Bobby exclaims, “Please open your heart to me!”

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It’s like my day to day task. Nothing to call special. Practice the dance routine and sing my part of the song……. So I was wrong.

It’s 2AM, something’s really wrong about my voice. But I still need to practice. I don’t feel right about my performance so I practiced until it’s really late and forgot the time. I’m alone (so I thought) and can just spend another hour to practice. I want Hanbin-hyung to approve my performance and give me a thumbs up. I always look up to him and always seek his advice and approval. Hanbin hyung is a perfectionist and I want, at least, to become half of what he is. He took care of me and really generous about almost everything. For the two and half years I spent on training, he has always been a good hyung and leader to me. Most of the time, he is really scary. Beyond words can explain when it comes to practice. We call him Tiger Hanbin because of that. He growls and scowls when we do it wrong in practice. But I never think or feel bad about it. I respect him a lot and his approval is sometimes more important than YG. But of course, that’s a bad joke.

An hour passed and finally I’m about to go home so I am tidying all my stuff and some snacks that I bought, when I suddenly heard a soft chuckle behind me. I know too well who was it from so I just asked without looking,

“Bobby hyung why are you still here?” continuously fixing my stuff.

“June-ya, why are you still here too? Aren’t you practicing too much?”

“I asked you first Hyung. Please answer me then I’ll give you my response.”

“I’m waiting for you.”

Well that was unexpected. Why is this hyung waiting for me? Weird. I didn’t ask anymore nor reply. Whatever I guess. He’s there anyway.

We’re now walking on our way home.  Suddenly, he asked me, “what if Bobby hyung wants to be close to you? Like I make an effort to be close to you and not be awkward anymore, would you give me a chance?”

Now I know there’s something wrong. Something’s really weird and I do not like it for real. Why is he suddenly acting like this? Does he need money? But he has more money than me. So I’m going to have to exclude that idea. Hmm. He wants me to do something for him perhaps a favor that only me can do.  Well I am reliable in many ways so they ask me to do couple of things. Yeah I’m like that. So should I ask him directly? I am starting to believe that I am really an awkward person. Like 62.94% awkward.

So I told him in a flat tone, “We are close. We are not awkward at all. You just feel that way and I don’t really know why.” I said that without even looking at him and not seeing his hurt expression. That was mean and cold. I acknowledged that but this is how I am. I’m a little afraid of sensitive talk. But I care for my brothers. I just don’t show it but I will definitely fight for them.

That is me being dismissive of the idea that we need to talk some things. It’s true that it’s more than 2 years but I still feel a bit aloof with Bobby hyung. It’s honestly weird because he is such a nice and fun guy. A good hyung too but I chose not to be close to him. Many times, I noticed that he wanted to talk to me but I made every effort to avoid being alone with him. Hard to explain and I am the type of person that don’t deal on too much emotional burden. 

We arrived to the dorm without a word. Maybe he realized, I’m not in the mood with that kind of talk. And again, I was wrong. When it comes to Bobby hyung, I am always wrong. I can’t predict him. Just as I’m about to enter the pass code to our dorm, without a word, he hugged me and softly planted a peck on my back, he whispered, “Aish June-ya, I really want us to be close. As close as this.”

I swear my blood and common sense rushed up to my head. I feel light headed. I felt so cold. And I can really feel my heart beating so fast and want to jump out from my chest. My mind went blank. I can’t seem to move or perhaps I didn’t want to. I don’t really know. But I gathered all the strength and logic that I have in me before someone sees us because I know for sure that it will cause a big commotion.  A huge one!

“Hyung, let’s go inside. Please.”

“Will you talk to me?”

“Yes, we will talk. I promise.”

And he finally stopped hugging me. But it felt empty.

We decided to stay in the living room and just sit there for 10 minutes without saying anything. I’m holding my cap and squeezing it. I am the one who said that we’ll talk so I guess I have to say something first. And I came up with a very lame sentence…. “so hyung, are you hungry?” again asked without looking. I just can’t find the courage to look at him. It’s so damn awkward now. Waaaaay awkward than before!

“Yah! this kid! Talk to me! You promised. Why are you avoiding me? I am reaching out to you but I noticed you’re always avoiding me. You seem allergic to me. Why are you like that to Bobby hyung? You’re nice and gentle with Jinan hyung. Then you play with Hanbin most of the time. You laugh at his jokes. Honestly, I want to ask you to come with me at the amusement park since I know you’re afraid of height and I want to help you overcome it. But Jinan hyung got to you first so I didn’t bother to ask anymore. I said I’m going to throw you at the swimming pool because I want you ask me to teach you how to swim. But you didn’t. Were you sick of my jokes? Am I too annoying to you? What should Bobby hyung do to make you open up your heart to me? I’ll share all my food to you. I’ll give it all to you if you want. Not a problem. I can starve as long as you’re full. I’m willing to do it. You’re the only one that I’m not close to and it really hurt my feelings. I want all my dongsaengs to be close to me, especially you. Just tell me. I know it will be easy for me. I’m Bobby!”

I was dumbfounded. But ruining the moment is one of strongest trait. And that’s exactly what I did.

“Aigoo Bobby hyung, my question is only answerable by yes or no. Are you hungry or are you not? Only this time, I’m going to cook ramen for you. Don’t make it a habit asking me to do it okay?” I stood up, as quickly as I could to go to the kitchen and prepare the ramen. So I guess it’s true, I do avoid him. Am I really that mean to Bobby hyung? Do I really act cold towards him? Hhmmmm. I must be for him to say that.

I gave him his bowl of ramen. I sat across to him. I gave him a gesture to eat. And he just nodded and finished his food without saying anything. So he’s hungry after all.

“June –“

“Hyung, I want us to be close too. I really do. Maybe I was just a little afraid of becoming close to you because you are too cool, fun and an amazing person. But to me, you will always be the crazy Bobby hyung I look up to. Maybe we just need a little time to talk. As often as we could. Donghyuk suggested that they should lock the two of us in a room for a week. But I think we don’t need to do that now. We both acknowledged that we want to be close with each other so it’s a good start. But please, I beg you, don’t ever hug me again like what you did back there. You can just pat my head even if I’m taller than you. “ …… I said that with a sincere smile on my face.

Bobby’s expression beams with happiness so he teased this awkward kid… “But you know how I love hugs and cuddles! So I want to do it with you too! You let Hanbin and Jinan hyung touch you. So why can I not do it too? You’re being unfair to me! I’ll give you lots of chocolates and treat you pizza! Just let me hug you sometimes! I’m your hyung, by the way!”

“Ehhh! Ya! Touch sounds really bad! If someone hears you, they might think in a bad way, those two are touching me! Okay, maybe you can put your arms over my shoulder sometimes and I’d be glad because your arm will hurt.” with a grin while saying that.

Bobby is really overjoyed so he continuously teased June.

“Hug?”

“No”

“Cuddle?”

“Never!”

“Let Bobby hyung touch your face?”

“I’ll choke you.”

“Give you a brotherly peck on the cheeks?”

“I’ll bury you alive!”

(PRESENT TIME)

And Bobby being true to his words, he is sharing his food to June.

He just gave June chocolate. He feed him. And to his surprise, June ate it.

He should’ve done it long time ago. He thought.