Written in English.
One-shot and just short...
Enjoy reading!!!

This is just a short story. A fan fiction for my superstar crush and his loveteam.

Although I wrote using their real names this does not mean that this is their real love story.

I Haven't Told You...But I Love You a Lot is written for you
Kao Jirayu La-ongmanee




and
Nattasha Nauljam







I hope you' d like it.
Please read this up to the end.
Enjoy reading!!

 

 

 

 

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Story

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I Haven’t Told You...But I Love You a Lot[ONESHOT]

(c)2015

By /khun_luisa/

[Ma. Luisa M. Cidro]

 

Dedicated to Kao Jirayu and Natasha Nauljam (cast of Seed and Just a Second…movies from Thailand)

 By the way, I used two languages in this story which are not my mother tongue so please bear with it especially my Thai language. I just learned these from watching Thai movies and lakorns. If there be any Thai reader there, please correct me if I am wrong. I'd be happy to read your comments...Khawp khoon mahk kha... Thank you so much...

From Khun Luisa

 

 

 

 

 

<3 THE STORY <3

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We’ve been in a luxurious beach resort here in Pattaya for a few days now.

 

This is because of having a shooting for our newest project.

 

I and my best friend are working together in this movie.

 

 

 

We already have a favorite spot here and I’m walking right towards there now.

 

My best friend asked me last night to go there before the sun rises.

 

He wants me to see the sunrise for the first time with him.

 

He even told me that he has to tell me something important.

 

I have no idea on what it is about. I just hope to myself that it wouldn’t be disgusting to my part.

 

 

 

I walked lazily towards the place.

 

It was nearly dawn. The gray sky was already turning a little white.

 

 

 

I hugged myself when the cold misty air wrapped me.

 

Although I was already feeling cold I made no action to leave that place.

 

I was eager to know what my best friend was up to so I stayed and continued walking towards him.

 

It was a peaceful time and it was so quiet that I could hear the birds chirping from the trees nearby and the soft hush of the wind from the sea.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stopped when I saw him starring far off the sea.

 

I also heard the sweet song coming from his lips.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

♪♫

 

“I haven’t told you, but the truth is, I love you a lot

 

I don’t smile at you, the truth is that in my heart I’m still shy

 

But at least I can walk by your side

 

And do everything that carries the meaning

 

That I love you…”

 

♪♫

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s his new song.

 

Quite impressive, isn’t it?

 

He said he wrote it for the person who captured his heart.

 

I think so.

 

That song was full of sweet meanings.

 

If only I was his inspiration for that song.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[author’s note：I know this song doesn’t sound familiar. Well, it’s just the English translation of Jirayu’s song “Mai Bauk Ruk…Dtae Ruk Mahk” with the meaning “I Haven’t Told You…But I Love You a Lot”LJ]

 

 

 

 

♪♫

 

“I’ve realized that I wasn’t good enough to be certain

 

That you’d love me

 

I’ve realized that I love you everyday

 

I love you beyond explanation…”

 

♪♫

 

 

I drew a deep breath and walked nearer. I sat beside him and he stopped.

 

We watched the sky as it was being filled with orange light.

 

Then I looked at him.

 

His radiant face was shining and I was smiling while looking at him.

 

Then all of the sudden he looked at me too.

 

I wasn’t able to drop my smile before he turned to me.

 

Jeez, he just caught me smiling while almost starring at him like some kind of psycho.

 

I feel like I was blushing so I looked down.

 

I was relieved when he went back to watching the horizon.

 

I also looked to where his eyes were fixed.

 

It was a beautiful scenery. It could also be a perfect setting for a romantic movie.

 

 

 

Dang it! I was starting to be a daydreamer again!

 

My heart almost jumped when I felt his hand on my shoulder.

 

I looked at him but he wasn’t looking at me.

 

He made me lean on his chest which made my heart beat faster.

 

Then I heard more beating.

 

What if he could hear it?

 

Then I figured out that it wasn’t my heart’s beating at all.

 

It was his.

 

Then I felt guilty all of a sudden.

 

I felt guilty from hoping it was beating for me. For no one else but me.

 

Well, it’s all I can do this time.

 

I can just wait on one corner and dream on although I know it will just end up hurting me.

 

It’s a torture to wish for something like that when you already know he loves someone who cannot be you.

 

Sometimes I get remorseful for learning to love him more than as a friend or as a brother.

 

And when he’s going to tell me something I want to tell him something too.

 

Something that I’ve been hiding from him.

 

I know I may get rejected but it is the only way to feel better.

