☑ snowflake16

Colloquial Mini Reviews ★ (╥﹏╥) ★ ☰ CLOSED
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home sTATUS MTBD REVIEWS PERPLEXITY INFINITUM @ YEOLWHO05 FEB
28   STORY INFORMATION:

GENRES: horror, thriller, mystery, psychological
CHARACTERS: junhyung, kyungsoo, chunji, boa
CHAPTER COUNT: oneshot, complated
STORY DESCRIPTION: “Wilde Entertainment closes mysteriously. Ex-trainees suddenly begin suffering from hysteria. No one knows the cause of this epidemic. One by one they start to die. A special police unit is brought in to bring solace. Officer Yong Jun Hyung, attempts to solve the secret that lies behind the slogan: “Don’t Trust Anyone,” and endeavors to create a name for himself in the work field. An enigmatic detective is requested to join the quest. Who is the killer? What is his reason? Where is he hiding? And can Yong & Do stop him before it is far too late?”


 

REMINDERs:

HERE ARE A FEW REMINDERS PRIOR TO THIS REVIEW. FIRST OF ALL, DON'T FORGET TO CREDIT THE SHOP, EITHER THE SHOP OR ME, YEOLWHO05, SO AS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EFFORT IN PROVIDING YOU THIS REVIEW. SECONDLY, MAKE SURE TO COMMENT AFTER PICKING YOUR REVIEW. DO PROVIDE YOUR FEEDBACK, IF POSSIBLE, AS WELL. i'D LIKE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT MY REVIEW, LIKE DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG OR SOMETHING, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEFEND YOUR STORY, ETC.? HOWEVER, DON'T BE TOO HARSH ON IT. IF POSSIBLE, DIRECTLY MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO DEFEND SOMETHING EXTREMELY INTENSE, IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.

oh, and i'm terribly sorry for the very late post!

 

cheque mate story LINK | snowflake16 | FEB. 28, 2015

STRENGTHS:

(1) story characterization

perhaps the best part that i found was the story's characterization. first and foremost, let's talk about boa! it was actually pretty cliche to judge her as the culprit from the very beginning. i mean, the fact that you used a third person's pov had decreased her part of the story itself, not that i'm complaining since the pov was actually fitting, but yeah. it's pretty stereotypical to suspect her almost immediately, so i was really glad that she wasn't really the actual culprit. it was actually a good thing that she wasn't all throughout the story. that would've been too evident, and your point would've been very much confusing then. 

as for junhyung... well, i can't really say much about him. i didn't love nor hate his character. he was just a normal man, who was really realistic, as you have mentioned in your explanation. even so, he wasn't the normal cliche character. he was rather a truly realistic character that most people can relate into. it was surely comforting to see him struggle with contrasting stuff and whatnot, bec. that's a part of life as well, an

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Author's Thoughts
yeolwho05
CALLING FOR CREAMCOLOURED-!
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dhaatk #1
are you planning on re-opening any time soon?
W3ntchuuKrown #2
Chapter 20: Hey! Thanks for the review!! I'll credit this shop now and try to fix all my weaknesses!! ^^
yeolwho05 #3
Announcement!
I will finish the remaining three requests tomorrow since I'm just too busy at the moment. I promise to finish them all tmr, so please don't worry. I'll try my very best to finish all of my tasks. On another note, I am thinking of reopening the shop soon, so I guess I expect some of you to request again from me. Was that too bold? Anyway, adios~

~ yeolwho05, Colloquial Admin
snowflake16 #4
Chapter 19: Picked up and credited :D

It did take long, but I don't mind. I like the way you review so I wait diligently. I'm glad you liked my characters! Looking back they're all pretty distinct. I don't have favorites. I did add an extra dose of weird to Chunji lol, glad you noticed! I'm surprised your favorite turned out to be Kyung Soo. Jun Hyung is a favorite of most reviewers and Chunji is a fav of commenters, yet again no love for Boa, but that's life.

I'm glad you liked the title because initially I had a different one, which was very plain and uninteresting. 'Cheque Mate' was an epiphany. I'm so glad I didn't name it 'Checkmate' now! If I had, the story line would have turned out a bit different. Anyway, thank you! I feel reassured!

Poe's quote wouldn't fit if the ending was different, imo. That being said, I wouldn't exchange it because of it's evilness hehe.

Location/Time is just me being lazy tbh. Because CM is a one-shot, I found zero purpose of adding an extra line to explain where the characters were etc when scenes changed. I am lazy like that. I will take a look over it again though and see what I can do.

Yeah... That description does have short sentences. I noticed, but I have no idea how to fix those unless I change them a bit... It confounds me.

I agree with the 'he's' and I will definitely take that point into account. Thank you!

P.S. I changed that because I like to hide one of my antagonists. It reduces predictability and leaves room for that hidden-card ending ^^

P.P.S. I didn't find any^^
caelestis_ #5
Chapter 16: wowow
for a 'mini' review this was extremely helpful haha.
Honestly, I started writing this at the start of last year ( posted it once before too lol) when I wasn't actually paying much attention to most things such as title, description, characterization and all that stuff, like the first few chapters (I think up until about 5?) were written ages ago so some of the things I put in there confuses me too. Like, I don't get why I made Yixing all those stuff and then make him appear in the flashback as one of Sehun's father's workers, like how old is Yixing in this story?! I'm currently trying to re-read and edit/fix the chapters so they'll make at least a little sense. I also agree that the description does lack a lot. I always change it yet I can't make it any better otl. I'll try to improve the description again though : )
As for the title 'Oh, Sehun!' I couldn't agree more. It's not the tiniest bit relevant to the story. It actually just came to me and the idea for the plot that I had while thinking of that title was completely different to what I ended up typing but it just stuck to me, I guess. So I just kinda decided that the future me would be smart enough to come up with a way to make it relevant to the story. I've actually been trying to find a better suited title these past days but I still can't think of one u n u;;

I think that's all?
haha
thanks again for this short yet helpful review : )
I'll credit you right now~ ^ ^
chenminded #6
Hi! Just a quick suggestion, if you remove the constant capitalization of how you type the reviews? I don't have perfect eyesight, so I tend to get a little bothered. And it gets messy when I read. But this is just a suggestion, so you don't have to do them. I really like your shop, so I just want to say don't mind the haters and good luck! Fighting! :)
suzyelf #7
Chapter 15: Thank you for the review! It's very helpful and yes I should go and review some minor but important grammar stuff. Thanks for pointing out my strengths and for the plot, I'll try to throw in some twists when I have inspiration. I admit that the father conflict wasn't too exciting, but it felt realistic and appropriate at the moment while I was writing.... (Hmm now you mentioned it, i think I know what I want to add now. ) Anyway, it's a shame that's you stopped reviewing. You did a good job which a lot of reviewers couldn't achieve. Thanks again! :D
suzyelf #8
Chapter 15: Hey, I haven't have your review yet, but whether or not your critisms are "good" or "bad", you're entitled to your opinion. There's no such thing as solid guildeline for good or bad review. No one should tell you otherwise. There are some rude requesters out there or some of them don't even acknowledged your effort( that's why I stopped reviewing) so you're not the only one who encountered such a thing. It's very common. Don't let them ruin your day! Like you said, just be your own judge and do whatever that makes you happy. Cheer up, girl! :) /slaps myself for making this lecture-y/
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