They have always shared everything –except each other. 

They share a family, for instance. A mother and a father, and the three grandparents that are still alive, and a few uncles and a number of cousins, but no siblings. Aside from each other, that is. They also have a dog; a little brown puddle named Buki that likes them both just as much, and more than he likes any of their parents. He was a Christmas present when they were little. Baekhyun was excited, yes, but not as much as Taehyung was. He, Baekhyun remembers, carried the little puppy around the house wrapped in a blanket and babied him for two and a half weeks, until he got so used to being constanly on someone that he cried when you put him down. Even nowadays, he still jumps onto their bed at night from time to time. 

They share a room, too. It has a big window with thick courtains and a large desk with two chairs, and they share a closet. They also have two beds, but they never really slept each in their own, too used to the warmth to the other from story telling and late talks; so they singled out for curling up together in one of them (except for the times when they had sleepovers). They are both small, anyway.

They aren’t twins, though they have been mistaken for it enough times to get used to it, and it’s not even a bother anymore but something to laugh at, one more mischief they can play together. Sometimes, when asked, they will say, “Yeah, we are,” and let people gawk at how cute they are, look at them, so alike. But although they share most features, the same big, shiny smile and the kind eyes, and even if their haircuts are similar, the truth is Baekhyun is older than Taehyung. Not by much –just one year and seven months, which probably adds to the illusion of the twins. But, as surprising as it might be, a womb is the only thing they have never shared. Or at least, not at the same time. 

Ever since Taehyung was born, they have been inseparable. Baekhyun took this ‘hyung’ thing by heart, even back when he didn’t even know what that word meant and he couldn’t lift Taehyung without help. It paid off, because his name was Taehyung’s first word, and that ripped a proud tear from their mom, which made Baekhyun’s tummy flip with excitement. At the time, he didn’t quite get the significance of the event, but his mom didn’t cry for nothing. 

The older they grew, the closer they got. Baekhyun would tuck Taehyung into bed, read him a bedtime story and check for the monsters under (and only once did he think he saw something moving, but when he went to investigate with the flashlight, he found out it was just Buki, munching on one of their toys). But Taehyung was never convinced, and nine times out of ten, Baekhyun had to slip into Taehyung’s bed, promising to fight any monster that could come for him. None of them was big of a kid, but Taehyung saw Baekhyun as a hero, and he ended up taking the part, feeling like that, as well. He liked knowing Taehyung would feel better with him just being there, and though they had plenty of plushies, they were each other’s favorite teddy bear. 

They got used to being together all the time, and being apart felt strange. When Baekhyun’s class went camping in sixth grade, Taehyung cried for three days straight until he came back. And when it was Taehyung’s turn the next year, Baekhyun didn’t cry, but he did sleep in Taehyung’s pajamas for as long as the trip lasted, even though, once the younger was back, he denied it throughly. 

They share, on top of everything else, a group of friends, and that has never been an issue. Baekhyun is the most extroverted of the two, making the majority of their common acquaintances. Taehyung isn’t exactly shy; whereas Baekhyun comes off as sassy, Taehyung is tagged plainly weird. Baekhyun blames it on himself –he probably rubbed off on him. Little brothers tend to pick up a lot of habits from their older siblings. But it is also true that Baekhyun opens up a lot more easily. He is smoother when it comes to socializing, and he manages to draw people in without scaring them away. Taehyung is capable of making friends, but, in all honesty, he doesn’t try as hard. 

In any case, no one can be Baekhyun’s friend without being Taehyung’s, and the other way around. It’s not a prerequirement but a given –it’s hard to catch one without the other. Taehyung follows Baekhyun everywhere he goes, and the older had never been bothered by it. 

The problem started when Baekhyun crashed with Chanyeol. 

Chanyeol is tall and lanky, has a smile even bigger than the siblings’, and he seems to be always in a good mood. Taehyung had had a tiny little crush on him, back when he wasn’t friends with any of them. He was funny, and smart, and he always treated Taehyung nicely and didn’t act like he was a complete freak. He did, however, treat Taehyung like you’d treat a little brother. He knew, because he had one, and he treated him the exact same way, if more moderately. But that didn’t happen with Baekhyun. 

Chanyeol is, in fact, older than both of them. He’s eight months older than Baekhyun, which makes him two years and three months older than Taehyung. And, even when Baekhyun doesn’t look that much older than Taehyung, Chanyeol always acted differently around Baekhyun than he did around Taehyung. The younger didn’t mind, really, because he had gotten over him long before Chanyeol and Baekhyun’s relationship started to develop into something new for the three of them.

