And I Still Exist
Tell Me You ExistIndex:
(YJ) – Young Jae speaking
(DH) – Daehyun speaking
(BY) – Yongguk speaking
(KR) – Krystal speaking
(JU) – Jongup speaking
(MJ) – Mrs. Jung speaking
(DJ) – Mr. Jung speaking
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“C’mere!” (HC) Young Jae let out a small yelp as he suddenly felt his head being locked into someone’s arm before the life began being squeezed out of it. Despite the amount of struggling he was trying to do, it seemed like he wasn’t going to be getting out of this headlock all that easily. “Look at you, going all hardcore on your studies! You already study enough as it is. Sheesh… this kid! Trying to make me look bad, are we?” (HC)
After a few muffled words had escaped from Young Jae, Himchan finally released the poor boy from his grasp. Young Jae stumbled forward a bit before crouching down, his hands trying to soothe the parts of his head that were currently in pain. Looking up at Himchan a bit, Young Jae furrowed his eyebrows and puffed out his cheeks a bit as he stood up. “That hurt!” (YJ)
“Eh? So? It was a congratulatory head attack from yours truly! You should be honored and anyway, who told you to graduate ahead of schedule? A whole year ahead of your class! Tsk tsk tsk… You just like to make everyone look bad, don’t you?” (HC) Young Jae huffed a bit as he turned and began walking. Himchan scoffed for a brief moment before he quickly followed after Young Jae.
A whole three years had passed since their high school graduation and Young Jae seemed to have changed quite a bit. Sure, he was still his somewhat quiet and shy self, but he seemed to be a bit more confident in himself. Okay, so he still had a hard time talking to other people, but at least he didn’t stutter as much. Okay… so he seemed to mess up his wording from time to time and he was awkward in conversations and he may end up killing a conversation here and there, but at least he was getting somewhere!
“You never did tell me what made you change your mind and become a manga artist. Was it manga or was it anime? Ah, it doesn't matter. You even said that your mom wanted you to become a lawyer! Or a doctor… or an engineer… Your mom’s weird.” (HC) Young Jae nodded in agreement, but he smiled nonetheless as they continued walking. He was rather surprised that his mother had agreed to let him become what he wanted to be, but it was a very good surprise. He still wanted to know who had written that letter, but… that letter was the kind of push he needed to head in the right direction. “Hey! Are you listening? Let’s go get something to eat! I’m starving.” (HC)
“Okay.” (YJ)
University life was a bit tricky, but because of his habits throughout the majority of his life, Young Jae was able to keep up with the workload that was sent his way. Plus, for some odd reason, he seemed to be enjoying life much more than before. Something had triggered after reading that letter and although he couldn’t put a finger on it, Young Jae was thankful for it.
Walking into the cafeteria, Himchan and Young Jae made their way over to where the food was currently on display. They separated for a moment, walking around here and there to gather the food that they wanted, before joining up once more and getting in line to pay for their food. While in line, Young Jae looked up at one of the posters on the walls, reminding students to purchase their cap and gown for graduation.
“Hey. When’s your graduation anyway?” (HC) Young Jae looked at Himchan with slightly widened eyes before he began thinking. For some odd reason, he couldn’t remember the date for his graduation. Sure, it was still about one and a half months away and he’s already gotten everything ready for it, but since it wasn’t within the immediate time frame, the date was the last thing on his mind at that moment. So, to answer Himchan’s question, Young Jae simply gave a slight shrug as they moved up in line. “You’re gonna invite me, right? Ah… don’t bother. Those things are too boring. I couldn’t even stand our high school graduation. When I graduate, I’m just going to have them mail me my diploma.” (HC)
“Um… I think they mail us the diploma regardless…” (YJ)
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t be a smarty-pants. I still expect an invite, alright?!” (HC) Young Jae nodded, though he was starting to wonder who else he should invite. The only other people that he still conversed with were Yongguk and Krystal. Would they want to come? He would’ve invited his mother as well, but again, she didn’t live with him. Maybe he could have Himchan hold the laptop for him while he was at graduation. Would they have Internet access at the location though? Oh, but he did plan on inviting the Jung’s. Young Jae hadn’t really spoken to them much ever since he started University, so maybe this would be a good time to catch up with them and see how they were doing. “Hey! Are you listening?” (HC)
Young Jae quickly snapped out of his thoughts before looking at Himchan. “H-Huh?” (YJ)
“I’m paying for your lunch!” (HC) Young Jae opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed like during his thought processing, the cashier had already counted up the total for both lunches. He didn’t necessarily like that Himchan was paying for his lunch, but he could make it up to Himchan somehow. For now, he would just have to let it slide and hope that Himchan wouldn’t hold him to it later on.
