Hold My Hand

- A Joonew Fanfic -

The wind thier cheeks, the rock is uneven and hard under thier legs and fingers where they're sitting.
Lee Joon has no idea why Jinki took him here or why his boyfriend looks so down. Joon had been trying to talk to Jinki the whole car ride, but Jinki had been rejecting his tries.
Jinki let's his fingers slide over the rock under them and he looks up and sees straight into Lee Joon's eyes.
- "I have to tell you something", Jinki says, the wind blowing hard Making his voice only sound like a whisper.
Joon looks into jinki's dark beautiful eyes that usually is filled with happiness is now giving him a gaze of miserableness. Joon feels very uncomfortable with the distance in Jinki's voice.
- "I just got to know that", Jinki's voice is shaky and he speaks fast in frustration, "I...I" , tears are suddenly blowing from the corner of Jinki's eyes. Jinki's head falls down. Joon looks at him concerned, he feels a need to hold him. 
Jinki looks up again.
- "I was just ... At the doctor..and he told me that" , there is a long pause. It's crawling in Joon's fingers with anxiousity in want to know why his loved is so shaky. It scares him to hear the word doctor. "I h-h-ave maybe 14 d-days" , Jinki can barely speak, he stutters and swallows, his head is down again.
The fear explodes like fireworks inside Joon's chest. Something is crushed inside him.
The disease came to Jinki years ago, they didn't think or talk about it much. Jinki went to the doctor every week to get his medication and regular check, that was it. 
All questions are storming into Joon; What did Jinki say? What did he mean? Why didn't the doctors knew this erlier? What to do?
Lee Joon can't really belive and see what's reality here and what is not.
An unfamiliar, wierd, uncomfortable feeling passes trough Joon's body. He feels how his eyes begin to water.
- "And.... I just want you to know that I'll always love you", Jinki says in frustration as his voice cracks, "Lee Changsun."
Joon wants to say something. But not a single word is coming out of his mouth. 
There is a long pause. The wind blowing the tears off thier faces.
- "I don't want the disease to take me", Jinki cries, "That is why I took you here."
And all of sudden Joon knows why Jinki brought them here. A desperate feeling crosses his mind.
- "Jinki, don't. I beg you", Joon whisperers.
They are at least 30 meter up in air with a deep sea's agressive waves hitting the rock down below them.
- "I don't want to die in a hospital", Jinki says without listening to Joon.
Joon doesn't know What to do. He gets nearer and wraps his arms around Jinki.
- "Jinki please, I love you", Joon cries on his shoulder, the hug is tight and desperate. They stay like that for a while, Jinki's tense body hugging back Joon. They're Both freezing in their thin hoodies.
Joon sniffles and then slowly makes Jinki's head rest onto his lap. Joon gets closer Jinki until they're almost touching each others lips. Lee Joon starts to sing. The song is not the best or the most suitable but it's the first that appears in Lee Joon's mind. It's a song about love. In this moment; his love, for Jinki. He hums the melody once before he starts singing. Lee Joon's voice is weak and the song comes out more like a massive mixture of words. 
He is so close to Jinki, he breaths the air Jinki breaths. 
Joon leans a little closer and thier lips touch. Joon can taste salt, from thier tears. 
- "Donajima....", Lee Joon whispers as he pulls away. Jinki's hand raises to Joon's cheek.
- "Changsun saranghaeyo", He says while the wind dares to blow even harder.
- "I love you too", Lee Joon says and his tears are becoming heavier and his voice shaky - Joon's whole being starts shaking.
Jinki suddenly makes Joon let him go of the tight hug. Jinki slowly stands up. He is looking out over the sea.
- "It's beautiful", He says, a tear making its way down his cheek as he swallows.
Lee Joon's chest raises and his heart is pounding faster than ever.
He gets off his sitting position fast and stands up. Full tears falls from his cheeks down to the ground and disappears.
- "Don't.....", Lee Joon begins but he gets cut off by Jinki.
- "Hold my hand", Jinki says his voice Only sounding like a whisper.
Joon grabs his hand not thinking of what's going to happen if he does.
Is it right or wrong? He doesn't know. But Jinki's hand is so cold and small in his that he can't let him go. It's his decision - Forever or never.
Indeed it is beautiful, and sad. The scenary is a thick layer of rainy clouds covering the sky. Leaves flying with the winds movements and the rough waves of the giantic sea. Jinki chose the best place - because Jinki does always know the best.
Lee Joon looks at the sky. He swallows. He had never belived in god or heaven, he didn't think much about it. He always thought that if there was a god he'd meet him when he died anyways. Now in this moment Joon belives - or more hopes, that there is a god. Waiting for him and Jinki up there somewhere. 
In this moment Joon doesn't even think about his family or friends. The only thing that matters is him being with Jinki, and Joon knows it is no turning back now. He loves Jinki so deeply. 
Lee Joon still can't really belive and see what's reality here and what is not. His mind somehow doesn't get that it's going to be turned off now, non existant - Joon isn't fully aware of it, yet.
All memories flashes through his mind, both sad and happy ones.
Lee Joon can feel a shiver travel down his spine and a small amount of fear hitting his chest. Then he takes a deep breath. He tightens his grip of Jinki's vurnable hand.
They look at each other and then 
they know the time 
Is there. No regret.
They jump hand in hand. 

- dedicated to the song "Forever or never" by SHINee -

"This is my decision - forever or never"