Chanyeol asked Baekhyun out the day after Baekhyun turned seventeen. It felt weird for Taehyung to watch his childhood crush ask his brother out, but it didn’t hurt. It was cute and all, because Chanyeol was flustered and wouldn’t stop giggling, and Baekhyun tried to play it cool; and it probably worked, because no one about it, but Taehyung knew better. Taehyung saw Baekhyun’s happy grin as soon as Chanyeol left to his Math class, and he was there when he didn’t talk about anything else all day. He also saw that little twinkle in Baekhyun’s eyes when he came home after dinner, with a paper crane made out of a flyer of the restaurant and the promise of ninety-nine more, one per date. Even now, the paper cranes (forty-six, so far) decorate Baekhyun’s side of the room, made of ads for theatre shows, tickets to school dances, magazine cut-outs, scribbled-on post it notes, marked calendar pages and bits of Chanyeol’s school notes, where he accidentally wrote Baekhyun’s name instead of the corresponding president’s. They hang next to a bunch of framed pictures that show Baekhyun and Taehyung’s story; but now, when people come into their room, people don’t ask about those anymore. Instead, the ordinary question is “Did you guys make all of those yourselves?”, to which Baekhyun replies, with a dreamy sigh and no delay, “No, my boyfriend did”. 

It’s not that Taehyung isn’t happy for Baekhyun. He has never seen him more giddy, and Chanyeol looks pretty contented, as well. But Taehyung isn’t yet used to sharing Baekhyun.

Before the date –the first one, that is–, Baekhyun had only gone out without Taehyung twice. One time was when Taehyung caught the flu on the week of Jongdae’s birthday, and, even though Baekhyun wanted to stay, Jongdae threatened to miss Baekhyun’s birthday for the next ten years if Baekhyun missed his. It took over twenty minutes and a deal of pizza and Coke as soon as Taehyung got better, but Jongdae picked Baekhyun up at the right time, and Taehyung’s brother came back four hours after with a piece of cake for him. The second time, Baekhyun acted like he was mad at Taehyung for accidentally breaking is favorite CD and uninvited him to the mall. Nine days after, Taehyung found out that Baekhyun had used the excuse to buy Taehyung’s present for his fourteenth birthday as a surprise. 

But ever since Chanyeol and Baekhyun got together, Taehyung stays home alone at least twice a week. Some of their friends come over sometimes, and they listen to music and play videogames, and they experiment on the kitchen and don’t usually burn anything (or at least, they don’t when Seokjin helps them –Namjoon has guided him into incinerating the onions once or twice). He can’t say he has a bad time, because his friends are great and they all have a lot of fun together; but he still misses Baekhyun. Everything was very sudden, and they went from being together all the time to Taehyung getting kicked out of the room on account of intensive make out sessions, and sleepovers are more frequent than ever and Taehyung finds himself cuddling Buki instead of Baekhyun while Chanyeol runs his fingers through his teddy bear’s hair. 

In their parent’s eyes, Taehyung is the guarantee for Baekhyun’s relationship to stay as pure as it can be. They trust Baekhyun on not doing anything improper in front of his brother, so Chanyeol is allowed to stay for the night as long as Taehyung is there as well. They behave, of course. Taehyung has never been a witness for anything he didn’t want to see. He has heard, nevertheless, some heavy sighs and indecipherable whispers, but they were nothing his headphones couldn’t drown. Taehyung is young, but not stupid, and he doesn’t want to know what happens under the sheets he still shares from time to time.

Taehyung doesn’t complain. He leaves the room when asked, and he doesn’t say anything but “have fun” when Baekhyun cancels their plans due to a last-minute movie date. Sometimes, he even picks out Baekhyun’s outfit, regardless of the high chances of Baekhyun ending up wearing something completely different than what Taehyung had laid out for him on his bed; Baekhyun in a robe, lining his eyes with dark kohl and claiming feeling like looking a bit more mature today. And when Baekhyun asked him to lie to their parents and say they’d both be sleeping over at Jimin’s place so he could stay at Chanyeol’s for once, because he has only one sister and no brothers and he doesn’t share a room, Taehyung fell asleep hugging the pillow, and Jimin didn’t laugh at him, not even once. Baekhyun and Chanyeol picked him up the next day in Chanyeol’s car, and Baekhyun was walking funny and they were looking at each other like there was no one else in the world, and when they got home, Chanyeol didn’t leave until he had kissed Baekhyun for a good ten minutes. Taehyung waited inside, and Baekhyun came in a little while after, lips swollen and bright pink, and he didn’t tell Taehyung anything about the previous night. Taehyung didn’t ask, but he knew. It hurt him more than he would ever admit to know Baekhyun didn’t trust him the way Taehyung had thought he did.

