The memory is still fresh on my mind. His statement resounds as if he had just spoken it to me.  

“I think we should break up,” he said. It was the lone statement that would haunt me for the next two years.  

Saying that I was shocked was an understatement. I did not see that coming. I’ve always thought that we were happy, hence why I felt that I was slapped in the face with what he said. Why? What could have gone wrong? I asked him all sorts of questions but all I’ve received was silence and a sob.  

That was the last I’ve heard from him directly. Our common friends told me that he left the country – on reasons they, too, didn’t know. So I let it be. I tried to move on and heal my broken heart. It was not easy but family and friends helped me for as much as they could. But I know that more than their encouragement, I also needed the motivation – something that would come from within. And it dawned to me that all I needed was to love myself more.

“Suzy, did you hear what I just said? Mark is back in town!” That was my best friend Yerin. I wanted to scream ‘yes, I heard you all right.’ But there’s a lump on my throat and my heart was still in all sorts of haywire with this newfound knowledge.  

Yerin and I, along with few other friends, knew each other since kindergarten and have vowed to be there for each other through ups and downs. They knew what happened to me and Mark and her sudden news caught me off-guard. It’s something I was not prepared to hear for awhile… maybe even ever.  

I just smiled and nodded. She did not prod about it and I’m glad that she didn’t. I wouldn’t know the answers to her questions anyway. I was quiet the entire dinner time; my mind was totally not with Yerin at the moment – it was in a long, long time ago – the time when Mark and I were still happy and in love.  

I would always say that he is the anomaly in my perfectly constructed world. His presence is the only anomaly in my otherwise perfectly chaotic world. He strolled in harmony with my life that he seemed so attuned with it. I resented it so much because I know that he wouldn’t stay – he would soon leave me, even if he says that he wouldn’t. I would want that, of course. That would restore the balance in my life, but that would