 

I want to tell him that I’m also in his shoes.

 

We are the same. We love someone who loves another person and not us.

 

And in my case I am the person loving someone who does not love me back.

 

And he is that someone I love.

 

He is that person to whom I became close to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He is Jirayu La-ongmanee, a superstar also known as Kao.

 

We knew each other when we teamed up for a movie for the first time.

 

We became best friends but I fell for him.

 

I couldn’t deny it that I crossed the line and loved him to the extent that I wished there would be something between us aside from being friends.

 

I had been loving him but I can’t tell him.

 

Aside from it isn’t cool for a girl to do so I was also afraid that the feeling isn’t mutual.

 

I don’t wanna get caught in the FRIEND ZONE!

 

 

 

 

But now that I’ve got a chance I’m going to do it.

 

I don’t care what he will say. I just want to spit it out and let go of this feeling.

 

It’s now or never!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“NAT.”

 

I heard him call me by my nick-name.

 

“Do you remember what I told you last night?”he asked me.

 

“Aw. You’re going to tell me something, right?”I responded.

 

“Khrap,” he said and looked at me.

 

[khrap=it meant a polite "yes' in the statement]

 

“Promise you won’t leave me after I tell you that, ok ba?” he was so serious this time.

 

“Chai,” I agreed and he smiled then went back sightseeing.

 

[chai=Thai; "yes". Also means "alright". Also spoken as /day/ or /ja/]

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you remember the girl I’ve been talking about these days?”

 

After a few minutes he started again.

 

“Your beloved?”  I asked although it was obvious.

 

This may be the part that I’d hate the most. He’s bringing up that girl as the topic again.

 

Why does he love killing time talking about nothing else but only that girl?

 

Can’t he even notice that he’s unknowingly hurting me inside?

 

“Yes, I remember her,” I answered trying to be calm.

 

 

 

 

How can I forget her while she’s the reason of all the pain I’m feeling right now?

 

“And yours too?”

 

His question made me raise an eyebrow and look at him.

 

“Yes,” I answered.

 

How can I forget such an adorable guy?

 

Na-ruk mahk that I can’t forget him.

 

[naruk mahk= so cute]

 

 

 

 

 

“What’s up with the two of you now, Nat?” He asked in a cranky voice.

 

Seems like he has a clog in his throat and he’d break up crying soon.

 

Ooy! How could Kao be so weak just because of a girl?

 

Usually girls are the ones crying over him.

 

He’s weird. Definitely weird!

 

“Well, it’s getting worse,”I answered him putting emphasis on the last word.

 

“He loves the same girl a lot and he’s getting weird because of her. I think he’s obsessed with that girl as I am obsessed with him,”got a nice answer for him.

 

“And it hurts me to the bone marrow,” I added.

 

“I wonder why we could still love the person who can hurt us,” he said.

 

Yes, wonder why I could still love you inspite of the pain I get.

 

“Well, they just don’t know they’re hurting us,” I told him and Kao looked at me in the eyes.

 

Then he sighed.

 

“It’s always the same. We wake up everyday to realize that we still love the person who does not love us back and keep going on without thinking that we only get nothing but pain hardships and disappointments…”he said.

 

“But even it’s like that I still love her! She’s everything to me,”he added.

 

Hearing those words from Kao is like being caught in a predicament.

 

I don’t think I can still look at him.

 

His words we’re telling me that it could never be us even until eternity and it is pounding my heart into dust.

 

He was also looking straight into my eyes.

 

It’s like he’s burying that painful truth into the bottom of my poor heart.

 

Tss…Why do I get so in love with this guy?

 

Why on earth do I have to continue loving a person who’s always showing me there’s no way of being us together?

 

It’s so damn stupid to love someone and treat him as your everything while he just treats you as nothing more than an ordinary friend.

 

I feel what Gigi of Ku Kaen Sun Ruk knows…

 

How it is painful to love a person and he has no idea, not to mention that you have to act like you don’t have any feeling for that person.

 

He may treat me the best among his friends but it isn’t enough. It’s just close to nothing.

 

How I hope everything between us would turn out like that with Gigi and Aeo.

 

Aeo learned to love Gigi in the end although he doesn’t  seem to care at first.

 

But all of these are just fantasies.

 

Maybe I was just watching too many lakorns that I hope to have the same situation as the nang'ek.

 

Psh. Like it would happen to us.

 

Oh dream on, Natasha!

 

This is real life! Wake up!

 

I could never be the nang'ek and Kao will never be the pra'ek. And we will never have a happy ending.

