They tell you that the world is what you make of it. Your life is what you dream of. Time passes by and you’re the only person who can live in it.

Taekwoon put the pencil eraser to his bottom lip as he  chewed his tounge in thought. The lines were a collection of grey on his book, lines that only made sense to him. The wind was becoming a cold chill, so he packed up his things from the dingy old bench in the park behind the store where he worked. No one ever sat in it, particularly because the rusty hinges would fall out any minute, but Taekwoon thought it gave it character. Things needed character. Being boring is how people pass you by. Boring is how you come to hate yourself and envy everyone else.

“What are you drawing?”

It’s a common question. Everyone asked him, the reply was practiced.

“The bridge. You like it?”

“I do. Even though it’s through your eyes, I see what it is. It’s been here for years, you know. I took photos of it all the time. It has charisma.”

The pencil kept moving under Taekwoon’s callused fingertips, the beams and wires of the view in front of him forming the picture. They kept like that for hours, until the red of the sunset bled into the frozen grass beneath them.

“Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Yep. Five pm.”

“Great. See you then.”

By the time Taekwoon finally looked up from his work, whoever was there had already vanished.

When he arrived back at the bench the following day, there was a man, close to his age, sitting on it. A wilting daisy was twirling in between his fingers. His hair was a chopped black and his shirt a faded white. Taekwoon determined from cautiously walking closer that the man was incredibly good looking. He felt the urge to draw him.

“This place is popular, huh?”

“Brings back happy memories,” The man smiled warmly at Taekwoon, “Nice to see you again.”

“You’re the guy from yesterday? Sorry I didn’t introduce myself.. Too into my work. Artist habit.”  

“Cha Hakyeon, nice to meet you.  I know the feeling. I’m into art, myself.”

“..Jung Taekwoon.”  Taekwoon began his work. “What of?”

“Whatever I feel like?”

“That’s fair.”

“It is.”

The quiet air enveloped them again, the minutes melting into hours as Taekwoon drew, Hakyeon listened and watched.  This time of year had a warm, yet comforting air that you needed a jacket for but you wouldn’t mind the hours ticking by without one. The bridge was coming together, the lined blending into the paper in his hands.

“Taekwoon-ah!”

Hakyeon was standing beside the brick wall holding up the bridge, his right arm pointing  to the metal behemoth. Taekwoon took this time to envy his features. His eyes were tilted precariously upwards like a cat’s would. His skin was a golden tan. It reminded him of the feathers of a woodland bird in the summertime. He wasn’t too tall, but his nature filled in the cracks and parts.

“Draw me! Next to the bridge!”

The younger man sat up, his back flat but his head lulled close to his chest, eyes trying to focus on his work. “Why?”

“It’ll make it look better! Come on, please?”

The day wasn’t offering him anything else today, so why not, Taekwoon thought. Hakyeon whooped in excitement as without a reply, Taekwoon;s pencil began to mark the page. No one person came into this life this easily, let alone Taekwoon himself accepting new company as fast as he did. Hakyeon’s personality was so infectious that he didn’t question it twice.

“How does it look? Make sure you capture my beautiful lips! They’re important!”

It had been two hours until Taekwoon spoke up, Hakyeon walking back in a hurry to sit next to him and peek at the book. His fingers grazed each line in silence as a warm sigh left his mouth. The words next were almost laughed forward.

“T-taekwoon.. It’s perfect. It really is, it’s wonderful..! You have talent.”

His face heated up with a mumbled blush, head kept bowed to his paper. No one had complimented his work. Not this quickly or with this much whimsy and interest. The words to thank him were caged in his throat.

“I’ll see you soon, okay? It’s getting late and I have to go to work.  This was nice.. I had fun.”

“..Coffee.”

“Hm..?”

“..Come have coffee with me tomorrow.”

The weather called for rain, but pouring wasn’t what Taekwoon expected when he walked out from his apartment building this morning. The drops hitting that pavement looked like waves in the ocean. It made him hold his keys in his hand a bit tighter. He picked the Starlight café as their destination of choice, it being a favorite ever since he befriended the barista Jaewhan and his cousin who baked all the pastries, Wonshik. He first visited them two years ago when he moved to the town after he chose to live on his own. He had a particular love of the hot and bitter beverage, so finding a café that catered to his needs was essential, and luckily, he found the perfect one. They played classical music most of his visits and if Taekwoon would call before his arrival, freshly baked cinnamon buns would be clinging in the air with their scent of sweet and delicious vanilla.

When he opened their red door, The place was fairly empty, which Taekwoon favored. Being around too many people at once was dizzying.

“Mornin’ Taekwoon.” Wonshik lazily greeted him behind the counter. He was a bit of a light weight in terms of mornings. He favored them as much as the Gopchang his cousin forces him to eat on the weekends. Taekwoon waved back, taking his seat in the far back corner, a warm bun already on a white plate for him.

