☑ kAndApandA
Colloquial Mini Reviews ★ (╥﹏╥) ★ ☰ CLOSED22 STORY INFORMATION:
GENRE/S: fluff, romcom
MAIN CHARACTERS: luhan. sehun + rest of exo
CHAPTER COUNT: on-going
STORY DESCRIPTION: Luhan's a single father who starts working at a cafe and Sehun's the son of the owner of that cafe who just happens to like him. Sehun would do absolutely anything to get Luhan to like him back while Baekhyun's the cupid who's trying his best to get the two together.
HERE ARE A FEW REMINDERS PRIOR TO THIS REVIEW. FIRST OF ALL, DON'T FORGET TO CREDIT THE SHOP, EITHER THE SHOP OR ME, YEOLWHO05, SO AS TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE EFFORT IN PROVIDING YOU THIS REVIEW. SECONDLY, MAKE SURE TO COMMENT AFTER PICKING YOUR REVIEW. DO PROVIDE YOUR FEEDBACK, IF POSSIBLE, AS WELL. i'D LIKE TO KNOW YOUR THOUGHTS ABOUT MY REVIEW, LIKE DID I SAY SOMETHING WRONG OR SOMETHING, OR WOULD YOU LIKE TO DEFEND YOUR STORY, ETC.? HOWEVER, DON'T BE TOO HARSH ON IT. IF POSSIBLE, DIRECTLY MESSAGE ME IF YOU WANT TO DEFEND SOMETHING EXTREMELY INTENSE, IF YOU GET WHAT I MEAN.
oh, sehun! story LINK | kandapanda | FEB. 22, 2015
STRENGTHS:
(1) that "boom!" scenes
WHAT I LIKED THE MOST WAS HOW YOU WERE ABLE TO ENGAGE ME BY EVERY CHAPTER DESCPITE THE CLICHE PLOTLINE / SIMPLE SCENES. I MEAN, IT WAS JUST A SIMPLE KISS, LIKE IN THE ELEVENTH/TWELFTH CHAPTER, BUT YOU WERE ABLE TO INTRIGUE ME AND KEEP ON READING, WHICH WAS DEFINITELY A GOOD THING. NEEDLESS TO SAY, EACH CHAPTER KIND OF ENDED WITH A "BOOM!" AND AN "OOMF!" GOOD JOB.
(2) those fluffy anf funny moments.
i really enjoyed those fluffy and funny moments between baek, luhan and sehun. primarily, i was surprised when baek stated that luhan was wearing hot, pink earrings. it actually confused me bec. i thought he was straight? if so, then why was he wearing those type of earrings? aside from that though, when sehun went to luhan's apartment to retrieve his phone, he was wearing a very short, pink shorts, which i found really disturbing, since i can't imagine him like that, at all. nevertheless, these types of scenes were what amused me the most, especially since it helps me drive my imagination. keep on producing scenes like these and i'm sure that your readers will be kept engaged. just make sure that your scenes are reasonable at all costs, and that they make sense, of course.
(3) your writing style
there's something in your writing style that makes your readers engaged. maybe it's the simplicity that makes your story easy to understand. your sentences weren't complicated, and despite the grammatical errors that I found, your point was still there -- present. i didn't find your grammar hard to understand, and for that, you did a good job.
WEAKNESSES:
(1) that description
the very first weakness that i found was your description, and for me, it seems to be the top problem because of how you relayed it. first of all, it didn't sound that enticing? why so? because you narr
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