After paying for their lunches, Young Jae and Himchan walked forward a bit before looking out at the sea of tables. Considering the fact that it was lunchtime, it seemed like the majority of the tables were already taken. They could have probably gone elsewhere to eat their lunch, but Young Jae had quickly spotted Krystal and Yongguk off to the side. Without saying anything, Young Jae began making his way towards them.
“… -id you forget about the equation Young Jae showed you?” (BY)
“It’s not that e- Young Jae! Hey! Remember that equation you showed me for math class the other day?” (KR) Young Jae thought for a brief moment as he took a seat in one of the empty chairs. This was whom he considered his closest group of friends once they had started University. All four of them had ended up going to the same University and it seemed to just fall into place after that.
“I think so…? But I wrote it down in your notes.” (YJ)
“Really?! Hold on.” (KR) As Krystal flipped through her notebook, Himchan finally joined the group. He took a moment to see what they were doing, but he quickly lost interest when he realized that they were currently talking about schoolwork. Sure, they were at school and all, but he much preferred to talk about something much more interesting than that.
“Ah… ha! Is this it?” (KR) Krystal turned her notebook around and pushed it over to Young Jae a bit before picking up one of her chicken tenders. Young Jae leaned forward a bit, looking around the pages for a brief moment before his eyes spotted his handwriting. Young Jae gave a small nod, to which Krystal pulled her notebook back before turning it back around to herself. As she looked down at it, she compared it to her homework before it finally clicked in her head. “Aha!” (KR)
Yongguk shook his head a bit, but he was at least relieved to know that Krystal wouldn’t be turning in incomplete homework assignments this time. It was still irresponsible of Krystal to be doing her homework last minute, but it’s not like anymore scolding would get her to change her ways. “So, Young Jae! Graduation’s coming up. Are you excited?” (KR)
“Mm… Maybe a little…” (YJ)
“A little? Well… I guess that’s true. Once you’re done, it’s into the working world. Nothing fun about that…” (KR) Krystal let out a small huff as she slouched in her seat. Now that he thought about it, he still had to look for a job. Young Jae hadn’t even thought about applying to places and yet, he didn’t feel like he needed to rush such a thing just yet. He had his portfolio and his resumes ready though, so at least he didn’t have to worry about that for the time being.
“Let’s forget about all of that and just eat, yeah? Yeah. Good!” (HC) All of this talk about what they had to do after they graduated was something that he preferred to think about much later. For now, since they were here in the present, it would be best to think about something else.
“I’ll take that.” (BY) The three of them watched as Yongguk quickly swiped a chicken tender from Himchan’s food basket before taking a bite out of it. Instantly, Himchan’s eyebrows furrowed as he quickly sat up and began scolding Yongguk for stealing his food. Young Jae quietly chuckled to himself as he leaned back in his seat and continued eating. He liked that his friends were so lively and although his group of friends only really consisted of these three people, Young Jae preferred to have three close friends than a bunch of not so close friends.
