It was almost 4 months since I was out in the group, yes I was doing well when it comes to my new career as a business woman. That four months is really like hell when it comes to moving on, I may show a strong woman in the outside but I’m slowly dying inside.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t want my family and my other friends to be worried so even it hurt so much I didn’t show it and keep on pretending to be okay. Every day I keep on wondering if they are okay, or maybe did they rest, or even eat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is their schedule don’t exhaust them, or maybe did the company treat them well. Are they coping and didn’t have a hard time to cover my parts. Sometimes I was even sorry for them because they had to redo the choreograph and the blocking since they are only 8 now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The memories I share with them really hunt me every day, when I close my eyes I see them, when I look at every corner of my shared apartment with my sister, I see them, they are always here before when they get bored in the dorm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also when I was in the airplane, I can’t help myself wondering what if I was still part of them, will they be in my side that time. When I was in the airport, sometimes I want to grip someone’s hand because I was scared that HK accident may happen again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I have my fans sign I keep on glancing on my both side then find it empty because I was now alone and there’s no other 8 that I was with half of my life. When I was in the van and going home, I miss the loud and bickering of my members that keep on waking me up.

 

 

 

 

 

I hate cucumber but I miss the prank they always do using that thing in short I miss everything about them even a little things we do together.

 

 

 

 

 

 

I admit I was also in fault that’s why I’m out, I know I maybe neglect some practice because of my brand, but I never miss any kind of performance. I may be busy because of my business but I never disregard any schedule even I just landed from my meeting about my brand.

 

 

 

 

 

Yes, I know I have my faults but I thought they’ll understand me and support me because I know they are sincere and happy when I told them about my plans. I understand why they kick me out of the group it just hurt because I never thought they will do that to me because were practically friends and sister.

 

 

 

 

 

I was never mad at them for doing that to me, I don’t hate them but it doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, right? I was actually doing fine these days but when I browse internet this morning I encounter something that open the healing wounds I have.

 

 

 

 

 

I now they are only 8 now, that I was not part of the group but do they really have to rub it on my face, it just months. But maybe I was really not important like I assume. 8 hearts and 8 arrows huh?

 

 

 

 

 

 

YEAH I KNOW IT! JUST DON’T FREAKING TOLD AND KEEP ON REMINDING EVERYONE THAT YOU’RE ONLY 8 NOW.

 

 

 

 

 

And hurt much more because someone who’s my best friend really replied to that post that it cheers her up. YEAH RIGHT, DIAMONDS WON’T BE BREAK BY SOMEONE JUST LIKE ME?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I thought that I being kick out really hurts but being rub on your face that you’re not part of it someone you knew is family really hurts more. Maybe wishing to be part of something you’re not welcome of is like wishing to be walk in water, it’s impossible even you do everything in your power.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So right now, I’ll just continue my life without thinking that maybe someday will be like before. I just now wish them a good life, because I won’t be thinking of them since now, I’ll just think of myself started today.