For as long as Youngmin could remember, Kwangmin had always been there for him… He was there with him inside the womb, though he obviously could not recall that part. He was there with him on the day they were born into this world. He was there with him when Youngmin spoke for the first time. He was there when Youngmin actually walked on his own for the first time. He was there on their first day of school. He was there on their high school graduation day. They were practically inseparable.

And for as long as the older twin could remember, Kwangmin’s hand was the only one that had always held his. Always.

He still remembered that on one cold Winter day ten years ago, he came across a stray kitten almost frozen to death on his way home. The then 10-year-old Youngmin couldn’t allow himself to just walk past the poor kitten, so he brought the feline home. His twin, who came home later, was surprised to see the kitten in their living room, snuggling against the older boy who gave it hot milk and a huge pile of blankets to lie on.

“You took it home?” Kwangmin said in disbelief as he dumped his bag and slowly approached his twin.

“Yes, I did,” Youngmin said while patting the grey-haired cat, that looked so comfortable sitting on his lap. “I couldn’t just leave the poor kitty out there! The weather forecast says there’s going to be a snowstorm tonight. I hope Mom and Dad come home soon.”

Kwangmin shrugged. “They said they will,” he joined his twin on the sofa. “But that’s precisely the problem, you see… You know that Mom hates animals and never allows us to bring home any stray cats or dogs.”

The older boy bit his lips. “I know,” he said in a soft voice. “B-but, I’m sure she’ll understand this time!”

She did not. Their mother was furious when she found out what her eldest son had done and gave him a piece of her mind.

The twins had never been what you would call rebellious, but they did break the rules from time to time. Their mother was especially strict with them, and being scolded by her was one of the things they dreaded the most. Kwangmin could only look at the ground while standing next to his twin, listening to the high-pitched voice of the middle-aged lady as she scolded both of them. Youngmin was especially guilty, although he did not think what he had done was wrong. Still, neither of them liked to disappoint their parents. Not at such a tender age.

At that time, Kwangmin was yet to understand why it hurt him so much to see his other half crying… He felt as if his chest was stuffed and it was extremely uncomfortable as he watched one droplet of tears rolled down the surface of his twin’s cheek, followed by another. There was this urge inside him to grab Youngmin’s arms and just run away, to escape whatever source of sadness that hurt his beloved twin, even if that meant yelling at their own mother. It sounded really crazy, but that was what he really felt.

Unable to take it any longer, the only thing Kwangmin could do was to extend his hand behind their backs as his fingers searched for Youngmin’s. And the still crying Youngmin responded—he instinctively reached out his hand and clasped his fingers around his twin’s.

And somehow, the scolding did not seem so bad anymore…

Youngmin also remembered the nerve-wracking moment before their debut stage… Boyfriend members were waiting for their turn behind the stage, unable to stand still. Some paced around, biting their lips. Some closed their eyes, muttering some prayer under their breath. Youngmin just stood there, not knowing what to do to ease the increasingly rapid heartbeat. “It all depends on this guy… If he does well, the debut performance will be a successful one,” their manager said jokingly, pointing to the then blonde Youngmin who was supposed to be the group’s main visual. As previously discussed, Youngmin would get the most screen time during broadcast, putting a huge pressure on the 17-year-old boy. An unfair expectation indeed, but it was the kind of industry they lived in.

Kwangmin knew exactly what his twin was thinking at that moment. He knew how hard Youngmin always was on himself, and how much he hated to make mistakes and disappoint his group members. Stress, nervous, depressed—it was all written clearly on the blonde’s face. He thought he could even hear Youngmin’s ragged breathing as his eyes focused on the screen that displayed what was going on at the stage right now. The blonde seemed so scared and helpless.

So the brunette did what he was best at—he silently reached for his twin’s hand and held it tight, as if assuring him that everything was going to be alright. Youngmin grabbed it without a word and felt the tension in his muscles disappeared almost immediately. Kwangmin could tell that his brother’s body relaxed upon the simple touch and smiled softly.

They both knew, even without words, that it was going to be alright. It was going to be alright because they were there for each other.

As they got older and things became more complicated, a mere contact like holding hands enclosed more meanings than it used to be. Both twins had to think twice before reaching out their hand to hold the other’s, as the fear of rejection was crippling in. The boys could not fully comprehend what was going on with them… All those sleepless nights when they did not talk to each other… The strange feeling of embarrassment when they stare into each other’s eyes… The pleasant yet sickening feeling of butterflies filling their stomach when the other was around… The undeniable twinge of pain when the other was with a girl… And the fact that their bodies had to learn to cope with the demands of the raging hormone just did not help at all. It took them quite a long journey of discovery before the twins finally came to term with themselves and figured out what was happening: They were both in love, and they were in love with each other.

Since then, life was never the same… They would sneakily intertwine their fingers behind their backs when they thought nobody was watching, and choose to sit together in the car just so they could hold hands freely. It was not easy as they had to constantly be aware of the people around them, just in case somebody found out their true relationship and caused a scandal for the group. But both boys knew that fans loved it when they made physical contact with each other, so they would do it from time to time just to tease the highly imaginative fangirls or even each other.

True freedom only came at night, when they were in their room, safe from all scrutiny and judgment of people… Like tonight.

The twins had already taken a long, hot bath together and were now lying comfortably in their shared king-sized bed. They were both worn out from the endless activities they had to accomplish today—photoshoot, performance, interview, and dance -practice. Really, home was the nicest place to be on earth.

Kwangmin was playing with his phone, checking on a K-Pop news website for any coverage on their latest comeback and fans’ responses. Youngmin was too tired to do anything, so he just lied there next to his twin brother, watching his every move… The older boy was fascinated by the way Kwangmin’s long lashes would softly brush against his high cheekbones every time he blinked, the way his plump lips would curl up into a perfect curve of breath-taking smile of satisfaction, and the flawlessly sculptured nose that his twin had… He had seen this his whole life and yet he could not get bored.

Aware that he was being watched, Kwangmin turned his head to the side and gave the love of his life a warm smile as his hand moved to clutch Youngmin’s under the blanket. It was a gentle and natural move, as if every single muscle and joint in his body was trained to do so. Youngmin smiled back as he let the familiar warmth of his twin’s hand to flow through his body.

Kwangmin closed his long fingers tightly around his twin’s before diverting his attention back to the device.

Youngmin lifted up their joined hands and admired the way Kwangmin’s fingers curled around his, filling in every gap between his fingers perfectly… Like two pieces of puzzle that just fit.

When he was younger, he could not understand why holding hands with the slightly younger boy brought him so much comfort and strength… But now he knew. He knew for sure, that the reason was because they were made for each other. And unless it was Kwangmin’s, his fingers wouldn’t fit into any other hand in this world and his heart would never find rest, like the one he had right now.

And for as long as he could remember, Kwangmin’s hand was the only one that had always held his. Always.

"Love is two souls intertwined in such a way

you cannot find their meeting place,

nor can you tear it apart.

It is one embodiment of pure pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow."
 

Just a short, fluffy piece that I suddenly came up with! Hope you guys enjoyed it :)

And just in case you are wondering, yes, I am still around hahahaha XD

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