 

[lakorn: tv series or drama (kumbaga sa Pinas: teleserye) //nang'ek: heroine; female protagonist //pra'ek: hero; male protagonist]

 

 

 

 

 

 

“We always feel the same, Kao…”I told him and he looked away.

 

“I wanna tell her I love her,” he said and that made me look at him.

 

That girl is so lucky to have him as her lover. I know how happy that girl would be if he will tell her so.

 

Only stupid girls wouldn’t have that reaction.

 

“Well, maybe that girl would be very happy…”I answered.

 

“You are smart, handsome and kind. She’s so lucky to be the one you love among other girls.”

 

My voice was trembling when I said those.

 

I was avoiding to be cranky. Everybody knows that I’m that actress with a strong personality.

 

He smiled and his dimple appeared on his left cheek.

 

I can say from his face that he’s so happy.

 

He’s so in love with that girl.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just can’t stay there and let my tears flow in front of him.

 

I know sooner I’d break down into tears.

 

And I will never let him see me like that.

 

 

 

 

I stood up but he held my hand but I removed his hand.

 

“Your hand is so cold. Are you sick or what? Nee a rai roo?” He asked me but I just shook my head.

 

[nee a rai roo: what’s wrong?]

 

“Phlao,” I told him. “I just want to use the restroom.”

 

[phlao: nothing]

 

I made the excuse and ran before he could say a word.

 

As I was running tears were also flowing down my cheeks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I looked at the girl and she was also staring straight at me.

 

I wonder why a guy like him can’t love this girl.

 

It’s obvious that she’s beautiful but what does the other girl have that she doesn’t have for herself?

 

Why can’t her best friend love her?

 

 

She’s always caring and loving but he can’t notice her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m just waiting for him to realize that he already holds a diamond in his hand but he doesn’t look at it twice.

 

I let my tears flow freely as I watch my own reflection.

 

Soon enough I can control my emotions and I will be able to hide the tears.

 

After a few minutes, I eased myself and wiped my tears.

 

I headed to our favorite place but he wasn’t there.

 

Then I saw him hurling stones to the sea while walking at the seashore.

 

Then he stopped and sighed.

 

I just stood there and watched him.

 

I didn' t dare to come near and disturb a person who is in a deep thought.

 

 

 

 

 

“Oy! Why do I have to get stuck with this situation?” I heard him said.

 

Maybe he was talking to himself.

 

It is called private speech.

 

“Why do I have to fall for her? We’re meant to be just friends,” he said.

 

“Psh. How am I gonna tell her? What if she gets angry with me? What if she rejects me or even more…What if she wouldn’t want to be my friend any longer after I tell her?”

 

All the questions he had were the same as what I had.

 

“How am I gonna pursue her?”

 

He was really eager to be that girl’s boyfriend.

 

I really cannot accept it that he loves that girl so much and eventhough I am his best friend I have no idea who that girl is.

 

I even got no clue.

 

Every time Kao talks about her he would just tell me that he loves her a lot and he’s so happy every time they are together.

 

That’s all that he says. He does not even tell me how that girl looks.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“How am I gonna court my best friend?”

 

What?

 

He said his “BEST FRIEND”?

 

Am I just dreaming or my ears just failed me?

 

 

He said I was that girl! I am his best friend!

 

If only I was sure it was me I would squeal right now like some fan girls on his concert.

 

Assuming that I was that girl, I can’t help but smile.

 

 

 

Pee Kao stood up and walked seaward.

 

I remained there standing.

 

*O*

“NAT!”

 

 

He screamed out and it confirmed that I, Natasha Nauljam was really that girl Jirayu La-ongmanee had been talking about.

 

“I had been loving you so much. You just don’t notice it but it’s true.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now I am certain that everything was real.

 

We’re even. He also loves me.

 

 

 

 

 

"NAT!!!"

 

He cupped his hands around his mouth.

 

"Chun ruk tur mahk kae nai!!!"

 

[ I love you so much!]

 

"Really?"

 

I said and he looked my way. I saw in his face that he was surprised to see me there.

 

His ears were red and I know he was embarassed.

 

I laughed at him.

 

"Hoy, Nat?!"

 

"Hmm?"

 

"You just came, didn’t you. You weren’t there for long, were you?" He became a weird guy in front of me.

 

"Phlao, I was here even before. I was here even before you noticed me."

 

[this time "phlao" means "no"]

 

"For real?" he was confused and maybe he was also nervous.

 

"Yes!" I answered him with a smile.

 

He walked towards me and held my hand.