He pulled out a white sketchbook from his backpack and began to idly doodle, taking bites of his dessert. It was early and his guest had plenty of time to sleep. Despite the chance that everyone would jump at to take it, Hakyeon walked through the door another customer had just opened to get inside, not even looking to check. Beaming smile hidden under a thick coat though, he ignored it, waving happily.

“You’re early! I thought I’d have to wait for you.”

Taekwoon took a bite of the pastry. “Well I’m here. I wanted time alone to myself anyway. Why the coat?”

“This big ol’ puffy thing? I’m coming down with a cold, so I’m feeling a bit chilly. My health hasn’t been the greatest.”

“Do you want a coffee? Jaewhan makes them nice and hot here.. If you drink.”

Hakyeon waved in protest, his hair bouncing in place. “Oh, no! I’m fine. I’m more of a hot chocolate drinker myself, but I’m not thirsty right now. What’s that?”

His tan finger pointed back to Taekwoon. In his absent minded waiting he had sketched a figure, the face not yet filled in.

“It looks nice. I like it.”

“Thank you.. I didn’t tell you that yesterday. I’m not sure how to handle this..”

“Date? Okay, okay, don’t get panicked. It’s a meeting of friends. How about we ask each other questions, and the other answers. Good with you?”

“..Birthday?”

“June 30th. You?”

“November 10th.”
“Winter. It suits you. Age?”

“24.”

“Me too! Job?”

“Art student.”

“Dancer. Though in my old age it’s been getting harder.”

Taekwoon couldn’t help but twinge at the fact. “Were the same age. I’m not old.”

Laughter bellowed from Hakyeon’s lips as he leant his elbows on the table. “But you are beautiful. Your face is like a doll while mine’s like your drawings, there. It’s practically drooling with worry lines.”

“I think you look fine.”

“Oh. Thanks..,” Hakyeon’s eyes blinked with confusion as his lips hung open, “You’re very blunt and to the point. Have you ever been told that before?”

Taekwoon looked out to the window at the rain, falling drop after drop as hard as it did a few hours ago. His thoughts wandered from his errands he had to do today, to the project he needed to hand in by the weekend. Eyes wandering back and forth between the man in front of him and the outside world, it all felt too calm. Too serine. The coffee tasted less bitter and the food too sweet.

“Oh, darn!”

Taekwoon’s eyes darted up to a frazzled Hakyeon, hastily putting his phone in his coat pocket, face filled with the lone regret of leaving a puppy behind. “I’m so sorry, I have to go to work. I didn’t think I’d be this late.”

“No.. it’s alright, uh.. I’ll see you again.”

Hakyeon nodded happily and walked quickly to the door, his hand holding onto the doorframe a little longer than necessary.

If a laugh could fill an entire room, Hakyeon’s would be it.

“You can’t be serious, Taekwoon-ah! You’ve never watched a horror movie before? You’ve never ran barefoot in the snow? You’ve never danced until you’ve cried? Have you lived?!”

The two were sitting in Taekwoon’s back room at work. He and his friend from college, Lee Hongbin, worked and co owned an occult shop, specializing in spirits and the like. Taekwoon handled the register and candles, while Hongbin took care of the rest of the shop. Hakyeon had visited on his lunch break, which Taekwoon was thankful for, considering the rest of his work shift was to be spent organizing tarot cards.

“I didn’t feel the need to do those things. I’m perfectly content being by myself..”

Hakyeon leant back in his chair as he closed his eyes and hummed, obviously uncontested with Taekwoon’s lack of a life.
“Speaking of content.. How did you end up in that wheelchair? You’re.. alright, right..?”

“I’m fine, Taekwoonie. This flu is kicking my rear in gear, is all. It’s getting hard to walk by myself, but I don’t mind! I feel like a cyborg, now. I can be lazy and not walk on my legs. This is the dream~”

Taekwoon ignored the cat like grin on Hakyeon’s smug face and went back to the cards he was filing.

“…The High Priestess goes with The Empress. The Hanged Man goes with The Star…”

“Can.. Can you read my fortune? I’ve always been curious.”

“Hongbin reads fortunes, that’s not me.”

“Can you? Please..?”

The constant ticking of the clock on the wall kept telling Taekwoon he had five hours until he could go get dinner, so he heavily sighed and took a deck of cards from the table and placed a few in front of Hakyeon.

He placed the first card facing up.

“The Hierophant. You follow the rules and give good advice.”

Hakyeon’s smile grew, eyes fixed on the remaining cards.

“The Star. Success and fame.”

The smile kept.

Taekwoon couldn’t help but blush looking at the other. A blush that was kempt away then the last card was revealed.

“A moon? What does that card mean, Taekwoon-ah?”

Confusion. Loss of control.

“Nothing.”

Taekwoon couldn’t admit why his heart was pounding so clearly in his ears as he went to bed that night, or the reason why.

