He had always been alone, he didn't even mind it anymore.
He had always been a dreamer, but never dreamt of something big.
Always living day by day, always struggling to go on.
Im Jae Bum was 19 the first time someone made him forget what loneliness felt like. She was 1 years younger than him, innocent looking, long hair with a pretty smile. He liked her.
She didn't seem to mind the fact that he would forget to call her for days, simply because he was absorbed in the darkness of his mind. Didn't seem to mind him calling her at 3 am asking if it was allright to like her, if she wouldn't be corrupted by him. She always smiled at him, assured him, conforted him. Even after he told her what occupied his mind most of the time, she seemed worried more than annoyed.
He loved her.
He started caring for her, looking for her and remembering her, even during the "dark time".
She was the first person he let near, without walls or protections. He wanted to become a better person for her, he wanted to stop thinking. He started trying, trying and trying more.He started hoping for a better future.
But one day she told him that she had enough, that she was tired and being with him was breaking her. He let her go.
As much as he was trying she didn't feel it, he loved her and he wanted her to be happy.
He let her go. They never saw each other again.
He's 22 now and he doesn't dream anymore.
Everyday passes by like the other, he wakes up hoping he didn't, goes to work, goes back home and sleeps hoping he doesn't wake up.
But he does and the infinite loop goes on. He has stopped hoping for things to change a long time ago, he just quietly moves on.
He doesn't talk to people, doesn't get attached. He's been alone most of his life anyway, he can do this.
He still has the "dark" days but he's used to them too, and he doesn't hurt anyone.
He doesn't remember the last time he was happy, nor the last time he cared about something, he just feels empty.
Sometimes he wonders if things could have gone differently if he was different, but he knows thoughts are his worst enemy.
Thinking is like a poison for him. The more he thinks, the darker everything becomes.
This is why, sometimes, he wishes he could disappear, no one would ever notice he's not there.
But he keeps living, he keeps breathing even thought it's becoming more and more painful as the years pass. He's broken.
He works in a small library, it's nice there, he's always liked books, they help him escape reality for a little time.
Once in a while there's even someone like him there, someone with the same empty eyes, he can see it but he never talks to them, he knows.
However he never thought he would meet the person that would change his life there, he thever thought he would meet someone like Jackson Wang.
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