The utter realization that I had finally obtained a remarkable individual in my life who appreciated my obnoxious and cold exterior, who chose on staying despite my efforts in pushing that particular individual away; hit me whilst I was trudging ho in the cyclonic rain; lips pursed in a thin line with my forehead creased. The final recognition sank in too late.

He had onyx eyes and heart-shaped lips; owning gaunt knuckles and protruding forearms. He was patient, young and carefree before he stumbled upon my sole existence. I met him numerous times before in the past, but we were merely acquaintances back then, unfazed by the drastic changes that were ahead of us. I’m glad that I encountered and initiated a stimulating conversation with him before technology stepped into our lives; creating a barrier for confrontations to occur. We conversed about the explosion of stars.

A silly grin was plastered across my face that entire day.

I was nonplussed when he had asked me. “What do you suppose will happen once I fall into a black hole?”

It was a simple question that I refused to leave unanswered in the midst of the autumn breeze. I answered, my fingers playing with the hem of my skirt. “You’ll get spaghettified, of course.”

I laughed as I directed my gaze to the couple situated on the bench.

The corners of his lips etched into a slight smirk. We both fell into a state of peace and tranquillity. In a hazy state, I didn’t realize that the laugh that emitted from his lips was sardonic and not the capricious laughter that usually rang in my ears.

On the thirteenth of March, he took me to a hill across a road. I was perplexed and utterly mortified. Nevertheless, I succumbed to his endearing wishes.  “Come on,” he said, ushering me with him. I took his hand as he led me up the steep hill.

“Scream out your worldly desires.” He prompted; I could see his boyish grin in my peripheral view. I was scrutinizing him, but did as I was told.

“I wish to ace my SAT’s!” I smiled happily, hearing my voice echoing in the distance.

“I want to travel the world!” he screamed.

“I wish to run away from this endless hell hole!”

“I want to feel the stars on my fingers!”

“I wish to solve every worldly disease for as long as I live!” I laughed, feeling accomplished and satisfied with the endless possibilities that lied ahead of me. The cars that rushed past us added to the adrenaline pulsing in my veins.

“I’m sorry!” he yelled.

His infectious smile left me in a state of radiating happiness.

A string of profanities escaped his lips as he uttered his last statement’ leaving my hands in a fist hold –I was in awe.

He turned to me with a crestfallen expression, his onyx eyes seemed dull and his chapped lips were pursed in a thin line.

He had just confessed to me that he was dying.

marantic endocarditis, that was all he had told me with his chin resting on his kneecaps.

I was never the type to fret over something as inevitable as a medical condition. However, imagining a world with a vacant seat in front of me in the library, a world without my best friend harrumphing over the fact that his waffles were soggy again and a life without his agitating ways of failed attempts at cheering up me when I felt as if the world was crashing an crumbling into insignificant pieces of dust particles around me; created a dull ache in my currently palpitating and healthy heart.

“The doctors said it was very rare –one out of twelve thousand.”

“I’m that unlucky one.”

I couldn’t really disagree with him.

“Marantic endocarditis literally means wasting away in Greek.”

“I’m wasting away.”

He told me that the doctors said that the cancer was interfering with his heart valves. I tried not to comprehend or digest that information. He had uttered that he was in a state of joy and glee because he was finally going to be able to roam the universe; alive –live his impossible dreams.

I was internally in agony.

We indulged ourselves in incessant chatter, basking in the mahogany of the sunlight that streamed through the living room curtains.

That day he told me his biggest secret –he told me he longed for the person he once was.

I could see the way that he refused to meet my gaze as he stifled a cough, that his masquerade was slowly withering.

The warmth from the pads of his fingers slowly lost its heat. Despite our fingers being entwined, he was still as cold as the winter snow. The colour from his tinted cheeks drained as the days passed by. He felt exasperated with the environment he was currently living in.

There was pity roaming in the eyes of the people who visited him and sorrow in the hushed voices he heard from the hospital halls. Despite the tragic consequences, I remained indifferent.

I didn’t feel sorry for him –I felt morose.

He was diagnosed with carcinoid tumour a year and a half later. What seemed like six months, became shorter. Time seemed to slip away from my fingers within every ticking second.

I was still interested in Biology –I wish I wasn’t anymore.

He was still dreaming unfathomable possibilities.

I told him about the new car I owned back at home. He tol me that he really loathed the movie The Theory of Everything.

When a star explodes, it slowly dissipitates and becomes a black dwarf. Indirectly, that meant that a star’s age never lasted long enough, despite it having survived for a million years.

A star’s age drags on like memories that slip from an individual’s mind. Despite it having lived for quite some time, it is short-lived.

My best friend never wanted to be remembered by his name. However, if he could choose one word to describe himself, it would be ephemeral. I still yearn for his presence to envelop me.

 Although he had spent almost every moment of his life in my company, I still miss him.

It’s been sixty-three years. It finally dawned upon realization as I trudged in the cyclonic rain that I was irrevocably in love with him

I wish that it his fingers were still dancing lazily in my hair.

yearnings, saudades, those sonorous fruits grown for overripe hearts’

wrote this for my english essay. 

'describe my best friend' 

lol i'll just make him die then 

sob forgive me this is so ty