Looking out the window, Young Jae had just begun humming when his eyes spotted a familiar figure off in the distance. Sadly, because the person was too far, he couldn’t make out their facial details. He attempted to strain a bit to the side to see who it was, but the person was currently walking amongst a group of students that were touring the school for the first time. “What are you trying to look at?” (KR)
“Hm?” (YJ) Young Jae’s gaze lingered for a moment before he looked at Krystal. He turned a little red when he realized that he must have looked suspicious, but he quickly shook his head as he turned his attention back to his food. “I just… um… thought I saw someone I knew. It’s nothing though.” (YJ)
Young Jae glanced back outside, but the group of people were gone by now. It was bothering him a little that he hadn’t had the chance to fully see who it may have been, but maybe it probably wasn’t that important anyway. One way or another, he was just going to have to focus on trying to make it through to graduation without any problems.
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It was a little over eight at night and Young Jae had just gotten out of his last class for the day. He didn’t really know why he didn’t think about spreading out his classes evenly along the week, but he was alright with having a free day in between each class. It allowed him to finish up his homework without having to feel too rushed.
Since the University was located in the same city that he lived in, Young Jae didn’t have to live on campus. Of course, that also meant that he would have to travel back and forth, but it wasn’t so bad. It at least let him save money, but it was still a bit dangerous since he couldn’t drive. He could have asked either one of his friends to drive or walk with him, but he didn’t want to cause them any inconveniences. So, all that was left was to either walk home or to use the public transportation that the city had to offer to its citizens.
As he began humming to himself, he couldn’t help but have a weird feeling run down his spine. It wasn't the kind of feeling that he had when someone was staring at him, but it was still a weird feeling, almost as if he forgot to do something. Young Jae looked around, but despite the fairly lit up area, Young Jae didn’t see what could have possibly given him that weird feeling. Shaking the feeling off as best as he could, Young Jae shook his head a bit before he continued walking forward.
Walking for a bit, Young Jae soon found himself in front of the all too familiar pastry shop. Looking inside, he could see that it was still open, but the hours said that they were going to close fairly soon. Thinking for a moment, Young Jae smiled a bit before he soon walked into the Jung Bakery.
The second the bell went off, Young Jae heard someone calling out from the back, but he hadn’t really been paying attention to what they were trying to say. It had been a long while since he’s been here and the scents of the pastries were just too tempting for him. Plus, the sound of his stomach grumbling made it painfully obvious that he hadn’t eaten since lunchtime. “Hello! Welcome t- YOUNG JAAAEEEE!” (JU)
Just as Young Jae turned around, he found himself nearly falling over the second he felt a body collide into him. He probably would have fallen over too, but the other person had picked him up with relative ease before proceeding to squeezing him to death. “YOUNG JAE! YOU FINALLY CAME!” (JU)
“H-H-Hello…! Y-You’re hurting me…” (YJ)
“Oh!” (JU) Jongup released Young Jae in an instant, causing Young Jae to fall back onto his feet. Young Jae let out a relieved sigh before looking at Jongup and smiling. Back then, him and Jongup had been almost the same height. Now, it seemed like he had grown much taller than Jongup and it was a little weird, but it was nice to see that Jongup hasn’t really changed much. “Are you going to buy pastries? I’ll give you all the leftovers. We usually just eat those ourselves if no one else buys it the day they’re put on display.” (JU)
“Um… is that okay?” (YJ)
“Sure! Let me pack everything up.” (JU) While Jongup did that, Young Jae looked around for a moment. It seemed like they had gone out of their way to make the bakery look nicer, though it was already cute to begin with. He hummed for a moment, but he soon remembered the reason why he had come to the bakery in the first place.
Taking off his backpack, Young Jae opened it up before digging into his bag. Pulling out his folder, Young Jae opened it up before pulling out an envelope. Just as he put his folder away and had his backpack strap over his shoulder, Jongup came up to him with two plastic bags of pastries. “Here you go! I just threw everything in there.” (JU)
“T-Thank you… And, um… this is for you and your family.” (YJ)
“Oh? Really? What is it?” (JU) Jongup took the envelope into his hand before opening it up and pulling out the folded piece of paper. He took a moment to read the contents of the letter before his eyes widened with amazement as he looked back up at Young Jae. “Wow! You’re graduating?” (JU)
“Yeah and… um… my mom says that she’ll pay for everything for my graduation party, so… um… I-I thought it’d be nice to invite everyone to a... um... party at my home. Can you come?” (YJ) Jongup folded the piece of paper back up and stuffed it back into the envelope before looking back up at Young Jae.