 

"You’re not angry with me, right?"

 

"Right!"

 

"We’re still friends, right?"

 

"Hmm…Phlao."

 

Then his eyebrows met and he let go of my hand.

 

"Sia jia,"[sad] he murmured.

 

"Why be sorry and sad, Kao?"

 

"Aw? Phlao. Just sorry that you may not want to be my friend anymore. Such a pity. I lost a best friend because of love."

 

"You’re funny… You won’t lose me, Kao. I’m actually always…"

 

"‘Your best friend’ ? Dai! I know…there’s no way of being different…everything will stay the same. I love you, you don’t love me. Best friends forever!"

 

"Hoy, Kao. Who said I’m always your best friend? I can still change," I told him then he looked away.

 

"Maybe what I was thinking of was right. You will leave me after I tell you."

 

"Who said I’d leave you? I’m not leaving you, Kao."

 

"Then stay as my best friend. Please don’t be mean. This is the only thing I’m  asking for from you. Please don’t change, Nat."

 

I sighed.

 

"I thought you want us to be more than friends," I told him.

 

"Chai," he looked at me. "But I know it wouldn’t happen cause…"

 

"'Cause you’re thinking that I don’t feel the same?"

 

He nodded.

 

"Are you really that numb, Kao?"

 

His eyes widened.

 

"Mai khao jai," [I dont understand.] he said.

 

"Then let me explain."

 

"The song which you just composed, it was for me right?"

 

"Chai."

 

"And it says you haven’t told me but you love me a lot?"

 

"Chai, but I really had told you many times but it was from the script."

 

"Yes. Now if you just listen to your own song would you please assume that I was the one singing."

 

He had arched eyebrows again.

 

"Nat, can you please be straight this time. Be straight, na, na, na?"

 

"Err... You’re so enigmatic. You’re giving me the major headache," he said.

 

"Kao, I told you to listen to me. Be obedient this time. OK ba?" I asked him and he nodded.

 

"OK."

 

"Now I’m telling you to listen to that song. Listen to it na."

 

He fell quiet then he smiled.

 

The sweetest smile of all.

 

He may have not listened to it but he may be thinking of the lyrics.

 

"Nat, do you feel the same?" He asked and I smiled.

 

"Feel what?"

 

"Do you feel the same for me? Do you feel what I feel for you?"

 

"Aw? What do you feel for me?"

 

We were looking at each other.

 

I know he loves me but I’d be happier if I’d hear those three words from his lips.

 

I know he can do it. I know he can tell me with the sense of reality this time. I know he’d be able to tell me now.

 

He looked down and labored a deep breath.

 

Then he look to my eyes again.

 

"Phom rak khun, Nat. Do you also feel the same? Do you also do the same? I love you, Nat. Would you please tell me you do the same? Chuay bauk dtaun nee?"

 

[phom rak khun: I love you (fr. male) //chuay bauk dtaun nee: please tell me right now]

 

"Mai bauk!"

 

[I won't tell!]

 

"Aw? You' re so mean. I hate you!" he said and I laughed.

 

"You hate me? Really?" I asked him.

 

"B-b-plhao!" he said.

 

"Hoy, you haven' t answered me yet. Do you love me too?"

 

I smiled and he frowned.

 

He' s really funny.

 

I' m having fun teasing him.

 

Sa-nook mahk! Haha.

 

When he fell quiet I answered.

 

"Khrap…"

 

I said then he smiled.

 

"I love you too, khun dee!"

 

Then he smiled the sweetest.

 

"Chan rak Nat mahk kaen nai," he said.

 

Then he walked me to our favorite spot.

 

 

When we were seated he sang me the sweetest song.

 

 

 

 

♪♫

 

"But I secretly hope we' re soulmates

 

I can only eagerly await for you to look and understand my heart

 

That this person who' s standing next to you

 

 He loves you so much

 

 Do you feel it, sweetie?"

♪♫

 

 

 

" I wrote that song for you. You just don' t know."

 

" You just don' t feel it" He even said.

 

I was dumbfounded so I just smiled and he hugged me.

 

" You know, Nat? " He said and I looked at him.

 

" I haven' t told you but I love you a lot."

 

That was the title of his song, the song I considered the sweetest of all.

 

I am in love with my best friend and I am so happy he loves me too.

 

I smiled and hugged him back.

 

^_^

 

TT_TT

 

I was tearfully smiling even up to that time.

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> the end<

Thanks for reading!

 

 

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 I Haven't Told You...But I Love You a Lot [English]

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