He doesn’t approach Baekhyun until he attempts at cancelling their weekly hang-out. Every Saturday, all of them meet at someone’s house. It’s Yoongi’s turn this week, and Taehyung and Baekhyun have yet to go get some snacks. They have always had little dumb fights, of course, but they always got over them within a few hours, at worst. They had never have a real fight, but, Taehyung is starting to learn, there’s a first time for everything.

“What do you mean you aren’t coming tomorrow?” Taehyung turns around, wallet in his hand and phone in his pocket. “We never miss a meet up. Yoongi got the new Halo.”

Baekhyun doesn’t look up from his phone, thumbs tapping rapidly on the screen. “We’re not missing it,” he says, voice muffled against the collar of his shirt. “I am. You can still go.”

“But… but we never miss it…” The younger sits on the edge of his bed, fingers clenching around the wallet. 

“I know, that’s why it’s okay.” He shifts positions, back straight against the headboard. “I can go grocery shopping with you now, but Chanyeol’s parents are going out tomorrow and her sister is on vacations in Japan.”

Taehyung’s knuckles turn white, and his face feels hot with frustration. He hopes he isn’t as red as he thinks. “But you saw Chanyeol yesterday.”

Baekhyun finally looks up, a vacant expression on his face, as if he didn’t understand what Taehyung means. “Yeah. So? He’s my boyfriend, I want to see him again.”

“But can’t you see him some other day?”

“I can, and I will, but his parents will be out tomorrow.” Baekhyun presses send, phone chiming immediately after with the sound of an incoming message. 

“But why does it have to be tomorrow? Can’t you put us first for once?” Taehyung doesn’t want to nag on Baekhyun. He’s never done that –he’s never needed to, and it’s not even his place. But the way Baekhyun seems to put Chanyeol above everything, he thinks, isn’t right. After all, they were there way before Chanyeol even pursued it. 

Baekhyun’s face distorts into a grimace. “For once?” He doesn’t put his phone down, but it does go to rest on his lap, even if his hands are still on it. “When have I ever not put you guys first?” Taehyung looks away. He looks away not because he has nothing to say, because he’s speaking without a good reason, but because Baekhyun is stubborn and gets easily offended, and Taehyung doesn’t want to make him angry. “Yeah,” says the older. “That’s what I thought.”

He tries to go back to texting, but Taehyung’s voice interrupts him before he can finish typing his third word. “It’s not that.” It sounds louder than intended, and it rings in his ears against the silence of their room. “It’s not that I don’t have anything to say. I just know you’re going to deny it.”

Baekhyun scoffs. “Don’t you know me?” Taehyung’s gaze is pointed. “Okay, yes, you do know me. But I’m not going to deny anything.”

Taehyung snickers at him. “Yeah, right.”

“I’m not!” 

“Okay, then  you weren’t putting Chanyeol first when you made me tell mom we were having a sleepover and Jimin and I ended up eating chips alone on his living room floor?” Taehyung’s arms fold across his chest, wallet long forgotten beside him. 

“That–” Baekhyun sits up, pointing at him with his index, his words coming out in loud whispers. “Mom is home! Don’t say that!”

Taehyung continues, impassible. “And weren’t you putting him first when Jongin asked you to help him with Math and you said you would, and then you didn’t because it was Chanyeol’s I-don’t-know-what and Joonmyeon had to give up on his babysitting for that evening to help Jongin instead?”

“Joonmyeon offered to help him!”

“Yes, after you said something had come up!” Taehyung has been keeping everything that bothers him for so long, and once he starts, it’s hard to stop. “And whenever we do stuff together, whenever I catch you free, you never put your phone down!”

Baekhyun’s arms flail off into the air. “Of course I do!”

“Yes, hyung, after the fifth time I ask you to.” Taehyung isn’t going to cry. Of course he isn’t, but his vision is blurry and his eyes sting, and he doesn’t look at Baekhyun in the face, but it doesn’t matter because Baekhyun isn’t looking at him. He’s seeing him, but, for the first time, he isn’t looking at him. And that makes his throat constrict, and his words come out raspy. “And I have to ask five more times to get you to actually hang out with me.”

