t change.” Jiwon puts his chopsticks down and shifts to face Jinhwan, moving over to place his hand on the latter’s lap.

“It doesn’t hurt to be optimistic I guess,” Jinhwan grins softly with a hint of melancholy and pats his boyfriend’s hand lightly, “Scrap that, let’s just eat.”

And as the younger boy sighs, Jinhwan can only shift his concentration upon his noodles and shut his eyes tight in a soft prayer – hushed and helpless.