Jongin had to be the greediest- no, most selfish- person he had ever known. All of his friends were far too good for- and to- him. Sehun was always the most supportive of them all; Chanyeol and Baekhyun were always willing to lend an ear; Kyungsoo and Yixing were almost always wiling to drop whatever they are doing and come to his aid; Jongdae and Minseok were constantly divulging him in comforting hugs; and Zitao and Luhan (less often more recently now that he's overseas, but they've managed a few hidden chats and messages despite management's best efforts) were always able to distract him when he needed it most. They all had something that Jongin needed in order to function- and he couldn't if they weren't such great friends that were willing to impart that piece of them to him.

Which was probably why it hurt just as much to know that they knew- they all knew- even Yifan; before, during, and even now. Yifan knew, and yet Jongin's thoughts, Jongin's feelings, had been swept under the rug as Yifan took the one thing Jongin had always wanted from right under his nose- and yet still tried to act like his friend.

Kim Joonmyeon was his problem- no, wait; Joonmyeon was simply the answer to the riddle that Yifan had created. Joonmyeon was the answer, Yifan was the puzzle master, and Jongin? Jongin was the participant who was stuck- watching, pining, and crying in solitude. EXO was happy; Kai was happy; Joonmyeon was happy; and Jongin was slowly falling apart- but now, Joonmyeon was too.

Overdose was the promotional period where they had run into bump and hiccup after bump and hiccup- but the first major bump, the first real one, was the one that had torn Joonmyeon apart; and Jongin was stuck on the sidelines watching with tears in his eyes. Tears he would later claim was from frustration at being so blind to what was happening to everyone else- but they all knew the truth. Jongin was never all that good at lying to his friends to begin with.

Although, to be fair, Jongin had more of a heads up than anyone as to what was about to happen. It was Jongin that Yifan had imparted the knowledge to- the day before they left him behind to continue on to Korea again. The entire plane trip he had the envelope sitting in the front pocket of his carry on, burning a hole through the material that everyone else but he was blind to. The knowledge was heavy on his shoulders as he read and re-read the letter in his dorm by the light of his cell phone on the night the news of Yifan's lawsuit broke to the media. It was a chance for answers, it was an opportunity to push forward and attempt to take back what Yifan had stolen.

It was an opportunity that would have to wait- at least while Joonmyeon's quiet sobs could still be heard by the young dancer.

Jongin worked for some time to build up the courage to confront Joonmyeon. There were some things that he had to discuss with the group leader. He waited though, he waited for the quiet sobs when everyone was supposed to be asleep had stopped, he waited for the soulless look in the leader's eyes to begin to fade as it was replaced with determination to fight on, he waited for Joonmyeon to stop picking up his phone every other minute to check for any sign of a message- any sign of news- from Wu Yifan.

Then Luhan gathered them all to tell them of his plans. Luhan was following Yifan's footsteps and returning to China- but Luhan was letting them all know in advance. There was apologizing and crying and prayers for a brighter future as they all cheered for EXO to continue fighting on- as ten instead of the eleven they had so recently dwindled to. Joonmyeon was taking the news rather harsh this time- but not nearly as terribly as when Yifan had left- and after giving Luhan some encouraging remarks, he retired early- Jongin knew this was his own way of being left alone to cry those quiet sobs in an empty room, away from prying eyes (or ears).

Their final days with Luhan's presence proved stressful to all of them in different ways- Sehun was losing his brother and best friend, while the rest were losing a good brother they had grown to adore during their time together; Minseok was doing his best to smile as much as possible (but Jongin had overheard the eldest threatening Luhan once, "I swear to god if you don't email me at least once a day I will fly to ing China myself and make you regret forgetting!"), and Joonmyeon was looking a bit pale and his lips constantly appeared to be pressed together in a thin line. Jongin had simply remained quiet and hung out in the back of the group as they spent their last few days together as 'one' with Luhan present. 