Baekhyun only really locks his eyes on Taehyung’s at the sound of his words. “Are you crying?” He asks. “You can’t be crying because of this.”

“I’m not crying,” pleads the younger, back of his hand wiping harshly at his cheek, catching a tear that, he swears, is solely because of his frustration. “I’m just angry. You act like you don’t care about me anymore.”

Baekhyun clacks his tongue, a dismissing sound that does nothing but upset Taehyung even more. “Of course I care about you.” His tone is not at all like the one his voice would have if he really understood how much this shakes Taehyung. “It’s just different.”

“But even if it is,” alleges Taehyung, wishing the tears would stop, because he is sure this would be a lot easier if he wasn’t struggling to pronounce each word. “Even if it is, you should still at least make it fair, because you forget about us a little more everyday.” A quiet sob makes his voice shudder. “You’re forgetting about me.”

And Baekhyun doesn’t seem to mind. All he does is shake his head, a reprobatory grimace coiling the thin line of his lips. “You’ll understand when you’re older.”

Taehyung has heard the phrase in many occasions, and he had laughed at the adressee of such unsensitive statement. He never thought he’d be on the receiving end of it. “You’re not even that much older than me, Baekhyun!” The older shrugs, eyes dropping back to his phone screen. Sniffling, Taehyung grabs his wallet again, storming to the door. “Do whatever you want. I’m going to the grocery. You tell them you aren’t coming yourself.”

He leaves the room, feet thumping on the tile floor and a deaf static buzzing in his head, eyes burning and hands shaking.

Taehyung will spend his Saturday among his friends but without Baekhyun, and, as always, he’ll feel a little lost. The others will ask about him, and Taehyung will shrug, saying they should ask him instead, making Sehun and Jongin look at each other questioningly while Jongdae looks away, and Taehyung will know he knows, as well. Yoongi will pat his back and put a joystick in his hand, and Hoseok will pass him a bag of chips, advicing to eat it away. Taehyung will fail three missions in a row, but no one will complain, because none of them are yet used to the new control system and they aren’t all that good at it either. 

Seokjin will drive him home to shut-off lights and dinner leftovers in the fridge, and no one to share them with. His room will be empty, except for the ball of chestnut hair curling on the foot of his bed that will his face before he falls asleep, stuffed bunny clutched to his chest. Baekhyun won’t come back until Taehyung wakes up to go to the bathroom, tense hello’s exchanged, one, sluggish; the other, gruff. Taehyung will go back to bed and Baekhyun will already be in his own, and they will cross grazes for a moment. It will seem like Baekhyun is trying to say something, but whatever words Taehyung had been hoping him to say will die in his lips.

They will experience the biggest breach between them so far, where even the pass the salt’s sound forced and strained. Taehyung won’t jump in Baekhyun’s favor when he gets scolded for getting home past his curfew, like he would have before, and that won’t surprise Baekhyun whatsoever. And when they get sent to do the weekly grocery shopping, the only talking they will do will consist of “wholemeal or white?” Taehyung will finally get used to hanging out without Baekhyun’s lame jokes –and will provide some himself, for Seokjin’s misfortune–, and Baekhyun will miss the easy routine they have slowly fallen out of. 

Taehyung will learn that no one is indispensable, but also that everything that goes up must come down. Baekhyun and Chanyeol will have their first fight, too, and although it won’t last long (in all honesty, none will), seeing his childhood hero’s eyes shiny with tears he’s too proud to shed won’t allow him to stay aside. He’ll raise his blanket, a gush of cold air rushing in, and Baekhyun will curl up against him once again. Taehyung will be the big spoon and Baekhyun will whisper his worries into the pillow, and Taehyung won’t complain when it ends up moist and cold. 

In between voicings of jealousy and comforting words, a string of apologies will find its way between them. I shouldn’t have, no you shouldn’t, you’re an idiot, you are as well. Did you have fun? I wish I was there. I wish you were, too. Will you, next time? I will. You promise? 

Taehyung will sound small and fragile, breakable, and Baekhyun will suddenly feel guilty for being the small spoon when he should have never stopped being the big one. It will remind him of summer evenings in the backyard and winter nights in a blanket fort, quiet vows of brotherly loyalty floating between them. His arms will wrap around the younger’s waist, tight and solid, nose nuzzled into his hair, the familiar scent of his shampoo the most recomforting thing he can recall. He will take his time to answer, weighing the clout of a commitment he isn’t prone to break again. 

I promise.