“I can! I’ll ask my parents if we can go though. I can’t wait!” (JU)
“I’ll see you then. Um… I have to go now. I have to study for my finals.” (YJ) Jongup instantly had a disappointed look on his face, but he knew that Young Jae needed to study. With a small sigh, Jongup nodded a bit.
“Oh… okay. Good luck, Young Jae! I’ll call you when my parents say if we can go or not.” (JU) With a slight bow of his head and a small smile, Young Jae turned and left the bakery. Lifting the bags of pastries, Young Jae looked at it for a brief moment before he continued making his way back home. Well, at least he had something to snack on while he studied. This bread should keep him rather full for a good few days.
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“Congratulations, Young Jae!” (KR)
“T-Thank you.” (YJ) Young Jae felt a bit embarrassed and Krystal and Yongguk both gave him a present of sorts. He wanted to open it, but he decided against it for the time being. Setting it off to the side, Young Jae watched as Krystal and Yongguk both took their seats across in the living room. “Um… Is Himchan coming?” (YJ)
“Yeah. He said that he wanted to be fashionably late, so he won’t be here for maybe… another five minutes.” (BY) Young Jae slowly nodded, already understanding. He’s known Himchan for a while, so he already knew that Himchan would usually do something like that.
“Where is... Oh! Young Jae, dearie!” (MJ) Young Jae, Krystal, and Yongguk each looked up to see Mrs. Jung, Mr. Jung, and Jongup standing at the doorway. Young Jae was about to go close the door, but they seemed to have come at a good time. Young Jae smiled a bit as he made his way over to the three, greeting each and every one before receiving their presents as well. After he set the presents with the others, he was about to sit down when Mrs. Jung spoke once more. “Oh, Daehyun dearie! Come greet Young Jae.” (MJ)
“Daehyun…?” (YJ) Young Jae looked back over at the entrance before his eyes widened and a gasp escaped his lips. Standing there, with a surprised look on his face, was a tanned male wearing a red graphic t-shirt, black skinny jeans, a rope bracelet, and a black and red cap that was currently worn backwards. He seemed familiar and judging by his reaction, they must have met at one point, but… Young Jae couldn’t put his finger on it. Could this man be the same person that was drawn in his sketchbook? But... how could that be? Young Jae was certain that he's never seen him before. In fact, he was almost certain that the drawing was of a character or something that he made up.
“Well? Don’t be shy! Come say hello.” (MJ) Daehyun snapped out of his state for a moment before clearing his throat and making his way over to Young Jae. With an embarrassed smile, Daehyun rubbed the back of his head with his left hand as he slightly bowed his head and held out his right hand.
“Hey there… I’m Daehyun. It’s… nice to meet you.” (DH)
“Y-Yeah… but… um… h-haven’t we met before…” (YJ) Daehyun looked surprised for a moment, but he seemed to knock himself out of it as he gave a small shrug.
“I don’t know. You do seem familiar though…” (DH)
“Hey now. Don't just stand around and keep food waiting! Let's eat.” (DJ) While everyone else went to get their food, Daehyun and Young Jae stood there for a moment longer. Young Jae really wanted to figure out why he seemed so familiar and it was bothering him a bit, but despite this confusion, his face and ears were constantly burning up.
“U-Um…” (YJ)
“Let’s go get our food.” (DH)
“Y-Yeah…” (YJ) The two began walking and despite their ability to move off to somewhere else, they seemed to stick together like glue. Daehyun would say a few things here and there that would make Young Jae laugh, and the two seemed to be getting along relatively well. Even as they ate their food, they continued to talk to one another, though the others would join in on the conversation from time to time as well.