The last morning before Luhan departed for China again, he had pulled Jongin aside. "Jongin, I'm sorry. I wish I could stay behind and help you out, but I have to leave. I'll still listen to you if you need me to, I just hope you don't mind it will be more typing than talking." Jongin saw the small smile the older male had given him and weakly mirrored it on his own. "Just know, if things don't work out the way you hope, it's not any fault of your own, okay? Be strong, Jonginnie."

Maybe it was because he knew how much Luhan truly cared about all of the members that he finally let himself break down and cry on the older man's shoulder. He apologized and claimed with a shaky voice that it was because he couldn't believe there was no telling when they would be together again- but Luhan knew the real reason. Luhan had always known Jongin well enough to distinguish at least that much (if not more, but the prospect of that frightened the younger just a bit).

It was with trembling knees that Jongin saw Luhan off for the last time as an EXO member and turned to face reality again- it was time to wait again. It wouldn't be as hard for Joonmyeon to lose a friend as it was a boyfriend, but it was better still- to wait.

 It felt like all Jongin was destined to do was wait though. It was around late September when Jongin had finally built up his confidence enough again and he had followed Joonmyeon from the practice room they had been in- only to stop short when the leader did. Slowly taking a step closer, the younger finally caught wind of what it was Joonmyeon was listening too. The door to management's office was slightly ajar and their managing team was discussing something seemingly important inside.

"Listen, I know that the president said that the final call was up to us; and I get that you want Suho to perform one of these things too, but let's be realistic here. do you seriously think Suho can do the promotions for The Winter's Tale and still learn the new stuff for their next comeback without slipping up? He's a great kid, a wonderful leader to the boys, but he's weak. The media and fans will pick up on it before we can cover it up. Keep it a trio for this promotion. We'll try to incorporate him in another promotion some other time, but it's too soon for him to do this one- he's still torn up over losing Kris from the group." 

It was a snap decison, but Jongin had decided that Joonmyeon (and he) had heard enough. Moving forward, he grabbed Joonmyeon's hand gently, but firmly, and pulled the older male away from the door and down the hallway; only speaking up after they had moved far enough away from the door, "Sehun wants me to buy him a bubble tea but Minseok hyung told me I wasn't allowed to leave the building alone- everyone else is already laying down and won't move so you've be volunteered." It was a lie, tried and true, and they both knew Joonmyeon knew that it was. The leader let him go with it though ending the conversation with a quiet, "Alright, but I don't have my wallet on me."

Shaking his head lightly, Jongin gave the elder a quick glance, "This one's on me, hyung."

In reflection, Jongin would never be sure what it was that caused him to finally and truly break. That patience that he had held onto so dearly ever since his trainee days suddenly dissipated into nothing. One minute he was still waiting, and the next he had his phone and an envelope in his pockets and he was knocking on Joonmyeon's door, words that he'd been holding in for over two years just barely contained as he shifted from one foot to the other. As the door opened, Jongin blurted the first words spoken between them that night without a second thought, "Hyung, can we talk?"

In the quiet of Joonmyeon's room the air felt stifling for a solid minute before the leader invited him to speak his mind. Jongin gave the elder a somewhat imploring look as they both knew where Jongin was going with this- it was just a lack of control that the younger was dealing with at this point, a lack of control that led to this moment. "Why did it have to be Yifan?" Joonmyeon's interjection about Yifan being his hyung was ignored; however, as he pushed forward, "You knew, hyung. You knew how I felt about you before he ever came into the picture and yet he was instantly accepted and you dragged me through the mud as you claimed I was too young to know what such emotions were. You guys aren't much older than me! Yet he came into the picture and you accepted him without a single second of doubt, but... was there ever a chance for me, hyung?"