Taekwoon and Hakyeon spent countless more times together as the months went on. He got Taekwoon to try crepes and Taekwoon taught Hakyeon how he wrote music. Hakyeon danced for him and they, much to Taekoon’s own thoughts, grew closer.

Tonight they were sitting next to each other on Taekwoon’s balcony, watching the stars as they twinkled in the night sky. Taekwoon couldn’t help but look at a certain person instead, but both glowed bright in his eyes. Hakyeon’s eyes had been darkening lately, his cheeks thinner than they used to be. For some reason, it bothered him. For some reason, this felt like all Taekwoon needed.

“For some reason, I'm attracted to you…”

Taekwoon didn’t realize he was thinking out loud until Hakyeon’s mouth was so low to the ground, his eyes would have caught up with it.

“..What did you say?”

“..Can I take it back.”

“No!”

“..I.. this is too embarrassing..”

“Well..,” Hakyeon shyly eyes him as he held his pinky. “Are you going to ask me out or do I have to make an appointment first?”

For the first time in his life, Taekwoon was lost for words. How could a person be this smooth this easily? This confident, this easily? It had to be a miracle.

It had to be Hakyeon.

The crackling on the other end of the phone call distracted little to none of Taekwoon’s patience as he lit a candle in his living room.

“You-.. can com-e-e over! My apartment is a bit messy, but I need someone to take care of me because I’m still sick. I’ll text you my address.”

With little room to protest, Taekwoon put on his shoes and long grey coat. It had been weeks since he had seen the other, this being the first call they’ve had. The forecast today was cloudy with showers and an umbrella was tucked into Taekwoon’s bag in case.

The walk to the address was a ten minute walk from his apartment. He was surprised they lived within such a close vicinity of each other, but the sight when he arrived grasped him even colder. It was a one room building, the brick walls crumbling beneath the growing vines that climbed in and on the rotting wooden windows. His fingers lightly touched the door handle, the gold cracking into his palm off the doorknob into a room heavily clinging with dust in the air. Each footstep inside was like taking your first verge into a fresh snowfall, each footstep visible as he made the next one.

“H-hakyeon?”

The silence held to his ears as he eyed the room closer. The kitchen was moldy and in shambles. The pots couldn’t have been touched more than months ago. There was a book on the table with a page still ear marked and a cup of molding tea next to it. Taekwoon knelt to nudge a pile of towels on the floor to the side when his stomach flipped upon the dried blood stains that littered them.

Then it hit him.

The foul odor that floated into the room when he opened the door where the bedroom was so overwhelming that his hand practically glued itself to his face. There was a figure lying in the bed. It’s face in adipocere, features perfectly preserved. Even in now what Taekwoon knew was death, they still had a certain glow to them, even if their skin tone was dulled into their sunken cheeks.

Their cat like eyes, their hair in a now dust covered black that flaked onto their eyebrows, rung a memory in Taekwoon that brought him to tears. He rung his fingers in between the sheets as he replayed the name of the body in his head, each time like a cut into his own heart.

Hakyeon.

Cha Hakyeon.

It was laughable, almost. He should have known, even though he did now. Would he ever have luck like this? A person taking interest and care of him so intently and comfortably that he would fall into routine? A routine of Hakyeon? Taekwoon, the man who cowered into his own shell if he had to talk to anyone at any given time. Taekwoon, the man who needed to keep to himself or else he would break. How could he have fallen in love with a man who needed to talk like he needed to breathe. A man who’s smile would melt even the coldest heart. A man who he knew was gone. He always was.

“I don’t know why I couldn’t tell you…”

Warmth radiated on his shoulders where Hakyeon appeared, arms wrapping on his neck. Arms that were never there. Even so, Taekwoon reached for them, his own hands falling onto his body.

“I was alone the entire time. I didn’t have enough money to be taken care of at the hospital. So I stayed here and suffered. It didn’t hurt at first.. My body is always weak, so I didn’t think anything of it until I couldn’t eat anymore. I loved sweets and pastries, you know.. I didn’t think I could go on without them.. Until I couldn’t even keep down water. Hongbin.. I knew him. He kept coming by and giving me medicine and candles to help me feel at ease, which was nice. I needed that… I wondered why he never looked upset or put by with me and whatever illness I had. He’s a nice kid… I miss him. I miss you, Taekwoonie..”

He wouldn’t eat when they met. He wouldn’t drink when they were together. Each time they were with each other, Hakyeon looked more and more frail. The reality of it weighed more than an entire ocean.

“You don’t have to apologize, Hakyeon.. I’m not upset. I-”

“You’re upset that it wasn’t ‘real’, right? That this can’t continue like you wanted to.. Like we wanted to.”

Hakyeon appeared in front of him, eyes torn between Taekwoon’s and his hands. There were lips, he knew it, on his own with the spark that couldn’t stay, and then it was only him. Him and memories that would last forever.