“Oh no. This is so not good. Not good!” Estelle was mentally shouting. Jackson lie to her side in her full size bed. His chest was bare, as was hers. “Jackson! What the hell!?” She yelled.

“Shut up Stells. Get over it. We were both drunk.” He sounded quite annoyed, but yet didn't even open his eyes to look at her. “Just go back to sleep.”

“But we are here. Why did you let this happen. I thought you said we were going to try and make Jae jealous last night. He probably knows that you never came back home and now he’s going to get the wrong idea!”

“Stells. Shut up. I’m not gonna say it again. Go back to sleep.” He gave her a glare and then looked at her pale, bare shoulders. He sighed and pulled her into him. “It’s going to be okay. Mark has us covered. And I don’t know why you are freaking out about this whole situation. It’s not like it’s the first time we’ve had drunk affairs.” 

“I don’t like not knowing what goes on. I never remember anything.”

“Well let’s just enjoy time together, yeah?”

Estelle hated knowing Jackson knew every part of her. This was one of her weirdest memories with the boys. She and Jaebum had great loving memories. Their dates as a new couple, all the way to the first time he said those three words. She was never sure she could say them and that was something she couldn’t take back. She couldn’t take back her hesitation to return the words to the boy.  But her most outstanding  memory with Jaebum was the first time- and last time that she and Jaebum fought.

“So what!? That’s how it’s going to be, you need to get over it!” Jaebum yelled at her.
The two had been in a screaming fit over something she couldn’t quite remember. What she could recollect was the feelings she had when the young man had screamed at her. How he threatened to leave her. She remembered how the tears streamed down her face in a hot fit. She remembers slamming the door to Jaebums room and locking herself in with Jackson. 

“So anytime something bad happens you’re going to go run to him, huh?! I’m not good enough. You go straight to him for everything. Why don’t you keep her. She seems to just want you more anyway!” He screamed and beat on the door. Jackson held onto her as she cried into his chest. 

That was a breaking point for them. He left the dorm that day. Finding it clear, she left too. They met at the cross walk.
Their eyes locked. She wanted to disappear. He was sorry and wanted to tell her.
He started to dodge through the cars and then it happened.
The man she felt so deeply in love with was struck by a fast moving car.
He didn’t move as she called out for him. She screamed at the top of her lungs for him to get up, but he didn’t move.
It was like her worst nightmare had come true.

Lights flashed as the rain poured down. She tried to make her way to him, but emergency workers held her back as they tried to critically save his life.

“Let me go!” She struggled in someones grip. She watched as they tried to revive him. Her heart fell to the bottom of her torso as she watched them drape a white sheet over him. She was broken and it was her fault. If they didn’t fight. If she didn’t run to Jackson, this would've never happened. Her Jaebum would still be alive with her right now. 

“Stells.” She was being shook. “Estelle Winter Kim!” Jackson was shaking her to wake her. Her eyes squinted at the brightness of the light.

“Stells, are you okay?”

“Jackson. I’m never going to be okay.”

“Babe, you know what I mean. Lets try to cheer up, yeah?” He suggested. She nodded in response and waited for to tell her what would be happening next.

Estelle felt lifeless as she would follow Jackson. He would keep a hold on her hand, trying to constantly comfort her. 

“Stells. Can we talk when we get home?”

“Yeah. I guess.” 

Their journey home seemed to last for an eternity. When they had finally reached their destination, Jackson made the way for them, ending with him forcing her to sit on the couch, her eyes tediously staring at him.

“Estelle.” He began, sitting himself on the floor in front of her. “It has been over a year since he’s been gone. I know it’s hard and that you still have the nightmares, but it’s time to move on babe.”

“Jack-.”

“No Estelle, listen to me. I have been here for you since the beginning. I know you inside and out. I’m tired of seeing you hurt and down when you have someone in front of you who loves you just as much as he did. Someone who looks out for your well-being and only wants to shower you with love and hope. Why can’t you let me do that.”

Estelle’s eyes had become glassy. She sighed heavily as the first tear rolled down her cheek. She had to admit, she was tired of crying, but she didn’t want to face the reality of Jaebum being gone. He was everything she had ever wanted. And it was like Jackson could read her mind.

“I can be everything you want, even more. Everything you need. Estelle I know you don’t to cry anymore. I could keep your mind off of it. I would love you as much as he did. Just please Stells, hear me out. Give me a chance.”

Give her best friend a chance? She recalls wondering what it would be like if things were back to the way it was. You know, before she had met Jaebum. The way Jackson was always making her laugh and playing around with her. The way they didn’t have to be anything but themselves around each other. She wondered what it would be like for Jackson to be her lover. 

She sighed heavy once again. She couldn’t look him in the eye. She felt it was wrong to even wonder these things. Jaebum loved her. He wanted to marry her, spend the rest of his life with her. How is she supposed to go from having that to nothing and back to someone wanting to love her. She just couldn’t wrap her mind around it. 

“Jackson. I don’t know.”

“Please Stells. I want to love you the same way he did. Hell I loved you before he did.” By this time he was sitting on the couch next to her. She leaned into him, feeling the warmth from his body radiate out towards her. She had to remind herself that he really did make her feel safe. Maybe she did want him too.

“Jackson.”

“Yeah?”

“I will try. But give me time.”

This is a bit short, but I felt it necessary.
Feel free to comment,
As always.
-ElectricBleu