After eating, Young Jae and Daehyun ended up going out to the balcony. Jongup wanted to come, but he also wanted to play when his turn came up on the video games. Since everyone else was also occupied by the video games, it allowed Young Jae and Daehyun the privacy that they needed… not that they knew that they would need the privacy.
“You know… you’re really cute.” (DH) Young Jae nearly tripped over his own feet, but he quickly caught himself before straightening out his clothes and clearing his throat. Once he was stabilized, he looked up at Daehyun, whom currently had a smile on his face. “I really… feel like we’ve met before. Your shyness... your stuttering, just everything about you feels familiar and and I know it’s sudden and all, but… will you go out with me?” (DH)
“M-Me? A-A-And you?” (YJ) Daehyun nodded, which caused Young Jae to quickly look away. His face and his ears were completely on fire and his body was starting to heat up as well. Even though this embarrassed him, Young Jae felt like he already knew the answer to Daehyun’s question. “O-Okay. I-I’ll go out with you.” (YJ)
“Great! Hey, uh… I also feel like I owe you something. Isn’t that weird?” (DH)
“What do you… owe me?” (YJ) Young Jae looked back at Daehyun, but he merely shrugged as he stuck his hands into his pockets. Young Jae puffed out his cheeks for a brief moment before something came to mind. “Why don’t you try going on what feels right?” (YJ)
“What… feels right?” (DH) Daehyun looked at Young Jae, whom gave a brief nod. He hummed for a second or so before closely examining Young Jae. Young Jae felt a little uncomfortable about this, but he pretended not to notice as he waited to see what Daehyun’s answer might be. “Okay. I know what to do.” (DH)
“What is i-” (YJ) Young Jae’s eyes widened as he was completely cut off, Daehyun’s lips soon coming into contact with his own. His whole body froze, but it also melted, especially after he felt a hand slowly coming up his neck. All around him, Young Jae felt as if petals had burst out of nowhere, surrounding them in a delicate flurry of majestic shades. The sky became a brighter blue and even the birds seemed to sing of their joy. The kiss may have lasted four, maybe five seconds, but to Young Jae, he felt like it lasted forever.
Slowly, Daehyun pulled away and in that instant, Young Jae could see a warm and loving look in Daehyun’s eyes. Although they had just met today, for some reason, Young Jae felt as if they have had a much longer relationship than that. It was almost like... it was okay for them to have their first kiss like that. Young Jae didn't necessarily understand it, but he wasn't necessarily opposed to it. “I… think I owed you a kiss. Is that… okay?” (DH)
“I-I… I think so…” (YJ)
“And…? Did you… like it?” (DH) Young Jae turned a deep shade of red as he gave a hesitant nod. Daehyun couldn’t help but smile before pulling Young Jae into a tight embrace. Young Jae’s eyes widened, but despite his surprise, Young Jae felt as if this was meant to be. For whatever reason, he began tearing up as he closed his eyes, burying his face into the nook of Daehyun’s neck as he slowly wrapped his arms around Daehyun.
“I… I missed you…” (YJ) Daehyun chuckled a bit, but he rubbed Young Jae’s back in an attempt to get him to calm down.
“Missed me? How could you miss someone that you just met?” (DH) Young Jae gave a small shrug, but his hold tightened regardless. Daehyun held his smile as he raised his hand, Young Jae’s hair a bit as he took in Young Jae’s warmth. “It’s okay… I missed you too.” (DH)
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[[ My Own Thoughts:
Okay, yes.
This was the real ending.
I would’ve typed more, buuuut…
Best to leave it to everyone’s imagination. X3
Anyway!
I hope you enjoyed this fanfic.
This one was definitely one of my favorite fanfics.
But I say that a lot… xD
Look forward to my future fanfics! ]]
So... I don't know if I should edit Ch. 18 & 19 or not. It's pretty angst and I cry.
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