Jongin had had years to ponder these thoughts, but he only seriously started contemplating them in the last few months. Maybe it was because of Yifan's letter, maybe it was because of Luhan's brotherly support, or maybe it was because Jongin realized that despite his best efforts, Joonmyeon barely looked in his direction. "Do you think I would ever be good enough for you?" The younger pressed again as silence had fallen over the room once more, it took a lot of will power, but he finally managed to look up and meet the older male's eyes and he could practically read the answer without Joonmyeon moving his lips once. "I was never too young, hyung. You knew that too. Everyone knew. I just never was- and never will be- what you're looking for, right?" Pausing to swallow around the invisible lump in his throat, Jongin blinked his eyes furiously as he urged himself to remain in control of his emotions for a moment. "I thought... I thought that maybe, just maybe, now that Yifan is no longer here... now that it's a new year, we're another year older, and... I thought I might have a chance if I waited, but I've realized, hyung... I shouldn't. You don't want me to. You never wanted me to. When we were still trainees, your rejection that day... you were trying to make me continue on with my life and get over you, weren't you?"

It was an un-fulfilling conversation, it was completely one-sided, and even that one look into his group mate's eyes had told him all he needed and tore his heart out. "I never meant to burden you, hyung." He admitted softly as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a small envelope that had 'Joonmyeon' written on it in Yifan's neatest handwriting. "Yifan wanted me to give this to you when I was ready." He let out a choked sounding laugh as he held it out before adding, "He's really foolish, isn't he? He gave it to the one person he knew would try to steal you from him. That's what I first thought too; but that wasn't it at all. He isn't foolish, hyung. He's smart. He knew I would wait, he also knew I would give it to you. Yifan hyung knew I would wait just long enough, no matter the circumstances, until it broke me. He hasn't given up on you, hyung; you shouldn't give up on him either. I'm sorry." There was a slight quiver to his voice as he released the envelope to Joonmyeon's grip and turned to leave the room.

He had barely opened the door when he heard the voice behind him, "I'm sorry, Jongin." Exiting the room, Jongin waited until he was in his own room, collapsed on the floor against the door as silent tears streamed down his cheeks before he replied, "Me too."

It didn't take long for the other members to figure out what had happened as Joonmyeon brightened visibly with each day that passed. Two boulders had been lifted off of his shoulders in one night- even if he rarely seemed to see Jongin recently; but he figured the younger needed time to truly accept things the way they had turned out. Joonmyeon seemed to be getting healthier too, now that he had finally managed to contact Yifan and find out from his estranged boyfriend what had happened, what had been going through his mind.

Solving the problem was made exponentially easier when Jongin would emerge from his room for practices or to eat. The younger was mindful to avoid the EXO leader as much as possible, but he looked pretty terrible (thankfully Baekhyun always pulled him aside to help make him look "less like a zombie" whenever he had to leave the dorm though). It was when he was finally corned by Sehun and Zitao that the story tumbled from his lips to his two friends, the burden of keeping it all in having become too much, and having the two confront him made the dam break and the words poor out. Everything from Yifan entrusting him with Joonmyeon's letter and his own letter with the phone number enclosed, instructing him to message it once he had delivered the letter to the group leader all the way through the conversation he had had with Joonmyeon that smashed him to pieces- save for the bit that he had overheard from management the day they came back with bubble tea for everyone, but that wasn't his story to tell.

It was there, wrapped up in his two best friend's arms, that he finally started to truly heal- not that he would realize that until much later on, but they built him up and gave him hope and encouraged him as much as they could. "Besides, maybe Joonmyeon hyung wasn't the right guy for you. Maybe you were so wrapped up in those emotions that you never realized there was someone else waiting for you. Jongin hyung, it will take time to heal, but think of it as a chance to really see the people who are around you." Sehun paused in his little speech as he gave a marginally apologetic glance at the pink cheeked Zitao, "There might be a really good guy just waiting for the right opportunity."

Author's Note:

Jongin may not be my bias (cries because Chanyeol and more recently, Chen), but sometimes I feel he just... can be the role a bit better than anyone else (a lot of times, at least in my mind). Yet, I couldn't let this end completely angsty with poor little Jongin broken. I'd feel too cruel with the way I insinuated he'd been suffering for over two years (in my mind it was more like three or four years, minimum, but y'know... words)- so yes, I gave a light of hope basically; yay, hope!

Thanks for commenting or whatever else it is you choose to do!

~L~

Word count: 2,599